Best way to approach parents about helping pay?

[june48]

My DF''s parents have already offered us a generous amount of money, and my mom has offered what she can give as well. My dad informally offered to do whatever he can to help with the wedding expenses, and I''d just like to sort of pin down exactly how much he can give us so I can start budgetting.

I should also add here (in case people jump on me) that my DF and I are just happy to get whatever we can from our parents because that will essentially be our budget. Although we have both saved up some money for the wedding, we are both young grad students so there''s not much to spare.

 

[selflove]

This is always so tricky!

Did he offer to pay for anything in particular? If so, you could start a conversation with "Hey, dad, I found this great vendor for XXXXXX. When you mentioned you would help us out with the wedding, how much were you thinking of? We just want to create a budget before anything gets out of control."

When my mom said we WOULD get a limo, about 6 months ago, I made a mental note of it. Then this week wehn I started working on that task I asked her "So when you said we''d get a limo, how much did you have in your mind to spend on that?" And it just opened up a nice discussion and she''s been very open about talking about prices (another example, for our menu, they''ve got a lot of good choices at $36pp, but when I suggested we look at the $47pp menu she was like "No, let''s stick to the $36").

My point is, if you open up the discussion, I''m sure your dad will tell you what he had in mind.

 

[qtiekiki]

Since your dad already offered to help you with your wedding expenses, I think you can just be honest and say "Dad, we are trying to set out budget for the wedding so we can start planning and booking vendors. I was just wondering how much you do you want to contribute?" It''s probably easier for me to type it then for you to actually say it, but I am sure he will understand if you are just up front and honest about it since he did offered.

 

[monarch64]

I had the hardest time calling my dad and having the money conversation. I knew he was going to help, but I hated asking him anyway. What helped me was to look around a little first and figure out what things were going to cost. I came up with a few different budgets so that when he asked how much I thought I''d need I would have a tentative answer. He kind of balked at my initial amount but in the end he was happy with how everything turned out.

Maybe if you can get some kind of numbers together for your parents it will be easier for them to tell you what they can contribute. I would''ve been completely afraid to just ask my dad "so what do you think you will be able to contribute?" Because it''s a very open-ended question. I think if you have an amount in mind and ask if that would be a possibility, you can get a definite yes or no. Just my .02.