Compatability...

[fuzzers]

I''m just trying to figure out what real compatability means. How similar are you and your SO? Your personalities, your interests, your ways of dealing with conflict? I''ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I slowly realize how different we are in some ways. Not that this has made me love him any less of course. For example, our ways of dealing with stress... COMPLETELY opposite. The way we argue (which we don''t do very often lol

), completely different. It does cause some issues once in a while. However we are more similar than we are different. We both want to get married, have lots of kids (and cats) and live in a big house with a white picket fence etc. We''re both very family oriented (he wants to be a stay-at-home dad!). We are both pretty introverted and are each other''s best friends; we prefer to hang out with each other than with other people. So what does true compatability mean? Should you be similar in all areas to have a successful marriage? How can we learn to find some middle ground in our differences?

Thanks for reading.

Thoughts?

 

[jcarlylew]

compromise! E and i are VERY different
I am religious, he is not
he loves heavy metal, i do not
he is a music snob, i am not
I bottle things in, he doesnt

but its all worked becuase we compromise well together.

scratch that

It works becuase we respect eachother. Eric knows when my breaking points are, i know when to give him room to "be a guy and breathe" and we do it without being snarky or hold it over eachothers head.

Come to think about it, the people i know that are exactly alike get along the worse. go figure

 

[Lauren8211]

I think compatibility is not how much the same you are, but how well you work together as a team. We are polar opposites in most areas. I''m left-brained, he''s right-brained. I remember, he forgets. I''m clean, he''s a slob. He''s an extrovert, I''m an introvert.

We really compliment one another, however. We balance one another out. We also have very similar values where it counts.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

FI and I are pretty much the exact same person.. Needless to say when personalities are too alike it can also be an issue... especially when you are both stubborn! We have tried hard to be more patient together and work out any conflicts we have had... I think compatibility is important, but to generalize and say you need to have many things in common or be opposites is rediculous. As long as you share the same values and morals in life, I think you are pretty much set. Afterall, relationships are all about compromise, right?

 

[trillionaire]

I wear the pants, and he irons them.

How''s THAT for compromise?

 

[vita*dolce]

Date: 9/9/2008 1:21:44 PM
Author: trillionaire
I wear the pants, and he irons them.


How''s THAT for compromise?

haha, love it! my bf and i aren''t so much alike as we just get along really well. like elle said, we compliment each other.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

My boyfriend and I are totally different-

I''m outgoing and friendly
He is more shy, until you get to know him, then everyone thinks he is just MUCHO funny, but sometimes I personally think his jokes are stupid (shhh!! haha I still laugh at them, who doesn''t like laughing??)
I LOVE kids and have infinite patience for them, while he has patience for working under the engine of a car with teeny tiny screw.. NOT ME! I get really mad
(HA he is in the bedroom laughing at Family Guy, and he has this silly little high pitched giggle.. I love it

)
We both fight totally different- I am so vocal and YELL and he just sits there till he explodes, usually after I make him so mad...

I think it really just is about how well you work together. SO and I can do anything together- from painting my mom''s house to riding bikes to going to a play to going out on dates, and still find ways to have so much fun together.

We both compromise almost everyday, but for the sake of each other''s happiness! Marriages are the most successful when both people put the work into it.

 

[absolut_blonde]

It''s easy to be together. I''m not sure how to explain it. The relationship isn''t always easy-- sometimes it''s hard work! But being a part of ''us'' is easy. Even on the hard days where we might be squabbling a bit, his presence in my life is always a positive.

It works. It has from the start. I can''t imagine myself with anyone else, ever. It''s cliche, but I''ve never felt this way before about someone.

And we are quite different... extremely different in some ways. Different upbringings, different educational backgrounds, different childhoods (city vs rural), etc. Don''t know if there are any country fans but Eric Church''s ''Guys Like Me'' pretty much sums up our relationship. I am the Elle Woods to his alpha male handyman. LOL.

I guess what it comes down to is that we are similar in the ways that matter. Similar values, which is key. Similar goals. Similar predispositions in that we''re generally happiest spending down time together. And in a way, the differences I mentioned above balance each other out perfectly-- I''m very much the nurturing domestic type and he appreciates that. Similarly, I love that he''s highly driven and handy. We compliment each other, yet we are both highly independent so neither of us feels smothered.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 9/9/2008 11:58:26 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
It''s easy to be together. I''m not sure how to explain it. The relationship isn''t always easy-- sometimes it''s hard work! But being a part of ''us'' is easy. Even on the hard days where we might be squabbling a bit, his presence in my life is always a positive.

It works. It has from the start. I can''t imagine myself with anyone else, ever. It''s cliche, but I''ve never felt this way before about someone.

And we are quite different... extremely different in some ways. Different upbringings, different educational backgrounds, different childhoods (city vs rural), etc. Don''t know if there are any country fans but Eric Church''s ''Guys Like Me'' pretty much sums up our relationship. I am the Elle Woods to his alpha male handyman. LOL.

I guess what it comes down to is that we are similar in the ways that matter. Similar values, which is key. Similar goals. Similar predispositions in that we''re generally happiest spending down time together. And in a way, the differences I mentioned above balance each other out perfectly-- I''m very much the nurturing domestic type and he appreciates that. Similarly, I love that he''s highly driven and handy. We compliment each other, yet we are both highly independent so neither of us feels smothered.

What you have said sums up how I feel exactly. I think when SO gets home I might even read that to him! lol

 

[fuzzers]

Thanks for the replies everyone they were interesting and insightful.