can old lovers be good friends ?....

[Dancing Fire]

or only good enemies.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh good lord DF!!!!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I believe they can. Several of mine stay in touch with me.

 

[ame]

I wish long, drawn-out, very painful deaths upon all of my exes. Derive from that what you will.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh ame, you crack me up. Mine are still good friends.

 

[lilyinct]

I think it depends on who burned who. Most of the men I have known (that sounds awful, i haven''t known that many) have turned out to be pretty immature after the break-up.

In the few cases when it was a mutual separation, I have become very good friends with the guys- 2 of them are even coming to my wedding this weekend. H

 

[moremoremore]

Ewww. LOL , even the title of this thread gives me the willies!

 

[partgypsy]

Could old lovers ever be good friends?

I don''t know, I don''t think my husband would ever let me find out. Like alot of husbands , he''s old fashioned that way.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 9/6/2005 2:46:41 PM
Author: kaleigh
Oh good lord DF!!!!

Kaleigh

not really a silly question.most americans are different from chinese, they might remain good friends. my sister....her ex hubby is her #1 enemy.

 

[elepri]

Good friends, not sure, but can certainly be friendly. As long as there are no strong feelings on either side. I''m in touch with a couple of my exes but it''s mostly just occasional friendly emails.

 

[Sparkster]

Yes, I think they can depending on the circumstances of their break up.

When they can remain good friends, one of the main issues is when they get new partners. Sometimes the new partner can be very insecure that the exes have remained friends (worried that they might try and get back together with them) and they bow to the pressure placed on them to stop being friends with their exes by their new partners. I''m not saying this is right or wrong, just stating that this happens in a lot of cases.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 9/6/2005 6:15:25 PM
Author: elepri
Good friends, not sure, but can certainly be friendly. As long as there are no strong feelings on either side. I''m in touch with a couple of my exes but it''s mostly just occasional friendly emails.

I agree. That''s the extent of "friendship" that I have with a couple of my exes. We only keep in touch with e-mails or holiday greetings.

 

[IrishEyes]

In a word: no. I don''t believe they can. I either hate my ex''s or they give me the hibbie-jibbie''s. I can''t believe some of the guys I dated - ewwwww.....

 

[laney]

Nope.

Either in your thoughts - or even possibly conversation, the subject of the past may come up eventually.

It''s not that either party couldn''t "handle" it. Or even disect the converstation to be harmless. It''s that you take away from your current relationship - and what your current relationship means.

If it weren''t you, instead if it were wife or husband said "oh yeah, I''ve been chatting with my ex, and he/she is doing really well and got a new job..." or whatever... The FIRST thing that goes through you mind is "why are talking with someone you''ve been intimate with"...? Hmm? And other questions.. even if it''s just platonic discussion.

If it goes further.. where your good friends.. say talk or exchange e-mails once a week , or meet for lunch.. as much as the other partner doesn''t care - it still will effect them..a little or a lot.

So, I don''t think it''s the fact that you "couldn''t" be friends - it''s that, maybe out of respect - you "shouldn''t".

 

[Jennifer5973]

No. Too much sexual tension.

 

[tawn]

Not after you''re married to someone else!! My husband is another "old fashioned" one who wouldn''t put up with it....

 

[MINE!!]

Oh DF.. LOL.. there are some that I wish I could rip their... anyway.. there is at least one of those. BUT I am still very good friends with my first... well... MY first. He (D)(my first)and I have been very good freinds and what we call 'lonely lovers' over the single years. He was my first love and we still keep in contact. I am not sure how we would be if we lived near each other though. I am still very good freinds with my first husband as well.

Ironically, my husband does not have a problem with it. He and my ex husband are freinds now and he knows that I still talk occaisionally with D. But he also knows I have been freinds with D since I was 13.

 

[tawn]

I should note that I have a couple of Ex-boyfriends that still call my mom occasionally,and want to know what I''m doing and tell her that I should give them a call if I ever end up single, etc...I think the fact that they still seem interested bothers my husband! And, it doesn''t exactly thrill me when old flames of his send greetings through his parents either!

 

[Shay37]

That depends. Were they my husband''s old lovers or mine?

Shay

 

[Rhino]

Date: 9/6/2005 3:05:27 PM
Author: ame
I wish long, drawn-out, very painful deaths upon all of my exes. Derive from that what you will.

LOL ame you are too funny

 

[platinumrock]

Sure, it''s easy! First, take away everything that made you a couple (physical intimacy and exclusiveness). Second, act like nothing ever happened (refrain from bitterness, jealousy and competitiveness). Third, leave the lines of communication open (to get through the awkward phase). And you got yourself a "just in case" platonic friend!

 

[bar01]

I feel the general answer is no .

Most experts agree there is glue that binds two humans when they become physical, and something remains even after it is called off. Someone always seem to harbor some sort of attachement or feelings from the relationship and it is difficult to take a step back.

If you have moved to a new relationship you also don't need to highlight or bring up your sexual past by having old lovers around when you have a new partner/husband/wife. Insecurity and comparisons will follow. But there are always exceptions, and if one of these old flames is present in your life it needs to be discussed with your new partner/husband/wife honestly and openly from the beginning.