Bridesmaid Dress Issue

[SeaShellSummer]

Hi,

I''ve been lurking for a while now, I will be getting married on August 26, 2006. My fiance proposed at the top of a light house on Nantucket so we decided to have a sea theme for our wedding.

I thought that the easiest thing to do for bridesmaid dresses would be to find two or three that I liked and then send everyone the pics and have them decide from there. I sent out an email and three out of four responded that they liked one dress in either blue or black. One of the girls responded that she already had that dress in purple, that she had worn for another wedding, that it would be "awesome" if I could change my colors to purple or just pick another dress altogehter. I had told each person when I asked them to be in the wedding that the dress would either be black or blue, trying to go with the sea theme, I just really don''t want purple. She even sent me a picture of her in another wedding with the dress on. I''m not really sure what to at this point. She is one of my oldest friends, I dont necesarily feel angry at her more disapointed that she would suggest I switch my colors around her and that I should find another dress. I have looked for dresses at seven different places, I was really happy with the dress I picked and that the other three bridesmaids liked. Also, when I got engaged and asked my friend to be in the wedding she told me that she had gotten a friend from college to change her colors to match this specific dress and she did, so she''s worn this bridesmaid dress in two different weddings now.

Thanks for listening!

 

[Caribou]

First of all welcome!!!

Secondly, this is your wedding you do what you want!!!!!! If that means that she has to have a duplicate dress in 2 different colors, sobeit, that's a chance you take when you sign on to be a BM.

Planning a wedding can be a strssful as it is, add to that a difficult BM. That was just wrong of her, not to mention selfish, to even suggest switching colors.

ETA: I didn't read this 'Also, when I got engaged and asked my friend to be in the wedding she told me that she had gotten a friend from college to change her colors to match this specific dress and she did, so she's worn this bridesmaid dress in two different weddings now.'

VERY SELFISH!!!

 

[SoonIHope]

Hi Seashell, welcome to Pricescope!!

I think your friend is being unreasonable and you should NOT feel bad telling her she can''t wear that dress again! She''s already worn it TWICE, that is two times the use your average bridesmaid gets out of a dress, so she should just suck it up and get another one. Then maybe the next time she''s a bridesmaid she can make THEM change their colors to blue.

But seriously, I am a bridesmaid in a friend''s wedding in June and I watched a sort of similar thing take place when we all went bridesmaid dress shopping...one of the bridesmaids fell completely in love with a VERY elaborate dress (huge full skirt with diagonal draping and a rhinestone brooch) that was pretty, but was far too formal for all 6 bridesmaids to wear because it would have taken away a LOT from the bride''s relatively informal dress. Then, when the bride decided we could pick our own dresses as long as they were the same color/material, this same bridesmaid kept pressuring her to let just her wear the fancy dress, even though everyone else was wearing far simpler dresses. She told the bride that if she "really didn''t want" her to wear it she wouldn''t, but it was "the only dress" she liked at all, but "if I have to, I''ll wear anything." In the end, the bride agreed to let her get it, but felt guilty and bitter about it. All the other bridesmaids were shocked...it was HER WEDDING, why should this one bridesmaid get to change the overall look of it?? The bride was clearly uncomfortable with the decision but just felt mean telling her friend she couldn''t get the dress she wanted. But ultimately, it is her wedding, and I am of the opinion that no bride should ever feel bullied into changing something about their own wedding just to avoid hurting a bridesmaid''s feelings a little bit - especially when neither her bridesmaid nor yours really suffers in any way from just following your wishes!

So I know that it''s tough (I''ve already had one friend yell at me AND cry because I didn''t make her a bridesmaid...), but ultimately you need to remember that this is YOUR ONE CHANCE to have the wedding you want to have!! If you want a sea theme, then you need to HAVE A SEA THEME!!!! There is no reason you should have to look back at your pictures twenty years down the line and think bitterly, "I wish we had had blue bridesmaid dresses!" If she really is a good friend, she may be a little resentful that you don''t follow her wishes initially, but she''ll get over it soon enough, and when she has her OWN wedding to plan, she''ll see what an imposition that would be to ask someone to change their colors based on one bridesmaid. So please do NOT feel bad about it!!

Okay, I''m writing too much here, aren''t I? Oops!

Anyway, good luck! Don''t let her make you feel bad!!!!

 

[anchor31]

Hello and welcome!! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and marriage!

I think your bridesmaids are lucky already to be able to choose their own dess and pick between blue and black! And who wedding is it anyway? Yours right? So for once I think you have the right to go for what you really want. It's YOUR day, not hers. If she thinks it's selfish to have her buy the dress in your colours, I say it's even more selfish of her to have a bride change her colours so she can wear her dress!

My best friend told me that when her boyfriend and her will get married in a few years, they will have a medieval theme wedding and she wants me to be a bridesmaid, possibly her MOH. I know I'll have to buy and wear a pouffy, expensive medieval dress that is not my style at all and that I won't ever wear again, but I'll do it without a word of complaint. She's my best friend and I love her dearly, and it will be her day, so she can pick whatever she wants.

Bottom line is: Go with what you want. You're the bride. She can pick whatever colours she wants for her own wedding.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 2/7/2006 11:02:56 AM
Author: anchor31

My best friend told me that when her boyfriend and I will get married in a few years,

hehe, YOU''RE going to marry her boyfriend anchor?

hehehe, sorry to be annoying, that just made me giggle!

 

[anchor31]

Hem. I fixed that. Thanks for pointing it out.

 

[SoonIHope]

hehe sorry!!

 

[gingerBcookie]

i agree witha ll of the above. Way selfish of her to try to get you to change your wedding to suit her. Ahe needs to suck it up and do as BMs do

.

 

[Tybee]

Congratulations SeaShellSummer,

Let me slow the works down here a bit! You can''t blame a girl for trying! As a bride to be, I find that I get all worked up about things that are quite easily solved once I actually have a conversation with the person involved.

Simply smile and tell your dear friend that you are not interested in purple. I''m guessing that she will totally understand, especially since she''s been lucky enough to wear the dress twice. My guess is that she thought she might just give it another whirl, but had no
intentions of getting you upset about it. I don''t think the average person really realizes how easy it is to upset us, thus the invention of the term: bridezilla! People just don''t understand, but I''m sure that your friend really will, once you explain it to her.

Good luck, I''m sure that we''d all love to see the bridesmaids dresses that you''ve picked out!

Tybee

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I agree with everyone else (so it must mean we are all right

) Tell her purple is just NOT an option.

 

[ky6]

I agree. And I think Tybee is right. You can''t blame the girl for trying (I mean, hey, its worked for her in the past, hasn''t it?). Anyhow, you should just stick to your guns and tell her very definitively so as to close the subject so she doesn''t persist that the options are black or blue only.

 

[selflove]

Hello SeaShellSummer! What I have found is that giving my BMs choices leads to me just having to make the final decision anyways. If I were to do it all again, I''d choose the dress, tell them "this is the dress", and you know, within reasonable budget and body constraints, they order it. So, this is your wedding and changing your colors to suit one BMs choice isn''t gonna happen and just tell her up front that purple was never an option. Sorry! She''ll understand, I''m sure she will.


Anchor--could you wear the medieval dress again, at Halloween? As long as she doesn''t see you in it, turning it into a halloween costume...

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 2/7/2006 12:51:17 PM
Author: selflove
Anchor--could you wear the medieval dress again, at Halloween? As long as she doesn''t see you in it, turning it into a halloween costume...

Haha, that''s a great idea! And anchor, can you promise to post a picture of it whenever you get it? I wanna see!

 

[AndyRosse]

Plain and simple, purple is not an option, and if she can''t deal with it, it is her problem, not yours.

When I started looking for BM dresses, I brought my MOH with me, as she would be the most difficult to find a dress for. I wanted all three of my BMs in the same dress, so I figured that I would try to cater to her needs the most since the other girls would look good in any dress. Anyway, it quickly got out of control, with her deciding that she liked only certain colors, fabrics, etc. She really liked a particular dress, but I wanted a more formal dress in satin. So basically I just ended up picking out a dress that the bridal shop lady said looked good on all figures. When I broke the news to her, she didn''t cry and refuse to wear it, like I thought might happen.

She realized that I am the bride, and the bottom line is that it is my decision. No hurt feelings, no drama. So, the whole point of me saying this is that when you tell your BM that you are not doing that dress in purple, but rather in blue or black, she will just have to deal. Life is full of disappointments, and when she agreed to be a BM, she knew that you had the final decision making power.

 

[MissAva]

Tell her to dye the dress she has black.

 

[SeaShellSummer]

Thanks for all the great advise! I spoke with my friend this afternooon and was fim about the color options. She was fine with the colors but complained about the dress that I picked, saying that it was uncomfortable by the end of the night. I told her I would get back to her by next week on what I have decided, whether or not to go with this dress in black/ blue or a new dress altogether. I just feel frustrated now that I have to go back out and look for something else. I feel like I have to make a good faith effort to find something else now in order to say I want the dress I liked in the begining. I think I''m making more of this than there is but I''m just disapointed that she ademently does not want the dress. In case your wondering what the dress is here is the link: http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=1552&prodgroup=110

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/7/2006 4:03:13 PM
Author: SeaShellSummer


Thanks for all the great advise! I spoke with my friend this afternooon and was fim about the color options. She was fine with the colors but complained about the dress that I picked, saying that it was uncomfortable by the end of the night. I told her I would get back to her by next week on what I have decided, whether or not to go with this dress in black/ blue or a new dress altogether. I just feel frustrated now that I have to go back out and look for something else. I feel like I have to make a good faith effort to find something else now in order to say I want the dress I liked in the begining. I think I'm making more of this than there is but I'm just disapointed that she ademently does not want the dress. In case your wondering what the dress is here is the link: http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=1552&prodgroup=110

This same girl made the comment about it being uncomfortable? Are you sure she's not just saying that so that you get a different dress. I'm sorry but this friends doesn't seem to grasp that this is your wedding. If this is the BM dress you had your heart set on don't let her steer you the wrong way. AND if it's uncomfortable for her, maybe it isn't ultered right?

ETA: That dress is very pretty.

 

[SoonIHope]

hahahaha that is the EXACT SAME DRESS that the bridesmaid in my story threw a fit about getting even though the bride DIDN''T want her to!!!

Anyway, I think you should just tell her "I put a lot of thought into it and have decided to go with this dress." If she questions you more about whether you really DID make an effort, just say, "I looked around but didn''t see anything that called out to me." There''s no way for her to know how much effort you really put into it, so DON''T WASTE YOUR TIME!!!! If she''s disgruntled for a couple days, that''s her problem, you have tried to be accomodating as much as you can but ultimately it is YOUR wedding, so just be blunt with her!!!!

 

[AndyRosse]

I don''t understand your friend. If it is so uncomfortable, why did she convince another bride to use the same dress and color so she could wear it TWO times?!

She is definitely just being a PITA. I would just let her know in a couple of days that your decision is final, it is the dress you want the BMs to wear, and in case she didn''t know already, it is YOUR wedding.