Big or Small?

[mjso]

So which is it? After reading many posts in here, I''ve found it seems most people are leaning towards the "I just want people closest to me/that I know well/who mean something special to me at the wedding." I, on the other hand, wish I could invite every person I''ve ever met

I just want it to be like a big party!! Of course, I can''t afford the wedding I want for infinite amounts of people, so I am going to be cutting the list.

But...if money was not an issue and you could have your dream wedding with everything you ever wanted would you have a big wedding or a small one?

 

[Isolde]

My fiance and I really don't have much money (still students), but we are definitely eager to get married, as we've been together for quite some time. What we're doing is, simply having a ceremony with family and friends of the family. After this, him and I are having a romantic dinner alone. If money were no option, we'd still be doing the same. We're very introverted people, so a big party, or party in general is not our style. Our family seems to be supportive of just a ceremony; we just want people to witness our union at church if they can, and we ask for no gifts, or anything of that sort. We're also going to skip on a bridal shower, and all that jazz. To us, the ceremony is key, as that is really the only meaningful part to us. Then, we can savour dinner alone and really enjoy our special day. With big ceremonies, I find that sometimes you can't spend as much time as you'd like together, because you're so swept up in the event. So, definitely; if money were no object we'd be doing the same thing. I'd probably just spend more money on a fabulous dress, photography, and maybe honeymoon.

 

[Gypsy]

IF we had unlimted funds. My wedding size would be slightly larger than it is now.. the invite list would be 150 (with 100 expected) instead of 90 (with 75 expected), so that John could invite his cousins, and my step father could invite his neices and nephews. BUT, I actually PREFER our smaller wedding in terms of intimacy and size. So money would make my wedding larger, which might be a negative... BUT it would be a positive because, if I had extra money, I''d just get a REALLY excellent venue, an amazing caterer, and my florist bill and photography bills would be embarrassing.

 

[sumbride]

I voted "Big" because that''s what I had... 1000 people invited, 400 in attendance. Most of the regrets were due to it being out of town for them or the OU-UT game that afternoon. I was happy with 400. My mom still wishes that more of her friends had been able to make it and that it hadn''t been such a popular weekend for travel.

but what I really wanted? Small. I did. I wanted a small wedding. But in the end I realized that my desire to have a small wedding was not as strong as my mom''s desire to have a big-gigantic-invite-everyone-and-I''ll-pay-for-it wedding. So that''s what we had. DH liked the idea. I dreaded it at first but then realized I was lucky to be able to celebrate in grand style, and my mom called it her "Last Blast" because I''m the youngest and last to get married.

In the end, I liked the way we did it even if it wasn''t my dream from childhood.

 

[anchor31]

If it was just up to me, we''d be eloping just the two of us. Really. If it was up to J... well, we''d have everyone, so we''d probably have 200? I had to put my foot down, and we''re not inviting our cousins, so the list is up to 90 instead. It''s still way too many for me, but it''s somewhere in the middle of what we both wanted...

 

[bee*]

Wow Sumbride-1000 people invited!!

For me, we''re having about 150 people coming. I definitely want a big party but not everyone that I''ve ever met but definitely more than just close family and friends. I''m happy with the number that we''re inviting.

 

[enbcfsobe]

Small. Small wedding party, too (just siblings and close childhood friends that are like siblings). The biggest thing that would be ideal would be only inviting those people that we most wanted to be there. Not having to recpirocate invites from folks that we like perfectly well but aren''t that close to us. Not having to invite EVERY cousin -- just those that we are actually close with. Not having to invite parents'' friends. Not having to invite every person from FI''s college crowd, just those that we are really close with. The issue isn''t so much money (though I''d certainly like to be spending less) as expectations of parents and friends and family as far as who gets invited. Granted, we are drawing lines, and people have been more than flexible, but its still way more than I really wanted. Oh, well.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 1/24/2008 1:12:58 PM
Author: bee*
Wow Sumbride-1000 people invited!!

Yep. It was a case of "bad at math". She said "500" and I said Ok. But when she handed me the list it was 500 COUPLES. I said "So this is 500 people that get to bring a guest?" and she said "oh..... yes, I guess so." So it was 1000, give or take a dozen. The only real challenge it gave me (since we knew they weren''t all coming) is that I didn''t get to have the really fancy expensive invitations I wanted. I ordered 550 invitations (at that time the list was smaller) and my father said "we may need to have more printed". I don''t think they did, but I''m not sure as they sent them out. My parents used it as a business tool as well as my wedding because they own their company. Employees were calling it "the royal wedding" for a while.

I survived though. And got a lot of great gifts... and each one received a very personal thank you note! THAT was hard.

 

[Isolde]

Is your family by any chance Lebanese? I ask this, because I''ve known some Lebanese people and when they would talk about family weddings here, thousands of people would be invited. I''m so curious! If not, what is your heritage?

 

[sumbride]

Date: 1/24/2008 1:24:42 PM
Author: Isolde
Is your family by any chance Lebanese? I ask this, because I've known some Lebanese people and when they would talk about family weddings here, thousands of people would be invited. I'm so curious! If not, what is your heritage?

Me? I'm a European mongrel. From a small town in Texas. My parents have lived there 31 years and have developed a lot of ties to the community so there was a lot of "well, if I invite this person I have to invite 100 people to go with them." I wish I could say it was cultural but it was more because of their "circle" and their place in the community, both the town and their industry.

(and I'm sorry if I thread-jacked!)

 

[mjso]

no worries about threadjacking! I''m just happy to have more stuff to read at work lol.

Our current guest list is around 200, but its not including some of my parents friends (my mom just found out about people who randomly invite themselves to weddings, she was shocked!!) and it isn''t including "and guests". I''m not sure what we are going to do about that, because some people my mom seems to think have to get an "and guest". I''m almost leaning towards if you are over 40 and single you get an "and guest", if you are one of FI/my friends and you aren''t in a serious relationship, then no "and guest" for you! It''s not like they will know who was allowed to bring a random guest and who we invited.

Ideally, my mom wants to keep it between 100-150, and I''m assuming a chunk of our current ~200 guests won''t be able to come, but I''m also afraid of inviting too many people and having them all show up and then my mom freaking out about the cost.

If I could do 300, invites I think it would be perfect, but I can''t risk them all coming and doubling the cost of the reception!

 

[sumbride]

The "and guest" is always a touchy issue. I''ve gotta say, one of the funniest people at my wedding was a guest of a guest. We had invited a neighbor with her husband, but he was out of town and she couldn''t drive herself because of some meds she was on, so she brought a friend as her escort. All was fine with that, of course, but her friend... the driver... got royally TRASHED. I think she may have been drinking BEFORE the wedding! A lot of guests went to the bar at the country club beforehand and hung out with my groom, oddly enough. She came up to me after the ceremony before I''d even made it into the reception to tell me who she was and why she was there (like I really cared at that exact moment) and throughout the night she talked to everybody but nobody knew who she was... she was "that drunk woman with the long hair". I''m not sure how our neighbor got home that night, but I really hope her friend didn''t drive.

 

[tenfour]

two moms, two dads, one brother, one ''man of honour'', his gf, one ''best man'', his fiance. that makes 11 if you include the bride and groom. i think you can guess my vote.

 

[Neveah]

We are having a large wedding (inviting 280) but not because we''re just trying to invite as many people as possible. FI mother is one of 10 children and my mother is one of 5. FI and I are both extremely close to our large extended family and can''t imagine getting married without all of them there! (and we even cut out ALL the kids! No one under 18 is coming and even then only 4 are under 21)
Luckily we can afford to have them alll!
I had toyed with thinking of a destination wedding but quickly dismissed it. Many of our families wouldn''t be able to come and I just couldn''t do that.

 

[happilyeverafter]

we had 25 total, including my husband and I, and the marriage commissioner (DH's stepmom). It was just the way we wanted it. All the parents wanted to pay for a huge wedding but we'd have none of it. So I definitely would stick with the small wedding again no matter what the budget allowed.

 

[mimzy]

that''s a tough question!

i''m pretty sure just about every couple wants their wedding to be "intimate", but i don''t think that has to do with the number of people invited, but more the quality of the relationships of the people there. would i like a "small and intimate" wedding? yes......but would i be happy if all the people i really care about and that i know care about me weren''t there? probably not. For us it wasn''t worth cutting people that we really wanted their for the sake of keeping it small. I have a really large extended family that i am really close with (almost 100) plus about 40 friends between us (which includes wedding party plus dates for everyone). then there is FI''s whole family, who we aren''t close with but are invited anyways because it''s important to FI......so i guess i could do without inviting them and the majority of my parents friends.

so i guess instead of inviting 200 it ideally would be closer to 150....but that would be just inviting people that I personally care about....and it would be pretty selfish of me to deny anyone else that is invested in the wedding a few personal invites.

 

[mjso]

Our extended families are also large, and I did have to cut out the children of my cousins (some of which are about my age and engaged themselves) as that would have added at least another 15-20 guests. It''s not as if though I want to invite random people off the street, but after living in 4 different states during our relationship and including family, we have quite a lot of people we would like to include.

Both FI and I are outgoing people, we like to meet new faces and maintain a lot of friendships. Of course, the level of ''closeness'' varies. We''re also not very traditionally romantic, so I guess this is why I don''t really think of intimate as a description of my wedding. I see it more as a chance to get everyone together and have a good time. Less focus on sprituality, romance, whimsical, etc than what is probably considered traditional.

 

[tberube]

I'm inviting everyone I want to my wedding, and that number is still relatively small, compared to most (a tad under 100 people). If I had no money constraints I still wouldn't change a thing. One thing to remember is if you invite too many people to your wedding, you won't be able to enjoy spending enough time with everyone.

ETA: also, I don't like the idea of looking at my wedding photos five years from now and going "now, who was that again?" to half the guests. I'm not inviting anyone I don't think I'll still be friends with in 10 or more years.

 

[ksprincess]

I vote other, b/c while I think 100 is great, FI would definitely just have an open invite party and we''d be in the thousand range.

 

[delilah]

I voted for small. If I had it my way, it would just be me and my beau running off somewhere private and romantic. Bring on the weddingmoon!

 

[gtn]

I have no choice but to have a large wedding. We both come from large families with whom we are close to. In fact, I know his cousins better than FI does now. The only thing we could do to cut down our numbers were to not invite any out of state family. If I didn''t have such a large family, I would love to have a small wedding, but I couldn''t imagine getting married and not inviting them.

 

[zoebartlett]

I wanted a smaller wedding than we''re going to have. We had originally planned on having about 80 people but now the list has grown to around 160 or so. Our save the dates went out but we may send out invitations to others who didn''t receive stds. I''m still not sure about adding coworkers or certain friends'' parents. My mom''s planning on inviting some relatives that I hardly know. If it were solely up to me, I''d have my closest family and friends but that would be it.

 

[april diamonds]

I voted other because I wasn''t really sure where to place myself. What I''ve always wanted was to be able to invite everyone I wanted to be there. And if that was big or small then so be it.

As it turns out, my family alone is already like 50 people (this is aunts and uncles and cousins). And then we have some family friends that I could not imagine not inviting, and of course since I am the youngest, all those family friends I grew up with are married now or have very long term SOs so that really added to the numbers. And because I feel like our wedding is also about our parents, I wanted them to be able to invite their friends. Lucky for me none of the people that our parents wanted to invite are absolute complete strangers to us and don''t mind having them there.

In the end we''ve ended up with about 220 invites and I''m guessing anywhere between 150 and 175 will show up. I find that to be a nice number, not too big not to small. And of course, I''m very fortunate to be able to afford this!

 

[Fancy605]

I couldn''t have invited everyone who I consider dear to me and still have a small wedding. I would say that my wedding ended up being medium sized (about 220). We invited nearly 400, and to us, that was pretty conservative. We both come from LARGE tight knit families. We both ADORE the majority of our cousins, and the ones we don''t like, we had to invite anyway just b/c it would have been bad manners to leave them out. (of course, that only included like 10 people). Plus, we had lots of other friends we needed to invite. I dunno, I am the type of girl who stays close with people. I have several good girlfriends from high school, and I was close to a good many of the girls in my college sorority. (in fact, after graduation we even formed our own alumni group as an excuse to hang out often.) Plus, since my parents paid for the whole ordeal, we didn''t mind them inviting good family friends and church people. Then we felt my husbands parents should get to invite their friends as well. Of course all these family friends are people we know and like. I lived in the same place my entire life until college, so my family has been close to many of our family friends my entire life. Plus my husband and I both have good friends from work... Like I said, it took a lot of challenge getting the list down as small as it was. There were some college friends I felt bad about not inviting, but whom I haven''t stayed in as good of touch with, that kind of thing.
Even with over 200 people, the wedding still felt small just because we genuinely loved all the people there (or at least one of us did). So, it worked out really well. I wouldn''t have had it any other way

 

[sap483]

I wanted a destination wedding with immediate family and close friends. I wanted to rent a few villas and have a week long party. Instead I''m having two weddings each with about 150 ppl. Unfortunately neither my FI nor my mother shared my dream. So my vote would be for a small wedding.

 

[kizmet]

Small! We each brought our best friend, that''s it. I now wish actually it had just been me and him.

 

[pjean]

Date: 1/24/2008 2:58:29 PM
Author: ksprincess
I vote other, b/c while I think 100 is great, FI would definitely just have an open invite party and we''d be in the thousand range.

Oh, that is so us. We agreed that we were going to have a small wedding in Las Vegas. Little did I know that his idea of small is going to come in slightly under 130. I''m glad I didn''t agree to large!

It''s true, though, that I''d be a lot more comfortable with 130 if I weren''t worried about money.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

What I wanted would have been a grand total of 4-6 including FI and myself. I wanted to elope to Barcelona with maybe my parents and our very close German friends. Sigh.
Instead, we are inviting about 150 people to a local wedding but we only sent electronic save the dates to a few who we actually want to come. Since most don''t have to travel or wouldn''t come anyway, we are probably going to closer to 75 people although with FI''s family its really up in the air.

 

[Sabine]

If our budget was unlimited, we would definitely invite more people, although I think the guest list would only be slightly bigger than it is now. I''m happy with my 180 invitee list, except for a handful of family members that I was guilting into invited by my mom even though I wouldn''t know them if I passed them on the street.