back to the search

[akw94]

Well, I haven''t been around much lately b/c i''ve been trying not to focus too much on rings. As some of you know, a few months ago, my bf and I were talking frequently about rings and he told me it was getting to be a bit much for him and he just wasn''t ready at that point. That was a little hard on me, but not really b/c I was ready and needed to move forward right then, more just hurt feelings I guess. Since he was the one who originally brought up looking and I was researching and talking about ideas based on that, it threw me off when he said that. So since then, I haven''t been bringing up rings or marriage (for the most part)...just enjoying our time and being plenty busy w/other things. I figured that he would tell me when he was ready to go looking since we had agreed to look.
Well, I got a surprise the other night. We were talking about someone else''s ring and the subject came back to us. He said I shouldn''t be surprised if he proposes before we ever look.

Boy was that unexpected. We had specifically talked about looking and that he wanted to know what I like. He said that i''ve sent him stuff so he does know and he wouldn''t ever be the one to bring up us looking. Men sure can be difficult! Then I asked him if he wanted to go look and he said it didn''t matter to him, whether we did or not.

I told him that since I haven''t tried on the styles i''ve shown him, how would I know if I like them. It''s different on paper vs. a finger. Then he asked if I would be mad if he just got a solitaire.

I''m not sure how I was supposed to react to all of this. So I said what I thought my preferences were, but even w/solitaires there are lots of types and I haven''t tried them on so I wouldn''t know what I like but at this point, what I showed him before are my preference, not solitaires.

So...I decided to go looking w/o him. I need someone there who will tell me what they think and I think he''ll just stand there quietly, giving very few comments and asking hardly any questions. On the one hand, I want him to hear all the stuff i''m going to ask, on the other, I think us going together right now might get me down and it wouldn''t be as fun an experience as it could be for me. I certainly don''t want ring shopping to be a bad thing between us. A friend and I are going tomorrow to our local jewelers row. Btw, I started a topic in Rocky Talky about this and if anyone has experience at a jewelers row, i''d love your advice!!

Has anyone else had this sort of situation w/their bf? I don''t really get why the interest is so low. I know that he doesn''t like the idea of focusing too much on the ring. I am going to wear it forever though, and I am picky. To me, that doesn''t minimize the significance in any way. He said that he didn''t plan to get too carried away w/research.

He would depend on a good jeweler to tell him what he needed to know and he just planned to go in w/a general idea of what he thinks I would like.
I am worried! I do feel bad for worrying but ... I figure that I will go look, really figure out what I like b/c I truly don''t know yet and take pictures and give them to him. Then i''ll have to let it go. Although he says it could happen before I think it will, i''m not convinced that it will be anytime soon. We are moving in together in a couple of months and I just don''t see him proposing until after we''ve adjusted a bit. But who knows. He''s said a couple times that i''ll have no idea when it happens. I don''t really understand the need for a huge surprise. I like to know things.

Is that so wrong???

So that''s my latest... Sorry it''s so long!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Hi Dixie.

I am like you to the degree where you said, "I like to know things." I''m the same way. It drives my boyfriend crazy sometimes, and I''ve finally gotten down that the surprise element is important to him. So, I try to do my pondering, questioning, sneakiness on here, rather than directed at him. I really *do* want there to be some element of a surprise, as in how he asks.

I also agree with you that sometimes you see a ring you *love* in a magazine or online, but then don''t really appreciate in the same way in person, while it sits on your hand. I worry about that a good deal, since I am picky and I do have specific preferences and the ring(s) he''s choosing between I''ve never triend on or seen in real life.

I guess what I''d want to do, if in your situation, would be to try to find out if he''s looking for a surprise element with regard to the ring, or if he just doesn''t want to be all that involved in choosing the ring, or if he doesn''t want you to be all that involved. That would be driving me batty to find out. Do you have any idea which of these *or maybe something else* is making him so elusive and flippant?

 

[RoseAngel04]

You honestly want to know the exact day and moment that he will propose?? The element of surprise is (to me at least) is one of the best aspects of the proposal. Look at it this way, as soon as your are engaged you can go into "Control Freak" mode and have the wedding just the way you want it. It sounds like the surprise element is also important to you bf and I wouldn''t pry to much on WHEN it will happen.

Now, I do think that he should be informed on what ring styles you life and don''t like before the BIG purchase! Have fun looking at rings with your friend tomorrow, and give him feeback. By how you have said he is talking I am wondering if he ALREADY has purchased the ring and if possibly it is a solitare?? since he somewhat hinted around that?! Maybe I am reading into it too much but you never know...

Enjoy ring shopping tomorrow and let us know how it goes!

 

[akw94]

Thanks for the responses Fisher and Rose.
Well, i''m not going shopping today b/c I found out the area isn''t open after work hours so i''m hoping to go tomorrow around lunch time.
I think you both are right, he does want that element of surprise. For whatever reason, that is important to him. It''s not that I need him to propose now or even very soon, it would be nice though to have a general idea of when. But even w/o that, i''m ok. I guess I was just surprised that he talked about buying something before we even look and that he was mentioning that it might happen sooner. Just threw me off.
Fisher, I also try not to direct too many of my thoughts/questions toward him and have been pretty successful at that lately. I just thought he would let me know when he wanted to move forward, rather than moving forward w/o me. I guess I see *us* as getting engaged, not *him* proposing. He sees it more like, he''s proposing, i''m accepting..two different roles in the process. So I think he wants the proposal to be pretty much on him. Which just takes me adjusting.
I am picky too, so that is why i''d at least like to give him some input, even if it''s minimal. Right now, all he has are the pictures i''ve emailed him, only one of which I know that I like. There are just so, so many choices out there. Maybe i''m just overwhelmed...who knows.
Fisher, I think that he wants there not to be too much emphasis on the ring itself and so he''s only going so far in that process. I also know he wants to pick it himself. So to me that means that I look myself and then give him my input. I would''ve liked to look together but at this point, i''m ok w/not. I think it would be weird for him to have us look together b/c i''d have so many questions and want to see so many places and it might be a much for him.
Rose, I agree that he should know my preferences before his purchase. Funny that he doesn''t see that as quite that important, especially when he knows I am picky and have specific preferences. That''s interesting about your thought about him already purchasing a solitaire. I never thought of that! I don''t think he''s the type to purchase something and wait to propose. But I have no idea. I do believe him when he said i''ll have no idea when it happens. If that''s the case, me looking won''t make much of a difference. But he still said he''d be willing to look so hopefully he wouldn''t have said that if he''d already purchased.
Oh well, i''m trying not to focus on it too much. I''m actually excited about going to look. After that, i''m just going to email him pics of what I like and leave it alone completely. We just made an offer on a place together so I have plenty of other things to keep me occupied at the moment... thankfully!