Becoming the Other Half

[CNYHopeful]

When does a couple become "the other half"?

FI and I have a rather interesting history. We really courted each other rather than dated. We spent many months getting to know each other and connect on all aspects of our lives before we began dating. 2 years later, we got engaged. We have a truly strong foundation and have discussed all areas of our lives, the things we balance and bring out of each other, the things we share and enjoy together, and the independent streak in each of us that doesn''t fit exactly. We respect and admire each other''s differences and understand the roots of the incompatable qualities. Yet we are more compatible and supportive of each other on almost every area.

I guess I wonder for two strong and independent people, who complete each other in so many ways, when do you really feel as though you are ONE unit, one family, one whole? Have any of you struggled with this (I guess I''m gearing this for those who do not live together, because I take it that those who live together have been living as one are "de facto" family).

But for everyone: when did it click for you that you''re he''s your other half - in entirety?

 

[rhbgirl24]

I think you stated my answer in your post. It became that way for us when we moved in together. We dated for 8 years before we moved in together (we started in high school, then went through college). So i think sharing a living space, bills, so on was when we blended even more than I thought possible. You''ll always be two separate independent people, however when you in a strong relationship I think you can be one also.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Thanks for sharing, and I think you're probably right on about that.

I'd say we're in a very strong relationship in all other respects. We both feel deeply that the whole moving in and honeymoon period should go hand in hand, so we're sort of unconventional by modern standards and I think that makes our situation unique.

Last night, FI and I were talking about themes for our wedding. We didn't want to do something like flowers or seasonal b/c that's kind of generic and doesn't represent us. We both really love music and look forward to travelling more together, so we decided to come up with lyrics that really express our love and putting them on the favors. We'll also choose destinations we'd like to visit together and put them on the table cards with the numbers. It made me feel a lot better about our situation because we have so much more to look forward in addition to what we've already experienced as a couple (which has a special place in its own right).

I guess deep down I really desire to be at that point but know that we still have 11 months ahead.

 

[Squirrly]

i suppose it clicked when i realized that although his memory in generally isn''t as good as mine, when it pertains to things i''ve said or things about me in general, his memory is perfect. and i can still tell him the what coffee drink he ordered the first time he visited me at work.
mostly it continues to show in the little things he does for me, like blending my salsa when i visit him because i like mine that way, picking up my stuff and organizing it with his when we''re together, and how he somehow knows when to check on me even if i haven''t told him i''m not feeling well yet.
it''s odd thinking about how much we know and remember about each other when we''re both so busy, but i guess it''s just been in noticing all the little ways we fit together that''s really done me in

 

[tlh]

But for everyone: when did it click for you that you''re he''s your other half - in entirety?
when I saw him naked. HELLO DOLLY!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 6/17/2009 3:28:23 PM
Author: tlh
But for everyone: when did it click for you that you're he's your other half - in entirety?

when I saw him naked. HELLO DOLLY!

roflmao hahahhahahah

I know it sounds weird but for me it was being able to share our own tent at the yearly family campout lol
Normally until a couple is married or engaged they share a tent with other young couples so nobody gets out of control haha

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 6/17/2009 2:58:17 PM
Author: CNYHopeful
Thanks for sharing, and I think you''re probably right on about that.


I''d say we''re in a very strong relationship in all other respects. We both feel deeply that the whole moving in and honeymoon period should go hand in hand, so we''re sort of unconventional by modern standards and I think that makes our situation unique.


Last night, FI and I were talking about themes for our wedding. We didn''t want to do something like flowers or seasonal b/c that''s kind of generic and doesn''t represent us. We both really love music and look forward to travelling more together, so we decided to come up with lyrics that really express our love and putting them on the favors. We''ll also choose destinations we''d like to visit together and put them on the table cards with the numbers. It made me feel a lot better about our situation because we have so much more to look forward in addition to what we''ve already experienced as a couple (which has a special place in its own right).


I guess deep down I really desire to be at that point but know that we still have 11 months ahead.

CNYHopeful, I think its great you guys are bonding over fun stuff in planning the wedding. Believe me, more stressful times over planning will come than you know what to do with. So make sure you spend time together doing NON wedding related stuff also... I think that will solidify you guys as a unit while you work on being "legally" one. You know?

 

[ladypirate]

I think when we moved a thousand miles away together, it really clicked for me. We weren''t engaged yet, but that solidified us as a "unit" in my mind.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Thank you all for sharing, ladies!

Squirrly- How sweet that he shows such an interest in the little things about you. Those are precious moments and it shows how much he cares. Interesting you mentioned the coffee thing. I was watching the Knot''s new videos today on color coordinating the wedding and one couple chose an espresso color scheme because they met at a coffee shop. Cute!

TLH - that''s hilarious and true. A man and a woman''s body does not make sense by itself. We were made for union and babies.


Smurfy - that''s great. Sometimes when the families recognize you as a couple it solidifies that identity, i think.

Rbhgirl - Very good point! Wedding planning can sometimes distance a couple and it''s so important that everyone takes time to enjoy the company of the beloved. I guess the thing is that FI and I have spent a good 3.5 months doing NOTHING on the wedding planning. After we set the church, reception, presiders, and went to our first two pre-cana meetings, we''ve really just been carrying on our daily lives. So it''s been great enjoying the time together on weekends and occassionaly during the week.

Outside of work and family activities, we''ve spent our down time just going on walks and laying low. After a few months, it started to feel like we weren''t really preparing for the wedding and then I started wondering when we''d get rolling on things. I guess I should appreciate the downtime more though because the time that we''re not preparing for the wedding, is in a sense preparing us for the more important thing: our marriage. Thanks for reminding me of that!

 

[katamari]

I honestly don''t think we will ever be there, and it is mainly because neither of us would want to. FI and I have been dating for 10 years (all on--not on-and-off) and lived together for 3 years. So, I don''t think it is a waiting-for-it-to-happen thing. I just don''t think the "two halves" philosophy applies to every couple.

Yes, we are a functional partnership. And a fully egalitarian one at that. I love that about our relationship. I feel that we operate entirely compatibly and are fully considerate of the other in our decisions. However, I just don''t desire to ever loose my independence to the point that I think of myself as a unit above thinking about myself as a person. And I don''t want that from FI, either.

 

[CNOS128]

I agree with Katamari, that neither of us would want to feel like we''re functioning as a unit rather than 2 single minds functioning together. But that said, as we''ve spent more time together and lived together, my husband and I have started to think more alike (and we started out pretty far apart, in some areas!). I''ve been realizing it gradually when we no longer need to express all our complete thoughts, because so much is just understood. And when (as cheesy as this sounds) we started to be able to finish each other''s sentences.

And when, yesterday, he sent me an email about something, which made me wonder about a second thing and begin to google that, only to find a second email from my husband minutes later that answered my question (which I hadn''t asked him). We''re in sync. But still quite independent.