champagne toast issue

[brazen_irish_hussy]

My FI and I want to do a champagne toast which is no problem for his side of the family but could be for mine. Many of my relatives are recovered alcoholics and so they can''t have the champagne. My FI''s family does not know this about them and since they don''t like me nor are the liable to like my family I would rather not make it so obvious at our wedding. At the moment I only see three choices: skip the toasts, let the nondrinkers do it with their beverage of choice and be singled out or give them the sparkling grape juice we would give the kids, which is obviosly problematic. I would ask them, but they are so nice they would just tell they will do what I want, whether it makes them uncomfortable or not. Any thoughts? I could really use some help.

 

[april diamonds]

You can request what tables get what drinks during te champagne toast. So when the champagne is being handed out, have your relative drinks be a non-alcoholic drink - like Martinelli''s - which is a sparkling cider...just like the sparkling grape juice. But no one will know because it''s the same color as regular champange!! Just make usre you tell the waiters to pour all the glasses in the kitchen and no one will ever be the wiser.

 

[laine]

I would probably just let people toast with whatever they happen to be drinking: if they want champagne, they can get it from the bar, or they can get whatever other alcoholic or nonalcoholic drink they want.

If you really want most people to toast with champagne, I'd have waiters circulate with trays of it, not actually giving it to people or making them take it, but offering it to those who would like it. That way people who want to toast with champagne will have the option (and know toasts are coming) and those who would rather not (for whatever reason-some people just don't like it) can toast with whatever they have.

 

[KimberlyH]

If your waiters are going to serve champagne have them have sparking cider available as well and offer each as an option...that way non drinkers can select what they choose without feeling awkward. If you aren''t going to have waiters serve the drinks give a 10 minute warning for everyone to get the drink of their choice to toast with so people can get champagne if they''d like to or just continue drinking whatever they have (alcoholic or not).

 

[neatfreak]

Is there any need to do a champagne toast at all? We''re just letting people toast with whatever they have for a drink whether it be champagne or not. That way no one is singled out and all that champagne isn''t wasted considering most people don''t even drink it after the toast...

 

[Sha]

I agree with the above posts. Why does it have to be a ''champagne toast'' specifically? A toast is a toast.. There are many people at weddings who don''t drink alcohol (expecting women, for example,. some for religious reasons) who might prefer sparkling cider or another non-alcoholic beverage. Sparkling cider is a great option as it looks a lot like champagne too.

When it''s time for the toasts, the waiting staff can come around with the cider and champagne bottles and have guests choose. I usually choose sparkling cider at weddings, just because I prefer the taste. So I don''t think people are going to think it strange that your relatives are all choosing the cider.

 

[KimberlyH]

I can understand wanting a champagne toast (my mom decided there would be one at mine and DH''s wedding because she wanted almond champagne and it was her way of convincing my dad that a detour in Temecula to pick it up on the way to our wedding was worthwhile), I just think there are ways of avoiding embarrassing those who may not drink for personal reasons.

 

[VRBeauty]

I think you''re projecting a little bit. Not everybody who chooses not to drink champaign does so because they''re recovering alocoholics. The relatives who don''t drink champaign aren''t going to be embarassed about it. Your FI''s relatives -- like everyone else at the wedding -- are going to be watching you and your hubby, not keeping track of who''s drinking what. Just make both the champaign and a non-alcoholic alternative available and let your guests choose which they prefer. Their toasts and good wishes will be equally heartfelt no matter what they''re drinking!

In fact, after a few rounds of toasts...

nevermind!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Not sure if you want a non drinkers view...but you know me...I'ma gonna give it to ya anyway!!

WARNING WARNING..proceed with my opinion with caution. It is simply an opinion and I thought it may be helpful to this poster and her decision. If you take offense...meet me after school tomorrow near the monkey bars!!

We'll duke it out!

I was at a family gathering and a big nice thing was done for one member by another out of state guest. The out of state guest brought wine to toast the big nice thing. There were adults, children in the room and me. And everyone knows where I stand on the not drinking thing. So anyhoo...the glasses filled with the stuff were being handed out to everyone (not kids)...one was handed to me. I shook my head as if to say no thank you. The serving person stepped closer and reached even further to me with the glass. I said, "No thank you". She then took a step into my space and gave me a look that could have killed me right there...with her hand and glass almost touching my chest. I said with a louder tone...and everyone heard me..."No thank you I don't drink!" (this wasn't a news flash...everyone there knew this...in fact they exclude me from many things when they are drinking...which is GREAT).

Well, the adults looked at me as if I had insulted a baby in the family. One said, "Well, proper etiquette is for you to take it and do the motion to your mouth as if you are sipping it."

I said, "you know what...you're right..I don't know the proper etiquette, but I guarantee that the example I set tonight will be remembered by these children on what to do when they too are confronted with peer pressure."

Made some so mad

they had tears in their eyes. Ooops.

Long story I know to make a point. The members (recovering alcoholics or simple non drinkers such as myself) who choose not to par take in your toast with liquor, should not have to pretend to drink for any occasion. I would just ask you to consider them at that exact moment...and what they are thinking. No one is passing judgement or saying WE SHOULD BE ACCOMODATED because we ARE SPECIAL ...it is not like we can't be in the same room as alcohol..in today's restaurants Denny's is the only safe haven without liquor!!! Replacing the fluid with one without conflict is simply not enough.

I myself would refuse* the simple gesture of holding a champagne glass...

Iced tea, water, coffee can get the job done just as well!

OOPPS...I realize that last comment* is going to get me lamb basted.

DKS- (I have not been an alcoholic...but family members were.)

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

You should not be given any trouble for not wanting to hold the drink, Door. That is why I asked this question because, like I said, my family will go along with whatever I ask so I want to make it as comfortable as possible for them. I think one difference is that not everyone here knows who has and has not given up drinking.
As for the comment about the FI''s family not noticing, they will. They really don''t like me and although they have yet to meet any of my family they already don''t like them. It has been extremely tense. Were it not for that I would not even be worrying about it.

 

[Pandora II]

Sparkling cider is as alcoholic as champagne - or is in the UK anyway.

Neither FI or I drink - neither of us are recovering alcoholics - I take meds for my back which just don''t mix, and FI doesn''t drink out of choice.

I will be serving alcohol at my wedding - but also having more interesting soft drinks - non alcoholic punches and fruit cocktails.

If you want something non-alcoholic that looks like champagne - sparkling elderflower is very nice (and much nicer than sparkling grape-juice.)


It is weird how insulting some people can be when you say you don''t drink. I have found it tends to be people who have a bit of a drink problem themselves and see it as a threat to their own lifestyle - particularly those who verge on alcoholic but kid themselves that they are ''social drinkers'' just like everyone else.

 

[Anastasia]

DKS - I find nothing offensive in your post, other than the way you were treated!

I do drink. However, I completely understand other people choosing not to - for whatever reason - the reason is none of my business.

I attended a neighborhood party once. One couple who was there do not drink for religious reasons. One of my friends made a comment to me (after the party) to the effect of, "The guy asked for sprite, you would have thought he would have at least had a glass of wine or beer, what''s the big deal".

That comment bugs me to this day. Why my friend would think it was any of his business whether or not this couple drink is beyond me. Or why he should feel any need to comment on it for that matter.

brazen_irish_hussy, I wouldn''t worry about it. I would just give everyone a choice of sparkling cider or champagne. I really don''t think people will be paying that much attention to who is choosing what. If they are paying attention, and making judgements based on that, then that reflects poorly on them. If these people are that small minded, they are going to find some reason to criticize no matter what the situation.

P.S. I love your screen name! My mother went to an all girl''s catholic high school, and always talks about the nuns referring to the girls as brazen hussies!

 

[basil]

Ugh, people amaze me. Why anyone would care who does and doesn''t drink is beyond me. It''s like people who always want vegetarians to eat meat. Who cares! Let people eat and drink as they please, as long as it doesn''t affect anyone else!

I would have trays of champagne and trays of sparkling cider/grape juice in champagne glasses and waiters could walk around offering each. Then if someone doesn''t want champagne but feels uncomfortable refusing it, they can take a grape juice unobtrusively. Not everyone (even those who do consume alcohol) will want champagne - some people don''t like it, prefer the drink they already have, etc. So I think it would be a stretch for your fiance''s family to a) pinpoint those who are toasting with something other than champagne b) deduce that they have a club soda and not a gin and tonic and then c) infer they are recovered alcoholics and not just teetotalers.

 

[blueyes157]

I agree! Have waiters or glasses set out on a table with both champagne and sparkling cider. Have the DJ annouce that a toast will be happening in 10 minutes and to have guests get their drink of choice. I do not know if you are having kids at the wedding, but they will LOVE feeling like a grown up and being included. And if FI''s family asks why you are having sparkling cider, I think it is more of a bed reflection on them, than it is on people who once had a problem, took responsibility for it and recovered to be the sober person they are today! Remember it is YOUR (and your FI"s) wedding, do what pleases you and don''t take a second out of your special day to worry what other people are thinking about your choices! This quote is cliche but "the people who mind, don''t matter, and the people who don''t mind, matter!"