Birthday proposal

[jswhigham]

I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend on her birthday. Are there any major cons to doing so? I'd like to hear any comments and opinions on this.
Thanks,
Scott

OOPS wrong forum.
Answers here are still appreciated.

 

[rbjd]

I'm about to do it (well her birthday's on a Tuesday so I'm popping the question three days sooner). Can't think of a better time to ask. (Not to mention it adds to the element of surprise. She's more likely to assume she's getting extra special treatment for her birthday and be more surprised by the proposal than on some other random day).

 

[Dr. Know Little Diamond]

I would strongly suggest that you pick another day besides her birthday. In the very unfortunate event that your engagement breaks off, the engagement ring could easily be misconstrued as a birthday gift. Thereby, if for whatever reason you wanted the ring returned since you gave it contingent upon marriage, it would be very difficult to prove to a court of law that it was, in fact, an engagement ring since it was given on her birthday.

 

[Pussy Cat]

I have known two people that were born on Christmas day, and they were somewhat perturbed with the fact that they received combination birthday/Christmas gifts.

Meow

 

[glitterata]

I would hate it. I have all sorts of strong emotions attached to my birthday (happy, sad, anxious). How awful to have them mixed up with all the emotions of an important anniversary in a relationship. Especially when she gets older, she may find herself getting depressed around her birthday, and that feeling might leak over onto her memories of the proposal. Or she might find that you've turned what used to be a day about HER into a day about both of you.

 

[fire&ice]

Way back in the dark ages, I was proposed to on my Birthday. I'm a middle aged women who *still* celebrates my Birthday as a *huge* happy event (I send out memo's - only x more shopping days left!). Being proposed to on that day makes it even more special. In fact, some may know that I received a 20th anniversary big rock; but, the 20th anniversary was celebrating 20 years ago he proposed (we have been married 19 years).

That said, my then Boyfriend *knew* the caveat of proposing on my Birthday. The ring would then be an unrevocable "gift". I asked him about this only recently. His response was "I was committing to you." I also knew that you were of the character that if *you* called it off, you would give the ring back. He added: "I also knew that if *I* called it off (or cheated on you), *you* would keep the ring. He knows me all too well.

Just my spin. Let us know what you decide.

 

[Mara]

Ha HA F&I we are alike!

I do the 'wish lists' and 'x days shopping left'....of course I am happy with whatever I get but the fun of leading up to the event is part of the joy!

I love birthdays and love a big to-do about it. I have been that way since I was a child. For me it doesn't mark another 'year' added to my age or lines on my face (those happen ALL year long!!), but rather it's an opportunity to celebrate with friends and family and of course get lots of fun presents.

Only you know what your girlfriend would like. On the whole 'it could be construed as a gift' and harder to get back...yes that's all very nice and legal-like, but I don't think many people consider that when they think about the best time to propose to their loved one. Does your GF celebrate her birthday and love it when it rolls around? If so, she may like the cool surprise of something like this that she is not expecting. Or maybe she would like TWO separate dates to celebrate? Birthday and engagement separately?

Or if you are very much not sure and feel as though you don't want to take the gamble of tying your engagement to her birthday forever, do it a week or two before. That way she has the ring and the fiance for her birthday and she can show it off at a combo engagement/bday party or something fun.

Though personally, if an engagement is broken off, the parties will most likely remember that day regardless...so whether it's tied to a birthday, or a week before a bday, or a week after, or the 12th of July, people will remember it anyway. I don't think it's a huge factor in the decision...

Our engagement was not 'timed' at all...it was rather along the lines of...better do it before she finds the ring! Because I knew it was coming, I knew when he picked up the ring etc. So our date is not romantically inclined at all and to be honest, I am hard pressed to even remember it (I wrote it down to help). But since the real date is the wedding date...the engagement date really does not matter a whole lot to me...then again I have been accused of being very male in my sentimentality and when it comes to my emotions I think I have too much testosterone or something.

Good luck!

 

[Hest88]

I like maximizing the number of presents I get. Perhaps it's because I'm nearly an Xmas baby so I'm rather more sensitive about the issue, like Pussy said! Her b-day should be important and her engagement should be important. I think one should never let one occasion overshadow another.

I also think that if she's anticipating a proposal soon, she would actually expect it on her birthday. I know lots of women who, when wondering when the proposal will be, will assume it's during a trip, or during Valentine's Day, or her birthday, or any other romantic time. Picking a random day would actually throw her off the scent.

 

[rbjd]

Well, in my case, she isn't going to wait much longer so I don't have much of a choice. I would never consider the litigation consequences of giving her a ring near her birthday. That is simply silly as far as I'm concerned (and I'm a lawyer). My parents' anniversary is the day after my mom's birthday and that's never been an issue for them. It seems like a great time to me. I guess it depends on the couple. Anyway, I wouldn't marry somebody who was greedy enough to not want a birthday proposal because it would mean less presents!

 

[Hest88]

----------------
On 7/10/2003 6

7:49 PM rbjd wrote:

Anyway, I wouldn't marry somebody who was greedy enough to not want a birthday proposal because it would mean less presents!
----------------

You know, I think I'm going to let this insult go and not even dignify it by any further explanation.

Anyway...good luck with your proposal.

 

[rbjd]

Sorry Hest, it's all in good fun. My girlfriend and I are both summer babies so we don't have the xmas/b-day problem you do.

 

[dancingmelimel]

As a December baby, I have to jump to Hest's defence and say that said greediness is a carryover issue from childhood. For me, it's much more of an emotional issue than a material issue.

Are you Sagitarius or Capricorn Hest?

 

[Hest88]

It's okay Rbjd--we Xmas babies have peculiar sensitivities!

Dancing--I'm a Capricorn. Dec 26, in fact. Almost as bad as it gets, though I do know someone with a real Xmas b-day.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 7/10/2003 6:11:23 PM Hest88 wrote:

----------------
On 7/10/2003 6

7:49 PM rbjd wrote:

Anyway, I wouldn't marry somebody who was greedy enough to not want a birthday proposal because it would mean less presents!
----------------

You know, I think I'm going to let this insult go and not even dignify it by any further explanation.

Anyway...good luck with your proposal.
----------------

I have a friend who has a Birthday close to a major holiday. She has *issues* about it.

That said, ......till you walk a mile in a man's shoes (or a women's gift basket........MEN... gifts are *huge* to women!)

I don't think an engagement date & a birthday are really going to conflict. Although the engagement date was my Birthday, it's not celebrated as such. ....just an extra special. We tend (to this day) celebrate the day we met.

Oh, and after I wrote that "unrevocable" ....I should know this going through the trust process..."irrevocable".

 

[jswhigham]

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions and comments.
During a general conversation about her birthday, my girlfriend mentioned that one reason she loves her birthday so much is that it is a special day just for her. I want that day to continue to be all about her.
Her birthday is on a Friday and we had already planned to go to the beach for that weekend, so I am going to take her to Ponta Vedra, a nice resort in northern Florida and propose on Saturday the day after her birthday. That way she will have two very special days in a row, one just for her and one for both of us.

I'm torn between asking her before dinner or after. If I ask her earlier we can use dinner to celebrate. If I ask her after dinner I can propose on the beach under the moonlight. (The moon will be 92% full that evening. How do diamonds look in the moonlight?) Any opinions or suggestions for other good times during the day?

I have a stupid question. During the proposal, which comes first, the ring or the question?

Finally, I guess this post wouldn't be complete without a description of the diamond.

Gia graded VS2-G 0.74ct round
diameter 5.87 ( 5.86- 5.88 )
crown angle 34.7 deg
crown height 15.3%
pavillion angle 40.4%
pavillion depth 42.4%
culet 1.1%
table 55.4%
total depth 61%
girdle thickness 1.0-1.4
flourescence none
Polish\Symmetry EX\EX

I bought the diamond and setting from Diamond Brokers of Florida. Jan and Brad are an absolute pleasure to work with.

Thanks again,
Scott

 

[dancingmelimel]

On the beach under the moonlight sounds soooooo romantic!

I'm not sure about moonlight and diamonds.....I know candlelight and diamonds are wonderful together. Hmmmmmm. I know I am always most impressed with my diamond in low light where it seems to shine all on its own.

Excellent plan about the birthday weekend, etc. and the diamond sounds GORGEOUS, btw!

I think the ring comes first, then the question.....although of course by then the question is kinda obvious.

Maybe someone else thinks differently? Dunno.

Anyway, wonderful plans and Good Luck!

-Melissa

 

[Mara]

Be careful when the ring comes first..she is likely to be so enraptured by the stone she won't answer right away. I reached for the ring box before I answered the question!! Ha Ha!!

I think it actually is supposed to be kind of like a 'dual' moment. Ideally you are so skilled at slight of hand that you palm the ring box from your pocket or similar, as you are talking, and then snap it open just as you make the proposal. But I think some men (most?) tend to freak out, fumble, dig in their pocket, drop the ring box, or just hand it to them while they are talking and/or AFTER they have finished talking and leaving an awkward pause while they figure out how to get the box open.

Hmm. There should be a class.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 7/25/2003 12:43

6 AM Mara wrote:


I think it actually is supposed to be kind of like a 'dual' moment. ----------------

Yep, ..and I'd practice. Personally, I would like to be asked prior to dinner. I think it will be more relaxing for you. You are starting the night out fresh. The celebration can last throughout the evening.

Good luck.

 

[Hest88]

Before dinner! That way she can admire her ring in the restaurant light and THEN by moonlight as well.

Yes, try to propose and present the ring at the same time. "Will you marry me" while suavely pulling the box from your pocket then snapping open the box right at or just after, "me."