Best man and maid of honor duties?

[zoebartlett]

After thinking we didn''t want to have attendants in our wedding, my FI and I decided to ask my sister and one of his friends to be in the wedding. Neither of us really knows what to have them do to help us prepare. Here''s what I know:

maid of honor:

I''ve had a family friend and one of my friends offer to give me a shower. I figured one could be for the younger crowd and one could be for my parents'' friends. My sister can help plan one (or both?) of those showers.

A bachlorette party (If anything, I''d rather just hang out at a nice restaurant or at a friend''s house instead of a night on the town)

I have no idea what to ask my sister to do the day of the wedding, other than to help me get dressed possibly.


best man:

Prepare a toast for the reception (This will be interesting -- I''ve only met this guy twice and he and my FI only speak occasionally. My FI still considers him a good friend who will take his role seriously.)

Help my FI get dressed if needed.

Hold onto our bands for the ceremony.


Is there anything else I''m missing?

 

[robbie3982]

MOH and BM should be the witnesses on your marriage license. BM should decorate your getaway car and plan your FI''s bachelor party.

I would have your sister offer to help with the 2 showers, but it''s quite likely that since others have offered to throw them for you that she won''t need to do much in the way of that.

I think their main jobs are to keep the 2 of you calm and collected on the wedding day!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

This is funny because my MOH just emailed me to ask me if there is anything she''s not doing that she should be doing as MOH. She''s a bridesmaid in her brother''s wedding, which is the week before mine and she says that her brother''s fiance is asking her to do a bunch of things that I''m not.

I told her her duties were as follows:

1. Show up at wedding wearing whatever she''d like (she''s my only bridesmaid) and
2. Have champagne with me at the salon while we have our hair and makeup done

I think it just varies by the bride. The shower and bachelorette party is usually planned by the MOH, right? I didn''t want a shower, so that was off of her plate and the b-ette party was planned by my sisters and was really low-key.

She is travelling for my wedding though, so I definitely appreciate her being there. I think there is a book you can buy about traditional BM duties, I think Robbie has mentioned it in the past.

 

[zoebartlett]

Oh that''s right, I remember Robbie mentioning a book. I''ll have to run to the bookstore and take a look. Thanks for the tip!

 

[Haven]

I think one of the unwritten duties of a good MOH is to keep the bridesmaids organized and up to date with all of the wedding info--but you''re not having other bridesmaids, are you?

Well, then--your MOH should act as a social buffer for everyone during all of your pre-wedding events, such as showers, engagement parties, and the bachelorette party. So, even if she isn''t throwing the party, she should help you and the hosts make sure that everyone is enjoying themselves, and has someone to converse with during the gatherings. If you''re having dancing at your wedding, your MOH should help get people onto the dance floor, chat with the guests, etc.

The MOH should also put together an emergency kit of things you may need on the day of your wedding, such as extra pantyhose, Advil, breath mints, etc. And she''ll take care of the kit and anything you''re carrying around that day, as well. Oh, the MOH holds your bouquet during the ceremony, and hands it back to you before your walk back down the aisle as a newlywed, too.

I say "should" but of course none of this is mandatory. It is nice, though, because the less you have to worry about whether everyone is enjoying themselves, and whether you remembered extra bobby pins, etc, the better.

I have to say that despite her demands, I had an absolute ball being my best friend''s MOH. It was a great opportunity for us to share a lot of really sweet moments, and when it''s your good friend getting married you gladly do the little things to make her day better. I''m glad you''re having an MOH, I think you''ll really enjoy that experience.

 

[Selkie]

I agree that it depends on you and what you need help with, specifically. We only had a best man and MOH as well, and we did everything very low-key. Together, they planned and hosted a send-off party (not a shower, but close enough) for us in Cali. My friend helped with things like dress fittings and engagement photos (she took them.) On the morning of the wedding, she took care of a few last minute things like rounding up floral tape, and driving my MIL and SIL places. She helped with putting my flowers together, also, and helped my mom with lacing my dress. During the ceremony, they stood next to us, and held the rings (she held DH''s to hand to me, and he held mine.) She took the bouquet from me when I went to put DH''s ring on. Finally, they both participated in a literal knot-tying/hand-fasting ceremony. Best man gave a toast during the sail. Other than just generally being helpful and supportive, this was all we asked of them.

 

[Sabine]

Your MOH could also make sure you have everything you need for that first night as newlyweds...wink wink, nudge nudge