budget

[penniepie25]

I dont know if this is a personal or rude quesiton to ask but what is a good budget to spend on a ring - I guess if you are a two income couple with no kids and dont have too many expenses. I would like my center diamond to be about 1ct and the rest can add up to whatever (pave)?

I know it depends of quality, calrity and cut but just an idea of a decent ring....i dont want my bf to spend tooooo much BUT at the same time the girly in me is saying - "dont make him broke but make him sting a little"

 

[vslover]

I think the two incomes only come in to play if you''re contributing to the ring...other than that, whatever your BF feels comfortable with is what he should spend!

 

[Bia]

Firstly, welcome to PS! Love chatting with all the newbies! Truth-be-told, I have only been here for a little over a month, and I love it!

As for the budget, I feel you. I don''t want my BF to go into debt or anything...but a big part of me really wants the ring of my dreams (the attainable dream, not the fantasy dream!). So, I guess it really depends on what you''re BF has saved already. Has he talked about a budget with you?

Does anyone know real price figures? I haven''t been ring shopping so I have no idea. I guess that doesn''t help you much but I wanted to chime in anyway!

 

[sunnyd]

Uhhh prices, for a 1ct I''m thinking between $3500-5000. Setting? Totally depends. Could be $200, could be $4000.

Your BF should spend whatever he''s comfortable with. There''s no rule about 2 months salary or anything. If he can afford something and still be able to pay for everything else he''s responsible for, then that''s a good amount. I''m contributing to my ring because I want something more than what he wants to spend. So I''m making up the difference.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Typically most posters will tell you to spend what you can without going into debt. I have tried to pass this very wise advice off to my SO.

 

[surfgirl]

What you want and what he can afford aren''t necessarily going to bethe same thing, and everybody is different so there is no way anyone can really answer this for you (other than your BF). Before you get your hopes up, you need to know what this budget is in total. And by budget, we usually advocate for being able to pay out of pocket for it without charging it and incurring debt and service fees, etc. If you have to finance a ring, you cant afford it. If you can afford to pay cash for it, you can afford it.

 

[CrookedRock]

Date: 5/6/2008 5:43:15 PM
Author: surfgirl
If you have to finance a ring, you cant afford it. If you can afford to pay cash for it, you can afford it.

This is the key! Whatever he feels comfortable spending. I don''t think the 2 incomes should matter. I always felt that the ring should be a gift from him, no matter what it is he can afford. I would rather know he worked hard to buy me a beautiful .5ct sapphire, than him financing a 2ct. diamond bc it''s what he thinks I want. Talk to him... And welcome to PS!

 

[tberube]

Date: 5/6/2008 1:46:10 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Typically most posters will tell you to spend what you can without going into debt. I have tried to pass this very wise advice off to my SO.

Best piece of advice, ever.

 

[penniepie25]

i would love anything he gave me because its from him - i was just curious - i am new to this site and dont know much about diamonds, settings, worth etc. I would surely hat it if he went into debt for it and i know he wouldnt he is tooooo good with money and hates debt....it was more curiosity

 

[Circe]

Figuring out a budget can be tough: there are a lot of myths surrounding the engagement ring (thanks, DeBeers!) regarding the 2 or 3 month salary rule, the "average" price of an engagement ring for the nation, city, state, etc., and so on and so forth. But, personally, I think it''s a bass-ackwards way of going about it (NO offense intended to the OP, or anybody following this model: it comes from a series of ongoing discussions with my husband)*: it shouldn''t be about spending up to a certain amount, but about getting exactly what you want. There are a lot of people who feel like their budget isn''t "big enough": conversely, there are probably people out there who get something that''s different from what they wanted, just to meet the high-water mark of their potential. My suggestion would be, think about what both of you want to see on your hand to represent your commitment to one another, price it out, see if it makes you wince/is agreeable, and go from there ... it''s a lot easier to look for The Best Bezel Set Mokume Gane Ring/The Best Tiffany-esque Ring/The Best Split Shank EVAH! then it is to look for the best $3000 ring out there. Why not use preference for the first part of the winnowing process, rather than budget?

*The nature of the discussion basically comes down to quality vs. budget. Do I WANT to get various lovely shiny things, from eternity bands to earrings to necklaces? Sure. But if we have, say, a $200 budget for a given occasion, methinks I''d prefer to hold off of the diamond studs and go for the best pearls possible, for example ....

 

[penniepie25]

great advice thanks! - i already told my bf that i dont want him going overboard - we just bought a home and also i did point out a couple i liked and he said it wasnt nearly enough (as in he would like to invest more) so i guess there are no rules

 

[vslover]

Date: 5/6/2008 11:59:27 AM
Author:penniepie25
I dont know if this is a personal or rude quesiton to ask but what is a good budget to spend on a ring - I guess if you are a two income couple with no kids and dont have too many expenses. I would like my center diamond to be about 1ct and the rest can add up to whatever (pave)?


I know it depends of quality, calrity and cut but just an idea of a decent ring....i dont want my bf to spend tooooo much BUT at the same time the girly in me is saying - ''dont make him broke but make him sting a little''

It''s interesting...before I found this site I never realized women were interested/involved in the amount of money spent on their e-ring. None of my friends nor I even knew the proposal was coming and we certainly weren''t thinking about how much things cost or if the price would "sting". It''s interesting all the different perspectives here. Of course, I never knew anyone involved in the designing of their rings IRL either...but the rings I''ve seen here are certainly more interesting than many I''ve seen IRL also.

 

[LeighL]

I''m surprised this hasn''t gotten more responses, because this is (to me) a delicate and thorny issue to deal with. What if your BF has the money, but just doesn''t want to spend it on a ring? How do you justify spending the money to him (because they get so expensive)?

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/7/2008 6:43:45 PM
Author: LeighL
I'm surprised this hasn't gotten more responses, because this is (to me) a delicate and thorny issue to deal with. What if your BF has the money, but just doesn't want to spend it on a ring? How do you justify spending the money to him (because they get so expensive)?

Well, even if he's rolling in dough, he may not be keen to spend oodles of cash on a ring if he doesn't understand what it symbolizes (mine didn't) or that, for many women, it is one of two pieces of jewelry (along with the wedding band) they will wear for the rest of their lives. This doesn't mean it has to be expensive, but if it is something that is important to you, then I think having the talk with your boyfriend about why it's more than just a nice rock is a good idea. Mine didn't see the significance originally and got rather ticked at me because he thought it was just an excuse to have a nice piece of jewelry (and that was before he realized how much diamonds cost). After a few conversations, he gets it. He is excited to choose our ring together. He doesn't get as excited as I do because diamonds have been a hobby of mine for half my life, but he respects my love of them, and the fact that there is so much sentimental and emotional attachment to an engagement ring for me.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/7/2008 6:55:35 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/7/2008 6:43:45 PM
Author: LeighL
I'm surprised this hasn't gotten more responses, because this is (to me) a delicate and thorny issue to deal with. What if your BF has the money, but just doesn't want to spend it on a ring? How do you justify spending the money to him (because they get so expensive)?

Well, even if he's rolling in dough, he may not be keen to spend oodles of cash on a ring if he doesn't understand what it symbolizes (mine didn't) or that, for many women, it is one of two pieces of jewelry (along with the wedding band) they will wear for the rest of their lives. This doesn't mean it has to be expensive, but if it is something that is important to you, then I think having the talk with your boyfriend about why it's more than just a nice rock is a good idea. Mine didn't see the significance originally and got rather ticked at me because he thought it was just an excuse to have a nice piece of jewelry (and that was before he realized how much diamonds cost). After a few conversations, he gets it. He is excited to choose our ring together. He doesn't get as excited as I do because diamonds have been a hobby of mine for half my life, but he respects my love of them, and the fact that there is so much sentimental and emotional attachment to an engagement ring for me.

Exactly. Although SO cares about the ring nearly as much as I do, even if he didn't -- I am pretty sure he'd still go out of his way to get something I'd love. Because like you said, it is something a woman will wear daily for the rest of her life, etc. That's not to say only the ring matters because in the big picture it isn't that important. But it would be crappy of him to assume that his tastes/ideals trump yours with regard to a present for you.

Of course, a guy should never break the bank for the sake of the ring. I just think it's a bit... questionable if he buys something that's far, far below what he can reasonably afford -- assuming that it's something YOU care about, of course. If nothing else, it's a red flag for being compatible with regards to a number of important things such as money and other values.

And this is coming from someone with virtually no expectations for the ring. I don't expect anything big. SO knows what I like (style-wise) and I know he'll buy whatever he can reasonably afford.

I just think, if you have the cash and it's something important to your SO, why not? It's just like how we joke about getting SO an engagement TV. Do *I* place a high priority on a nice flatscreen TV? Not really. I'd be happy with the ones we have now. But if it's something he wants that would make him happy, then I want to get that for him.

 

[LeighL]

Date: 5/7/2008 8:52:41 PM
Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 5/7/2008 6:55:35 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/7/2008 6:43:45 PM
Author: LeighL
I''m surprised this hasn''t gotten more responses, because this is (to me) a delicate and thorny issue to deal with. What if your BF has the money, but just doesn''t want to spend it on a ring? How do you justify spending the money to him (because they get so expensive)?

Well, even if he''s rolling in dough, he may not be keen to spend oodles of cash on a ring if he doesn''t understand what it symbolizes (mine didn''t) or that, for many women, it is one of two pieces of jewelry (along with the wedding band) they will wear for the rest of their lives. This doesn''t mean it has to be expensive, but if it is something that is important to you, then I think having the talk with your boyfriend about why it''s more than just a nice rock is a good idea. Mine didn''t see the significance originally and got rather ticked at me because he thought it was just an excuse to have a nice piece of jewelry (and that was before he realized how much diamonds cost). After a few conversations, he gets it. He is excited to choose our ring together. He doesn''t get as excited as I do because diamonds have been a hobby of mine for half my life, but he respects my love of them, and the fact that there is so much sentimental and emotional attachment to an engagement ring for me.

Exactly. Although SO cares about the ring nearly as much as I do, even if he didn''t -- I am pretty sure he''d still go out of his way to get something I''d love. Because like you said, it is something a woman will wear daily for the rest of her life, etc. That''s not to say only the ring matters because in the big picture it isn''t that important. But it would be crappy of him to assume that his tastes/ideals trump yours with regard to a present for you.

Of course, a guy should never break the bank for the sake of the ring. I just think it''s a bit... questionable if he buys something that''s far, far below what he can reasonably afford -- assuming that it''s something YOU care about, of course. If nothing else, it''s a red flag for being compatible with regards to a number of important things such as money and other values.

And this is coming from someone with virtually no expectations for the ring. I don''t expect anything big. SO knows what I like (style-wise) and I know he''ll buy whatever he can reasonably afford.

I just think, if you have the cash and it''s something important to your SO, why not? It''s just like how we joke about getting SO an engagement TV. Do *I* place a high priority on a nice flatscreen TV? Not really. I''d be happy with the ones we have now. But if it''s something he wants that would make him happy, then I want to get that for him.

I guess I don''t know what "reasonably afford" means in our situation. Is it "reasonable" to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/7/2008 9:08:47 PM
Author: LeighL
I guess I don''t know what ''reasonably afford'' means in our situation. Is it ''reasonable'' to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

I don''t think that is unreasonable but every couple is different. Financial priorities are a really personal thing, so what matters most is that you two see eye-to-eye on it.

Though, I''ve gotta admit that I''d be a bit upset if he bought a ring without any input from me at all. I''m really picky and I''d be scared to see what I"d end up with. I understand that guys generally want the proposal to be a surprise, but it''s so risky to go ahead and make a big purchase with no clue as to what the girl likes! Did you guys discuss rings at all prior to this?

 

[LeighL]

Date: 5/7/2008 9:18:32 PM
Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 5/7/2008 9:08:47 PM
Author: LeighL
I guess I don''t know what ''reasonably afford'' means in our situation. Is it ''reasonable'' to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

I don''t think that is unreasonable but every couple is different. Financial priorities are a really personal thing, so what matters most is that you two see eye-to-eye on it.

Though, I''ve gotta admit that I''d be a bit upset if he bought a ring without any input from me at all. I''m really picky and I''d be scared to see what I''d end up with. I understand that guys generally want the proposal to be a surprise, but it''s so risky to go ahead and make a big purchase with no clue as to what the girl likes! Did you guys discuss rings at all prior to this?

No, not at all! I had started looking at rings on my own since we''ve been talking engagement/future plans, but he never asked for any hints from me or anyone else. I never thought he would just go out and by it all on his own. Who does that nowdays!?!

If he had asked we could have at least talked generally about ring budget verses costs for a wedding, house, etc. and I might not be feeling so anticipatorily dissappointed, since in the end it''s a joint expense. Now I''m going to come off as the selfish materialistic bitch who wants a better ring.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Ya I totally think it''s different in every situation. If it helps though I had asked around a lot and most of my guy friends said in the 5000-10,000$ range... Although that may have been more or less than 2 months salary in most cases.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 5/7/2008 9:30:21 PM
Author: LeighL

Date: 5/7/2008 9:18:32 PM
Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 5/7/2008 9:08:47 PM
Author: LeighL
I guess I don''t know what ''reasonably afford'' means in our situation. Is it ''reasonable'' to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

I don''t think that is unreasonable but every couple is different. Financial priorities are a really personal thing, so what matters most is that you two see eye-to-eye on it.

Though, I''ve gotta admit that I''d be a bit upset if he bought a ring without any input from me at all. I''m really picky and I''d be scared to see what I''d end up with. I understand that guys generally want the proposal to be a surprise, but it''s so risky to go ahead and make a big purchase with no clue as to what the girl likes! Did you guys discuss rings at all prior to this?

No, not at all! I had started looking at rings on my own since we''ve been talking engagement/future plans, but he never asked for any hints from me or anyone else. I never thought he would just go out and by it all on his own. Who does that nowdays!?!

If he had asked we could have at least talked generally about ring budget verses costs for a wedding, house, etc. and I might not be feeling so anticipatorily dissappointed, since in the end it''s a joint expense. Now I''m going to come off as the selfish materialistic bitch who wants a better ring.

There have been many threads about the budget issue--anything having to do with finances usually warrants strong opinions I do feel that when two people fully intend to spend the rest of their lives together, an expense as significant as an engagment ring should be discussed. I know that in my case his budget was larger than what I was comfortable with, but we would not have known that had we not discussed it. And in your case, Leigh, it probably would have been nice to tell him what you liked so that you could discuss whether it was feasible or not. You definitely ARE NOT a materialistic bitch...the fact that you''re even worried about coming off as one voids that statement. Though I was involved in choosing my ring, I would have been happy if he''d done it on his own (he knew what shape of center stone I wanted, anyway). Discussing a budget does not need to take away from any surprise element.

Personally, I think that taking a monthly salary is an illogical way of making any purchase. I would start with what''s in savings, then figure out how much of that he (or both of you if you both contribute to savings) are comfortable spending.

 

[star sparkle]

My FI and I had discussed the budget thing before we started searching for my ER, and we mutually decided upon an amount that we thought would be good. FI really had no idea what he was "supposed" to spend, so then he started asking his engaged/married friends what they thought and how much they spent (I guess it''s not tacky to talk about those things among guys?). Well they all told him that they spent less than what we had set our budget at, so then he began freaking out that he was spending too much and maybe he should spend less and whatnot. I was a bit shocked that he would bring that up to me and that he was considering spending less just because his friends spent less and were surprised at what our budget was (and our budget was by no means large, it was WELL under $10k and closer to $5k).

We talked about it again and I told him that it shouldn''t matter what other people thought, but that it should be what we''re comfortable with. He settled down and agreed, and just stopped talking to other people about it.

Now, my point is that each couple has an amount that''s "right" for them. If we had needed a smaller budget because that''s all FI could handle at the time, I would have been perfectly fine with that. I didn''t want him to spend more than what he was comfortable with, but I was against the idea of changing it because that''s what his friends thought. (I hope I don''t come across as someone who just threw a fit at the thought of a smaller budget, because that''s not how it was at all.)

Good luck!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/7/2008 11:01:12 PM
Author: star sparkle
My FI and I had discussed the budget thing before we started searching for my ER, and we mutually decided upon an amount that we thought would be good. FI really had no idea what he was ''supposed'' to spend, so then he started asking his engaged/married friends what they thought and how much they spent (I guess it''s not tacky to talk about those things among guys?). Well they all told him that they spent less than what we had set our budget at, so then he began freaking out that he was spending too much and maybe he should spend less and whatnot. I was a bit shocked that he would bring that up to me and that he was considering spending less just because his friends spent less and were surprised at what our budget was (and our budget was by no means large, it was WELL under $10k and closer to $5k).


We talked about it again and I told him that it shouldn''t matter what other people thought, but that it should be what we''re comfortable with. He settled down and agreed, and just stopped talking to other people about it.


Now, my point is that each couple has an amount that''s ''right'' for them. If we had needed a smaller budget because that''s all FI could handle at the time, I would have been perfectly fine with that. I didn''t want him to spend more than what he was comfortable with, but I was against the idea of changing it because that''s what his friends thought. (I hope I don''t come across as someone who just threw a fit at the thought of a smaller budget, because that''s not how it was at all.)


Good luck!

Well I think your ring is absolutely stunning! I love it regardless of final price (ps: it does look like it cost closer to 10 g!!)

It''s funny cause when my bf and I started this whole process and I had NO IDEA about rings and prices, I was totally thinking 3000$ was the maximum. Then we started shopping and boy were we in for a rude awakening. The average lady wants at least a 1 carat diamond - or close (.8-.9). These 1 ct diamonds don''t really come under the 3-5 thousand range - and if you get a smaller diamond, you usually want a better cut which means it''s closer to 5 thousand. Anyway - the price of bands aren''t cheap either. Most solitaires range from 400$ to 3000$ depending on the metal (gold) and whether or not you want diamonds. Needless to say a 1 carat simple solitaire (which is minimalist and probably what most ladies would love to have) would cost at least 5-6 thousand dollars!!! Anyway - my bf had to totally revisit his budget which I felt crappy about but then I realized that it was an investment - and I would wear the ring for a lifetime. We had to wait an extra 6-8 months to get engaged but I am hoping it will be worth it in the end. I don''t really know what he got me in the end but I am sure it will be beautiful and affordable.

Anyway like everyone has been saying, I don''t believe you should ever spend more than you can afford - and if you have to wait to save a little more - that''s OK too.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/7/2008 9:08:47 PM
Author: LeighL
I guess I don''t know what ''reasonably afford'' means in our situation. Is it ''reasonable'' to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

If he already bought the ring, I don''t understand what the problem is. Do you know what it looks like for sure? Are you just assuming he spent X amount of money on it and that it isn''t what you want? Do you assume he hasn''t been saving, or that he''s spent much less than you wanted him to spend? Did you ever talk to him in advance to say you wanted some input on your ring? Is the surprise element especially important to either of you?

Regardless of the answers to my questions, I would STRONGLY suggest that the first words out of your mouth (after accepting his proposal) aren''t going to be, "It''s nice but, can I change it?" It sort of seems like that''s what you''re thinking now, without knowing what it looks like, and really, you *might* love it. So...if he''s got it already, just wait and see. Maybe there is no problem. Maybe you will fall in love with it, even if it isn''t what you think you want now. Maybe not, but he put the work into researching it and getting it for you. Don''t you think you should give him the benefit of the doubt at least for now, until after he proposes?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/7/2008 9:30:21 PM
Author: LeighL

Date: 5/7/2008 9:18:32 PM

Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 5/7/2008 9:08:47 PM

Author: LeighL

I guess I don''t know what ''reasonably afford'' means in our situation. Is it ''reasonable'' to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

I don''t think that is unreasonable but every couple is different. Financial priorities are a really personal thing, so what matters most is that you two see eye-to-eye on it.


Though, I''ve gotta admit that I''d be a bit upset if he bought a ring without any input from me at all. I''m really picky and I''d be scared to see what I''d end up with. I understand that guys generally want the proposal to be a surprise, but it''s so risky to go ahead and make a big purchase with no clue as to what the girl likes! Did you guys discuss rings at all prior to this?

No, not at all! I had started looking at rings on my own since we''ve been talking engagement/future plans, but he never asked for any hints from me or anyone else. I never thought he would just go out and by it all on his own. Who does that nowdays!?!


If he had asked we could have at least talked generally about ring budget verses costs for a wedding, house, etc. and I might not be feeling so anticipatorily dissappointed, since in the end it''s a joint expense. Now I''m going to come off as the selfish materialistic bitch who wants a better ring.

What does the ring look like that makes you think he only spent 2 weeks salary? Things are a lot more $$ than they appear!!!

 

[rubybeth]

I see the e-ring as a gift my FH gave to me, so it was really up to him to decide how much he was willing to spend. Since he''s in school, he spent probably a much larger percentage of his income on my ring than many of the whoppers you see in SMTR, which means a lot to me. I think you could present him with a range of rings you like in various price ranges, and let him decide.

I don''t have the 1 carat asscher I wanted when we first began shopping together, but my 1/2 carat X-factor princess certainly doesn''t bother me in any way! I''m an engaged woman planning a life with a man I love, and nobody (not even me) expected a ''bigger rock.'' After a point, it''s got to be about the marriage, not the ring, y''know?

 

[rubybeth]

Date: 5/8/2008 10:02:24 AM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 5/7/2008 9:30:21 PM

Author: LeighL

Date: 5/7/2008 9:18:32 PM


Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 5/7/2008 9:08:47 PM


Author: LeighL


I guess I don''t know what ''reasonably afford'' means in our situation. Is it ''reasonable'' to expect him to spend a month''s salary when he makes good money? Problem too is he already bought the ring! Without asking for my input at all. It''s a decent ring but couldn''t have cost him more than just over two weeks'' salary. It''s...fine, I''m just trying to figure out if I had unrealistic expectations in hoping for something more blingy/decorative. Hasn''t proposed yet so trying to figure out how to ask for something different (and whether I want to push for something blingy-er or suggest that I contribute to the cost.)...

I don''t think that is unreasonable but every couple is different. Financial priorities are a really personal thing, so what matters most is that you two see eye-to-eye on it.



Though, I''ve gotta admit that I''d be a bit upset if he bought a ring without any input from me at all. I''m really picky and I''d be scared to see what I''d end up with. I understand that guys generally want the proposal to be a surprise, but it''s so risky to go ahead and make a big purchase with no clue as to what the girl likes! Did you guys discuss rings at all prior to this?

No, not at all! I had started looking at rings on my own since we''ve been talking engagement/future plans, but he never asked for any hints from me or anyone else. I never thought he would just go out and by it all on his own. Who does that nowdays!?!



If he had asked we could have at least talked generally about ring budget verses costs for a wedding, house, etc. and I might not be feeling so anticipatorily dissappointed, since in the end it''s a joint expense. Now I''m going to come off as the selfish materialistic bitch who wants a better ring.

What does the ring look like that makes you think he only spent 2 weeks salary? Things are a lot more $$ than they appear!!!

I have the same question. I''ve seen rings equivalent to my own in maul stores, and dang! Those things are *expensive*!

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 5/6/2008 1:46:10 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Typically most posters will tell you to spend what you can without going into debt. I have tried to pass this very wise advice off to my SO.

Beautifully, perfectly stated. The only thing I would add to that is the following:


"......without going into debt OR derailing any important long-term plans...."


I guess that when I look at everything that''s happening with the economy and the job market, it really doesn''t make any sense to own a $10,000.00 ring if spending that much keeps the couple from having a savings account, or owning a home, or having a retirement fund.

As long as you have the basics covered (home ownership, decent emergency savings, good health insurance plans, smart long-term investments) and you don''t borrow money to buy the ring (using credit is borrowing money for this exercise), you can have whatever your little heart desires.

It may also be a good idea to put the price of the engagement ring into the wedding budget. Weddings have been known to end up costing more than planned, so it''s a good idea to keep a running tally of every wedding-related thing purchased (including the e-ring) so that you have a more realistic picture of the expense associated with the event, and you''re not caught off guard in your planning phases....

 

[that_someone_special]

My BF and I got into a fight over this thread. I asked if he was going to finance any part of the ring. He said yes. I freaked out and told him not to. He said something like, whats the difference? You want it sooner than later right?

Yargggg. I broke my cell phone. I was so angry, I threw my phone (which I never do) and it hit at just the right angle and broke into two. I then became an emotional mess and decided what the hell, so I continued to break it into 80 million little pieces. Which made me feel better.

I'm lucky he stays with me! I don't know why I had such a bad reaction to this.. and reacted like a child ..

 

[vslover]

Date: 5/9/2008 6:55:35 PM
Author: that_someone_special
My BF and I got into a fight over this thread. I asked if he was going to finance any part of the ring. He said yes. I freaked out and told him not to. He said something like, whats the difference? You want it sooner than later right?


Yargggg. I broke my cell phone. I was so angry, I threw my phone (which I never do) and it hit at just the right angle and broke into two. I then became an emotional mess and decided what the hell, so I continued to break it into 80 million little pieces. Which made me feel better.

I'm lucky he stays with me! I don't know why I had such a bad reaction to this.. and reacted like a child ..

Yikes...that seems like an absurd response.

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/9/2008 10:25:37 PM
Author: vslover

Date: 5/9/2008 6:55:35 PM

Author: that_someone_special

My BF and I got into a fight over this thread. I asked if he was going to finance any part of the ring. He said yes. I freaked out and told him not to. He said something like, whats the difference? You want it sooner than later right?



Yargggg. I broke my cell phone. I was so angry, I threw my phone (which I never do) and it hit at just the right angle and broke into two. I then became an emotional mess and decided what the hell, so I continued to break it into 80 million little pieces. Which made me feel better.

I''m lucky he stays with me! I don''t know why I had such a bad reaction to this.. and reacted like a child ..

Yikes...that seems like an absurd response.

I agree. There''s a lot to be said for just sitting down and discussing things calmly. Explain to him why you''d prefer it if he didn''t get finance and also be prepared for it to take longer than to get the ring. Work out a savings budget.

D and I had a conversation about the budget a good few months before we got engaged so I knew roughly what he was going to spend. His budget was very generous and we went over it a small amount but he didn''t mind as it was the only ring that we both loved. I''ve never been one to keep quiet about things so anytime something like this comes up, I just talk to D about it.