Competition for gowns?

[Elise]

not sure how many would have experienced this but thought i''ll share a situation i encountered recently. i have a good friend that is getting married about the same time and we had been looking at wedding dresses together. she is getting married soon after me and in a different country although we do have common friends.

as it was, we saw a lot of styles we both liked and shared them with each other. i got tired of being indecisive about my own gown and finally trotted down to my designer to have a chat. i showed him some gowns i picked out and he suggested one as being most suitable for me. when i showed my friend the picture i gave him for "inspiration", she got upset as she wanted the same gown and she reminded that she showed it to me.

i genuinely did not remember seeing the gown with her as we went through loads of pictures and it was something i had tagged out in a magazine way before she got engaged and started looking for gowns. besides, it was unlikely that my gown would turn out exactly the same as the picture. i explained the situation to her and even apologised (and now i''m feeling stupid for apologising). she seemed to understand at first but is now very cold to me.

i''m now at a loss as to what to do. i''m torn between being upset at her for behaving this way and wondering if i should have ceded and changed my design after she told me.

 

[Sabine]

Awe, this is such a difficult situation. Personally, I was lucky enough to have a friend who was so generous that she even said I could wear her dress to my wedding if I wanted to. How do you feel about the possibility of having similar dresses? Would you mind if she ended up buying the dress that your dress was patterned after? You said you only had a few friends in common, so I feel like you could wear similar dresses without it being a big deal. Plus, since the weddings are in different countries, there will probably be a whole different vibe going. The big question is, was your friend so set on this dress that she is ready to order it right this second? If not, especially if she''s never even tried it on, chances on she won''t end up getting it. But she might need to feel like she could if she wanted to, otherwise she might always wonder, if that makes sense.

 

[Independent Gal]

I agree with Sabine. Also, if you''re planning to get married in Bali, the same dress might not be appropriate for both your weddings. And how many of your friends will be heading down there with you? It will cost at least $2000 each for them to come, after all! So possibly not too many of the same people will see you in it anyway?!

So there must be some wiggle room here. I''d sit down and talk it through with her. She''s an adult, she''ll understand!

Just make sure you don''t pick a dress until you pick a location. There are a lot of two dress brides on here who didn''t intend to be!

 

[Elise]

Date: 9/20/2007 4:37:48 PM
Author: Sabine
Awe, this is such a difficult situation. Personally, I was lucky enough to have a friend who was so generous that she even said I could wear her dress to my wedding if I wanted to. How do you feel about the possibility of having similar dresses? Would you mind if she ended up buying the dress that your dress was patterned after? You said you only had a few friends in common, so I feel like you could wear similar dresses without it being a big deal. Plus, since the weddings are in different countries, there will probably be a whole different vibe going. The big question is, was your friend so set on this dress that she is ready to order it right this second? If not, especially if she''s never even tried it on, chances on she won''t end up getting it. But she might need to feel like she could if she wanted to, otherwise she might always wonder, if that makes sense.

hi sabine, thanks for listening. i don''t mind having similar dresses as her for the reasons that you mentioned. and perhaps that''s why i don''t understand her reaction. she pointed out so many gowns she likes (more than 10) on a day when we went through almost a hundred gowns. when this whole thing happened, she did tell me that she hasn''t decided on the dress. we both haven''t tried on the dress. we saw it in a picture.

 

[Elise]

Date: 9/20/2007 4:47:33 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I agree with Sabine. Also, if you''re planning to get married in Bali, the same dress might not be appropriate for both your weddings. And how many of your friends will be heading down there with you? It will cost at least $2000 each for them to come, after all! So possibly not too many of the same people will see you in it anyway?!


So there must be some wiggle room here. I''d sit down and talk it through with her. She''s an adult, she''ll understand!


Just make sure you don''t pick a dress until you pick a location. There are a lot of two dress brides on here who didn''t intend to be!

hi IG!

we are both getting married in indoor religious ceremonies albeit in different countries. so the dress is really more traditional than what you usually see for destination weddings .

not sure if this mak
hi IG!

we are both getting married in indoor religious ceremonies albeit in different countries. so the dress is really more traditional than what you usually see for destination weddings.

there is plenty of wiggle room actually and after i pointed them out, she agreed with them. that''s why i''m totally baffled by her reaction. she''s always been easygoing and generous and we share clothes like sisters and short of wedding jitters, i really can''t explain her coldness.

thanks for the advice! my process is 1. discuss with designer 2. decide on venue 3. finalise dress design with designer.