Bridesmaid Dress Dilemma--Help, Please

[Haven]

I have six bridesmaids (3 sisters, 3 friends) and I asked them to each choose a few Jim Hjelm Occassions dresses that they liked to see if we could find something to suit everyone. WELL, five of my bridesmaids all love this dress. The dilemma? Bridesmaid #6 doesn''t want to wear it. I origianlly thought that they should all wear different tea length dresses, but that isn''t working either, they all like the same dress. So now it looks like one for all.

(Now, I want to say that I was not allowed to choose my bridesmaid dress for #6''s wedding. Ahem. AND, #6 is quite tall and thin, so frankly she looks good in just about anything.)

What do I do? Do we start over and try to find something they all like? I fear that if we do this we''ll end up with the same dilemma--another dress that the majority loves, but not all.

What did you do? How did you choose your bridesmaid dresses? Should I just tell #6 to suck it up and get her skinny arse into that dress? (She really is quite beautiful, stunning actually, and she rarely looks bad in anything. I''m not kidding you.)

Help!

 

[zoebartlett]

Is there any chance that bridesmaid #6 is your maid of honor (you mentioned bridesmaids but not a maid of honor)? If so, she could wear something different (that she wanted) and she''d stand apart from the true bridesmaids.

Could you steer the others, or even a few of the others, towards a different dress so it isn''t just one bridesmaid that stands out? Is there another dress that a few of them liked as well?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would find out why she dislikes the dress. I have a shape that can wear almost anything, but I never wear strapless because I always feel like I have to pull it up. My mom has a KILLER figue, but she hates showing it off because it makes her self concious to be leered at, etc.

Perhaps if you can find the problem, you two can find the right undergarments, etc to fix it. I would go that route first before making her do it. If she is still uncomfortable, try to explain to her the akward situation this creates. I think the fact that you talked to her and didn''t just force her to will make her more inclined to cooperate should you go that route.

 

[Sabine]

I just went through this EXACT same problem! 6 girls, 5 liked one dress, 1 liked another. Did you tell your odd girl out that the ohter 5 really want to wear that dress? I told my girl that although the other 5 loved the one dress, I would be willing to try to find something they all liked if she wanted, and she was really nice about it and said she''d just wear the dress she didn''t like. If your bm isn''t so accomodating, maybe you could just nicely ask if she could at least stand it because I''ve learned that it is probably IMPOSSIBLE to find a dress that all 6 will like, and 5 out of 6 ain''t bad!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/13/2008 6:04:01 PM
Author:Haven

Should I just tell #6 to suck it up and get her skinny arse into that dress? (She really is quite beautiful, stunning actually, and she rarely looks bad in anything. I''m not kidding you.)

Help!

Yup. That pretty much sums up what I''d do. Perfectly.

 

[Class n Sass]

I''m with Gypsy! It''s your wedding. I think that when you agree to be in someone''s wedding you should just go with the flow as to not cause the bride unecessary stress. Besides it''s really just one day...no need to be difficult. I suppose there could be a few excpetions like if the bride asked you to cut your hair into a mohawk and dye it lime green..lol

 

[Sha]

Majority rules! I don''t think Bridesmaid #6 should hold everything to ransom because she doesn''t like her dress. You''re already being gracious in letting her choose. If 5 out of 6 bridesmaids like the dress, then Bride #6 should suck it up and wear it also, even though it''s not what she would actually prefer. Some bridesmaids don''t even have a choice!!

If you start over you''re going to have the same problem, IMO. Bride #6 might like a dress, but #1 might be iffy, and #4 and #5 might not like it. You can''t please everyone, and you might waste time trying to do that. It''s your wedding and you''ve already tried to accommodate everybody in choosing a dress-if most of the bm''s are happy, that''s a pretty good situation IMO.

 

[Haven]

Thank you for all of your input, ladies. Here are the answers to your questions:

#6 is not the MOH, that would be so easy if she was. Actually, my sister A is my MOH and she was going to wear a different dress, but she LOVES the one that the other girls picked out so she wants to wear that one.

I tried to do the different dresses for each girl thing, but that didn''t work either. They all fell in love with this one, and now none of them want to budge if they know some will be wearing the dress they adore.

#6 dislikes this dress because it''s not her style. That''s it. She wore a strapless gown for her wedding, so that''s not the issue. She just doesn''t like the style of the dress.

I already told her that everyone else loves the dress, and her response was just "Well, I don''t. I''ll go back and see if I can find something else."

SO, I just called the lovely little shoppe where I bought my gown and made an appt for this Saturday. Three of my six bridesmaids have confirmed that they can come, and I haven''t heard back from the other three. (Not sure if #6 can make it yet.) I figure we''ll see if they can find anything else that they like, and if they do we can have a few options, put all the dresses to a vote, and majority rules. That way I''m not dictating anything, but we''re not going to run around chasing our own tails for the next month trying to find something that suits everyone. Again, #6 didn''t care what I thought about her bridesmaid dresses (and she definitely didn''t let me choose the color) so I feel like this is being as fair as I can be while still maintaining a semblance of order. Fair?

 

[Gypsy]

More than. I would have told her. "I understand you're feeling that way. But I like the dress too and that's what you are all going to be ordering, I've already told the store to expect you for a fitting appointment and I need that done by X date."

She's being a brat. Nip that in the bud NOW.

 

[cara]

There comes a point when... you are just inconveniencing the other girls too much for this one. Its not like she will be obscene or ugly in the dress.

I would tell her to wear the one the other''s want or find another tea-length dress in the same fabric to wear. Should look close enough for pictures, and if she has a problem being the odd one out, well, she can get with the program.

 

[Fancy605]

BM #6 agreed to be in your wedding, and by agreeing to be in your wedding, she was also agreeing to respect your choices as far as dresses go. I mean, if you want to pick what you wear to a wedding, attend as a guest; don''t agree to being part of the bridal party (okay, so that''s a little harsh, but still). Anyway, it sounds like this is just a case of "you can''t make everyone happy," and she will just have to go along with your choice. Anyway, as you said SHE didn''t let her own BMs have any say in her BM dresses, so she ought to be okay with going along with the choices of the brides for whom she acts as an attendant.

 

[Gwyn]

I would tell her to just wear it. I know the feeling though i have two that love and one that hates. I also had no say in the dress i wore to the wedding of the one that hates. She isnt my MoH but she is my sister so it is hard to tell her to suck it up. I just amke myself feel better by thinking about the miserable dress she made me wear lol

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/13/2008 7:23:11 PM
Author: Haven
Thank you for all of your input, ladies. Here are the answers to your questions:

#6 is not the MOH, that would be so easy if she was. Actually, my sister A is my MOH and she was going to wear a different dress, but she LOVES the one that the other girls picked out so she wants to wear that one.

I tried to do the different dresses for each girl thing, but that didn''t work either. They all fell in love with this one, and now none of them want to budge if they know some will be wearing the dress they adore.

#6 dislikes this dress because it''s not her style. That''s it. She wore a strapless gown for her wedding, so that''s not the issue. She just doesn''t like the style of the dress.

I already told her that everyone else loves the dress, and her response was just ''Well, I don''t. I''ll go back and see if I can find something else.''

Guess what? I was in 5 weddings, and 4 of those had dresses that weren''t "my style" either. And the only reason one was, is because I was the only one in the wedding, and got to pick what I wanted.

Tell her politely but firmly she''s wearing the dress.

 

[beesknees]

Hi Haven! I agree with everyone else here that the majority rules. And I also wanted to tell you that I''m considering that exact same dress for my bridesmaids. It''s so beautiful, I don''t know why anyone wouldn''t want to wear it.

 

[sap483]

Haven- I agree with the others. I had a similar situation where one BM was being very difficult. In the end I told her what she needed to wear. I had really hoped to please everyone, but I quickly learned that it''s just not possible. So, majority rules is a great solutution IMO.

 

[gtn]

Date: 2/13/2008 7:49:04 PM
Author: Gypsy
More than. I would have told her. ''I understand you''re feeling that way. But I like the dress too and that''s what you are all going to be ordering, I''ve already told the store to expect you for a fitting appointment and I need that done by X date.''


She''s being a brat. Nip that in the bud NOW.

ditto.

You have been more than accommodating, if everybody but #6 loves the dress, I say you have a winner.

 

[Ellen]

Frankly, I can''t even imagine having the audacity to tell a bride that not only was the dress not my style, but that I was going to look for another. I''m still trying to comprehend the lack of manners and cooth here...

 

[ktkakes]

my situation was similar i have 5 bm''s and i couldnt get them to decide on one dress... so my conclusion.. wear different styles, one company "impressions",in my color and chiffon material.. and it worked out awesome .. the wedding hasnt happened but all the dresses are floor length.. just a little different style to make everyone comfortable..i absolutely love it!

hope everything works out for you.. just take a deep breath and remember its your decision. dont let anyone talk you out of what YOU want!