Bridesmaid dress dilemma

[Sabine]

My bridesmaids are coming from 4 different states, so to try to simplify things we decided to go with dresses from David''s Bridal. Only 3 of the 6 could come on the original outing to pick dresses, and NONE of the styles that we originally picked actually looked good on. There were very few options in the color I wanted, Marine, which was one of their new colors. However, we did find separates that the 3 girls agreed on. However, I really wanted my girls to be able to find a dress they would actually wear again, and the separates definitely say "bridesmaid dress". Well, Davids recently added a whole bunch of styles in Marine, so I asked the girls to see if they would like to change our choice since we haven''t ordered yet. Right away, there was a new dress that is a favorite. The problem is my FI''s sister. She is slightly overweight and short (built a LOT like me actually) and she still favors the separates by far. She''s really sensative about her weight, and I''m guessing the separates give her a more slimming look. I haven''t heard back from all my girls yet, but 3 of them definitely like this ONE other dress, so now I don''t know what to do.

Should I just my FI''s sister wear the dress everyone else likes even if she doesn''t feel comfortable in it?

I would not mind saying to the girls, pick ANY dress you like in Marine, I really don''t mind if they don''t all wear the same thing. But so far, this other dress is the ONLY one the girls actually like. I do think it would look weird if I had 5 girls in one dress, and one girl (who''s not the MOH) in a different one. Any suggestions?

 

[partyjewels]

It will make her stick out if she''s the only one whos not wearing the same dress, and in an odd way if she''s not the MOH, the only other time I''ve seen it when someone wears a different dress than the entire brides side of the wedding party is if they needed a maternity dress! That being said though, would it bother YOU that she''ll stick out if she wears something different than the rest of the girls? If you''d be ok with it, I think you should ask her if she would be uncomfortable since she would stick out a little bit in the different style and then go from there.

 

[basil]

I would rather have one girl in a different dress than a girl in a dress she really did not feel comfortable in. Have the girls tried on this dress yet, including the one who wants to stick with the separates? Because that might solve your problem - i.e. they may not all like it in person or she might end up liking it too.

Also, you have to tell her that she''d be the only one in a different dress. That might make her feel self-conscious enough to reconsider.

 

[cara]

Just let them pick any dress in Marine and be done with it. Pass on what the other girls choose to your FI's sister. Let her decide if she would be more uncomfortable in a separates or the dress, if all the others choose the same dress.

Its seriously hard to accommodate all the body type/style/price preferences of bridesmaids and i spent way too much time worrying about it. and it the end, there is no perfect solution, no perfect dress. at least this way they have a say in the outcome.

(and hey, maybe one of the other girls will branch out and pick a different style.)

 

[Sabine]

Partyjewels, I think I would kinda mind if she was the only one wearing a different dress, just because it might make people wonder what is different about her. I''m trying to not be a bridezilla and say they all have to be cookie-cutter, but 5 girls in one dress and one in another just seems odd to me.

basil- those who have responded have tried on both dresses. We had originially picked out a bunch of different styles, but were really disappointed by how they looked in person. These two seem to be the only ones the girls are interested in at all.

cara- I really want to just say pick a dress in the color. But at my friend''s wedding, we did that, and one of the girls (who is one of my maids too) was the last to pick, and there were only so many styles in one color, and she ended up with a style she didn''t want becuase she didn''t want to wear the same dress as another girl when everyone else was wearing something individual. It was ultimately her choice, but I know she wasn''t happy with it.

I suppose there is no way to make sure EVERYONE is absolutely happy, so I guess I''ll just need to talk to the girls to see what they want to do. It would just be so much easier if we could all go to one store together to look at the dress...curse these different states on other sides of the country!

 

[Fancy605]

It is very nice that you want to please everyone, but at the same time, it is your wedding.

It sounds to me like you wouldn''t like it if 1 bridesmaid wears a dress that is different from what all of the others wear. So that is out of the question.

It also sounds like having each girl pick a different dress is not an option since there are only 2 dresses that any of them like, and there are 6 girls. So that is out of the question too.

It also seems like you don''t want your FI''s sister to feel uncomfortable, so if you can''t convince her that the new choice is going to flatter her, you should probably stick with the original separates?

Is there any way you could tell us which dresses you are looking at?

 

[robbie3982]

Here''s the make a match option in taffeta:

 

[robbie3982]

Here''s the new dress in chiffon:

 

[Harleigh]

Ugh, Sabine, I feel your pain! I have two girls in one style dress and one in another right now. The 4th girl initally said she wanted the spaghetti strap/empire waist one, which would have my Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor in the thicker strapped fitted style and the two other bridesmaids in the other, which I thought would work out nicely.

Now that she has seen the other style ON the other two girls in the pictures I took of them this weekend, she's not sure she wants the spaghetti strap one after all, so I have to ship both to her in Missouri and HOPE she chooses the spaghetti strap one, but I have decided I will just have to be fine no matter which one she chooses and is most comfortable in, because in the big scheme of things, I am just happy my friends have agreed to be a part of my special day. (This may kill me, but there you have it!)

With that being said, I think there are so many other things to worry about and stress over in terms of a wedding that this just might not be one of them. I agree that you need to find out from the other girls what they would like to do and then let her know if they ALL like the other dress and go with her to try it on and boost up her spirits about it maybe? You may find that the new dress looks HORRIBLE on her and you wouldn't like to see her in it, OR, she may find it's not so bad and fall in love with it...you just never know.

As someone else posted, some of the other girls may like the separates better and then it won't matter. If you wouldn't mind, I would also like to see pictures of the dress choices and then maybe we can help you a little bit more. Wish I could be of more assistance!

Hang in there!

ETA: I see Robbie posted the dresses, thanks! I actually think they're both lovely and don't think they are so different that it would be THAT big of a deal, but if it would drive you crazy, I think you should tell her.

 

[cara]

Date: 1/21/2008 8:01:42 PM
Author: Sabine

cara- I really want to just say pick a dress in the color. But at my friend''s wedding, we did that, and one of the girls (who is one of my maids too) was the last to pick, and there were only so many styles in one color, and she ended up with a style she didn''t want becuase she didn''t want to wear the same dress as another girl when everyone else was wearing something individual. It was ultimately her choice, but I know she wasn''t happy with it.

I suppose there is no way to make sure EVERYONE is absolutely happy, so I guess I''ll just need to talk to the girls to see what they want to do. It would just be so much easier if we could all go to one store together to look at the dress...curse these different states on other sides of the country!

You, as bride, CANNOT make everyone happy with their bridesmaid dress. Aim for making MOST attendants reasonably pleased with their dress. I mean, if none of your attendants are utterly horrified at their attire on the day of, and a few of them actually like it enough to rewear it, and none are bankrupt or picking up side-jobs to afford their wedding-related duties, I think you have succeeded. At some point, you have to let these adults make their own reasonable decisions about their attire and not stress yourself out looking for the illusive perfect solution.

In your example above, the last-to-pick girl did it too herself. As you said, ultimately it was her choice. She had choices: pick earlier, pick a dress she doesn''t really like just to be different, wear the same dress as another girl. BTW, two of my BMs wore the same dress while the other three wore unique styles and IT DID NOT MATTER. not a lick. So I don''t think that you should be avoiding that outcome, any more than to say to that particular maid that she should pick early to get the dress she wants and not worry about duplicates...

Best of luck, and I like both those dresses but see how the separates would be much more flattering on certain larger figures (such as myself).

 

[Fancy605]

Oh, both of those are cute.
I agree that the separates seem better to flatter more body types. It seems like a safe, yet super cute choice. I actually think it is my favorite of the two (but that''s just me, and I of course have seen neither in person)

I can see where the second dress would be a bit more re-wearable because of the material, but at the same time, only the girls who like it to begin with would wear it again, right?

Hopefully your girls will be supportive no matter what you decide on. After all, you are the bride. If you said, "You are to wear a dress made out of trash bags and toilet paper and artificial flowers," they ought to do so with a smile b/c they are your friends and they love you.

 

[Sabine]

Thanks, Robbie, for posting the pics!!!

My SIL just got back to me today and said she tried on the separates, and the top was too short in the size she would need (she is like a stick), so her tummy stuck out! Haha, I can only imagine how that would look. She said she tried to see if a bigger size would cover her tummy and be taken in, but it didn''t look like it would work out.

I''m definitely going to talk to my future SIL and see if she could at least stand wearing the dress. If she is totally against it, I''ll jsut tell teh girls to pick out whatever dress they like in marine and be done with it, but maybe if she hears that all the other girls like the dress she will change her mind. I just wish it was any of my other bridesmaids. I really like my fsil, and we get along well and I hope to be closer to her in the future, but we aren''t as close as my friends adn I are. And telling her she is the only one who doesn''t like the dress is probably not going to make us any closer!

 

[bee*]

I''d say it to her that all the other girls are wearing the same dress, and that you''d like it if she would too and see what she says. If it was me, I''d wear the dress that all the others are wearing as I wouldn''t want to stick out. Hopefully she''ll be the same. It''s a beautiful dress!