Mimikins24
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2005
- Messages
- 185
Ok Ladies,
I wasn''t sure where to put this post, but I noticed that many of the LIWs talked about being bridesmaids in their friends'' weddings, and I am looking for some advice.
My friend of about 9 years became engaged this past spring. We were very close in the first 5 or so years of our friendship, but in the last couple we saw a lot less of each other for a number of reasons (me moving to another city to go to law school was part of it). So when I heard she had just got engaged (from another mutual friend), I called to congratulate her. At this point I hadn''t received a call or email from her for about 3 months, but from then on she started to keep in contact regularly.
About 2 months later she started to make the wedding plans, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was really flattered and said yes. I thought we were on the path to renewing our friendship, and I was really excited. She asked me what weekends I was not available (due to final exams), so I gave her the 4 dates that didn''t work for me. She informed me a couple of days later that she was putting it on one of those 4 days. She said that since I was the only with a problem that it was fine and didn''t matter. So that hurt me, but I thought it is her day and I will just make it work as best I can. I explained to her that I wouldn''t be able to come to town until late the night before, but she said that would be ok and we left it at that.
I was home during the summer, so I offered to help her with any wedding plans I could while I was there. She told me she would call me to go shop for dresses for herself and the bridesmaids on three occasions. Each time she did not call me and still went shopping with her mom and two of the other bridesmaids. She told me this was because I was too busy (even though I offered to come), and she said that she didn''t even like the 4th (excluded) bridesmaid, but needed her to fill the space.
So things were strained from this point. This fall, she picked out the dresses, bought them, and delivered the bill to my mom (who lives in same city as with my friend) without even telling me. My mom told me on the phone that she received the bill in the mail.
About a week after this I received an email from my friend detailing the date and time of the wedding rehearsal. She scheduled it during the day on the Friday before the wedding. I have my final classes of the semester on that day until 4:30. She knew this, but put the rehearsal at 2:00 nonetheless.
So I called her to discuss the rehearsal time. She said not to worry if I couldn''t make it because of my classes. She then said that she would move me up from the back of the bridesmaid line (the last girl is coming in first in the church) and put me in front of the girl she said she didn''t like. I told her I was confused because I thought I was paired up with her fiance''s brother who is second from the front. She said no, she had changed the order. I asked if it was because of height considerations (to pair the tallest girl with the tall brother), and she said no she just thought that this was the right order.
At this point I was really upset because I was behind the unwanted bridesmaid and she gave no reason. I told her that this made me feel like she wanted me there even less than the girl she doesn''t like. She told me that she did this in case I was in a bad mood, so she wouldn''t have to be around me so much. She asked me if I would be in a bad mood that day because of my exams (which will only be about 36 hours away at that point). I told her that I would definitely be under stress, but I didn''t think that qualified as a "bad mood". She then said that since I was just going to be in a bad mood, then she didn''t want me there to wreck her day.
My apologies for the long post, but I have finally reached the question I wanted to ask. Was I completely out of line to tell her that I was hurt? Should I just have said nothing until after the wedding? I know it''s too late now, but I am really confused about what happened. Now that I am no longer in the wedding party, what is the protocol about the deposit on the bridesmaid dress and the cost of the shoes? My friend told me that she might have a replacement for me that would be the same size and would just pay for the deposit. This would work, but what if that is not the case (although clearly she has had someone lined up for my spot for some time)?
So that''s my story and I am hoping for some insight!!!
I wasn''t sure where to put this post, but I noticed that many of the LIWs talked about being bridesmaids in their friends'' weddings, and I am looking for some advice.
My friend of about 9 years became engaged this past spring. We were very close in the first 5 or so years of our friendship, but in the last couple we saw a lot less of each other for a number of reasons (me moving to another city to go to law school was part of it). So when I heard she had just got engaged (from another mutual friend), I called to congratulate her. At this point I hadn''t received a call or email from her for about 3 months, but from then on she started to keep in contact regularly.
About 2 months later she started to make the wedding plans, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was really flattered and said yes. I thought we were on the path to renewing our friendship, and I was really excited. She asked me what weekends I was not available (due to final exams), so I gave her the 4 dates that didn''t work for me. She informed me a couple of days later that she was putting it on one of those 4 days. She said that since I was the only with a problem that it was fine and didn''t matter. So that hurt me, but I thought it is her day and I will just make it work as best I can. I explained to her that I wouldn''t be able to come to town until late the night before, but she said that would be ok and we left it at that.
I was home during the summer, so I offered to help her with any wedding plans I could while I was there. She told me she would call me to go shop for dresses for herself and the bridesmaids on three occasions. Each time she did not call me and still went shopping with her mom and two of the other bridesmaids. She told me this was because I was too busy (even though I offered to come), and she said that she didn''t even like the 4th (excluded) bridesmaid, but needed her to fill the space.
So things were strained from this point. This fall, she picked out the dresses, bought them, and delivered the bill to my mom (who lives in same city as with my friend) without even telling me. My mom told me on the phone that she received the bill in the mail.
About a week after this I received an email from my friend detailing the date and time of the wedding rehearsal. She scheduled it during the day on the Friday before the wedding. I have my final classes of the semester on that day until 4:30. She knew this, but put the rehearsal at 2:00 nonetheless.
So I called her to discuss the rehearsal time. She said not to worry if I couldn''t make it because of my classes. She then said that she would move me up from the back of the bridesmaid line (the last girl is coming in first in the church) and put me in front of the girl she said she didn''t like. I told her I was confused because I thought I was paired up with her fiance''s brother who is second from the front. She said no, she had changed the order. I asked if it was because of height considerations (to pair the tallest girl with the tall brother), and she said no she just thought that this was the right order.
At this point I was really upset because I was behind the unwanted bridesmaid and she gave no reason. I told her that this made me feel like she wanted me there even less than the girl she doesn''t like. She told me that she did this in case I was in a bad mood, so she wouldn''t have to be around me so much. She asked me if I would be in a bad mood that day because of my exams (which will only be about 36 hours away at that point). I told her that I would definitely be under stress, but I didn''t think that qualified as a "bad mood". She then said that since I was just going to be in a bad mood, then she didn''t want me there to wreck her day.
My apologies for the long post, but I have finally reached the question I wanted to ask. Was I completely out of line to tell her that I was hurt? Should I just have said nothing until after the wedding? I know it''s too late now, but I am really confused about what happened. Now that I am no longer in the wedding party, what is the protocol about the deposit on the bridesmaid dress and the cost of the shoes? My friend told me that she might have a replacement for me that would be the same size and would just pay for the deposit. This would work, but what if that is not the case (although clearly she has had someone lined up for my spot for some time)?
So that''s my story and I am hoping for some insight!!!
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