Bridesmaidzilla *VENT*

[PrincessNatalie]

I need to get this off my chest:

My "best friend" recently called me a bridezilla because I told her I did not need help finding a dress at this point in time.

I said this to her after she outrightly told me that the 2 dresses I have ever actually pointed out that I liked she thought were over the top and "not her style" (when did it become about her style?).

Infact this is exactly what I said after she said "In light of yesterday’s dress fiasco, I have done some research that you might appreciate." And sent a whole bunch of dresses through that most of which were not me at all:

I love the style of number 2, and that is kind of what I had been looking at as you can see from the photo of the vera on my blog and I have been searching for a version I can actually get my hands on. But there isn’t any, it’s seems to be a Vera Wang thing and unfortunately even the places in china don’t seem to be copying Vera.

Number 1, really not my taste at all, kind of looks like curtains and the neckline makes her boobs look not quite right lol.

Thanks for your opinion on the bottom two dresses, I still love the first one. The second one not so hot on anymore.

I don’t identify with the other one you sent through either, the sleeves look outlandish and it’s a bit plain

Its ok though, at the moment I don’t need any help looking for a dress.

and she said:

I will no longer be giving any opinion when it comes to a dress!

You are really rude!

My reply:

Your taste is totally different to mine and I am obviously am not very good at coming up with pleasant ways of saying that, and I am sorry for that, I didn’t mean to offend you.

Which resulted in a barage of insults on her behalf saying that I was trying to pick a fight, calling me self centered and that I should try at least to make her feel better (for what?! not letting her patronise my dress tastes?) and that all I care about is myself. Cullminating in her calling me a Bridezilla.

My engagement party was the next day so she eventually apologised because she wanted to come to that, but I just can not seem to get over it. I am still hurt and angry and I feel like she is trying to manipulate me.

This is the same friend who when I first got engageed instead of being happy for me told me she was worried that my wedding would be better than hers and then kept complaining about her wedding.

She sends me "inspiration" all day every day while I am at work (I never do this in return, I am too busy working) and then quizzes me to find out if I looked at it. I am nice to her about it and turn a blind eye, and I get that she is obsessed with planning a wedding, after just planing her own last year, but I would like to plan *my own*.

So now, since last weeks barage of insults, I feel sick even thinking about having to talk to her. And her constant pushiness in regards to the wedding details has actually turned me off planning my own wedding.

I am supposed to go dress shopping with my mum, her and my sister on the 5th of March and I actually feel physically sick about it because if I pick stuff she doesnt like she feels she can openly tear it apart and in reverse I have to walk on eggshells.

I am thinking about cancelling the dress shopping and waiting a couple of months.

I thought planning a wedding with my best friend would be lots of fun but her behaviour has been shocking and it is turning into a nightmare.

I want her to forget about my and FIs wedding.

 

[rosetta]

She sounds like a frenemy!

Get a new best friend. This one reeks of jealousy.

 

[rosetta]

For the record, I bought my dress all by myself. I did take my FSIL to a few shops, but she wasn't free the day I found it, so I just plonked the money down. No drama. Job done. Everyone happy that I'm happy. It's how it should be IMO!

 

[missy]

Sorry you are dealing with this selfish and not so nice "friend". I agree with Rosetta and would not take her dress shopping (or anything wedding related shopping) again. This is supposed to be fun for you and you will never get these days of wedding planning and excited anticipation back so I would only surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy and excited for you. Step away from the negative energy. This is your wedding, not hers! Make up an excuse or whatever makes you feel OK about it and do not engage her or allow her to engage you in wedding stuff. This friend is toxic, at least in this situation.

Good luck and enjoy this time in your life!

 

[kelpie]

I'm really sorry she's acting this way. It is really sad but you do find out who is really your friend when it comes to pulling off a wedding. I parted ways with two friends during my engagement and I was no kidding the least demanding bride ever. You just learn who really cares for you because weddings create a lot of stress as joyful as they ultimately are.

 

[ac719]

This EXACT same thing happened to me! I have a friend that was going to attend our ceremony (she lives on the other side of the USA) and asked me to send her some pics of the dresses I had in mind. I sent her the links and got this response back "OMG I cant believe you would even consider looking at dresses like that, those are freaking ugly. Thats not my style at all." Shes also the one that told me it was stupid to have a vow renewal ceremony and that I should spend the money on a big trip instead..............Perhaps if I had tons of cash to blow for both I would but I dont. I was extremely offended and disinvited her to the wedding. definitely a frenemy. If you can make amends i think thats great but i totally understand the hurt and lingering feelings that come along with it

This is YOUR wedding. DONT have people in it because you "feel like their suppose to be invited" that was the biggest lesson I learned!

 

[zipzapgirl]

I think the comments you wrote back were a tad bit harsh. I mean, even if you hate the dresses and really do think they look like curtains, maybe you could be a little less forthright. She obviously wants to help you and there are a lot of gals on this board who haven't been able to get their bridesmaids to show the least bit of interest in helping to plan or even listen to their ideas.

If nothing else, I think you need to stop the email communications because there seems to be a lot more room for miscommunication and misreading of tone. Tell her you can't read the emails at work, so you'll open them later at home or you'll call her. Figure out where you actually do need help and push her efforts in that direction.

Don't worry about the dress shopping; go with your mom and find something you like and then offer to show her pictures or take her by to see it once you're sure and have bought the dress. If she still makes a nasty comment about the dress you have already chosen, then it would just be rude, so hopefully she can keep any negative opinions to herself at that point.

 

[House Cat]

For the record, I bought my dress all by myself. I did take my FSIL to a few shops, but she wasn't free the day I found it, so I just plonked the money down. No drama. Job done. Everyone happy that I'm happy. It's how it should be IMO!

Me too.

I took friends and mom on a shopping trip, but didn't find a dress. I went on many, many shopping trips before I found my dress.


I would definitely cancel your shopping trip on the 5th, then reschedule it with your mom. This friend will ruin your dress shopping fun. You might feel pressured to buy a dress that you don't actually LOVE. You might doubt buying a dress that you DO actually love.

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

How good is your mom at running interference? My best friend did not like many of the style dresses I was trying on, but my Mom was so positive and upbeat about the whole thing that her comments basically overpowered any negative ones I was getting from her. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my best friend, she just has very different taste than I do. So, it's not quite the same situation, but if your mom and sis can can keep the positive energy going, it might be worth it not to cancel the appointment.

You should not have to rearrange your "wedding life" because she is being a pain the a$$! If you don't think the day will go well with her being there, you could politely ask her to skip this one by saying something like, "once I have it narrowed down to the one(s) I really want, I would love to have you involved."

 

[Prana]

To me, it sounds like she is trying to live through you with the whole wedding thing. She is obviously upset with the way hers turned out, and is now trying to redo it through you.

Either that or she is trying to trick you into buying an uglier dress than she had to make herself feel better.

I would just go about your dress business. Once you buy a dress, tell her you found it on a whim.

I don't think your comments back to her were harsh to speak to a "best friend", as she should know you best as well as your sense of humor and style.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Thanks for your responses ladies, I am thinking I will put the dress shopping off and just arrange it with my mum and sister in a couple of weeks. I am turned off even seeing her at the moment, I am just tired of it all.

I know that my email response to her was a bit to the point but I was a bit affronted already by her deciding to revisit the day befores behaviour of putting my dress choices down (she said in the email I was responding to that one of my dresses looked like a bunch of used tissues and the other one looked very similar to the first), the "dress fiasco" she refered to was we had actually had a discussion in the afternoon where I asked her to please be a bit more constructive than "Its over the top and not my style and thats my opinion and I am entitled to it", and to keep the fact that we are looking for my tastes in mind, and in her email the next day she decided that being more constructive was "it looks like used tissues".

Her taste is a modest empire gown with lace or no embelishment at all, (which can be very pretty but I am looking for something a bit more than that) and mine is any where from beaded A-line to ball gown to fit and flare, with pretty embelishment and features on the dress.

I wear cute dresses every day (its all I wear) so the chance to wear a big beautiful wedding dress is very appealing to me, a quiet empire is not what I am looking for.

I probably could have been a bit more touchy feely about the whole thing but her trying to get me to see that I have bad taste made me want to put a stop to any further "assistance" nicely but firmly. Her responses were really scathing and over a huge over reaction, I forwarded them to David and he called and said “She needs to stop creating bulls#it drama situations and grow up!”, and she kept saying I don’t apologise when I had already apologised twice and just going on and on about how I am a self centred person for not wanting help to look for a dress.

Honestly the way I see it is I have to love the dress, and David has to love the dress (and I showed him the dresses and he did like them and he is very honest about if he likes or doesnt like dresses), and thats it.

And now I actually dont like the two dresses I sent her anymore anyhow because of the bad karma around them.