Bridal party no wedding?

[zhuzhu]

One of my friend is getting married this July, and I am invited to the bridal shower that her BM is hosting. I found out today that she has no plans to invite anyone from the bridal shower to her wedding except for the BMs (obviously). This news kinda taken me aback a little. Isn't it a little rude to invite 25 people with expectation of gifts (registry is marked on the E-vite clearly) when she has no plans to celebrate her big day with us? Or am I just being too sensitive?

 

[galeteia]

Actually, I have heard of inviting people to your shower who you won''t be able to invite to your wedding, sort of as an ''guest list overflow'' solution.

I''m not sure if it is traditional or not. I know that my workplace recently hosted a wedding shower for a coworker and I doubt anyone from work will be invited to the wedding. No gift registry, of course.

Maybe that makes a difference? Or is it customary to give a gift at the bridal shower and wedding, if you go to both?

 

[nicolejrx]

Proper etiquette is that if you are invited to the shower, you should be invited to the wedding. Unless it is specifically a "no gift" party. But from the sound of it, she wants her gifts but then doesn''t want to invite you to the wedding.
Nicole

 

[JulieN]

quite rude...

 

[zhuzhu]

Thanks for confirming my gut feeling. It was even more annoying because she stopped me on the hall today and her first question was "why haven''t you RSVP yet? You need to do it soon so we know how much food to get".

Funny thing is that she does not act like a good friend before all this- she did not announce the wedding/engagement news to me herself, rather had another friend "pass the news". It just made me less happy about going out of my way to find a nice gift from her registry

 

[ellaila]

I go back and forth on this one.

I was invited to a shower last year for a friend who was having a small family-only wedding. I did go to the shower because I figure "just because they''re doing something small doesn''t mean she''s not a bride! She deserves all the bridal trappings as much as someone who''s having a 300-guest wedding" -- right? Just because she''s not feeding me a three-course meal doesn''t mean I can''t give the girl a few dish towels and mixing bowls off her registry!

Now *I* am the one having a small wedding with very few friends invited and none of my parents'' friends invited, and though my mom and I both didn''t want a shower, her friends are pushing for it, saying that''s the only way they''d get to celebrate with me since they''re not coming to the wedding! I still don''t want one, but I think my Mom is starting to buy into it. Even though I didn''t feel that my friend was having a shower just to get gifts (it was a surprise shower actually, so she really can''t be blamed), I know that some people do feel that way, and I don''t want people to think of ME that way!

That said, I don''t think anyone should feel obligated to get a gift for anyone (hello, it''s a GIFT, not a requirement!), so if you feel uncomfortable with this woman, then I say don''t go to the shower ... just my two cents!

 

[appletini]

I think the only time this is acceptable is for office showers, when it is expected that co-workers generally aren''t invited to the wedding.

As for small family only weddings, I think it would be better to do a wedding celebration afterwards in which case people have the option to bring gifts, but its not mandatory.

 

[anchor31]

I''m guessing some etiquette things vary from region to region, like everything else... But where I am, you don''t invite people to the shower and expect gifts from them if they''re not invited to the wedding. It''s considered extremely rude.