bridal shower vent

[ficklefaye]

my cousin has been kind enough to plan my bridal shower, since there are many women in our family we wanted to invite, i limited the amount of my friends, which i think is ok because they are invited to the wedding, i also wanted to keep the cost down for my cousin (she won''t let me help pay, i think she is splitting the cost with the other bridesmaids)

anyway, one of my friends now wants to bring her two children and her aunt to help take care of the kids, the party is strictly adult and young adult (some of our younger cousins but none younger than 11), and i''m just mad at her, it was just her name on the invitation!

am i overreacting? would it be rude to ask her to leave her children with her aunt for the few hours that she is at the bridal shower?

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/1/2009 7:10:52 PM
Author:ficklefaye
my cousin has been kind enough to plan my bridal shower, since there are many women in our family we wanted to invite, i limited the amount of my friends, which i think is ok because they are invited to the wedding, i also wanted to keep the cost down for my cousin (she won't let me help pay, i think she is splitting the cost with the other bridesmaids)

anyway, one of my friends now wants to bring her two children and her aunt to help take care of the kids, the party is strictly adult and young adult (some of our younger cousins but none younger than 11), and i'm just mad at her, it was just her name on the invitation!

am i overreacting? would it be rude to ask her to leave her children with her aunt for the few hours that she is at the bridal shower?

No, I think it's rude to bring children to a special event that, whom you are worried about needing to be "watched after". She wants to bring a babysitter. The children should be dropped off at the Aunt's/babysitters house before. It's only going to be a few hours after all.

The kids weren't invited, right?

ETA: I'm very forward with my friends, so I would call and tell her honestly... "My cousin has planned this as a quint event for close friends and family. I think it might best for your Aunt to watch this kids at your house or her own house for the few hours."

 

[ficklefaye]

meresal, thank you for the response. i didn''t want to seem insensitive since i don''t know what''s it''s like to have kids, my cousin said she would handle responding to her, but i feel bad that she has to deal with it when it is my friend causing the hubbub

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If she''s hiring a babysitter....then she should have them watched in her home...period. You''re bridal shower isn''t Chucky Cheese.

 

[mayachel]

I would kindly, but firmly let her know that the shower that is being hosted for you, is not appropriate for children and you hope she''ll be able to make plans to have them watched off-premises, so that she can attend.

 

[honey22]

Not on, she is being unreasonable. She can drop the kids at the aunts house, or the aunt can come to her place and she can come along.

Sheesh, when will some people understand that the world doesn''t revolve around their children!!!

 

[Anastasia]

Your friend is absolutely out of line. Two children and another adult? That is ridiculous. The only case that I can think of that it would be appropriate to ask to bring a child would be a very young infant, (a few months old). It amazes me when people think that their children should be included in adult events (and I have three of ''em!)

What reason did she give for asking to bring the children?

 

[jstarfireb]

Date: 7/1/2009 10:35:36 PM
Author: honey22
Not on, she is being unreasonable. She can drop the kids at the aunts house, or the aunt can come to her place and she can come along.

Sheesh, when will some people understand that the world doesn''t revolve around their children!!!

AMEN, sistah! When will people realize "adults only" means their kids are not invited?!?

I also had an adults only wedding. One of my cousins on my mom''s side has a toddler, and she''s the ONLY person I invited who has a child. Her mom and brother came (her dad had another commitment), but she boycotted it because I didn''t invite her kid. Granted, she and I were never that close, but it still hurt!

 

[ficklefaye]

thank you everyone for your responses. it's different in my case because i am actually inviting children to my wedding, it was just the shower that my cousin was trying to keep an adult only function, it's going to be at a tea house so we tried to keep the number low

i can't really blame my friend because her youngest daughter will be only 5 months old by then, i just don't know if it's appropriate to ask if her aunt can take care of at least her 6 year old son while she is at the shower with her little one

i hope not to offend people with children, but it was just an event that was planned for adults only and now this is causing my cousin some stress

 

[KimberlyH]

She''s being unreasonable and you have every right to tell her that due to location and costs it won''t be possible for her to bring extra people, including her children. Let her know you regret that she might not be able to make it but it would be unfair to the host for you to give her permission to bring extra people of any age.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/2/2009 12:39:18 AM
Author: jstarfireb

Date: 7/1/2009 10:35:36 PM
Author: honey22
Not on, she is being unreasonable. She can drop the kids at the aunts house, or the aunt can come to her place and she can come along.

Sheesh, when will some people understand that the world doesn''t revolve around their children!!!

AMEN, sistah! When will people realize ''adults only'' means their kids are not invited?!?

I hear ya loud and clear. I must admit that I hate it when I visit my girlfriend house for a girly chat and her kids are all up in our conversation.

I love children...honest

but NOT at a bridal shower

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Oh! This completely gets on my nerves!!!!!!!!!

I can''t stand it when parents don''t get it that nobody wants their precious at an adult event. I''ve had two incidents in the last couple of weeks and was annoyed as heck by it.

The first one was a couple''s shower FI and I and another couple hosted. We were the hosts and we both have kids and we found sitters for our kids. We had one couple respond that they couldn''t come unless they brought their kids. How do you respond to that? They ended up being the only ones with kids there and the kids kept crying and complaining about how bored they were.

The second one was a 17 year old''s birthday party at a restaurant. We couldn''t find a sitter, so I went by myself and FI stayed with the kids, but I arrived and was so annoyed that there were people who brought their screaming children to run around the restaurant away from the group!

If someone wants your children at an event, they will invite them specifically! If they aren''t invited, DON''T bring them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Honestly, if it''s a bridal shower that will be a little more on the sexy side, there should not be any children under the age of 18 there. The women you are closest to should be invited, whether or not they are family. Your cousin does not need to invite every female that is related to you or even on the wedding guest list, but your best girlfriends, first cousins, sisters (if you have them), and your parents sisters should be invited. After that, the invites get extended to the more distant aunts and cousins, if there is still room.

I know your cousin is the hostess, but she should still be consulting with your MOH to determine who the must-invites are. And your friend is rather rude to invite her kids AND her auntie along to care for them...they should be staying at her house or the auntie''s house.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 7/3/2009 9:41:50 AM
Author: wannaBMrsH
The first one was a couple''s shower FI and I and another couple hosted. We were the hosts and we both have kids and we found sitters for our kids. We had one couple respond that they couldn''t come unless they brought their kids. How do you respond to that?

Easy..."Oh, what a shame...we''ll miss you!"

I have four children myself, so I do miss out on a lot of social events.

 

[LilyKat]

You''re not being unreasonable at all. As you aren''t hosting the event, it actually makes it much simpler - just quietly let her know that your cousin has expressed concern at young children being present at an adult-only event, as well as numbers already being high. A good friend would have no problem understanding that.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/3/2009 2:35:34 PM
Author: Winks_Elf

Date: 7/3/2009 9:41:50 AM
Author: wannaBMrsH
The first one was a couple''s shower FI and I and another couple hosted. We were the hosts and we both have kids and we found sitters for our kids. We had one couple respond that they couldn''t come unless they brought their kids. How do you respond to that?

Easy...''Oh, what a shame...we''ll miss you!''

I have four children myself, so I do miss out on a lot of social events.

 

[ficklefaye]

hehe, we are keeping the shower g-rated so a few of my younger cousins will be there, my family is rather large, so from the family, it really is aunts and first cousins being invited, nothing more distant than that

i will take your advice and talk to my friend about this, i hope she understands

 

[swimmer]

If you were having a backyard bbq then the more the merrier can be just fine. A small gathering hosted by a relative is a very different situation. Good luck, your friend is out of line.

 

[ficklefaye]

my friend finally called me today to tell me that she understood and would only bring her youngest because she will only be about 5 months old, but to my surprise, my cousin missed my email to inform her of my friend''s decision and has told her that she can bring her kids and auntie because another one of our guests backed out, i don''t know why, but this is upsetting me

 

[ficklefaye]

now that i am more clear headed, i think i''m over it, i''m just grateful to have someone like my cousin who is planning all this for me, one child running around the tea house wouldn''t ruin it for me