Breaking up is hard to do....

[rosetta]

Do you feel comfortable talking about break-ups, even if it's to a bunch of strangers online?

Did you spill your heart out after your last break-up or keep it all in?

What happened?

Just curious as to whether people will respond to this.

My last relationship was going nowhere, but he was still devastated when i left. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to him (he had no plans of marriage, living together or any future) but it was. Now happily engaged and I don't miss him at all.

You?

 

[chemgirl]

I spilled my heart out to some of my friends who had recently gone through breakups (hey, I listened to them so its only fair). I probably shouldn't have ranted to them as much as I did because a few of them ended up telling the ex off the next time they saw him at a party.

Ooops

Now he hates me for turning people against him.

Seriously, two and a half years later and he still hates me. His email was spamming me last week and I sent him a message to let him know and he got really nasty and sarcastic. We're both engaged at this point and I'm getting married in a few weeks. I thought the bitter feelings were gone.

We broke up because of a difference in religion. We dated for 3 years and talked about it many times. He always told me it didn't matter to him. He moved for school and we did LD for about a year. At the end of the year he asked me to move to his city and live with him. He broke up with me three weeks before my scheduled move. This was after I'd told my master's supervisor about the move and given notice on my apartment. Luckily, I had this strange feeling about the move and hadn't told my internship about it yet. I would have been in trouble without that income (ex thought I'd already given notice though).

I was extremely lucky and managed to secure my spot at school (really close to losing it) and my landlord hadn't rented my apartment yet. I was just extremely angry that he would break up with me when he knew the kind of position I was in.

Now I'm happy with the FI and thankfull that it all happened. I just needed a lot of venting at the time.

 

[Trekkie]

I was quite a slapper in my youth and treated my men and women very badly. Those breakups were easy though and by and large I've remained friendly with them all.

My divorce was hectic and I still can't believe I put my ex-husband through all that. There is no animosity between us but out of respect for his new wife we don't talk at all, apart from my yearly 'thank you for helping me in my recovery' email.

I really miss the friendship I had with one ex. We used to talk about everything - grammar, language, stereotypes, girls, cars. I hate that I can't just call him up for a chat but I also know that it doesn't stay at chatting. Despite our best efforts, chatting invariably leads to sniping, which then leads to tears, which then leads to us vowing never to speak to each other again. Until the next time... This is the longest period of non-contact we've ever had. I miss his crazy sense of humour. But I know it's better this way.

Until him I had always taken pride in remaining on good terms with my exes. I think I make a better ex-gf than gf...

I just don't see why just because the sex has ended the friendship should end too, ykwim?

 

[rosetta]

ah.

not something many people feel like talking about.

thanks for your thoughts chemgirl and trekkie.

we all learn something from the people in our lives.

 

[Haven]

I'm the type who likes to be alone and reflect on things when they go wrong, so I don't do much talking about things like breakups. Part of it is probably because I'm a really private person IRL (I find it much easier to share things here on PS than IRL) and the other part is that I just like to be by myself when I'm going through difficult things.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I'm a talker, which is why this last break-up has been really tough for me. Several of you have posted in my recent threads (and thank you for that!) so you know that I got out of a three-year relationship that, at one point, was seriously contemplating marriage. We even had a timeline. Unfortunately, things didn't work out. Partly it was because we had very different personalities, but mostly, it had to do with INCREDIBLY different life goals. For instance, we're both just out of law school, and he wants to work for 15 years, live frugally, retire early, and then travel the world until he dies basically, and not live anywhere for longer than 6 mos. Sounds great right? Well, this future doesn't involve a house, kids, pets, anything settled and stable. I, on the other hand, eventually want a family and pets and a house. Maybe not now - I'm only 24 - but yeah in a few years. He doesn't want any of that. And definitely no kids. So how to reconcile that? Plus, the relationship was really fizzling out by last December, but because we were best friends, classmates AND living together, it was too hard to break up then (though we should have). So we decided last Dec. to break up when we both graduated and left Chicago. And we did, which was 3 months ago.

I went through the depressed period, which lasted a couple weeks, and I talked about it a LOT with my best friends, who were amazing. I also talked about it a lot with several PS ladies that I've become really close to in the last two years, who were also incredible. I HAVE to talk about things, otherwise I feel even more miserable - it's like talking really helps me focus and organize my thoughts and being able to do that helped me regain my perspective, which was that I'm so much better off now, when I can focus on myself, and find someone who really is perfect for me, rather than changing myself to fit the other person's ideal. I don't want to feel like I did the weeks leading up to and after the break up, but it has been good for me.

Now, he wants to stay friends (he likes being the guy who can be friends with all his exes), and the break up was amicable, but he wants to talk all the time on gchat, and I don't really want to. I want to move on, date, be single, and it's hard to do that when you're constantly talking to your ex. Maybe someday - but not right now. And he isn't happy about that.

 

[hot.soup]

I've only ever had one actual break-up, my first serious relationship from age 19-22. I use the term "actual" because we were in a committed relationship; I don't count casually dating before realizing a dearth of compatibility and parting ways as a break up.

He decided that he wasn't ready to date just one girl, so we broke up. It hurt like heck at first, but now 7 years later, we're on perfectly friendly terms. We even have coffee with each other when we're in the same city. It's so nice that it worked out just the way it should. I am engaged to my lovely FI and he is having a lot of fun with a lot of different women.

After the break-up, I did spill my heart out to a few select friends and family, but mostly stewed about it over and over by myself. I'm a pretty private person, so the anonymity of the internet actually makes it easier for me to talk about these things.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I'm a talker, but it's been almost 21 years since I broke up with my last boyfriend... he asked to be my friend on facebook and I didn't approve or decline him, he's still pending. I really don't care if he knows anything about my life and I am curious about his, but I dont' want him to actually have CONTACT with anyone in my life. I don't trust him. I do have his exwife as a friend though LOL

 

[LtlFirecracker]

When I am going though a breakup I feel like I need to talk about it a lot...more than most people would probably care to listen.

Once I am over it, and have moved on, I like to keep it in the past. Hopefully, now that I am married, breaking up will be a thing of the past for me.

 

[Porridge]

When I am going though a breakup I feel like I need to talk about it a lot...more than most people would probably care to listen it.

Once I am over it, and have moved on, I like to keep it in the past.

I am exactly like this too.