Can we talk about seating style, please?

[katamari]

There have been several threads now mentioning seating and it seems like something we are torn on. I would like to hear more about this, as it is a major thorn in my side right now. To highlight my ignorance, too, I really felt everyone would be on the same page about it.

I am very interested in hearing what you feel about assigned versus open seating, generally. It seems something that people have very strong opinions on, and I am just trying to understand the range of feelings.

 

[katamari]

So. . . to answer my own question

I learned about different opinions from talking to FI''s mom about it. FI''s mom hates assigned seating. Really hates it. Like, every time she talks about weddings she went to, her first point of discussion was if there were assigned seating and how she feels like adults should be trusted with the ability to select their own seating.

I, on the other hand, loathe open seating (and I am not even sure if loathe is a strong enough word). Everyone always messes it up and just can''t be trusted with it, because everyone wants to start a new table and/or leave spaces between one another which creates far more single seats than are necessary. As a Type A obsessed with order, it just feels like uncomfortable and unnecessary chaos to me.

Now, we are just having a backyard BBQ, reception only, so I understand that our individual event might not be formal enough for a seating chart. On the other hand, over 200 people were invited, and I could see it turning into a hot mess. And, I should also say that FI''s mom would not at all object to us having assigned seating, to be fair to her, but it is certainly a point of friendly disagreement between us.

 

[sammyj]

I think in cases where it''s a smaller, more intimate affair and most of the guests already know eachother, open seating is more acceptable.

If I was a guest attending a wedding where I only knew a couple of people, I would be slightly taken aback to arrive to the event and have to find my own seat. Yes, I am an adult and I can very well take care of myself, but there have been plenty of stories here on PS where people have been ''rejected'' from a table or asked to move. I think having planned seating would eliminate any potential for discomfort for your guests.

I have never attended a wedding with open seating and, to be perfectly honest, hope I never have to!

 

[Clairitek]

I''d prefer to have assigned tables over open seating in a large event like your BBQ. I went to one 45-50 guest wedding recently with open seating and it worked out well. Any more than that I can just imagine a big ole confused mess. The only sort of assigning the couple did at the small wedding was to reserve two tables for the elder family members so they wouldn''t have to walk too far or around too many tables to get to the food and drink.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I am in two minds about this... we are having a BBQ and i wan''t planning on having assigned seating as BBQs here are traditionally informal affairs and i am not planning on having everyone seated at the same time to eat, we are thinking that people will eat when they are hungry.

But! having said that, i didn''t like having to find my own seat at a wedding we went to last year, well there were no seats because more people turned up than planned and those people got the good seats, if there had been a seating arrangement we wouldn''t have been squashed on the end of the table like extras.

I just don''t like the feeling it gives me, it kind of takes me back to primary school days when everyone rushed to get the best seat on the bus.

 

[lala2332]

what if you assigned tables, but not seats?

I was in a wedding last year and the rehersal dinner did not have assigned seats. i ended up sitting with one other couple that I didn''t know and that didn''t talk and the minister. THe rest of our table was empty.
the reception had assigned seats and I loved it. I got to be with a few bridesmaids and a few groomsmen and we had the best time.

But the last wedding i went to, FI was in and I was happy that there weren''t assigned seats, so we could sit together.
I can''t remember what your bridal party situation is, but def whatever you decide please let the BM/GM sit with their date.

 

[angielea]

My wedding was a couple months ago in the midwest, and I did not have assigned seating. I have actually never been to a wedding that has assigned seating, as silly as that sounds.

Our wedding was just under 100 people. We had about 70 chairs inside, and another 50 or so outside, we ended up having more seats than people, so it really helped as far as ''empty'' chairs and such from people arranging themselves.

Just my personal take on things. Our wedding was held at an art museum, in their main lobby, and atrium area (that were connected) to give it a bit more perspective.

for a BBQ, i would say a seating chart probably isn''t called for due to the formality. I would maybe see how many RSVPs you get back, and plan on having slightly more spots than that available.

 

[princesss]

I''ve been to one of each, and while I can see the merits of both, I definitely preferred assigned seats. Open seating was a bit odd because I only knew about 5 or 6 people at the wedding, but since they were spread out over two tables, I just picked one and sat down. Luckily my friends have awesome friends, lol, because I had a blast, but it was a little weird at first to sit with some friends from college and then some of their high school friends I''d never met. They were one big group, and while very friendly and outgoing and nice, the first few minutes were awkward. But, had they assigned seats, I very likely wouldn''t have met some wonderful people. So it was kind of good but kind of awkward.

The assigned seats just gave me less to worry about. I was at a family table with BF''s family, and I got to chat with people I hadn''t seen in a while. That was really nice.

 

[Winslet]

I think the best compromise is to assign people tables, and let them choose where they want to sit at those tables. Assigning each person to a specific chair is an awful lot of work and doesn't always make for the happiest guests.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 6/26/2009 11:19:42 AM
Author: lala2332
what if you assigned tables, but not seats?

I was in a wedding last year and the rehersal dinner did not have assigned seats. i ended up sitting with one other couple that I didn''t know and that didn''t talk and the minister. THe rest of our table was empty.
the reception had assigned seats and I loved it. I got to be with a few bridesmaids and a few groomsmen and we had the best time.

But the last wedding i went to, FI was in and I was happy that there weren''t assigned seats, so we could sit together.
I can''t remember what your bridal party situation is, but def whatever you decide please let the BM/GM sit with their date.

I agree with this post, if not assigned seating, try assigned tables. I am having a small DW (only 40 guests) and we are having 2 round tables of 8 and 4 long tables of 6. In addittion, we are having a children''s table area that will have coloring books and such, but we are accounting for their seats at their parent''s tables just because some people don''t like to have their kids eat away from them.

I''ve been to weddings that only provided escort cards and table numbers and that was nice because at least you knew that the bride and groom thought about where you would sit. I think that is what we are going to do for ours, so that we can seat people with others they know and they can choose where they sit.

I don''t think at a BBQ, anyone will have trouble finding a seat. I just hate walking around in high heels and a cocktail dress with FI in tow trying to find a place to sit when I only know the bride & groom or members of the bridal party.

I also agree with everyone else, that if you allow the BP to sit with their dates!

 

[SassyB]

I have not been to many weddings where there was assigned seating. I went to one just recently where there was and I hated it. Maybe I didn''t like where they sat me - no where near the people that I knew. I guess my experience with assigned seating has not been a good one.

I like to sit where I want. I don''t want to tell my guests where to sit. I plan to have plenty of tables and chairs at our outdoor/backyard wedding. We are going to have a very large tent with the dance floor in the middle. Tables/chairs will be on either side of that - so I hope that everyone has a nice table. Plus they will all have a great view of the puget sound in Seattle!

I DO see other ladies views that it''s nice to not have to worry about finding a table however. It''s just not me

I will probably lable a few tables toward the front for family.

 

[Inanna]

I''m a big fan of assigned tables. Assigning each guest to a specific seat at each table seems unnecessarily tedious. The only times I''ve been assigned a specific seat has been weddings where I was a BM and there was a head table.

Unless there are lots of extra tables, I strongly dislike open seating.

 

[rhbgirl24]

I know I, personally, hate open seating. Esp if you dont know many people. So I assume with a guest list of 200, it may be more beneficially to your guests to have assigned seating. People always switch anyway!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Hmmm... I would say assigned is best if it''s not a small, intimate gathering. I''ve been to a few weddings where I was with a group of friends, but there was no room to sit us at the table. So, me and my FI paired off & sat with a table full of old people. It was not fun for us.

If you are going to assign seating, I would try your best to group people together that know each other. My FI thinks that we should "mingle" his friends and mine (who have never met). I think that just creates a bunch of awkwardness- unless a good bit of alcohol is involved. Meeting new people is great and all, but spending time and catching up with old friends that you know is much more fun.

It just dawned on me this week- my venue has a 150 person minimum, but I don''t think they can seat more than 120 in the same room... how stupid is that?!? I''m waiting for them to call me back to discuss it, so I''m stressing over the seating thing too, b/c we''re probably going to have about 140 guests & I don''t want to leave 20 standing or crammed on the back deck.

 

[meresal]

**Blunt comment** We''re having a wedding that is more than likely going to be over 250 ppl. I have MUCH more important things to do with my time, than come up with a seating chart, that I am 100% sure will get messed up the day of anyway.

I have yet to go to a wedding that had a seating chart or reserved tables for anyone other than wedding party and family. It hasn''t bothered me yet...

 

[CaliCushion]

It is so funny how customs can be so regional/specific to your friends. I''ve never been to a large wedding without assigned seating. While I think it''s fine to have open seating at a small event, or an event where everyone is in the same age bracket and/or knows each other, I do not like it for a large event. What happens if you want to sit with another couple, but can''t find 4 empty seats at any table? Or you can''t find seats next to each other at the same table? I wouldn''t want to ask other guest to move...and I wouldn''t particularily want to sit at a table with Great Aunt Margaret and her boyfriend.

I''m imagining that it would be like when you go to see a new movie and arrive just before a movie starts. If you are 3 or more people, it''s often hard to find seats together. If you''re a group of 5 or more, forget sitting together.


I know it''s annoying and takes a lot of time to put together a table seating chart, but it ensures that everyone is sitting at a table with at least one person they know, or people you thought they''d get along with. I really appreciate when hosts take the time to make sure that all the guests are comfortable. That''s just my opinion, please don''t take offense if you don''t agree...

 

[Lanie]

I see the pros and cons of both as well. I plan on having reserved tables for immediate family and bridal party. Like Meresal said, I have more things going on than to do assigned seating for 200 people.

I have been to many weddings, and I have to say the majority of them didn''t have assigned seating. Even weddings where I chose my own seat and I didn''t know anyone else besides the bride/groom and my date, we still managed to have fun with the people around us. If you are stuck somewhere where you don''t want to be, just stick it out for an hour and then you can move after they open the dance floor.

 

[Blair138]

The one wedding I went to that did not have assigned tables was disatrous. People were propping their chairs against tables to show that they were ''taken'' so we got stuck with a table in the back and had to sit with the DJ and photographer. We did have fun and laughed about it later, but here in IL where I am from we usually ALWAYS have assigned tables.

 

[honey22]

Lala''s idea is great. Assign tables and let them choose their own tables. Unassigned seating is a major PITA. There are always people that end up separated, there are a few stories here of couples being split up even. It''s too risky, especially with a larger group. As a guest, I wouldn''t want to have to pick seats, I am just happy to be put in my place and given a drink

 

[katamari]

Thanks so much to sammyj, Clairitek, hawaiianorangetree, lala, angielea, princess, Winslet, wannaBMrsH, SassyB, Inanna, rhbgirl, Amanda.Rx, meresal, CaliCushion, Lanie, Blair, and Honey for weighing in so far! I really appreciate hearing your thoughts!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 6/26/2009 10:56:22 AM
Author: sammyj
I think in cases where it''s a smaller, more intimate affair and most of the guests already know eachother, open seating is more acceptable.

If I was a guest attending a wedding where I only knew a couple of people, I would be slightly taken aback to arrive to the event and have to find my own seat. Yes, I am an adult and I can very well take care of myself, but there have been plenty of stories here on PS where people have been ''rejected'' from a table or asked to move. I think having planned seating would eliminate any potential for discomfort for your guests.

I have never attended a wedding with open seating and, to be perfectly honest, hope I never have to!

Ditto every word!

 

[CDNinNYC]

Date: 6/27/2009 12:08:06 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 6/26/2009 10:56:22 AM

Author: sammyj

I think in cases where it''s a smaller, more intimate affair and most of the guests already know eachother, open seating is more acceptable.


If I was a guest attending a wedding where I only knew a couple of people, I would be slightly taken aback to arrive to the event and have to find my own seat. Yes, I am an adult and I can very well take care of myself, but there have been plenty of stories here on PS where people have been ''rejected'' from a table or asked to move. I think having planned seating would eliminate any potential for discomfort for your guests.


I have never attended a wedding with open seating and, to be perfectly honest, hope I never have to!

Ditto every word!

Agreed!

We had a small wedding and we did assigned tables. I''ve never been to a wedding with open seating; I don''t think I''d like it. I have attended a wedding that had assigned seating and no one paid attention to it and sat where they wanted.