Book: His Cold Feet by Andrea Passman Candell.

[absolut_blonde]

Anyone read/seen this? I picked it up while browsing at Chapters yesterday. Basically, it's dedicated to all the LIW out there. It describes the time before engagement as 'post-engagement limbo'. Has a lot of analogies and stories, which are probably comforting for women who haven't discovered places like this. One chapter is dedicated to why women get so eager for engagement (some of the parts about societal pressures are interesting) and then another chapter dedicated to why men are often hesitant. There's also some stuff in there about how to approach 'the talk', when to cut & run, etc.

It would probably be MORE helpful to people who haven't found support such as this board but it still seemed interesting nonetheless. I've only skimmed it so far, mind you. Many of the parts about the guy aren't incredibly applicable to SO-- it breaks them down into things like 'not sure if he wants to marry', 'procrastinates about discussing the future' and 'not sure if he wants to marry you'. The rest seems useful, though.


As an aside, I suppose the ironic part would be that I picked the book up in anticipation of a talk that I am having with SO today about the future. I was kind of dreading the talk and felt that it might help me either gain some additional perspective or at least know how to approach things tactfully. I was worried that it wouldn't go well.

So THEN we ended up having the talk last night, a day early. And, it went amazingly. All that worrying for nothing! Basically, he said it's an issue of 'when', not 'if'. He DOES want it to be a big surprise so if I keep bringing it up, he might hold off -- he doesn't want me to know it's coming. Aside from showing him a few rings IRL, which he asked me to, I think I am going to relax for awhile

 

[NewEnglandLady]

While Andrea was the research for that book I was in limbo and I posted on the hiscoldfeet message board for about two years...honestly, the hiscoldfeet message board kept me sane and strong while figuring out my internal deadline, then leaving, then all of the confusion/pain/relief/empowerment AFTER I left and of course, the utter surprise of getting engaged and now married. The board isn't as active as it once was, but Andrea's book is near and dear to my heart. She never posted on the board much (it was created as a support board for women in limbo--the term we used instead of "in waiting"--and also for research) but there was a man who I speculate was her husband and he posted a few times. I think that the book is helpful, but that women in general get more support from relating to each other.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Sounds like an interesting book. I did read "He''s Just Not That Into You" awhile back. I had picked it up to try and help me understand a friend who just couldn''t figure out a particular man wasn''t "into" her and kept going back for more and more. The book served it''s purpose for my curiousity and gave me lots of real life examples of behavior this particular guy was fond of so I could draw attention to it and try and help my friend let go. The book is a little too black and white at times and some chapters could be torn out entirely. The chapter on Marriage is interesting enough but like some of the other chapters in the book they promote what I percieve to be a premature break-up.

My fondest memory of this book was when my SO found it laying around my apartment. He couldn''t resist asking if I felt this way and if so why I would ever turn to a book for answers only he could really provide. Although I knew he was poking fun, the comment was actually very insightful.

 

[ringless]

Yes, and it was a godsend. I totally reccommend this book! ...even though I still feel jittery and anxious about getting engaged! lol

The only annoying thing about the book (for me) was she kept saying "pre-engagement limbo" it sorta annoyed me

, but the rest of the book was really good!