bachelorette vent

[Smurfysmiles]

So originally we invited 14 people. We told people MONTHS ago the date and to keep their calendars open. Not to mention this is the only time I''ll have been in town since we moved 14 hours away back in November. So I would assume that more than 4 FRIGGIN people would rsvp for the party!!! i mean really? i know that people have their own things going on but i would have thought more than 4 people would want to come (besides moh and myself, so really 6) And I''d like to add that 2 are coming are bridesmaids/best friends so I figured they would come anyhow It''s not like I don''t know people have their own lives but these girls I invited I thought were good friends of mine and they all live in the town the party is in, and we are just going out for drinks, nothing too extravagant. It just feels like they have better things to do you know. Also, FSIL is not coming because she emailed my moh and said "well i''m coming to the bridal shower that afternoon, isn''t that enough". I''m not forcing her to come but don''t you think she could have came up with something better than that?? As of now, we have 4 yes''s, 2 no''s and 1 maybe. That still leaves 5 people unaccounted for UGH. We emailed them, sent paper invitations and followed up with reminders on facebook about it and now it is about one week away.

And not to mention, bridal shower invites were sent out TODAY and the shower is on the 18th. I guess we''ll see who shows up for that too

I''m really grateful I''m having parties in the first place, I really am. I am just feeling a little bummed right now. I also wanted to see these girls too because I haven''t seen them in forever and now I won''t get a chance to

I''m sorry...I just really needed to complain...thanks.

 

[SassyB]

I hear ya! I have 3 friends that have not RSPV''d. It''s making me crazy! haha!!

Yes or no. Just choose already!

 

[Blair138]

Sounds like we have the same friends Smurfy...I cannot fathom why people don''t RSVP-to me that is one of the cardinal etiquette rules and when people don''t I lose some respect for them

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Most people don''t put a lot of stock in bachlorette parties. For many women, they just aren''t important...so neither having one, nor going to one appeals to them.

Your bachlorette party will be wonderful...regardless of the turn out. Be happy you''re going to be celebrating, and don''t let the little let downs overwhelm the experience!

 

[risingsun]

If I were attending a bridal shower the same afternoon, I would decline the bachelorette party for the same evening. I would, however, RSVP.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

well here''s the kicker, some of them replied
"i hope ill be able to make the wedding"
really? i mean REALLY?
its in their hometown, on a saturday and in NOVEMBER
how f-ing frustrating

 

[Haven]

Ditto Italia.

I''m sorry that so many people are either not responding or declined the invitation, but I''m sure it isn''t anything personal. I''ve declined invites to many local bachelorette party invitations because I either don''t know anyone other than the bride, or the drink packages or covers are expensive ($70+) and I don''t drink more than one or two drinks so I just can''t justify spending that kind of money.

I didn''t have a big crowd for my own bachelorette party, there were maybe 15 of us, and it was a blast. Sometimes smaller groups have more fun, anyway, because it''s easier to engage everyone in conversation or move from one place to another.

I hope it''s a blast, Smurfy!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

we were hoping to have at least 10

and there are no covers or drink packages and now my moh is the dd because we can't afford to hire someone to take us around.
i know you don't have to drink to have fun but come on :-\

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Okay...you can call a cab, you don''t need a limo. Ask your FI to drive you all or ask him to pick you all up. You have options. Sure, it might not be "posh"...but its safe and functional. If everyone skips one drink and rather pitches the money into transportation, you''ll be able to afford a cab ride.

As far as the wedding...well, if they don''t come--they don''t come. It''s a bummer, but people sometimes struggle to make commitments months out when there are so many variables. I don''t know anything about your friends, but depending on your social circle and their wedding-awareness, they may feel they cannot afford to come. I mean, there is so much that can happen between now and then. Until they for sure RSVP "no" don''t let your mind go there.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

oh they can afford to come. a good 1/4 of them just to choose to spend their money at the bars 2-3 times a week...

i have a feeling some of the no''s we got we will actually see out at the club. as for fi driving, he''ll be 3 hours away visiting some friends. moh is choosing not to drink until we get to the last bigger bar and then her SO will be picking us all up (sober) and delivering us home. i guess it''s not the worst but i kinda wish my friend who was preggers would drive because i know she won''t be drinking but i don''t really feel it''s my place to ask and won''t mention it unless she volunteers.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Judging from the "bar fly" comment, I''m guessing the majority of your friends are younger.

The thing is, if you''re the first or second of your group to get married...many of your friends probably don''t know how to properly attend a wedding yet. Hosting your own wedding is probably the best way to learn about how to go to a wedding in style. People sometimes just don''t know the ins and outs. They don''t understand how much goes into the planning...to them, it''s just another party, another event. They don''t get it. Sadly, this means the bride/groom needs to cut those types of people some slack. They just don''t know any better. It''s a waste of energy to be upset, let down or mad. Until they get married, or until they get more experience under the belt, this will be their general attitude.

If you''re really upset, you can do one of three things. Tell them, keep it to yourself, or don''t invite them.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

eh i know you're right italia, they've been to many weddings, just have not had their own yet
they aren't absurdly young though, 2 of them are 30
i will probably just keep it to myself

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I agree that they should at least RSVP.

That said, if I am invited to both a bridal shower and bachelorette the same day, I always skip the bachelorette. Why? Because by then, I''ve had enough girl time and I want to see my man and go to sleep!

I am also having my bridal shower on the 18th and my invitations went out this past (Holiday) weekend. Honestly, if only 6 people including me show up, I will have a fantastic time with my friends! People are always going to be busy and unfortunately our weddings are only important to US. Don''t take it personally, just have a great time!

I''m sure you will have a great shower and if you run into your friends at a bar, I''m sure they will buy you a drink to celebrate. At least I would!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 7/7/2009 8:02:22 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
oh they can afford to come. a good 1/4 of them just to choose to spend their money at the bars 2-3 times a week...

i have a feeling some of the no''s we got we will actually see out at the club. as for fi driving, he''ll be 3 hours away visiting some friends. moh is choosing not to drink until we get to the last bigger bar and then her SO will be picking us all up (sober) and delivering us home. i guess it''s not the worst but i kinda wish my friend who was preggers would drive because i know she won''t be drinking but i don''t really feel it''s my place to ask and won''t mention it unless she volunteers.

Did I miss something here? One of the reasons you''re bummed is because your pregnant friend doesn''t want to spend the entire night watching her friends drink and chauffering you guys around? Um....yeah, I would definitely say it''s not your place to ask if she hasn''t already volunteered.

Honestly, bachelorettes just aren''t as important, especially in the scheme of the entire wedding. And RSVPing yes to come to your wedding doesn''t mean the guests, or friends, are obligated to attend all pre-wedding events. I know you''re disappointed, and I''m sorry about that, but it kind of sounds like you''re being rather self-absorbed here (and if I AM missing any relevant pieces of info - not sure if posts were deleted or whatnot - then I''m sorry). But just going off of what''s here in the thread, those are my impressions.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

this is a rather older vent but I''ll give it my best shot to reply. Yes It was wishful thinking to HOPE my not very pregnant friend might volunteer to drive but it doesn''t mean I was actually going to say anything. I''ve done favors like that for her before and vice versa, it was just something that went through my head. i''m not self absorbed, i just was trying to think of a cost effective way to keep everyone safe...

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I am sorry you are so disappointed by this but you are not the first bride to ever have this happen. I''ve seen it time and time again with both the shower and the bachelorette.

Smurfy - it might be a good time for you to start to realize that while you may want to see these friends of yours, in their eyes you have moved away and moved on and are now outside of where they currently are. I know it''s tough to swallow but lots of people have to go through these growing pains with friends - sometimes there are relationships that just can''t stand up to distance and other life changes. Often times major life events really begin to show you who is really a friend and who was someone who was sorta just there.

Try not to freak out when I say this but you need to realize that your wedding is not going to be everyone else''s priority - so some people won''t make it. I was at a wedding the other week where the other 8 people seated at our table didn''t show - the bride couldn''t have cared less and laughed saying "you guys have a more romantic table than hubby and I do". IMHO she had the right attitude!

You are doing these events very early. My wedding is in October and my shower and bachelorette are in September and even I thought the September bachelorette date was early. I am sure the timing is because of you traveling home but with your wedding about 4 months away maybe some of these people aren''t thinking about Smurfy''s big day yet. You really gotta relax a bit - you are so stressed and you still have a long ways to go before November is here. Just let things unfold as they will and use this opportunity to learn who your friends really are.