Budgeting

[zoebartlett]

My FI and I have been discussing the wedding and we disagree on something. We know that my parents are going to contribute, and my FI and I have determined what we can do. His parents have said to let them know what we need but my FI won''t ask them what they feel comfortable contributing. Whatever they can/will do is very generous and we are certainly very appreciative. It''s a little tricky to plan when we don''t know what the overall budget is. We know what 2 out of three parties can do but without knowing what the third party can contribute makes it tough to plan. My FI thinks that we should choose what we want and then figure out how to pay for it (credit cards, etc.). I think we need to put together a total budget first and then plan.

What''s a good way to handle this? Thanks in advance!

 

[labbielove]

It really depends- we don''t have a set budget for each particular item per se, but

we did decide on a rough TOTAL figure that we would feel comfortable spending on a wedding (for me, even if i had unlimited funds, I would NOT spend unlimited amounts on wedding things).

We then prioritized the biggest vendors to decide where to allocate the % of our total- for example we really wanted good photographers, so we are doing without some other things (i.e. video).
We then keep a running tab of where we are so far, and chose biggest/most important (to us) vendors first-
Venue, Caterer, Photographer, etc....down to the cake.

We are paying for it all ourselves, except for flowers and rehearsal dinner, so if my family ends up contributing it will go into our savings, not necessarily for more wedding stuff.

Whatever you decide, I would not suggest spending whatever you want and then figuring out how to pay later- for anything, really, but especially a wedding. But that''s just me.

 

[Mandarine]

hmmm...tough one.

I would personally budget to what you do know...

The total cost always seems to end up a little higher than the budget...so that way what you guys do get is more of a bonus. I assume they will eventually tell you, so if you didn''t get something because you couldn''t based on the budget without that "extra" portion, then you can always add at the end (like if you always wanted an antique car and didn''t get one, then you could upgrade your option...or stay in a better hotel the night of, or add something in the catering side, etc). There are a lot of things that you can add at the end....or, you guys spend that in the honeymoon!.

That would be me, I would just feel more comfortable doing it that way. Either that, or assume they will give you something very very low and then be pleasantly surprised

M~

 

[sumbride]

That was the worst part...

My mom was helpful though... she said to think about what we really wanted and figure out how much it would cost, and then let her know. She wasn''t able to pay for every part of our "dream" wedding, and when she did come back with a figure, though it was still more than I thought, it gave us a chance to readjust and figure out what we really wanted with the budget available. We decided to have it in my hometown instead of the DC area, and that saved us tons of money, so the wedding we will actually have is much more elaborate than what we originally thought about, and will cost a little bit less.

 

[neatfreak]

I think you need to at LEAST find out the range you''re dealing with ahead of time. Are they going to give you $3K or 15K? There''s a big difference.

If you know a ballpark figure, you can start figuring out what you need/want and how much it''ll clost , THEN find out the specifics of what they can give you. See what you still need in terms of $ once you''ve figured out the basics, and then you can say "Well, we''d really like to do this, this and this, and it looks like right now we still need X dollars".

I think it''s easier to find out your budget first THEN start your planning, but that''s just me.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 6/17/2007 6:31:45 PM
Author: sumbride
That was the worst part...

My mom was helpful though... she said to think about what we really wanted and figure out how much it would cost, and then let her know. She wasn''t able to pay for every part of our ''dream'' wedding, and when she did come back with a figure, though it was still more than I thought, it gave us a chance to readjust and figure out what we really wanted with the budget available. We decided to have it in my hometown instead of the DC area, and that saved us tons of money, so the wedding we will actually have is much more elaborate than what we originally thought about, and will cost a little bit less.

First, I have to say that I totally agree Neatfreak. It''s easier to know what you''re dealing with and THEN plan instead of doing it the other way around. Sumbride, I have a feeling this is my FI''s parents'' opinion too. They are so laid back about everything, which is great, but they haven''t really given opinions about anything yet. I doubt they will. They didn''t have opinions about the guest list. If my FI doesn''t want to invite his uncles, aunts, or cousins, it''s up to him and his parents don''t mind. My mom, on the other hand, although she''s been pretty good, has certain family friends and relatives that she wants to definitely invite. I tell ya, our two families are like night and day in so many ways.

What I don''t want to do is do all this research (which I''m doing in between check-ins here), find something we like, and have it nixed by my FI''s parents. It would be SO GOOD to know ahead of time what we''re dealing with.

 

[zoebartlett]

I should mention that the venue is booked, and it''s at a restaurant/function place. So that takes care of the venue and the caterer and alcohol right there.

My flowers -- I''m assuming my parents or I will pay for that. We''re not having attendants, so it will just be my flowers, possibly centerpieces (if the venue doesn''t have flowers on the tables already), and maybe flowers for the gazebo area outside where the ceremony will be.

The photographer -- we''re most likely going to narrow it down to three, show them to his parents, and ask if they are able to pay for him/her. We''re also planning on asking them to choose which one of the three they like the best. This gives them control in something wedding-related, which would make me feel better.

My mom likes the idea of giving his parents something specific to pay for (again, since they''re offering) instead of just kicking in some money here and some money there.

The rehearsal dinner -- we''ll ask his parents (once we choose a few places we''d be happy with) if they feel comfortable paying for this, depending on the cost of the photographer.

The photographers I''ve looked into cost approx. $3K, give or take, depending on what packages you want, etc. I have no idea if my FI''s parents are thinking about contributing this much. BUT, maybe they''re thinking of contrinuting more, who knows?

 

[zoebartlett]

Neatfreak, my FI doesn''t want to even ask for a ballpark figure. He thinks it would be rude. He''s 35, and he knows that his parents don''t even have to chip in a dime (given his age, his financial independence, etc.). I do understand his point that it''s not as if we''re just starting out. We both have good jobs, we own our own condo, and we''ve been on our own for years at this point. Having said that though, his parents have said, "just let us know what you need."

Ughh! I don''t at all mean to sound like a complaining brat, and I really hope I don''t sound that way. I am grateful for so much. It''s jsut hard to move forward when you''re not sure if you should be looking at one figure or another. THanks for listening. I know I''m rambling...

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/17/2007 7:14:51 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Neatfreak, my FI doesn''t want to even ask for a ballpark figure. He thinks it would be rude. He''s 35, and he knows that his parents don''t even have to chip in a dime (given his age, his financial independence, etc.). I do understand his point that it''s not as if we''re just starting out. We both have good jobs, we own our own condo, and we''ve been on our own for years at this point. Having said that though, his parents have said, ''just let us know what you need.''


Ughh! I don''t at all mean to sound like a complaining brat, and I really hope I don''t sound that way. I am grateful for so much. It''s jsut hard to move forward when you''re not sure if you should be looking at one figure or another. THanks for listening. I know I''m rambling...

Ahhh...well I would do what you''re planning on then. Ask them to pay for the RD and the photographer. I think they''ll let you know if they want to pay for more than that.

 

[basil]

Yeah, let them know specific things you would like them to pay for, and make sure your parents and your contributions will cover the rest of it. If they say it''s too much, I think something like the RD can be done fairly cheaply if need be.

I''m also working with parents who don''t want to give a specific number. I just run the costs by them, and they say how much they would be comfortable paying for X, and then we decide to either cover the rest or to find something cheaper. For example, my mom said that she thought paying over $1000 for a dress was unreasonable, but what I like costs more so I''ll cover the difference. Likewise, there are things that I wouldn''t necessarily have wanted to spend my money on that my parents really want. I''m ok with it cause I know it''s not all about us anyway