Black-tie only? Semi-formal? How did you decide?!

[musey]

In terms of what to tell guests. How does one go about making this decision? I'm trying to figure out the level of formality for our wedding. What primary factors should it depend upon? Venue style and time of day? Attire of the bridal party? Level of decor at ceremony/reception? A combination of all these things? Or is it mostly just the couple's preference?

Here are pics of our venue, centerpiece elements, my MOH's maybe-or-something-similar dress and my dress. To me, the venue and decor both say "casual," but our dresses certainly say "formal." I think cocktail dresses and suits (tuxes not expected or required) sounds like the most fun, does this fall into the semi-formal or formal category? And would I be pushing the formality too much considering the inherent informality of the venue?

I don't know if this makes any sense. The reason I'm asking is that our parents are starting to think about what they'll wear, and I don't know what to tell them when they ask how formal we want them to be (i.e. tuxes vs. suits vs. dinner jackets, formal gowns vs. cocktail dresses vs. skirt-and-top).


Am I just WAY overthinking this?

 

[misysu2]

First of all, BEAUTIFUL choices!!

As for your decision of guest style, go with yours and your FI's personality. Most of the weddings I've been to-- the bridal party has tuxes and are black tie, but the guests wear semi-formal. At the receptions (at least within my family), we actually change into jeans to party!

 

[gtn]

That''s a tough question. Your selections are beautiful. I would have my parents dress on the more formal side. You know that some people will not be as formal, but I think it will look good in pictures to have the wedding party and family looking sharp. I would advise the women to wear shoes without pointy heels. You don''t want anybody getting stuck in the deck or sinking in the grass.

If you want them to be more comfortable for the reception, why not have the option of changing.

 

[Haven]

I think you could go either way, formal or informal, and I''m sure your guests will choose a relative variety of dress. Normally, the venue and time of day dictate the level of dress formality. And the bride and groom should always be the most formally dressed people at the wedding, so it''s perfect that you have such a gorgeous gown!

I agree that your parents should err on the side of more formal. As for what to tell people, tell them that you''re a daytime/evening wedding at such-and-such location. Generally, the formality of the invitation serves as the best indication of expected dress, as well.

 

[sap483]

You can definitely tell guests it is "cocktail attire." That implies nice cocktail length dresses for the ladies and a suit for the men. In practice it seems to still leave room for some creativity- from what I''ve seen generally a nice skirt or pantsuit would be acceptable as well as trousers and a sports coat. We told our guests cocktail attire on our website. If you have on, I''ve found it''s a great place to share information like that. I have also seen it listed directly on the invite/reception card.

 

[Independent Gal]

We are telling people 'black tie optional'. The thing is, it's not really fair to make all your guests go out and rent a tux if they don't have one. So this way, those who have one can wear it and those who don't can wear a suit, but everyone will get the message that this is a 'dress-up' wedding. And ladies who like to get fancied up have an excuse to do so!

 

[FacetFire]

I am going with semi-formal, which to me means cocktail dress and suits or jacket and slacks. My dress is certainly formal, and my mom's dress and MOH dress will also be more formal, but that's how it's been at pretty much every wedding I've ever been to. Somehow I just don't see guests in long dresses and tuxes. It's too stuffy/proper for what we are planning. Has anyone ever been to an all-white wedding? We're definitely not doing that, but I always thought those looked beautiful...

I've always thought that time of day matters a lot. I wouldn't have a formal reception at mid-day. But semi-formal works anytime of day. These days, the venue doesn't seem to matter as much as personal preference. I am having an outdoor, garden-type wedding, but I want everyone to be a bit dressed up. Go with what you like!

ETA: Are you putting the dress attire recommended on your website? Or telling guests some other way? I don't know which way is proper...

 

[tberube]

First of all, HEY - WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE LANTERNS!!!! AHHH I''ve been looking for something exactly like that for MONTHS!!! Please share!

Secondly - the bride and bridal party will always be somewhat "formal," but that doesn''t always mean that the rest of the party has to be so. We''ve chosen to go with dark suits and tea-length dresses for our wedding party, so it stands to reason that our wedding is somewhat semi-formal. Usually night weddings that are held in ballrooms or otherwise grand venues are the only ones you''ll see "black-tie" requirements for the guests. Other than that, it''s up to you.

But I do think if you''re having part or all of the wedding outdoors, then you would more than likely go with a semi-formal attire for the guests. JMHO.

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/10/2008 9:22:05 AM
Author: FacetFire

ETA: Are you putting the dress attire recommended on your website? Or telling guests some other way? I don''t know which way is proper...

FYI--It is not proper to write anything about attire on the invitations (e.g. "black tie" or "black tie optional")

I know that many people do it, but that doesn''t make it proper.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/10/2008 10:21:54 AM
Author: tberube
First of all, HEY - WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE LANTERNS!!!! AHHH I''ve been looking for something exactly like that for MONTHS!!! Please share!

TB, I can''t believe you haven''t seen them already, if you''ve been searching for months! They are everywhere, to the point that I''ve questioned whether I want to use those, since they''re obviously very common/overdone.

Anyway, just search for "moroccan lantern" on eBay, there are tons. That particular one is always on there.

Also, if you google the same term, the entire first page of image results is full of ones just like it (linked from online stores).

 

[musey]

Thanks everyone!

I''ll just put "cocktail attire" somewhere on our website. That''ll be all-encompassing enough, I think!

I was definitely overthinking

 

[Pandora II]

I''m going for very formal - it''s what I''ve always wanted - and my family would expect.

Most of my relatives will know what to wear - the men all own morning suits etc, so for the benefit of our friends I put this on the website:

Morning Suit for those who wish.
Hats for Ladies if desired

(Ties will be worn...you know who you are!)

So everyone knows the score without being told what to wear. At very formal weddings like mine in the UK it''s usual that all the male guests will wear morning suit not just the bridal party. If you don''t have morning dress, you can wear a dress kilt or smart business suit.

The last wedding I was at, 2 guys turned up without ties - I majorly ticked one of them off about it (he said he didn''t know he was supposed to!). Anyway, when we got to the reception venue they weren''t allowed in and had to go and buy one - thus missing the cocktail hour...

 

[HollyS]

musey: you are way overthinking it!

Semi-formal is the fanciest I would expect my guests to be in that setting; and you will find that people will pretty much wear what they want anyway, no matter what you tell them. I had a similiar setting and folks came in cocktail dress, business suits, Sunday best, ladies in pantsuits, guys without jackets or ties; you name it. Unless your crowd of friends and family is extremely socially aware, your wedding will have the same mix.

Just let it be known, among those invitees who may need a friendly nudge, that you expect your guests to look nice, and jeans are a definite no-no. From there, don''t sweat it. Trust me when I say it won''t matter to you in the long run.

 

[surfgirl]

I think cocktail attire would be appropriate and still be in keeping with the level of yours and MOHs dress. Is there such a thing as "Garden Party Cocktail Attire"? I''m thinking of a way to word it so that you get that "Great Gatsby" level of attire, which would be lovely for an outdoor garden wedding...IMO...

 

[Gypsy]

I love all of your choices.

I can''t tell you what is right for you. But I will say that a consideration is your photography. I''ve noticed that even at black tie optional evening weddings some people come in some casual type semi formal dresses. This kind of thing bothers me. So I err on the side of formality.

I''m thinking of putting "formal day attire" I don''t know if it makes sense. But I''m having a day wedding, but I want my guests in nice dresses (tea length and cocktail length) and suits or sportscoats. I certainly do not want anyone showing up in khaki''s and a button down topical print shirt. For me, that''s what semi-formal gives way to. People have such varying definions of formal attire, I personally wouldn''t chance semi formal. But that''s me.

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 1/10/2008 8:56:49 PM
Author: surfgirl
I think cocktail attire would be appropriate and still be in keeping with the level of yours and MOHs dress. Is there such a thing as 'Garden Party Cocktail Attire'? I'm thinking of a way to word it so that you get that 'Great Gatsby' level of attire, which would be lovely for an outdoor garden wedding...IMO...

surfgirl...this was exactly my concern! Here we will be in Maui with all our beautiful duds on, and I am worried about what our guests will think might be appropriate for a 5 PM garden wedding near the beach. Many of the guests on my FI's side are very casual, and I'm soooo afraid that they will all show up in obnoxious Hawaiian shirts and ruin the elegant look I have planned for my wedding.

Do you think "Garden Party Cocktail Attire" will suffice it to say that I would like them to be nowhere near formal, but I would like them to look somewhat elegant? If you come up with another Great Gatsby quote, I'd love to hear it and hope to put it on my website, too!

TIA!!!