Calling Asian Brides

[zhuzhu]

Hi Lovely Asian Ladies!

I need your feedback on how to plan the finance of my 2007 wedding. It is American tradition to have bride''s family pay for the wedding and reception, however in Chinese tradition I believe the groom''s family contribute to most of the wedding cost.

Would you please share your experiences on how you have managed (or will manage) your wedding costs? My FI has steady income, but I am still finishing my PhD study and do not have too much saving of my own to cover the wedding myself. What is the best way to pay for the wedding given the differences of tradition from two cultures?

Thanks in advance!!!!!

 

[qtiekiki]

We are both Chinese, so we didn''t have the cultural tradition differences but we just paid for our wedding together. How do you, your FI and parents feel about it? DH insisted that he pays for the wedding instead of his parents, so we saved together with him contributing more (but we did get a lot of cash gifts which helped pay for wedding). I know a lot of other Asian brides nowaday are not following the groom''s side paying for the wedding tradition and are paying for their own weddings. Maybe you can check with your parents to see how much they want to follow the traditions. My parents knew that DH was paying for the wedding himself, so they constantly ask if we need financial help and they were ok with helping us. So maybe your parents will feel the same way.

DH''s cousin is married to a white guy and they paid for their own wedding. Her inlaws did pay for the gifts fromt the groom''s family and jewelry for her. So maybe your future in laws will be ok with that and other contributions to the wedding.

 

[flopkins]

FI and I are both Chinese, but both parents put in equal for the wedding, 1/3 each set of parents and 1/3 us... so split kinda equally...

FI''s parents offered a set sum at the beginning, and my parents decided to match that... and we paid the remainder.

 

[iceprincess]

I''m Korean and my husband is Japanese and Chinese. My family is rather traditional, but my husband''s family has been in the US for many many generations and are not traditional by any means. My family paid for almost the entire wedding and my husband and I contributed the rest. We got no help from my husband''s family both financially as well as the planning for the wedding, but that''s a different story.

We got mostly money gifts so that paid for the majority of the wedding in our case. My husband and I both make good money, but we had bought a house and spent a lot of money fixing it up so we were quite cash poor when it came time to get married. For this reason, we decided to keep our wedding budget at about $20k and not go on a honeymoon.

I don''t think that there are any hard rules when it comes to wedding finances and who pays. Many Asian couples I know just decide that they pool their resources together and all parties pay what they can. I don''t know how elaborate your wedding will be, but the cost of the average wedding these days is mind blowing. The Chinese weddings I''ve been to have all been pretty grand with a big multicourse banquet and several dress changes for the bride. Isn''t it customary to also offer the parents and in laws jewelry, or is it the other way around? If the families are also going to exchange presents like this, the cost of your wedding skyrockets even further up.

I say that you create your own new wedding traditions and plan something memorable for everyone, but don''t become destitute in the process.

 

[Misato-san]

I am chinese and my fiance is american. His family isn't as well off as mine so of course naturally my parents are gonna fund a large portion of the wedding. They are offering a set amount. We can pocket the money that is unspent...for a house/honeymoon or whatever... and if the wedding costs go over the amount they give, we have to come up with the rest of the money out of our pockets.

 

[zhuzhu]

Thank you thank you! I figured the paying for yourself is the new trend now. I guess we just have to start saving up!

Is Chinese banquet for rehearsal dinner more expensive than wetern style one? Please share all special events in your Asian-influenced wedding to help me plan more efficiently. My family still lives in Taiwan, so I do not have any immediate family members in this country to help me out in this matter.

Thanks so much!

 

[leeenie]

It depends on your location and what kind of decor you want for your wedding/rehearsal (most Chinese restaurants are decorated in traditional red and gold and look nothing like American wedding locales), but a Chinese banquet with decent food can be had for $50/pp or less. If you want a more upscale restaurant that non-Asians will think is "nice," it can cost much much more. But I think if most of your guests are Asian, they will care more about the food and prefer a chinese banquet to a Western style one even if the Western one has better ambience and costs a lot more.

Here is the knot page of a bride who went all out for a Chinese banquet at a fancy place with nice decorations and probably spent comparable to a Western place.
http://www.theknot.com/co_profileview.htm?profilename=Amber888

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/22/2006 2:36:04 AM
Author: flopkins
FI and I are both Chinese, but both parents put in equal for the wedding, 1/3 each set of parents and 1/3 us... so split kinda equally...

FI''s parents offered a set sum at the beginning, and my parents decided to match that... and we paid the remainder.

hey grandma

you should know better then anybody else.tell them old traditional rule.

i have two daughters and guess which tradition i go by,when they get marry.