Birthday dinner..wish me luck!

[diamondsgirl22]

hey ladies i need some assurance! I am going to dinner at my FF parent''s house for his birthday tonight. I do not know why i am so nervous but i feel like it is the first time that i am meeting them, but it isnt. I see them very often and have known them four about 4 years. I guess that I am just nervous that they will ask me questions about the impending engagement and if i am ready etc. I know that B has been talking to them about it a lot lately just to make sure that all is well and as I said before his mother is a little worried like all mothers are. I just do not want it to turn into an ackward do you know what you two are doing talk and have his mother sit there and give us the third degree on what happens when we decide that getting engaged sooner than we are ready for will be something that we regreted. which i think a lot of it is how she feels. He is the last child of hers to get married and she is just being a stubborn mom about it. It sucks because she is paying fo him to finish up college so if she does not like the idea of us getting engaged and thinks that he should wait a little bit longer to ask me then she can tell him that if he does go out and get a ring and asks me that he will have no way to pay for the rest of his schooling because he didnt listen to her opinion. She gives him ultimatums alot. Dont get me wrong she loves me to death she just worries about the future of her last child. I am sure that B''s dad will assure her that everything will be okay but that doesnt stop me from wondering if she will tell him to wait and that he will have no other choice but to do what she says. I just hate controlling people and that is what worries me. Now i do not know how his mother feels now because that was about a week ago and i am sure that B''s dad told her to get over herself . i am sure that she will let him do what he wants and support him with what he wants to do. Dinner just makes me nervous because i know that has been the topic of discussion with his parents for the past couple months. I feel like i have to be suzy homemaker when we go over there tonight because i want them to support us and his decision to ask me but i know that that is absurd because both of his parents adore me and want us to be happy. Ugh!!!

 

[bee*]

best of luck tonight. I can understand if his mother is worried at the moment if she is paying for his college fees. My parents would have been so annoyed if they were paying for my fees and I spent the money I had on a ring, whether it was for an engagement or anything else. Whatever money I had in college, went towards my books and other tuition fees to try and ease the pressure off my parents. When is your bf finished college?

 

[diamondsgirl22]

he has to go back in february through june for 1 class. he is going into law enforcment and the last class that he needed he had to do a tryout thing where he had to bench press 98% of his weight (came out to 250 lbs for him), run 1 1/2 miles, do 50 push ups in 1 minute, and do 50 crunches in one minute. they had no time to rest inbetween so he failed the last and final test. ugh

they told him to come back a week later to take it again. the impression that they gave was that he had to only take the tests that he had failed but come to find out he had to retake ALL of them. keep in mind 1 week before that he had to bench press 250 lbs. so he could hardly move his arms. so he passed all of the tests but when he got to the bench press he failed because of course his arms were dead. so now he has wasted the summer and fall and wil waste part of winter waiting for them to run the tests to get into the class. He could have taken the one that ran from july through december but of course he didnt make the cut because of him failing. so he will try out again in january for the february through june course. it sucks because he could have been done with school and had applied for a job somewhere but life happens i guess.

its just like when people are in the second half of their last year in college and then the administrative people are like, oh yeah by the way you have to wait about a half a year to take the last part of your course so that you can graduate and get a job. It is all fine because it isnt like they are paying 20,000 for it, it is about 6-7,000 for it. which is a lot for the course but not as much as a full year of college would cost. Which puts me back to his parents being okay with it. My BF is paying for the supplies needed, like a handgun and the uniforms and the police extendabaton so his parents will only end up paying for about 75% of it.

everything will still be the way B wants it to be and in the end whether or not his mom likes it he will ask whe he wants to and i am sure that his parents will be ok with his decision but i want them to support us yah know? i want to go into the engagement with both sets of parents on our side! I know that i wont say yes to him until i ask him if both sets of parents are okay with it. Wont that be a great proposal:
HIM: A will you marry me and make me the happiest guy in the world?
ME: Are both sets of our parents okay with it and support us?
HIM: yeah
ME: okay then yes i would love to be your wife!

I know that they will be but it is hard to tell sometimes. they dont have to agree with our decision but i want them to believe in us and support it. Does that make sense?

The great thing about B is that he said already that is going to put the ring on a credit card and just pay it off monthly that way, which i thought that you couldnt do but i guess that you can do anything with a credit card. anyways, he cant take out a loan because i just took out one to get a new car and he said that he doesnt want us to have two loans going into our marriage because when we get a house he doesnt want us to both have a loan out. which is smart and also a plus because he wont need to have all of the money for the ring when he buys it. So he can go and get it whenever he wants without having to have the money or take out a loan. Which is perfectly fine with me.

I write such long posts, sorry I ranted a little again!

 

[bee*]

I know how much it means having both sets of parents approve-I would have been devastated if either sets of parents were not happy with it. I sound like such an old nag, but please think twice about putting a ring on a credit card. As someone who used their credit card when I just graduated a couple of years ago, it is so easy to get caught up in using it too much and it can really affect your credit score. I''ve been with D for 8 years so I know what it''s like going out with someone for years before getting engaged, but is there any way you would wait until you guys have a bit of money? It''s more for practical things too like can you afford to live with each other and things like that. I know that he''s paying for a good bit of his things, but still if his parents are paying 75% its still 75%, if you get what I''m saying. I''m really not trying to put a downer on things to be mean, it''s just from looking back on my own experiences, if we had gone ahead like that, I don''t think things would have worked out as well. Now, we were able to pay cash on our ring, we''re moving in next year and can both afford luxuries and rent, and we don''t rely on our parents to provide for anything. Or can you just get a small ring or a less expensive ring and then when you bf starts earning, you can upgrade to your dream ring?

 

[diamondsgirl22]

A credit card is the only way to do it by what he has told me. I asked him if there were any other ways and he is very certain that he would use a card. but When we went to look for rings before he said to the sales lady that I had no idea how much he has saved and stuff so i am thinking that he has a pretty good amount saved but am not sure. If he waits to get a ring when he has money he would be asking me in march. he is in the mindset of doing it by the end of october and that is how it is going to be for him. I dont want to stop him and besides he wont listen to me. He definetly will not use the card for anything else. he is practically going to cut the card up after he puts the ring on it. if he still is even using a credit card to pay off the ring with. he wouldnt tell me if he was or wasnt so i have no idea how he will pay for it in the end of it.

which takes me to i cant really tell him to not use a credit card because he will do what he thinks is best in the end. which is fine but i really do not know how he will pay for it in the end. very confusing since he is a guy. but i feel that telling him not to use a credit card would be kind of taking his thunder away and being rude. He already gets mad when i ask about the rings and stuff about it he already ruled out the upgrade. he is very stuck in his ways of getting a really nice ring for me now because he wont settle for anything less and he wants to find the perfect one. So needless to say i agree with you but he wants to do it in less than two weekd and from what he has told me he is fine with the financial part of it. So it sounds like he has it figured out either way. I know that he wouldnt do anything to screw us up in the long run so i guess that i will trust him for now and if when he tells me how he payed for it i will either be surprised or call him an idiot. I know that he has a good head so i know that he would not use the card for anything else. the card is kind of like his only resort. he knows how much a credit card can screw you up so i know that that would be the only thing that he would put on it.
I just wish that he would share this stuff with me becauae it affects the both of us in the end. i already offered to help pay for it but he is very traditional and will not even think about it. I really dont care what it looks like and how big it is but he is very stubborn and in the end i cannot alter his decision that much.

Well, dinner was actually really boring last night. we talked and stuff. it was a little ackward at times but hey. B and I dont live together but we could afford to so trying to support the both of us is not a problem. we are fine with money it is just the ring that is the issue well for me i worry about it but for him he says everything is okay, which maybe it is.???

He did go buy a gun yesterday which kind of makes me mad because it was about $750 and he payed it straight up cash. which if he can go spend that on a gun then he HAS to have money to pay for a ring or aleast a way already made up because he would have put that towards the ring if he didnt have all of the money he needed for it. that is what makes me think that he has a good amount saved. But anyways, he went to a few jewelry stores , about three different places to look and see what they had which i was surprised. i did tell him that while he was in around there to stop and look and see if he could find anything that he liked. I asked him about it that night and he said that he looked but he didnt see anything that he liked. Keep in mind that he is very picky so i am sure that there were tons there that would have been just fine. ugh,guys...one is never good enough not big enough etc.. So then i asked him why he had to be so picky and not just pick one out and he told me that i have no idea what is going on and just kind of smiled. So i think that he might have found one. He just needs to not be picky and realize that there are less than 2 weeks when he said he was going to ask. I just hate not being a part of the whole ring thing. it sucks.

I do not know if you understood but his parents are paying for 75% of his school not his own personal self. he pays for all of the other stuff. they are just finishing off paying for school. oh and your advice is completely okay. you have been through it all already so i love to hear about what works and doesnt. you are not being a downer you are helping.

I just think that from what he has told me that the cresit card is what is going to have to work for us. I guess i will see how he does it.