Catering and procrastination...

[luckystar112]

FI''s parents are going to be taking care of the catering for our wedding, which is very generous of them.
But, the problem is that I''m dealing with a bunch of procrastinators. I don''t mean that in a bad way, they really are (his whole family, including grandparents)! And they fully admit it! Since FI and I live out of state, we pretty much have to put everything in their hands, which is starting to make me panic a little. Especially when after I sent an email with a few ideas for the wedding, his grandmother wrote back that it''s "really hard for them to start thinking about August since it''s so far away".

At least I know where FI gets it now!
I would chalk it up to them not knowing how long it takes to plan a wedding, but we had a pretty detailed conversation about that when we were up there in August.

So it seems that on every wedding timeline I''ve seen, catering is one of the first things that you need to start planning after booking your venue. Calling around, requesting info, getting prices...etc. But I''m CERTAIN that''s FI''s parents haven''t even thought about looking yet. Should I be worried? The wedding is 10 months away, but the planner in me is paranoid that all the good caterers will be booked before his parents even start looking. I''ve tried asking FI what he thinks his parents are going to do, and he says that they "always come through" so not to worry about it.

And then there is my side of the family (consisting of my mom and I...who really have enough drama as it is) who are big planners. My mother is going to rent the tent, and she''s been waiting WEEKS for me or FI''s mother to get back to her with what kind of dinner we''re having so she can specify to the company what size/shape tables we will need.
Not to mention that my mom has no idea what SIZE tent to get or how many tables and chairs because FI''s family hasn''t gotten back to us with their side of the guest list. So needless to say she''s kind of frustrated, which in turn is frustrating ME because...well, I''ve told you about my mother. And really, I need to give my mother some type of direction because just the other day she decided to email all of my bridesmaids behind my back and tell them that SHE would really like to see them in Jim Hjelm bridesmaid dresses, and gave them a link.

When I told her to please never do that again (It was the 2nd time...the first time she emailed FI''s mom something she thought I''d like--again, without asking me first), she scoffed and didn''t talk to me for a week.

So...what should I do? Is catering something that can "wait" for a few more months? Or should I have FI talk to his parents about it, if he even will? He too is a procrastinator who doesn''t seem to see the problem, so who knows how that would go. Or should I just suck it up?

 

[partyjewels]

I would be getting antsy too if I were you! For me, I wouldn''t be able to just suck it up and see what they do, if my FI wouldn''t talk to his parents I would have to find a way to nicely tell them that they really should start looking because caterers do tend to book up very quickly, and August is one of the popular wedding months (at least around here). However, how do you think his parents will react? Will they take you coming to them about it as you not trusting them to do a good job? You have to make sure that you get the message across without making it seem like it''s not important to them. How to do that, I''m not sure

I''m horrible at those things, but personally I think you should see if you can get the ball rolling, but I would check with FI first if he could try and talk to them about it as they might take the little push of encouragement better from him? But of course, you would know that better than me

 

[misysu2]

I think you may have a legitimate reason to worry, knowing your FI''s family history on planning. Maybe you could find a few places that could work, and then email your FI''s parents and say, "Hey, I heard about these catering places-- you may want to consider them in addition to what you''ve found already..."

 

[zoebartlett]

Can you set some sort of deadline for your FI''s parents to take care of the catering by? If you do, maybe you could pad the date a little so it can allow for their procrastination without being "too late." Even if your FI''s parents are paying for the catering, is there something you could do to at least get the ball rolling (narrow it down a little to a few places and then have them choose from there? That could make the process go quicker, if you do some of the leg work ahead of them.

My only other advice for right now is to have a talk with them. Do your FI''s parents know that your mom is waiting to do something until she has that important information from them? I''d either have your FI talk to them or maybe both of you could.

 

[Pandora II]

Oh my, I would be going nuts!

I decided to do everything myself to avoid this - my dad gave me a budget, FI and I have added our share and I''m booking everything.

Can you get your FI to go and put a firework under them - or get them to give him the budget and you two find the vendors using email/phone?

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Lucky, I can''t believe your mom e-mailed your bm''s about dresses behind your back?!?!?

It gives me an idea: Let''s you and me start a business: we''ll buy an island in the South Pacific, and rent out space on it to brides with difficult relatives. For a modest fee (in the scheme of weddings) they can ship mom/ mad aunt / kookie cousin / bitchy ''bff'' and we''ll make sure they have a niiiiiice holiday far far away with no e-mail or phone service until the wedding is over!

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 10/14/2007 11:25:19 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Hey Lucky, I can''t believe your mom e-mailed your bm''s about dresses behind your back?!?!?

It gives me an idea: Let''s you and me start a business: we''ll buy an island in the South Pacific, and rent out space on it to brides with difficult relatives. For a modest fee (in the scheme of weddings) they can ship mom/ mad aunt / kookie cousin / bitchy ''bff'' and we''ll make sure they have a niiiiiice holiday far far away with no e-mail or phone service until the wedding is over!

Lol...that sounds like a plan to me!!!

Oh boy has my mother been difficult though. Ooh boy. It''s not just the fact that she emailed my BMs, it''s also the fact that she said SHE would like to see them in those dresses. Not to be a bridezilla, but whose wedding is this again? Not to mention that those dresses START at around $250 and three of my bms have to fly to our location/find lodging/rent a car/etc.
She was also talking bad about me and my color choices in the email. UM....HELLO.....you''re talking about your daughter to her best friend!!!!

Obviously my friend was going to tell me what it said.
Luckily all of my friends know how my mother is, but she has been driving them crazy as well. She''s just a mean mean woman sometimes. When I told her that she had to leave certain duties to the MOH, she freaked out saying that my MOH was "dumb enough to get herself knocked up, so what does she know?"

(My best friend is 25 and just had a baby. She''s not married, but it a committed relationship.) My mom obviously forgot that SHE got pregnant TWICE out of wedlock before she was NINETEEN.

lol...........MOVING ON!!!! Ah. that felt good.


I''m going to have FI talk to his mom tonight. I did mention the catering to her at one point a few weeks ago when the table shape/amount of people issue first came up with my mother. I asked her what kind of meal we were having, she wrote back asking what type we wanted, I wrote back saying that we didn''t care...and that was it. A couple of weeks after that we had FINALLY decided that we are going to have the ceremony at the lake as well as the reception, and she asked what the next step was. I told her that I''m trying to get all of the bigger things booked like the photographer, DJ, Caterer... she didn''t write back anything about her progress. I really hate to PUSH it, you know? But yeah, she does know that my mom is waiting for AT LEAST the type of meal and the number of people coming on her side.