Big upset!

[ilovesparkles]

So I completely brushed it off two nights ago when my hunny brought it up but tonight I had to face the music. I only see him every 2-3 months since we live so far apart (1660+ miles) and I last saw him in mid-March. We were planning on me coming out again for 2 1/2 weeks after school was out at the very end of May but its not gonna happen now.

Money is just way too tight for him and he won''t let me "throw away mine and spend money I don''t even have" to come see him. Last time I bought the ticket and he just paid for food etc while I was there. So I said I''d only stay a week and pay for food myself and he won''t hear of it. We are both so stubborn and he really isn''t going to budge on this. I was bawling my eyes out on the phone with him just now. I''m mad he won''t let me pay and spouted off a stupid line about "american men and their dumb egos". He replied that had nothing to do with it and simply won''t let me spend money I don''t have. I do have it, it would just come out of my savings. I guess he is once again being the logical one and I am being the emotional one.

He said he is gonna look at things again and see what he comes up with but I know it won''t do any good. He mentioned perhaps being able to work something out in July but I will be in the middle of fieldwork. The next time I can go out there is September and I can''t even imagine waiting until then to see him again

How do people that have BF/GF in Iraq or in other countries deal with this? Oy I probably didn''t make any sense but I am a wreck right now! But I can''t fall apart and go to sleep I have a presentation to plan for tomorrow. How do these things work out like this I just want to scream!

 

[diamondfan]

I am sorry you are stressing! Could you say a rich aunt died and left you some money? I know he is trying to be practical but this has nothing to do with practical in my book. It is tough to be apart like that! I wish I had something more to offer, but unless you just buy the ticket and show up, I guess you have to hope for a windfall of some kind. Or maybe he is planning on coming to you and surprising you when you think you are not going to get to see him?

 

[Blue824]

Well, I can tell from experience that the more infrequent the visits got, the bigger a strain on our relationship it became and it really hurt us. I wish I had done things differently even though we were both very tight on money. Can you go out and surprise him? Or if a surprise would be hard to coordinate, can you say that someone else is treating you to the airfare, like your parents or grandparents or something? I just think it is really important and I regret sometimes choosing to work over visiting my bf or not taking off work for him to visit more. I was tight on money my first year out of college and it was hard...and while I still am a huge saver and always concerned about that, I''m sort of like...well, it can be replaced and I''ll just adjust other parts of my life to accomodate things that are more important to me, like my bf. We''re not long distance anymore, but it really did take a toll on us. If you can''t work it out for May, I hope you can manage something else in the near future! Best of luck!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 4/30/2006 12:45:15 AM
Author: diamondfan
I am sorry you are stressing! Could you say a rich aunt died and left you some money? I know he is trying to be practical but this has nothing to do with practical in my book. It is tough to be apart like that! I wish I had something more to offer, but unless you just buy the ticket and show up, I guess you have to hope for a windfall of some kind. Or maybe he is planning on coming to you and surprising you when you think you are not going to get to see him?

Oh I wish! No I can''t just show up that would be disasterous. And there is no way he is plannign to surprise me. He wouldn''t even think about being sneaky in that kind of way believe me! I know that practically he is right about the situation. But we have such differing views on money! I don''t care about $400 now I care about seeing him and being with him. He isn''t happy about not seeing me either but simply cannot live with the financial circumstances right now and therefore is rationale about the trip. I can''t even understand it let alone explain it so I hope it makes some sense to all of you.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

That''s hard news to take in. While we''re not *nearly* as long distance as that, I do understand the build up of anticipating time spent together, and then it doesn''t become reality. It hurts, and it seems to me that when things happen and certain things can''t happen for whatever reason *be it money, timing, what have you,* men tend to think that we''re overly emotional in expressing disappointment. I think that while they try to be there for us, it sometimes gets lost in the translation between a guy''s head and a girl''s heart. With time, this can get better. I am working on being less emotional when things suck, and he''s working on being more sensitive to the way I react when things suck.

Is there any way he can visit you in July, while you''re doing your fieldwork? Is that a possibility? Could you both possibily to a road trip half way to each other, there by splitting the cost? If even for a long weekend, it''d be better than nothing.

 

[diamondfan]

Yes, what if you said your parents gave you the money, and you tell him how important it is to you to be with him sooner rather than later? Is that doable? I just think it is a shame, if you are willing to spend it, that you cannot be together for a bit of time. Is there a less expensive yet reasonable way to get where he is? Maybe if it cost less he might not mind so much?

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Why would a surprise visit be disastrous? I''m just curious...

Paul didn''t really react like I *thought* he would the first time I surprised him, either. But it was just initial shock. He loved it! I mean, he had things planned and all that, but we worked it all out. I was fine with some *down time* while he did his thing, necessary errands, etc.

 

[decodelighted]

Is it the flight $$ alone he''s stressing about - not being able to pay for your ticket? -- or is it the "supporting you" food/dates etc once you get there that''s got him worried.

-- anybody you know have airline miles they don''t need
-- you could stress that cooking for two might be cheaper than him eating alone (fast food etc)

but ... is there anything else that''s led up to this ... or are you 100 percent sure this back-tracking is purely financial. I remember there''s some push/pull from him periodically.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

This is off topic, but may at least make you smile. Or think of me as a nimrod. One or the other, anyway...

What is your icon a picture of? A yorkie, maybe? Little red riding hood, all deflated and on the floor? I just can''t tell...

 

[ilovesparkles]

I think he would be mad if I just showed up. The whole thing here is that he is not ok with me continually spending money to come see him when he can contribute little or nothing to the expense. And on top of it there are some things that he is really stressing out about. Its the second year in a row he won''t make it to his family reunion, he just got a letter from the IRS about money he owes for a severence check that he never received a W-2 for, things liek this that just keep piling up. And as far as my parents go, my mom agrees with him that I shouldn''t go out until Sept or when I have more money and less credit card to pay off, and my dad, well lets not go there but he isn''t exactly a parent I guess we could leave it at that. Also, as silly or small as it may be, I couldn;t tell a little white lie like that. Even if I felt ok doing it, he would see through it in a millisecond.

Driving out there is more expensive than flying, and meeting half way is twice as expensive because then there are two plane tickets plus hotel. He can''t drive because of a medical condition. He is looking into coming out here for a weekend in July, and is adamant that he isn''t happy about this either and doesn''t want to wait that long. He has in fact cried about this and probably will tonight when he goes to bed. (he would so kill me if he ever read this post). Right now I just don''t know how to handle the news, especially since my mom is gone until Wed. so I can''t go crying to her. Blah.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 4/30/2006 1:08:29 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly
This is off topic, but may at least make you smile. Or think of me as a nimrod. One or the other, anyway...

What is your icon a picture of? A yorkie, maybe? Little red riding hood, all deflated and on the floor? I just can''t tell...

OK so you got me to giggle. It is of my old doggie that we put down in Nov. Yes a mostly Yorkie with some other terrier in him. Wrapped up in a quilt on the couch in the sun - his absolute heaven. Stan the Man.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 4/30/2006 1:01:01 AM
Author: decodelighted
Is it the flight $$ alone he''s stressing about - not being able to pay for your ticket? -- or is it the ''supporting you'' food/dates etc once you get there that''s got him worried.

-- anybody you know have airline miles they don''t need
-- you could stress that cooking for two might be cheaper than him eating alone (fast food etc)

but ... is there anything else that''s led up to this ... or are you 100 percent sure this back-tracking is purely financial. I remember there''s some push/pull from him periodically.

Deco - I thought of this as well. And asked him point blank if money was the only issue and there wasn''t something else. He reassured me that it is purely money and I believe him. He is really upset about this too just not as verbal about those emotions. We have been doing SO MUCH better! Have a much better routine down and been communicating quite well lately. Thanks for the concern tho!

 

[Blue824]

I think he''d get over being mad and the expense and be more happy than mad!

The time I surprised my bf he was just shocked and couldn''t believe that I did it and he refers to it as one of the best things I ever did for him.

Yes, money is important to have saved...credit card debt is important to pay off...and you don''t want a ticket to put you in a financial bind or out of emergency money, but if it doesn''t do that, then I say try really hard to find a deal and go for it. Do you get the emails from American and United about last minute weekend specials? I''m not sure which cities you''re traveling between but usually there is a deal to be found occasionally.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Hmmm... the him not being able to drive thing puts a damper on that, then. And, I also didn''t think about a hotel. Heehee. Ooops. Sorry.

I know any financial situation creates tension. Maybe just the realization of what''s going on with him financially right now is overwhelming him, and maybe even to the point of blowing them up a bit bigger than they are? I don''t know.

At any rate, it''s good to know that he''s also not happy about the situation. Do either of you have the opportunity to do anything on the side to earn extra cash? I remember you said you do crafts; can you sell them? I crochet and sew purses and sell them at work. It''s amazing what people will buy that''s *handmade.* Maybe if he saw it as *extra* income going toward something, even if only in part, he''d be more willing to agree to you visiting.

Honestly, in my relationship, I''m the one who''s tight with money. I hate credit cards and I don''t use them more than I can pay off in the billing cycle. However, there have been times when I''ve had to put gas money on them in order to see Paul. It could very well end up that after actually saying it tonight, he''ll get to thinking about it and realize he doesn''t want to go an extra two months without seeing you.

Has it been since October that you spent time together? I''m trying to piece your story together here...

 

[fisherofmengirly]

A yorkie! I was almost sorta right! Yay!

 

[Mara]

i know that it seems like it, but september is not that far away...it's been a long time since i was in any sort of long distance relationship so i can't really relate, but i definitely do not agree on telling a white lie to get over to see him...it sounds like he is very adamant about you not coming out and spending the $$ right now, i personally think you have to respect his wishes on this one because it IS a sensitive subject for him..and he is already stressed out about 3rd party items right now and probably doesn't want an extra thing to 'deal with' aka stress out about. i know when my husband is stressed out, anything else to deal with just seems like a mountain to climb.

i would leave it alone and then maybe broach it again in another few weeks or a month or so, or just play it by ear and see how things go. maybe if he works something out in a positive manner with IRS or something and is ecstatic one day and things are going well, you could be like 'well maybe now is a good time for me to come out!' or something and gauge his emotional aka agreement state. you could get a last minute deal or what about hotwire.com if you have flexible flying times??? you could save a bundle doing that.

 

[Mannequin]

I agree with Mara. Give him some time and then reapproach in a few weeks. Things may settle out by then. Until that time, you guys both (in previous posts) seem to be highly computer literate, so emails/IM sessions will help take the edge off. BF and I used to do this often, and still rely on the computer for part of the week because he is at law school 1.5 hours away.

 

[TravelingGal]

This is a tough one, and I understand where you are coming from. I am a long distance queen...the first one coast to coast (CA/NJ on and off for seven years) and the second was opposite hemispheres: CA to Australia...7500 miles and 18 hour time difference. One of my friends said she hoped the Aussie and I worked out because with my habitual long distance dating with men farther and farther away, my next boyfriend would have to be a martian.

The longest stretch we went without seeing each other was 7 months, and it nearly killed us. It's really hard to cultivate things when you're not even around to throw fertilizer on the flowers. Probably a bad analogy, but you get what I mean.

However in this case your boyfriend seems adamant, and you know your boyfriend better than we do and say a surprise visit would be disastrous. Male pride is funny thing, especially in regards to finances. If you were to go out and surprise him, even if YOU had the finances, he may be compelled to pick up other things (meals, other date things) that he just wasn't planning on spending the money for right now.

I can imagine that September feels like an eternity away. I know what that feels like because when I'd count down days to see my boyfriend, it would be T-4 days away until I'd see him and I'd just clench my fists at night because I just REALLY want to time to fly faster than it was. But fly, it does, believe me. I had never truly felt the word "ache" until we were speaking on the phone and his voice just seemed so close...yet I couldn't just say "hey, let's meet for a cup of coffee tonight."

But a few months is just that: a few months in the scheme of a lifetime together. I know that doesn't help you much now, but I believe you should respect his wishes at this point, and as the others say - bide your time and see what happens. The only bright side I can give you is at least that's one less goodbye you have to deal with, because those just SUCK worse than realizing that you look like a muffin top in jeans that used to fit. (Yes, this has happened to me recently).

 

[Blenheim]

While you say that the money is coming out of savings, I think you''ve said things twice now about your credit card bills increasing because of the flights to see him. From your mother''s comment about waiting until you have less to pay off, it seems like you might be carrying a balance. Even if you''re telling your boyfriend that the money is coming out of savings, there still is some sort of discrepency that he might be worried about. Credit cards usually have pretty high interest rates and if you''re only paying the minimum payment, they take forever to pay off. Since he''s dealt with debt and financial problems in the past, he may rightfully be wary of you incurring even greater credit card debt so that you can be with him. He may be trying to save you from experiences he''s had to go through.

And if you''re saying things like "I don''t care about the money as long as I can see you," you may innocently be adding to that problem. It''s very sweet, but not caring about the money can quickly lead to debt. Are you are sure that you have enough money in savings to pay off your credit card and pay for the flight while still having adequate emergency money in the bank? If so, you could tell him that while you know it''s a lot of money, you''re still comfortable spending it for those reasons.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Thank you girls! I know I just need some PS support to get through this

Mara and TravelingGal I think you two really understood how adamant he is. I was trying to figure out how to explain the disasterousnous (not a word I know) of a surprise but this isn''t a surprise. Its one thing if I planned a trip and surprised him, its another if he says this is a really bad time to come out and I don''t want you to and I do anyway. Blen no I don''t have money to pay all of that off. I pay a little over my minimum each month and just know that when I am completely done with school in a year that will be the first thing to go with my first or second pay check. Its nothing outlandish pretty small really but its still there. The money in savings probably really shouldn''t be used for a plane ticket I just feel desperate right now. Sorry I don''t have much else to say right now its just been a very very long day! I worked and then went to a rally at my state capitol and now I have to right up a presentation and prepare for a thesis meeting tomorrow. YUCK! All your thoughts and comments have been very helpful, so please keep them coming! I am still so sad right now and don''t know what to even expect or say when he calls tonight because I don''t want to dwell on it. Time is obviously more than 24 hours.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Excellent, Ilovesparkles! I''m glad you don''t want to dwell on it. You shouldn''t. Hard yes, but most helpful, too. Like I said, with time, he may be able to work out something sooner than what you''re thinking of now. When we first started dating, we saw each other less frequently, and it sucked. A lot. And we talked about it, but he said he didn''t think it was good for us to spend so much on such frequent visits. I didn''t say anything else, and after a few weeks had passed, he called and said he had re-thought some things. You guys talked about it, and that''s where he stands now. Let it ride. See when he brings it up again. Without a doubt he''ll say something about missing you. Given enough missing and planning, and thinking time for him, he might find a way to be a little creative.

Good luck on that presentation. Fun times!!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Thanks. I did my presentation this morning and I have to write it up to turn in tomorrow. It was a public relations thing so I had to present something about OT to another audience. It went pretty well but I kinda feel like I went rambling on and on and then all of a sudden just shut up because I had gotten to the end. Oh well. My original plans to present in front of a 2nd grade class about careers fell through and so I had to scramble. I teach pre-k religious school and they had a music program so all the parents were here and I did it more of a this is what your teacher does in real life thing. And I was told that given my audience (4-5 y/o and their parents) I did really well. And I have to admit that the kids behaved amazingly! Ok seriously 5 more minutes on PS and then its off to type scholarly things.

 

[MissAva]

Iluvsparkles- V and I a few times had to go an entire semester without seeing each other. It hurt us both very much, so we wrote letters, emails and IMs to each other in between classes and called each other when walking to and from class. We loved each other enough that we were willing to wait, and we are both of the temperament that debt or damage to our grades is foolish and that it was best just to “suck it up”. Though I have never offered to come and see him and have him turn it down…Honestly I would have been very hurt to have him say that to me, and would have questioned whether or not he wanted to be with me for the long haul.

I am not trying to hurt your feelings but are you certain that the reason he doesn’t want to see you in person is because of finances? What if perhaps he just doesn’t want you there? When you write about him it always sounds like you are more of a convenience for him then a person he sees as valuable and a possible partner

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 5/1/2006 5:43:59 AM
Author: Matatora
Iluvsparkles- V and I a few times had to go an entire semester without seeing each other. It hurt us both very much, so we wrote letters, emails and IMs to each other in between classes and called each other when walking to and from class. We loved each other enough that we were willing to wait, and we are both of the temperament that debt or damage to our grades is foolish and that it was best just to “suck it up”. Though I have never offered to come and see him and have him turn it down…Honestly I would have been very hurt to have him say that to me, and would have questioned whether or not he wanted to be with me for the long haul.

I am not trying to hurt your feelings but are you certain that the reason he doesn’t want to see you in person is because of finances? What if perhaps he just doesn’t want you there? When you write about him it always sounds like you are more of a convenience for him then a person he sees as valuable and a possible partner

No I think I have learned not to get my feelings too hurt here on PS. At least I try my best

I am pretty darned positive it has nothing to do with him not wanting me there. He is worried that I am overextending my own finances and putting myself into debt just to see him which has some validity. If he could he would be living here already but that just isn''t possible yet. In this case it probably is just best to suck it up. Going to see him was the major highlight of getting through this year of school and now its not going to happen until atleast July and probably not until September. I don''t take disappointment well and perhaps that is what I''m portraying when I write about us. I am curious to know though how it sounds like I am a convenience to him? Thanks!

 

[jesterjigger]

ilovesparkles...I''m sorry you''re dealing with this right now...I know how much long distance relationships suck. I would say send your bf a card in the mail (one about times being tough or something, a cute/funny one though). If he reacts positively (aww, I love you, etc, etc) then don''t bring up the visit issue, just be nice but a little less available than you currently are. Send a card every week or so. If he seems to not notice, or doesn''t say anything then I would make myself a lot less available...see if he notices. See if he cares...if you''re always talking to him and he''s not showing any real appreciation then check to make sure he really cares as much as he did. When my bf was in Iraq sometimes it was hard for me to email on weekends and I would hear about how worried he was that he hadn''t heard from me and making sure everything was ok and I wasn''t mad...that was all inadvertent not being able to talk, but it let me know that he cared just as much as he did when he left. So I kept up the 20,000 emails a day and sending cards every week and little gifts. But if he''d acted like he didn''t notice than I would cut back on communication a little to see if he picked up the slack. So just be aware of if you are the one always initiating phone calls/emails/etc. Make sure he''s pulling his weight...and give him a break on the money issue. Don''t fight about it and make sure it''s not a deeper rooted issue...

 

[ilovesparkles]

Jester - Its funny you mention this because the last time we hit a rough spot it was all about communication and the amount of effort I put into it and the lack that he was. So we have this set up now, which is very weird to most people but seems to be working for us. He calls me at 11ish every night. That way I am not calling five times a night wondering what he is doing, getting worried, and he isn''t getting annoyed when he looks at the phone and sees he has 3 missed calls. A good friend of mine hates this set up because she feels like it is giving him all the control, but as my mother pointed out it really isn''t because I am getting what I want - to talk to him every day. He likes it because it makes him responsible. And in the beginning I was worried that it wold only annoy him more and be an obligation rather than something he looks forward to but it really isn''t. We have talked it through at different points after this little set up began and we both really like it. So as strange as it may sound to some people it just works for us and cuts out a lot of drama on my part.

And as far as separating myself or making myself less available, I have done that in the past and it worked just like one would think (or want) it should. He started emailing and calling more. Its not so much a case of him not wanting me there like a lot of you are worried about, it really is just a case of both of us having absolutely no money. He is very upset about the situation and depressed that he won''t be seeing me. But the fact is you can''t just make money appear or not pay the rent and bills etc. OK I must be off to continue working on a presentation, just wanted to take a PS break!

 

[decodelighted]

Hey again ...

Something else to think about: maybe you aren't cut out for long-distance relationships. Sounds like you've got a good system with the calling every night etc .. but it seems like you are really, really hungering for more attention, more frequent contact etc than fianaces now allow with this Sweetie.

It's one thing for people who have been together a long time have to be apart -- but it really is quite another for two people who haven't spent much time together in person at all to "keep the relationship" alive and really have a handle on what it WOULD be like to have an "in-person" relationship. Honestly, it could be a lot of work & hassle & yearning & time-spent on it for something that wouldn't work out in person. Or may never be able to happen in person because of finances/timing etc.

It's your life & your time to do with what you choose. Hope things turn around for ya one way or the other!

 

[Mara]

thats an interesting psychobabble point deco...re: the not being cut out for LD relationships. honestly i don't know that many people are EXCEPT those who like the distance that a LD relationship affords them. aka they don't have to make excuses to not be there for that partner in their life or see them all the time, and it's much more dramatic to be apart and pining away for each other than to be actually furthering the relationship etc. i think that LD relationships when people are younger are more dramatic and frought with excitement and dreamy scenarios because it's all centered around the next time you see that person...i was probably much more prone to be okay with a LD relationship when i was younger just because of those reasons. but now i'm probably WAY too lazy. hehee. i also have friends who tend to do LD often and it seems like they just are comfortable that way so guess it's whatever floats the boat.

now i am psychobabbling. anyway...sometimes iluv i get the vibe like while of course, you don't like being apart from your BF...you kind of like the heightened sense of awareness or drama that surrounds the whole relationship. the looking fwd to seeing him, the getting to know him, the whole dramatic 'we're in love but apart' thing. just the fact that you would call him 5 times a night previously, yikes!! if i were him i'd be like MAN this chick is a stalker. so it's good you worked out the 'system, so that he doesn't block your calls and add you to the 20 most wanted

, and you get to speak to him each night and feel more secure about things and know that he is thinking of you.

i think that since you are young, this is a learning relationship for you...he's alot older so he has had opportunities to learn already, but obviously you never stop learning in life or relationships. i think you are going to learn patience here in this relationship, oodles of it...hehee...if nothing else. but hang in there, and i would just say don't be TOO dramatic about the separation with him, i know you are sad about it, but honestly in my experience the last thing that men want to deal with is a continuously sad or sobbing girl on the phone. you two are in this bed together, so make lemonade out of the lemons and just take it one day at a time. good luck!

pontificating OVER.

 

[rainbowtrout]

I''m a communciation whore, so when FI and I were first dating I had to give myself a call limit--only so many calls so he wouldn''t think I was strange. It seems artificial but really I think its pretty normal for the first year or so. Now, of course, I call him about stupid crap (like where the tacos were in the fridge) umpteen times a day...and he does as well.

I have to say that I''ve never known anyone to be "cut out" for LD. I think some people are better at re-occupying themselves with another hobby than others. These same men or women probably make good military spouses, good husbands or wives of doctors, etc. But don''t let anyone make you feel that because you are not one of those people that you need to "get a life"--the amount of time people need with s.o.''s varies individually.

It''s a balance, right--you want to be a fulfilled individual but you also want to be interdependant with another, because at some level relationships are about interdependance, no?

Hah, I''m clearly PB now as well..

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 5/1/2006 4:46:59 PM
Author: Mara
thats an interesting psychobabble point deco...re: the not being cut out for LD relationships. honestly i don't know that many people are EXCEPT those who like the distance that a LD relationship affords them. aka they don't have to make excuses to not be there for that partner in their life or see them all the time, and it's much more dramatic to be apart and pining away for each other than to be actually furthering the relationship etc. i think that LD relationships when people are younger are more dramatic and frought with excitement and dreamy scenarios because it's all centered around the next time you see that person...i was probably much more prone to be okay with a LD relationship when i was younger just because of those reasons. but now i'm probably WAY too lazy. hehee. i also have friends who tend to do LD often and it seems like they just are comfortable that way so guess it's whatever floats the boat.

now i am psychobabbling. anyway...sometimes iluv i get the vibe like while of course, you don't like being apart from your BF...you kind of like the heightened sense of awareness or drama that surrounds the whole relationship. the looking fwd to seeing him, the getting to know him, the whole dramatic 'we're in love but apart' thing. just the fact that you would call him 5 times a night previously, yikes!! if i were him i'd be like MAN this chick is a stalker. so it's good you worked out the 'system, so that he doesn't block your calls and add you to the 20 most wanted

, and you get to speak to him each night and feel more secure about things and know that he is thinking of you.

i think that since you are young, this is a learning relationship for you...he's alot older so he has had opportunities to learn already, but obviously you never stop learning in life or relationships. i think you are going to learn patience here in this relationship, oodles of it...hehee...if nothing else. but hang in there, and i would just say don't be TOO dramatic about the separation with him, i know you are sad about it, but honestly in my experience the last thing that men want to deal with is a continuously sad or sobbing girl on the phone. you two are in this bed together, so make lemonade out of the lemons and just take it one day at a time. good luck!

pontificating OVER.

Can I make lemon pie instead?????

ETA: seriously do you have a recipe you would be willing to share?