Back from italy, need a vacation

[firebirdgold]

ok, quick summary: Sister got married, nice wedding but I felt oddly unmoved and unexcited except for when they exchanged vows and then I cried.
I have no idea why my parents aren''t divorced and after almost 3 weeks of them I feel like screaming at the mere thought of talking to them.
Tuscany is gorgeous but a very bug-y.
Bf had total meltdown/depressive episode and blames my parents for the extended trip and had doubts about my commitment to him for going for so long. I have no idea how I''m going to prevent a permanent rift from forming between my future husband and my parents.

I finally get to see him tomorrow! (I convinced him earlier he shouldn''t miss the weekend concert he loves just because I couldn''t go this year)
Oh, and I may need a manicure very very soon.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

OOH! You may need a manicure very soon? Hot Diggity Dog!!

Tell us MORE!!!

*Hope the parents/man you love thing gets worked out!!*

Oh BOY, oh Boy, OH BOY!!!

 

[Blenheim]

I was just wondering earlier today where you were. I''m glad to hear about the need for a manicure... Any hints in particular? Any idea which ring he chose, if he''s even chosen something yet? Oh how exciting!

I''m sorry about your parents. Sometimes vacations that long can get suffocating.

Any good pictures, stories? There''s a LIW travel thread that you can post in, too.

And I completely hear you on the bugs. Here are my legs during a vacation in Italy (and no, I do not have chicken pox, its just that mosquitos LOVE me):

 

[firebirdgold]

Heh, mosquitos love me too... and I love Deet! In addition to those we had flying bugs, crawling bugs, bugs covered in legs, beetles, several types of bees, wasps, ants, fleas, at least five species of spiders, and scorpions.

My parents are suffocating under the best of circumstances, this trip bore a striking resemblance to a level of hell in Dante''s Inferno. (it might have been edited out in the final version

).
While I don''t think my beloved''s meltdown was solely due to my absence, he does have a very valid point that I''m not very focused on life, so it did make me start paying more attention to things. And I''m shocked at how often I''m pressured by my parents to make a decision without bf that would affect us both. My sister invited the whole family including bf and I to thanksgiving at her place, and my parents started pushing me to commit to it! I realized that even a vague ''that sounds like a nice idea'' was going to be taken as a promise. And there were a ton of things they were pushing me on, everything from future family vacations, to setting dates for when we''ll be in LA for my sister''s west coast party, to the four of us having dinner together this week. Do you guys think this is a sign that they don''t respect our relationship or him?
I''ve tried talking to them about it but I get the exact same blank look as I do from doggy-monster when I explain to him that he shouldn''t eat people leaving things (ups, mail) just people taking things from the property.

Anyway, on to more pleasant topics...

I''ve had lots of hints! He told me he had finally chosen which of the rings on aer.com he liked best. I know he bought something unusual and expensive online recently and his credit card was shut down because of it. (fraud alert, mine''s down from present buying in Italy). He told me several days ago he had a ''plan''. And yesterday he told me he''d already taken care of everything for my birthday dinner.

I don''t want to jinx myself, but I have a feeling that I''m going to have an extra nice birthday! Of course just being with him for my birthday will make it an extra nice one!

 

[sk8rjen]

How exciting, Indie!! when again is your birthday? (sorry I don''t remember) Are you one of us July babies?? I''ll be keeping fingers crosed for you!
jen

 

[firebirdgold]

It''s July 5th! I''ll be 34 and hopefully an engaged woman!! Although I don''t want to get my hopes up too high. When he told me he had picked out a ring he also said he wasn''t going to buy it until he figured out how to get it delivered. He can''t accept deliveries at work. Then he went on a trip, then only a few days after he got back aer.com closed for vacation! So I don''t see how he could have managed it by now.

I''m trying very hard not to speculate about which ring it is, if he did somehow manage to buy it already. It''s kinda hard not to do though.

I''m sure I''ll be estatic no matter which ring he''s chosen!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh how exciting! I just *love* hints!

Have a fabulous birthday, and here''s hoping you get even more hints up until the time he asks!!

 

[Cyprian Artemis]

Date: 7/3/2006 10:34:35 AM
Author: IndieJones
Heh, mosquitos love me too... and I love Deet! In addition to those we had flying bugs, crawling bugs, bugs covered in legs, beetles, several types of bees, wasps, ants, fleas, at least five species of spiders, and scorpions.

My parents are suffocating under the best of circumstances, this trip bore a striking resemblance to a level of hell in Dante''s Inferno. (it might have been edited out in the final version

).
While I don''t think my beloved''s meltdown was solely due to my absence, he does have a very valid point that I''m not very focused on life, so it did make me start paying more attention to things. And I''m shocked at how often I''m pressured by my parents to make a decision without bf that would affect us both. My sister invited the whole family including bf and I to thanksgiving at her place, and my parents started pushing me to commit to it! I realized that even a vague ''that sounds like a nice idea'' was going to be taken as a promise. And there were a ton of things they were pushing me on, everything from future family vacations, to setting dates for when we''ll be in LA for my sister''s west coast party, to the four of us having dinner together this week. Do you guys think this is a sign that they don''t respect our relationship or him?
I''ve tried talking to them about it but I get the exact same blank look as I do from doggy-monster when I explain to him that he shouldn''t eat people leaving things (ups, mail) just people taking things from the property.

Anyway, on to more pleasant topics...

I''ve had lots of hints! He told me he had finally chosen which of the rings on aer.com he liked best. I know he bought something unusual and expensive online recently and his credit card was shut down because of it. (fraud alert, mine''s down from present buying in Italy). He told me several days ago he had a ''plan''. And yesterday he told me he''d already taken care of everything for my birthday dinner.

I don''t want to jinx myself, but I have a feeling that I''m going to have an extra nice birthday! Of course just being with him for my birthday will make it an extra nice one!

I really sympathize - my family in general seems to think my life should revolve around theirs.

It might mean they don''t respect him but I think their pushiness may also mean that they''re pushy or that they don''t see you as completely grown up yet. That they may not fully see you as your own person so it''s ok to hijack your life or plans or tell you what to do and/or be ok with, etc.

Of course I may be generalizing from my own experiences. My family in general is rather pushy and seems to have a problem accepting that (whle I have growing and maturing to do) I am an adult and they need to treat me accordingly. In the case of my family, I''ve been away at university for four years and even though I visit they seem to have me stuck at 17.

Ah, as to the blank look, our actions sometimes (or often as the case may be) happen without us entirely knowing why. Your parents may not realize what they''re doing. Correct me if I''m wrong, but what they''re doing is small things which which are hard to point out in the moment and are doubly hard to bring up in the moment. (dramatization, THERE you _just_ moved your elbow a half an inch towards me and are now taking up more than your fair share of armrest.) Bringing small slights up that give a hint as to how someone sees you is extremely difficult and very frustrating, you have great ammounts of sympathy from me.

Since having a sit down and airing things didn''t seem to work, You can always try to catch them in the act, so when they start being pushy take a deep breath and say calmly _this_ is what I was trying to talk to you about before... (Kind of like with doggie training, you need to catch them in the act so they can clearly define that act as wrong.)

I hope this helps

 

[firebirdgold]

Thanks Cyprian!

But if you think it''s annoying now wait until you turn 34! I''ve tried telling my bf that he''s just getting the spill over from them treating me as a, er, ''challenged'' 15 yr old.

And they really have no idea how dreadful their behavior is. I used to just mainly blame my mother for this, but during the trip I realized that my father never trusts my judgement and I end up second guessing myself. Jeez, for having nice non-abusive parents, I''m not in such great shape mentally, huh? Truthfully I don''t have much to complain about compared to most people.
And of course, for all my complaints about them I am more than partly to blame. In fact I''m taking my germy carcass up to their house in a few minutes to watch the World Cup match with them. I''ve got too much of a fever to actually do any work. Why do I get colds in the Summer, for G''s sake?? It''s so annoying.

On to what you guys really want to hear about! I wasn''t able to get a manicure appt for today, which is probably a good thing since I''m more likely to cough all over the poor person. (already feel guilty about getting my hair cut later today). And I''m starting to think I won''t need one quite yet. Turns out him planning dinner for tonight was meant litterally. He knows what he''s going to make for me.

And now that I think of it, he''s not the sort of person to propose in public anyway. I also doubt he''d propose at home so tonight is out. Just as well, I''m not up to a fancy dinner tonight.

HOWEVER, yesterday he kissed my hand, then my ring finger, then ran his thumb over my finger right where a ring would go and gave me this wicked grin.

It may be torture, but it''s fun!

 

[anchor31]

Oooh... Lots of hints is good!! I really hope it''s coming soon soon soon!!