Children taking DH''s name?

[Porridge]

I was going to post this as a comment in BlissfulBride''s current thread, but I thought it would be too much of a threadjack. But in a similar vein, how do people feel about your children taking your DH''s last name and not yours?

 

[chrono]

I really wish my children would take my last name but the tradition of children taking their father''s last name is MUCH stronger and harder to break than the wife taking the husband''s lastname. My children have my spouse''s lastname and I''m all right with that. They are his children too after all.

 

[Rhea]

DH and I don't share a last name. DH also has a hyphenated name. If we had children then we would hyphenate my one last name with one of his last names of his choosing, although I have a preference (not the same one he likes for the record). I would hope that the other part of his last name would be the child's middle name.

I have no preference on what other people do or what is "normal".

 

[lucyandroger]

To be honest, it kind of bothers me a little but we''re definitely going to do it. I''m planning on giving my children my maiden name as a middle name. SO hates this idea but knows the alternative (hyphenation) and sees it as the lesser of two evils.

A friend of mine kept her name when she got married. Her and her husband came up with a deal that all girls would get her name and all boys would get her husband''s name. They just had a daughter and sure enough she has her mother''s last name. I think it is an interesting idea. I wouldn''t be up for it as I prefer my kids to have the same last name but I''m glad it works for them!

 

[chrono]

Date: 1/29/2009 2:58:15 PM
Author: lucyandroger
To be honest, it kind of bothers me a little but we''re definitely going to do it. I''m planning on giving my children my maiden name as a middle name. SO hates this idea but knows the alternative (hyphenation) and sees it as the lesser of two evils.

A friend of mine kept her name when she got married. Her and her husband came up with a deal that all girls would get her name and all boys would get her husband''s name. They just had a daughter and sure enough she has her mother''s last name. I think it is an interesting idea. I wouldn''t be up for it as I prefer my kids to have the same last name but I''m glad it works for them!

What a great idea. Well, I have two boys so it wouldn''t change anything in my household though.

 

[musey]

I liked one person''s suggestion of giving them both hyphenated, and letting them choose to drop one or keep both once they are of age.

It gets very complicated! I''m certainly all for people doing what works best for them, but in some ways it''s a lot easier to do the "traditional" (by Western standards, anyway) solution, just to not have to worry about it!

To me, a name is just a name. I would be no less me if my name were Cholandra Calhoun (it''s not). So in the end, all that''s important is to find a solution that works for everyone involved (and forget about everyone else).

 

[Rhea]

Date: 1/29/2009 2:58:15 PM
Author: lucyandroger


A friend of mine kept her name when she got married. Her and her husband came up with a deal that all girls would get her name and all boys would get her husband''s name. They just had a daughter and sure enough she has her mother''s last name. I think it is an interesting idea. I wouldn''t be up for it as I prefer my kids to have the same last name but I''m glad it works for them!

One of my professors made a deal with her husband that all the children would have the same last name but if the first was a girl then they''d all her last name. If the first was a boy then they''d get his last name. The children ended up the man''s last name, but it''s interesting how they came to decision on which name to take.

 

[fieryred33143]

This is a whole other can of worms IMO.

I have my father''s last name. I think it would be hypocritical of me to then deny my FI the right to have his last name as the child''s name.

 

[honey22]

I am taking my DFs name so this wouldn''t be an issue for me, but I think I would feel funny if they didn''t have my name to be honest.

But I am not sure what the laws are in the US, but here in Australia, it''s the mother''s obligation to submit the birth certificate I believe, and she get''s the decide the last name of the child. When a child is born, it immediately is know at the hospital as Baby *mothers last name*. The Mum can choose to put the Dad''s last name, but she is the one with the say. I am sure in different circumstances, the Dad could apply to have the name as his.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 1/29/2009 3:19:27 PM
Author: fieryred33143
This is a whole other can of worms IMO.


I have my father''s last name. I think it would be hypocritical of me to then deny my FI the right to have his last name as the child''s name.

I''ve been thinking about this for a bit. I don''t understand how it''s hypocritical. You didn''t get to pick your own name, but you do get to pick your children''s names. I''d choose my mother''s name if I could, it''s prettier. But it''s actually her father''s last name. We''d have to go back quite a long way to all get the female side''s last name.

Assuming you don''t change your name, isn''t it just as bad for him to deny you the right to have your last name as the child''s name as it is for you to deny him the ring to have his last name as the child''s name?

 

[Definitely. Maybe]

Date: 1/29/2009 3:19:27 PM
Author: fieryred33143
This is a whole other can of worms IMO.

I have my father's last name. I think it would be hypocritical of me to then deny my FI the right to have his last name as the child's name.

I may have missed something, which is probably the case... But, why would you feel hypocritical for not letting your FI have his last name as the childs? I know I didn't have a choice in choosing my last name (done at birth). If that is the same with you then I do not see it as being hypocritical.


Oopps. My computer seems to be slow in posting. Sorry for posting the same as you Addy.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 1/29/2009 3:50:53 PM
Author: Addy

Date: 1/29/2009 3:19:27 PM
Author: fieryred33143
This is a whole other can of worms IMO.


I have my father''s last name. I think it would be hypocritical of me to then deny my FI the right to have his last name as the child''s name.

I''ve been thinking about this for a bit. I don''t understand how it''s hypocritical. You didn''t get to pick your own name, but you do get to pick your children''s names. I''d choose my mother''s name if I could, it''s prettier. But it''s actually her father''s last name. We''d have to go back quite a long way to all get the female side''s last name.

Assuming you don''t change your name, isn''t it just as bad for him to deny you the right to have your last name as the child''s name as it is for you to deny him the ring to have his last name as the child''s name?

My though process on this is kind of strange but here it goes:

For me its really easy to change your last name when you get older if you choose to do so. My cousins, for example, changed their last names when they were about 17/18 because their real father used to abuse their mother. When she remarried, my cousins took their step-father''s last name because they felt he was more of a father figure to them. So even though it isn''t a thought that crosses people''s minds often or something they would normally consider throughout the course of their life, you could technically stop and ask yourself "do I want to continue on with my life as my father''s last name or take my mom''s last name?"

I came across this decision when my father passed away and I realized that having his last name meant being tied to his family that I hate. Before, I was Fiery Lastname and it was ok because it was his last name. When he passed away, it didn''t become his lastname any more for me, it because their last name. Ultimately, I decided to stay with it because it made me feel more connected to him.

So being that I have that history of actually thinking about whether or not to change my name and I decided to keep his last name because he''s my father, I feel that I should give that right to my FI.

I don''t know if any of that made sense. It makes sense in my brain LOL! And as I said, its not normally a thought that enters someone''s mind or a decision that someone feels they have to make but it did enter my mind. Also, my FI wouldn''t deny me any rights but I know that having his children carry his name is something that is really important to him even if I decide not to carry his name.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/29/2009 3:50:53 PM
Author: Addy

Date: 1/29/2009 3:19:27 PM

Author: fieryred33143

This is a whole other can of worms IMO.

I have my father's last name. I think it would be hypocritical of me to then deny my FI the right to have his last name as the child's name.

I've been thinking about this for a bit. I don't understand how it's hypocritical. You didn't get to pick your own name, but you do get to pick your children's names. I'd choose my mother's name if I could, it's prettier. But it's actually her father's last name. We'd have to go back quite a long way to all get the female side's last name.

Assuming you don't change your name, isn't it just as bad for him to deny you the right to have your last name as the child's name as it is for you to deny him the ring to have his last name as the child's name?

Ditto Addy.

ETA if I have kids their last names will be hyphenated and I will make sure the whole long name is used! Oh and my name will probably go first in the hyphenation just because it flows better.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 1/29/2009 4:01:27 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 1/29/2009 3:50:53 PM
Author: Addy

Date: 1/29/2009 3:19:27 PM
Author: fieryred33143
This is a whole other can of worms IMO.


I have my father''s last name. I think it would be hypocritical of me to then deny my FI the right to have his last name as the child''s name.

I''ve been thinking about this for a bit. I don''t understand how it''s hypocritical. You didn''t get to pick your own name, but you do get to pick your children''s names. I''d choose my mother''s name if I could, it''s prettier. But it''s actually her father''s last name. We''d have to go back quite a long way to all get the female side''s last name.

Assuming you don''t change your name, isn''t it just as bad for him to deny you the right to have your last name as the child''s name as it is for you to deny him the ring to have his last name as the child''s name?

My though process on this is kind of strange but here it goes:

For me its really easy to change your last name when you get older if you choose to do so. My cousins, for example, changed their last names when they were about 17/18 because their real father used to abuse their mother. When she remarried, my cousins took their step-father''s last name because they felt he was more of a father figure to them. So even though it isn''t a thought that crosses people''s minds often or something they would normally consider throughout the course of their life, you could technically stop and ask yourself ''do I want to continue on with my life as my father''s last name or take my mom''s last name?''

I came across this decision when my father passed away and I realized that having his last name meant being tied to his family that I hate. Before, I was Fiery Lastname and it was ok because it was his last name. When he passed away, it didn''t become his lastname any more for me, it because their last name. Ultimately, I decided to stay with it because it made me feel more connected to him.

So being that I have that history of actually thinking about whether or not to change my name and I decided to keep his last name because he''s my father, I feel that I should give that right to my FI.

I don''t know if any of that made sense. It makes sense in my brain LOL! And as I said, its not normally a thought that enters someone''s mind or a decision that someone feels they have to make but it did enter my mind. Also, my FI wouldn''t deny me any rights but I know that having his children carry his name is something that is really important to him even if I decide not to carry his name.

fiery- it totally makes sense....
i will have my children have my Fi''s last name. i am a child of divorce. i was born with one name from my father. when i was 7 i was adopted by my stepfather and was given a new last name. my mom is now divorced from him and that last name does not mean anything to me. i want that family unit with all of us having the same last name.

 

[CellarDoor]

I like it when women give their children their maiden name for a first name. Obviously this isn''t appropriate in all situations, and it depends on what your maiden name is, but my cousin and his wife named their daughter Sawyer, which is her maiden name, and I have a friend who named her son Andrew because her maiden name was Andrews. I have a friend whose name is FirstName Mother''sMaidenForMiddleName Father''sLastName, and his brother and sister all have his mother''s maiden name for a middle name even though it is not particularly feminine or pretty. It means more than just picking a name that sounds good with the first name.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 1/29/2009 4:41:57 PM
Author: CellarDoor
I like it when women give their children their maiden name for a first name. Obviously this isn''t appropriate in all situations, and it depends on what your maiden name is, but my cousin and his wife named their daughter Sawyer, which is her maiden name, and I have a friend who named her son Andrew because her maiden name was Andrews. I have a friend whose name is FirstName Mother''sMaidenForMiddleName Father''sLastName, and his brother and sister all have his mother''s maiden name for a middle name even though it is not particularly feminine or pretty. It means more than just picking a name that sounds good with the first name.

if i have a boy i am giving his middle name "cole" which is short for my mothers maiden name. i don''t care about my last name though and i cannot WAIT to take my husbands name and share it with my son or daughter.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I am in no way saying one is right or better, but I do understand why it would be "important" for a child to have the father''s last name.

I''ll come right out and say it, even though it''s kind of tacky. Maternity is easily proven... I''ll leave it at that. A child having the father''s name is the traditional means for informing the world, "I trust that this is my child, and I claim him in all legal matters. His mother did not cheat on me."


Do I think that''s necessary in this day and age? No, because children are born out of marriage with little to no social stigma these days, depending on where you live. However, the concept does make sense to me.

 

[bee*]

To be honest, it doesn''t bother me. I''m planning on taking D''s name so I always expected that any kids would have his surname also. Do what makes you comfortable though.

 

[mayachel]

I was shocked to pieces. Last night I brought up the name issue, and df suggested we each keep our own names, but when we have children, create a new family name. So that socially we''d have a joint name, but professionally our original names.

It''s the best compromise we''ve come up with so far.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

My aunt and uncle gave all of their children the same middle name, which was my aunt''s maiden name. I love it and think it was a great way to incorporate both names without it being confusing.

 

[elrohwen]

I''m taking FI''s last name, so our kids will have the same last name. I agree with Musey that, to me, a name is just a name, so it doesn''t bother me that my maiden name will be gone. It seems simpler to me that all share the same name and I don''t really care if it''s mine or his, so we''re going with tradition and using his. Just do whatever makes you comfortable.

 

[Kelli]

Creating a new family name together sounds like a reasonable idea, but still, a name had got to come from somewhere, right? How on earth would you choose, unless putting your names together made something decent?

 

[mayachel]

That''s just it Kelli, our names DON''T fit particularly well, though I wish they did. Knowing df, I have a feeling while he will be true to his word, he is also hoping he can get me to put it off long enough to not worry so much about it...may work, may leave us in the same place, just a few years older.

 

[October2008bride]

I''m keeping my own name, but the kids will have DH''s. DH has a GREAT last name and I''m more than happy to have our kids have ''his'' name.

Granted, I''m not sure if we are going to have kids, but if we do, that is the plan.

I''d love to hyphenate or have mine as a middle name but it would be really difficult (we both have long last names).

For me, they don''t need my name to know they came out of me haha.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 1/30/2009 2:36:36 PM
Author: mayachel
That''s just it Kelli, our names DON''T fit particularly well, though I wish they did. Knowing df, I have a feeling while he will be true to his word, he is also hoping he can get me to put it off long enough to not worry so much about it...may work, may leave us in the same place, just a few years older.

Good luck with that!!

My last name would be ok with his last name, certainly not terrible, but I just don''t like the sound of it. Maybe you could just use some of the same letters and rearrange them

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

This thread got me thinking on the names issue, and Mayachel, I hear you on the last names not fitting well together. My last name and my BF''s sound very similar, so no possibility of hyphenation or giving my name to any children we have as their middle names

 

[katamari]

I am not sure that we are having kids, but we decided that if we do, their names will be a hybrid of ours. With the hybrid that we chose, his name will be better represented (think Me von Doe and Him Smith make children von Smith), but will keep my cultural heritage since the von is the ethnic part.

 

[mayachel]

[/quote]

Good luck with that!!

My last name would be ok with his last name, certainly not terrible, but I just don''t like the sound of it. Maybe you could just use some of the same letters and rearrange them[/quote]


Our situation...two, short,two syllable names-that share the same letters in the same order,

Example

Not our actual names but) Seckell
Sckelly
It''s really quite a hoot to think of the coincidence.