Ceremony first reception later?

[northstar_78]

I just got engaged in August and already I''ve been having disputes with my side of the family, primarily my parents about the wedding...and we are aiming for the summer of 2007!!

I''ve been reading over lots of posts on various forums and besides telling my dear folks to cool it for now (which I already have) I''m trying to think of creative ways to avoid what just happened now happening AGAIN this summer.

There is a lot of hurt feelings from them; their wedding did not go as they had hoped and although they keep saying that the won''t run mine it seems like my wedding will be a way for them to redress their past. They just dove into planning mine and when I confronted them about it, saying that we need to slow down and why are we rushing to plan for something so far ahead in the future they got all huffy.

I''ve been giving some thought to having a small church ceremony this summer and having a big reception the following summer. I really want to have a church ceremony although this isn''t as important for them as for me. What do you think?

 

[selflove]

LOL! I get the sense that you''ve got a sense of humor which will help with the parent issue.

Maybe I need more info...what would be the rationale for waiting a year to have the reception?

 

[codex57]

Who''s paying? Who''s getting married? Just be firm. You''re getting married right? Just put it to them gently like, "Mom, Dad, I know you''re trying to help, but I''m grown up now and this is how MY idea of how I want MY wedding to run. Of course I appreciate your input and willingness to help, but [this] is important to me." Something to that affect.

 

[monarch64]

Northstar, you totally have to do what''s right for you. But (you know there''s always a BUT), there are some things to take into consideration when you are thinking about a ceremony first, reception later. The positive side is that you are doing what you want to do, when you want to do it. The negative side is that some of your guests may feel like they are missing out on seeing you get married, especially if they are among those who aren''t invited to the actual ceremony. Also, people who are invited to both may wonder, well are we supposed to get them a gift now, or wait a year until the reception? I guess it all depends on your circumstances in life. If you just can''t wait to get married (or your family can''t), I can understand why you would want to do it that way. If you are thinking you want the benefits of both getting married soon and then having a big reception, you may encounter some resistance. My brother and his wife got married in a Tennessee mountain wedding chapel--it was just them and the two sets of parents. They came home and had a reception in her church basement (it''s a Southern thing) two months later. That was even pushing the time limit of how long you can wait in between the ceremony and reception. When I said earlier a lot can happen in a year''s time, I mean that things tend to get pushed back even farther than your original timeline in between. I don''t know you personally, nor do I know your complete situation, but I can tell you this: we have friends who were married in Mexico three years ago this March, and she is still trying to plan a reception. Mind you, they had a party at their house shortly after they came back from their honeymoon and everyone brought them gifts, although she had stated it wasn''t their actual "reception." Whenever she talks about the reception to come, people always talk about it later and say "jeez, are they expecting MORE gifts?" You may want to do some research about what is geographically acceptable for the length of time between wedding and reception, that might help you out with your dilemma. You also can''t let your family persuade you to do what doesn''t feel right to you because they didn''t have their dream wedding. Good luck!