Come and Go Bridal Shower

[ponderer]

I just recieved an invite for my a bridal shower. I am a friend of the grooms and not the brides. On the invite it says:

You are cordially invited to
A Bridal Shower
Honoring
Her name
Bride elect of
His name

Date
Time
Come and Go
Address

Does the come and go part refer to an old fashioned southern bridal shower where the gifts are sent ahead of time and displayed at the shower and people just come greet the bride, eat the food and look at what everyone bought? I am from the south and have heard of this kind of shower but have never been to one.

The Come and go part threw me and I just want to know if any of you know exactly what this means.

Thanks

 

[FireGoddess]

I have never heard of that in my life. I''m curious to hear what this means.

 

[RoseAngel04]

hmm...never heard of this for a bridal shower. Could you ask the hostess of your shower??

eta: I'm from the South and I've never been invited or attended a "come and go" shower

 

[ponderer]

I have no phone number for the hostess, as there is no RSVP asked for on the invite.

I think it may be refering to the type of shower I described. A girlfriend of mine was thrown a shower like this a couple of years ago by the groom''s family in a small east texas town. She was totally confused when she got there. The shower was not what she expected. They made her stand at the door and greet people for hours while everyone wandered through the house viewing gifts that were sent ahead of time and displayed with little place cards stating who bought it.

I just dont want to show up with a gift if I should send it before. I would also like to clue in other friends who I think are invited if there is something special to this Come and Go thing.

 

[RoseAngel04]

I may be confused but didn''t you say this is your bridal shower? If it is, then you do not bring a gift for yourself.

You may be right, this may be a "southern style" bridal shower like you described. Interesting....

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 4/5/2007 6:45:19 PM
Author: ponderer
I think it may be refering to the type of shower I described. A girlfriend of mine was thrown a shower like this a couple of years ago by the groom's family in a small east texas town. She was totally confused when she got there. The shower was not what she expected. They made her stand at the door and greet people for hours while everyone wandered through the house viewing gifts that were sent ahead of time and displayed with little place cards stating who bought it.

That kind of shower seems weird, lazy, and rude. No offense to your girlfriend and her shower (or the people that threw it for her), but seriously - I would hate a shower like that. The point is not to make the bride stand there and greet people at the door while guests oogle the presents that have been displayed. I would never throw a shower like that.

ETA: Not that it's relevant what I would do anyway.....I'm just saying.

I'd definitely ask the person who you're to RSVP to, just to make sure your idea of 'come and go' is the same as theirs.

 

[zoebartlett]

A Come and Go shower...hmm, never heard of it. I''m picturing an open house kind of atmosphere where people wander in and out, greet the bride and mingle with others. Not really a "sit and watch the bride open presents" kind of thing. But I don''t really know. I''m curious too.

 

[ponderer]

Sorry, the "my" is a typo. I was going to type "my........ " and describe how I knew the bride but it seemed confusing, so I stated that in the next sentence.

The shower is for someone that I dont know very well, but bc I am close to the groom this is someone I feel I need to support now to foster a good relationship in the future.

I have been happily married for 6 years now.

 

[sumbride]

hmmm.... I''m from a small town in East Texas and I''ve never heard of that kind of shower!

I could see maybe not being focused on opening the presents in front of everyone, kind of an open house as said, but the bride should be in the middle of the room, not at the door. That would just be uncomfortable.

 

[brgirl]

My best friend ''hosted'' (she was forced to share in the cost, but had no input into planning!) a ''Come and Go'' shower for her cousin. Basically people just dropped off their gifts, spoke with the bride and left. There was punch and cake.

So, it was much like an Open House. Of course at her cousin''s shower, the bride didn''t even stay the whole time. Very odd....

 

[ponderer]

I know, it is weird. But I think it is very old school.

When she told me about the weird shower she was thrown, it reminded me of the movie "Father of the Bride" the original with Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor. It reminded me of the scene where they are in the dining room and there are gifts set out everywhere and they open a new gift from Aunt whatever and it is an ugly statue with a clock set in the abdomen. They make a joke about returning or breaking it and set out with the rest of the gifts and the card. Later they had party where they met the inlaws.

I called my mother and she said that she had gone to a shower like this in the early eighties, but did know if Come and go refered to this.

 

[ponderer]

brgirl, where was this shower thrown?

Are come and goes common among your aquaintances, or was this the only time you had heard of one?

 

[jcrow]

check out this link on the topic.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 4/5/2007 7:54:12 PM
Author: jcrow
check out this link on the topic.

I was JUST going to post that Jcrow! That is such an odd tradition.

 

[ponderer]

Thanks Jcrow,

I think your link has enlightened many of us on this subject. I guess its a new twist on an old concept. I guess I will take my gift with me and hope all goes well.

I knew you ladies would help me find some info on this topic.

thanks so much!

 

[ponderer]

I guess a come and go makes sense for a really large shower. My girlfriend who was made to stand at the door recieved over one hundred gifts that day. Pretty much most of the town came.

 

[jcrow]

yeh, i''d never heard of this before either. and i live in the deep south. but i have heard of how it was proper or the thing to do a long time ago regarding displaying gifts. after showers or after getting gifts in the mail, the family would have them out on display for anyone who came over.

 

[Gypsy]

Gimme your gift and go away.

That's what this sounds like to me. How... different.

I would call the bride for the shower host's contact information and give her a call.

I mean... no RSVP or contact information. It's just a gift demand.

ETA: I read the link Jcrow posted... I see the other side. But the lack of contact information is just wrong. And IF I saw the need for this kind of thing (and I don't think I would-- I'd just rent a small restuarant for lunch and have all the attendants chip in and do a buffet if I was on a budget- if you do it at a place that opens mostly for dinner they give a nice break sometimes. We do this for birthdays-- LARGE family) ... but I digress... IF I saw the need I'm make sure to PUT ON THE INVITE that "In consideration for our Guest's hectic schedules we have decided to host this as a Come and Go shower. Please feel free to stay as long as you'd like-- we'd love to have you as long as you feel you can stay. Gifts optional."

I might just call it an "open house style" shower and omit the words " Come and Go" altogther honestly.

 

[ponderer]

Gypsy,

Now that you mention it, not only is it missing an RSVP but there is no host named. Just an address. The longer I look at the invite, the more odd it looks.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 4/5/2007 6:52:23 PM
Author: zoebartlett
A Come and Go shower...hmm, never heard of it. I''m picturing an open house kind of atmosphere where people wander in and out, greet the bride and mingle with others. Not really a ''sit and watch the bride open presents'' kind of thing. But I don''t really know. I''m curious too.

This is what I pictured as well - come and go, i.e. don''t have to wait for the bride to open presents.
The old fashioned southern thing sounds kind of odd??!!

 

[brgirl]

Date: 4/5/2007 7:17:26 PM
Author: ponderer
brgirl, where was this shower thrown?

Are come and goes common among your aquaintances, or was this the only time you had heard of one?

I think you''ve got it figured out now, but I thought I''d still answer!! This was in Texas, and this was the first time I''d ever heard of it. The bride''s father is a church pasteur, so there were a lot of members of his congregation that were invited. I guess that was the logic behind the come and go - a lot of people didn''t know the bride personally.

I''ll say the first thing I thought was ''that sounds like a ploy to get gifts..''

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/5/2007 8:39:09 PM
Author: ponderer
Gypsy,

Now that you mention it, not only is it missing an RSVP but there is no host named. Just an address. The longer I look at the invite, the more odd it looks.

And doesn''t that just bug the crap outta ya? I mean seriously... the wedding industry is a BILLION DOLLAR industry. You don''t even have to buy a 5 dollar book to get wedding/shower advice. All you need a some common sense and computer and a search engine. Heck if you don''t have the later two you can spend 15 minutes in a book store SKIMMING a book without buying it and you''ll get enough advice to avoid messing things up. Can''t help someone ''get'' common sense though... nothing does, unfortunately.

Just plan lazy.

I''m betting they didn''t forget or ommit the registry information though, did they?

 

[njc]

I have never heard of a come and go shower, but can see it being typical of the older south. I cant believe there is no host name or number though... what if you want directions to the house or, like you do, have questions!?!?

Gypsy - I totally understand your being upset and agree with you that is just seems REALLY odd, but at the same time, being from a large family of southerners, I get it too. Its kinda like the holidays... you just go around visiting. No one is offended when you leave, just happy you were able to stop by. You always have food ready to serve and possibly a gift. I dont know... what kind of shower did they have in Steel Magnolias!?!?!

My mother displayed all our wedding gifts that were sent to her house, because that is what her mother did. What a pain the butt it was to pack them all up to bring home.

I had a friend whose mother did it as well.

 

[ponderer]

Yup,

Registery info is included.

 

[DMBsGirl]

i like this idea, the only bad part of being engaged is knowing i'll have to have a shower and "ooh and ahhh" over a plate and set of knives, all showers i've been to have bored me to death. i'm thinking i want to someday have a coed shower, and just have a nice meal at a restaurant.