Being Rude!

[Iceman]

Dave~ you probably won’t agree with me this time either.

Some times being rude is how different people interrupt it. Is wearing a hat at the dinner table rude? Is not taking your hat off when a lady is present rude? In some generations it’s extremely rude.

I guess rudeness is perceived different to different people. Sometimes it’s the only way to drive an important message home or lesson to learn or on the other hand just to word this different.

But to word things different is just to sugar coat the problem.

If you knew me you would understand me a little more. I never sugar coat anything, its how I feel and you get to know where I come from straight up. If you think I’m rude, I will be the first to apologize for expressing my feelings.

You all must remember that I graduated at the bottom of my high school class and really have a hard time with my typing skills and English. Funny how I can run and own a large company and make six figures I guess hiring the "A" students helped .

From now on I will only post positive responses! If somebody said they killed somebody, I will say "that’s nice, I hope you feel better” I will never call people rude because that is rude. Rudeness is a matter of opinion.

I realize we have a lot of people here getting answers from people that have never worked a day in the jewelry business and giving bad answers, I will hold my tongue also with this and agree with them also.

Best regards

 

[Lord Summerisle]

Date: 3/26/2005 10

2:40 AM
Author:Iceman

Dave~ you probably won’t agree with me this time either.

I realize we have a lot of people here getting answers from people that have never worked a day in the jewelry business and giving bad answers, I will hold my tongue also with this and agree with them also.

Best regards

Aw Please, its the only way we''ll learn.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 3/26/2005 102:40 AM
Author:Iceman



From now on I will only post positive responses!

[...]

I realize we have a lot of people here getting answers from people that have never worked a day in the jewelry business and giving bad answers...

Now... is this an invitation to choose between sarcasm and rudeness ? If so, may I choose the second kind of treatment, please ?

Hopefully it is obvious I am having a darn good time cluttering this forum. I'd rather stand corrected than having to dig through half-hearted nods for a clue

 

[bobswench]

Date: 3/26/2005 10:38

0 AM
Author: valeria101
I'd rather stand corrected than having to dig through half-hearted nods for a clue

Second that.

Please forgive me for jumping in, but as a newbie, I came here looking for the honest opinions of everybody in this forum. If that's going to change, I have no reason to stay.

 

[strmrdr]

These days no matter what you say your going to tick someone off.
While I avoid it where I can if someone takes exception to what I do say then so be it.

 

[FireGoddess]

I think that given the choice I might rather be thought of as rude, than as a liar.

I''m not calling you a liar.

But what I''m saying is that I would rather hear the truth, and if I think your packaging of the truth was rude, I might bark at your delivery. But I''d rather hear a rude truth than a sweet untruth. What good does fibbing do me?

However, we are talking about facts, and not opinions, correct? I''m just wondering aloud whether this thread has anything to do with the another one you were recently involved in where there was a big argument between jewelers and consumers perceived expectations of "professionalism" and "humanity." Because those were opinions, not facts. Anyway, if this has nothing to do with that, then disregard last paragraph.

To sum up: facts, good. Fibs, bad. Thank you.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/26/2005 11:11

7 AM
Author: strmrdr
These days no matter what you say your going to tick someone off.
While I avoid it where I can if someone takes exception to what I do say then so be it.

I completely concurr.

Ice, I've been around these boards long enough to know that your heart is in the right place. I don't necessarily agree with you; but, I can respect your neanderthal

points of view.

Don't change.

 

[Iceman]

Dave ~ You know thats twice now , I think we are making some head way on being friends

 

[oldminer]

No matter how much society changes, certain things will remain be rude for a long time to come. Honesty is a wonderful defense. Better to be rude and honest than rude and a liar. Better yet, hone your delivery to the point where people consider your approach not only honest but poilte. Better to be polite and honest than rude and honest. Any of these is better than being a fool.

Being polite can be seen as a sign of weakness by a neandrathal mentality, but politeness can win out if the contest does not depend on who is yelling the loudest or beating one''s chest the hardest. Wherever someone graduated in their high school class may permanently mould the person''s image of themself, but how they grow up and what they accomplish is much more the mark of the adult person. The fact that I wasn''t in the lowest part of my high school class has made absolutely no difference to me over the years. I got a wonderful secondary education, in spite of my best efforts, dropped out after two years in an Ivy League college and went to work in the family business. Surrounding oneself with quality people is a good move. It does make the employer look even better, but the world is a harsh place, and your own individual talents pretty much dictate your success or failure. I have found kindness, politeness and compassion outweigh the questionable virtues of rudeness.

 

[Iceman]

Well said , I will work on honing my delivery to the point where people consider my approach not only honest but poilte. Better to be polite and honest I agree.

Thanks again as always

 

[Jennifer5973]

Rude: "What are you, a moron? That stone STINKS. I wouldn''t be caught dead with it."

Not Rude: "I think you can do better because of X,Y, Z. Personally, I''d move on. Good luck"

 

[Iceman]

I like the first one (still laughing)

 

[Jennifer5973]

Date: 3/26/2005 1:52:33 PM
Author: Iceman
I like the first one (still laughing)

I''m glad. it was meant to provoke a chuckle or two.

 

[sparklish]

I think Jennifer''s humourous example hits the nail on the head.

Rudeness is deliberately trying to make people feel stupid or inconsiderate or bad about themselves.

Honesty, even when it''s negative, is preferable to dishonesty. But it''s not an excuse for making people feel personally attacked. It''s easy to be honest without being rude.

I really enjoy reading the advice on this forum, even when it''s contrary to mine. I''ve also learned a lot from all of you.

 

[PhillipSchmidt]

There is rude and there is RUDE!!!

If you are RUDE!!! It is because I your in a bad mood and venting. I don''t think P.S is a deserving target because it is (from my perspective) an honest place.

Who wants to waste their time venting here and ending up wrong (and rude).

Vent at stupidity, I''d say, and put it politely because they might just listen - DON''T VENT AT RUDENESS!

P

 

[mightyred]

Kudos to you for starting this thread.

I thought oldminer hit it well "hone your delivery to the point where people consider your approach not only honest but poilte".

You can have the most accurate, honest point in the world but if your delivery comes off the wrong way it doesn''t matter what you say, you will come across as rude and get somebody''s back up and you will never get your point across .

I love that Pricescope is open and respectful....so many other forums are not so fortunate. The written word is a powerful tool.

 

[JohnQuixote]

Or one may just preface things with

"Pardon me, I don''t mean to be rude but... I am."

 

[ame]

Im all for brutal honesty. I can''t knock anyone for being blunt because I am the definition of it. It''s the pushy attitude of "I am right and you are wrong and my opinion is the only one that matters" that I cannot deal with.

 

[deny]

Date: 3/26/2005 3

2:37 PM
Author: sparklish
I think Jennifer''s humourous example hits the nail on the head.

Rudeness is deliberately trying to make people feel stupid or inconsiderate or bad about themselves.

Honesty, even when it''s negative, is preferable to dishonesty. But it''s not an excuse for making people feel personally attacked. It''s easy to be honest without being rude.

I really enjoy reading the advice on this forum, even when it''s contrary to mine. I''ve also learned a lot from all of you.

Very well said. It is easy to be honest without being mean spirited.

When people say, "I am just being honest" (while they personally offend you) is a passive aggressive way of trying to get away with their attacks.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

some people think i am rude
i am direct about stuff, but try to be polite about people
i make a distincion between people and politeness
and telling it how it is with stuff

Rude: "What are you, a moron? That stone STINKS. I wouldn''t be caught dead with it."
Direct: "That stone STINKS, dont get caught dead with it."

 

[deny]

That is a slightly confusing post. When you criticize someone''s stone or their "stuff" by telling them it "stinks", you really are attacking their decision making which is ultimately being rude. Maybe you meant if they had not bought the stone yet and they were asking for your opinion. But, once they have purchased it and that comment is said, it can only be hurtful not helpful. Hence, you have rude versus honest.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Oh I 100% agree!

A diamond becomes part of a family. I have the greatest respect for a privately owned diamond.

My role here though is to help with advice to see people get one that is worthy of their relationship.
So it is almost always someones ''inventory'' that i am rude to. i never heard of hurt inventory (but some of the inventory owners might like to kill me occasionally)

 

[noobie]

Date: 3/27/2005 12

5:17 AM
Author: denyRN
That is a slightly confusing post. When you criticize someone''s stone or their ''stuff'' by telling them it ''stinks'', you really are attacking their decision making which is ultimately being rude. Maybe you meant if they had not bought the stone yet and they were asking for your opinion. But, once they have purchased it and that comment is said, it can only be hurtful not helpful. Hence, you have rude versus honest.

Yes perhaps so, but then why do so many people buy the stone first and then ask for opinions on how they did? Shouldn''t you ask for opinions before you buy it?

I prefer a direct open forum. People have different communication styles and we need to be sensitive of that in this type of communication. However, if I''m about to make a mistake, I would appreciate being told no matter how rude it could be perceived to be.

 

[Mara]

I too am one of those people where I err on the side of honesty at all costs, it really is all in your 'delivery' and how you say what you mean. There are times when my patience is thin and I may be more blunt than usual, but I try for the most part to be honest and give assistance, without being rude or hurting feelings in the process. Though sometimes people may need a reality check when the more polite version of honesty JUST DOES NOT SEEP IN. But we never see that on here.

I love PS as it really welcomes all flavors of people, those who are politely honest, and those who are just polite, those who are brutally honest and just brutal, and those who are are neither polite nor rude (nor honest?), but somewhere in between. Whether we all disagree or agree, somehow we manage to (mostly) get along.

 

[fire&ice]

In the South, you can say anything about anyone as long as you prefix w/ "Bless his/her heart........."

Simon can be rude; but, I tend to respect his opinion more as do the contestants. I trust someone opinion more who is honest & just doesn''t tell me what I want to hear.

 

[deny]

Date: 3/27/2005 10:47:36 AM
Author: noobie

Date: 3/27/2005 12

5:17 AM
Author: denyRN
That is a slightly confusing post. When you criticize someone''s stone or their ''stuff'' by telling them it ''stinks'', you really are attacking their decision making which is ultimately being rude. Maybe you meant if they had not bought the stone yet and they were asking for your opinion. But, once they have purchased it and that comment is said, it can only be hurtful not helpful. Hence, you have rude versus honest.

Yes perhaps so, but then why do so many people buy the stone first and then ask for opinions on how they did? Shouldn''t you ask for opinions before you buy it?

I prefer a direct open forum. People have different communication styles and we need to be sensitive of that in this type of communication. However, if I''m about to make a mistake, I would appreciate being told no matter how rude it could be perceived to be.

That was my point exactly. If you are "about" to make a mistake, that is fine to be honest but kind. If you already did buy it, what is the point of being brutally honest and saying something that will not do the person any good since they have already bought the product? I am talking about being rude not politely honest Big difference.

 

[perry]

One of the problems is that there are many people from many different backgrounds here. As such, unless you are presenting a simple basic fact you will probably offend someone with what you present. Hence, you will be called rude. I am unaware of any universal set of rules on what is rude and what is polite.

What is rude to one may well be relatively polite to another.

Honesty is the first and most impotant thing, and people need to understand that personal opinions are often just that; and that some people believe pasionatly about certain things (myself included...).

I find it rather amazing on how many issues where I have posted - and been "slightly" roasted for my views - the number of PM''s I get from people who agree (or basically agree).

There is a give and take to the forums, and we learn from it (and can learn to write better as well).

I would rather deal with honest and blunt postings than people going out of their way to be nice and not saying what they actually believe.

I also note that I find it interesting the number of times that I was tired or rushed and posted something that I would not have stated exactly that way if I had more time.

I am sure that we all do that.

People do also change over time - but it takes time.

There are a lot of good people here with good intentions. I value the diversity of all of their opinions as long as they are trying to learn and help people - or are defending a point of view on some of the other off diamond subjects that we deal with (even if I personally disagree with that point).

Funny thing, I am not sure if I ever felt - even once - that someone was trying to be deliberately rude on the forum.

Nice day to all;

Perry

 

[Hest88]

Damn. Did I miss something again?

 

[Christy42]

I agree about the delivery of a statement being of the utmost importance. I too tend to err on the side of honesty because that is what I prefer to hear. The primitive old phrase, "You catch more ants with honey," couldn''t be more true though.

If your delivery is condescending and hurtful, intentional or not, it doesn''t do anything but anger the recipient and none of your possibly excellent advice and knowledge is worth the breath exerted to share it. At that point, the only info heard and remembered is whatever was said that hurt, not helped. That person won''t value any of your opnion.

The man my best friend is married to confuses his opinions with facts and doesn''t just share them with you, he swoops down, stomps all over you and then calls you stupid for not agreeing with his expert opinion on a subject that he usually has had no experience with. Needless to say, if he was actually right about something I''d never know it because I can''t get past his hateful delivery. He has that effect on everyone.

As far as PS, I have seen many a thread out here where people replied in angry, hateful ways when if they didn''t think the poster''s question deserved an intelligent answer, just don''t reply. PS is for anyone to respond. No one person is being asked specifically usually so I don''t understand the PS''ers that feel the need to hurt someone''s feelings. They don''t need to, they aren''t being addressed specifically. Although, some of these threads that get ugly make for great reading. JMO.....

 

[solange]

Sometimes it depends upon the person you are addressing. We met a woman at a resort and she was absolutely obnoxous. All she could talk about was jewelry, designer clothing and the enormous prices she paid for these "necessities."

My husband thought she was contaminating me with her ideas and we went to great lengths to avoid her. She always sought us out and my husband, who tends to be blunt, went to great lengths to insult her to no avail. She just did not get the message.

One afternoon, she sought us out and, without even so much as a greeting, took something that was wrapped in tissue out of her bag, opened the tissue and stuck the article under my husband''s nose. It was a diamond bracelet. I knew, from living with him all these years that he was not going to let this pass. I was afraid he would fling it into the pool but he did use some modicum of restraint--for him.

He collects silver and always has a 10 power loupe on his key chain or in a pocket to look at marks. He took out his loupe, carefully examined the bracelet as if he knew what he was doing and said,"What a piece of junk. The stones are black and poorly cut. Most of them are cracked..I would never let my wife wear such crappy jewelry. You should be ashamed to be seen wearing it."

I thought I would die of embarrassment. I figured that he had tried so desperately to insult her and maybe he had gone too far. But no! I do not think she absorbed a word he said.She sweetly thanked him and put the precious bracelet back in her bag. And later that day, she brought down a pair of diamond earrings and shoved them under his nose for inspection.