ams0124
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2008
- Messages
- 934
Hi Ladies
So this is really long and thank you to anyone who makes it through
First off, I can''t tell you how much I''ve missed this place in the past couple weeks, I''m really sad that I haven''t been able to post as regularly as I would like...Hopefully it''ll get better soon.
Now onto to guts of my post...
I have had the absolute worst 2 months! You know that saying "when it rains it pours"....I feel like I''ve been living in an ongoing monsoon since the beginning of March...and quite honestly it''s starting to take its toll. Without trying to sound over dramatic this is kinda what I''ve been going through...maybe I just need to vent, or maybe I need a internet hug...I don''t know. I just feel like you girls are understanding and your comments are always so helpful and thought provoking...maybe that''s what I need.
So it started beginning of March when I got sick...ended up with Mono (have no idea how I got it cause I''m the only one in my circle who ended up getting it) I was sick until a few days ago. I''m not even back at 100% yet. I''ve had to take several days off work to the point where I had to start using some of my vacation time and now I''m kind of worried about being able to take vacation days around the wedding. Not the most horrible thing in the world I know...but still kinda stressful.
THEN
Around the middle of March my grandpa died. It was my father''s father. I hadn''t spoken to my dad in almost 4 years (another story for another post on a different day) I decided to fly out of state for the funeral where I discovered my dad who decided he didn’t want to be apart of my sister and I’s lives up has started another family with a women who has 2 daughters (both relatively close to my sister and I''s age). The one daughter is a year younger then me and has nothing but wonderful things to say about my dad, she''s getting married 1 month before me and none other then my non-existent father will be walking her down the aisle. Needless to say the abandonment issues that I thought I was over came flooding back.
THEN
Found out that my company got bought. It is expected to be final by early Sept. and there''s a 50/50 chance that come the end of Sept I will be out of a job. I maybe am looking at this with the glass half empty outlook but...I work in the oil & gas industry, my professional skills are very specialized to this industry. I''ve only ever worked in this industry. Some may not believe it but this industry is feeling the effects of the recession as well. Many of the O&G companies here in CO have been through multiple layoffs this year...most (if not all are) are on a hiring freeze. I''m really scared that if I were to loose my job that the possibilities of finding another one where my skills will be remotely valuable will be next to impossible. At the same time the working environment at my job has gotten increasing hostile. Everyone is scared for their jobs and it''s no longer the "team" that it once was. I''m finding it hard to come into work everyday...my supervisor is no longer supportive, she has almost started treating me as if I''m a threat to her job. I feel like she''s been trying to "throw me under the bus" sort to speak to try to make herself look better. Our working relationship has never been as strained as it is now. She was always the person I had in my corner to stick up for me (and our group). I understand where she''s coming from I do but it''s been so hard working for her lately. She''s my main reason for the dread I feel going to work. I''m working about 12 hour days M-F and I''ve even putting in some time on the weekends. I''m getting to my breaking point with work.
THEN
My puppy broke his leg...more specifically his elbow
. He had to have surgery to fix it and now he has something like 10 pins 3 screws and a plate in his arm. He''s only 6 months old. He has to be on strict inactivity for 8 weeks, meaning he has to pretty much live in his kennel. I can only take him out back on a leash to go to the bathroom. I just feel so bad for my little guy. It breaks my heart to see him in pain.
THEN
Found out my younger sister is 13 weeks pregnant. I''m more than thrilled for her...I really am. I''m so excited for her b/c she was told that she''d never be able to have a baby. And with all the medications that she has had to take, as well as the BC pills that she was on to regulate her period...it''s pretty much a miracle she pregnant. It really is a gift from God. But I''m going to admit my selfish side...so please don''t drill me too hard on this...She''s my maid of honor for the wedding. The baby is due mid Oct, my wedding is 12/5. My BM dresses that I was pretty much prepared to order she has asked me if I can pick something else out. She pretty much sat me down and started crying and saying that she was going to look horrible in the dress after just having a baby. I don''t want her to feel uncomfortable so I''m going to look for different dresses...It''s just ANOTHER thing that''s stressing me out. One more selfish comment and then I''m moving on...I definitely have some sort of complex when it comes to my sister. I''ve always felt that whatever I did when I was younger to get the attention of my mom, something always happened to my sister that reverted all my mom''s time and energy away from me and back to her. I was a daddy''s girl until he left and ever since then I feel like I''ve been fighting for the attention of my mom. I was so excited to plan my wedding with my mom. I knew that this was something that was going to finally bring us closer...and now I feel like it''s totally been ripped away from me again because now mom my is focused more on my sis and her baby. I know that it''s not logical to think that, and I know at the end of the day my mom loves both of us and would do anything...but I just can''t help to feel like I got the short end of the stick...again. Please be gentle if you’re going to comment on this topic...I know it''s my own short coming and I''m trying to take steps to move past it. I love my sister and my mom.
THEN:
This whole wedding planning process is just not me. I want the "traditional" wedding but I feel like I''m in way over my head. It''s to the point where there are so many decisions that need to made I''m completely overwhelmed so instead of making decision I''m just putting everything off. It doesn''t help that I have next to no time to really sit down and do anything wedding related. FI isn''t much help either...through no fault of his own. He''s been just as busy with work as I have...if not more. I don''t have to travel for one week out of every month...he does. I feel like I don''t have a support system to come with me to meetings, or to a tasting, or whatever. And I think because I''m so stressed out with everything else going on in my life the wedding is having to take a backseat and there just isn''t time for that. I really do wish that I could hire someone to plan everything for me and FI and I will just show up.
Whewwww!! That was long.
So that''s pretty much it. I feel good that I got that "down on paper". I probably should have just written this in a journal or something so I wouldn''t have to put you all through my poor me story. Anyway, thanks to who ever made it through this. I know I''m going to look back at this post in a few weeks and I''m going to be embarrassed that I even posted such ridiculous things.
Well before I make this any more of a novel I just want to say thanks again...This place is a great stress reliever for me (maybe even a therapist too
)...I really have to try to post more often again. Thanks for letting me vent!
So this is really long and thank you to anyone who makes it through
First off, I can''t tell you how much I''ve missed this place in the past couple weeks, I''m really sad that I haven''t been able to post as regularly as I would like...Hopefully it''ll get better soon.
Now onto to guts of my post...
I have had the absolute worst 2 months! You know that saying "when it rains it pours"....I feel like I''ve been living in an ongoing monsoon since the beginning of March...and quite honestly it''s starting to take its toll. Without trying to sound over dramatic this is kinda what I''ve been going through...maybe I just need to vent, or maybe I need a internet hug...I don''t know. I just feel like you girls are understanding and your comments are always so helpful and thought provoking...maybe that''s what I need.
So it started beginning of March when I got sick...ended up with Mono (have no idea how I got it cause I''m the only one in my circle who ended up getting it) I was sick until a few days ago. I''m not even back at 100% yet. I''ve had to take several days off work to the point where I had to start using some of my vacation time and now I''m kind of worried about being able to take vacation days around the wedding. Not the most horrible thing in the world I know...but still kinda stressful.
THEN
Around the middle of March my grandpa died. It was my father''s father. I hadn''t spoken to my dad in almost 4 years (another story for another post on a different day) I decided to fly out of state for the funeral where I discovered my dad who decided he didn’t want to be apart of my sister and I’s lives up has started another family with a women who has 2 daughters (both relatively close to my sister and I''s age). The one daughter is a year younger then me and has nothing but wonderful things to say about my dad, she''s getting married 1 month before me and none other then my non-existent father will be walking her down the aisle. Needless to say the abandonment issues that I thought I was over came flooding back.
THEN
Found out that my company got bought. It is expected to be final by early Sept. and there''s a 50/50 chance that come the end of Sept I will be out of a job. I maybe am looking at this with the glass half empty outlook but...I work in the oil & gas industry, my professional skills are very specialized to this industry. I''ve only ever worked in this industry. Some may not believe it but this industry is feeling the effects of the recession as well. Many of the O&G companies here in CO have been through multiple layoffs this year...most (if not all are) are on a hiring freeze. I''m really scared that if I were to loose my job that the possibilities of finding another one where my skills will be remotely valuable will be next to impossible. At the same time the working environment at my job has gotten increasing hostile. Everyone is scared for their jobs and it''s no longer the "team" that it once was. I''m finding it hard to come into work everyday...my supervisor is no longer supportive, she has almost started treating me as if I''m a threat to her job. I feel like she''s been trying to "throw me under the bus" sort to speak to try to make herself look better. Our working relationship has never been as strained as it is now. She was always the person I had in my corner to stick up for me (and our group). I understand where she''s coming from I do but it''s been so hard working for her lately. She''s my main reason for the dread I feel going to work. I''m working about 12 hour days M-F and I''ve even putting in some time on the weekends. I''m getting to my breaking point with work.
THEN
My puppy broke his leg...more specifically his elbow
THEN
Found out my younger sister is 13 weeks pregnant. I''m more than thrilled for her...I really am. I''m so excited for her b/c she was told that she''d never be able to have a baby. And with all the medications that she has had to take, as well as the BC pills that she was on to regulate her period...it''s pretty much a miracle she pregnant. It really is a gift from God. But I''m going to admit my selfish side...so please don''t drill me too hard on this...She''s my maid of honor for the wedding. The baby is due mid Oct, my wedding is 12/5. My BM dresses that I was pretty much prepared to order she has asked me if I can pick something else out. She pretty much sat me down and started crying and saying that she was going to look horrible in the dress after just having a baby. I don''t want her to feel uncomfortable so I''m going to look for different dresses...It''s just ANOTHER thing that''s stressing me out. One more selfish comment and then I''m moving on...I definitely have some sort of complex when it comes to my sister. I''ve always felt that whatever I did when I was younger to get the attention of my mom, something always happened to my sister that reverted all my mom''s time and energy away from me and back to her. I was a daddy''s girl until he left and ever since then I feel like I''ve been fighting for the attention of my mom. I was so excited to plan my wedding with my mom. I knew that this was something that was going to finally bring us closer...and now I feel like it''s totally been ripped away from me again because now mom my is focused more on my sis and her baby. I know that it''s not logical to think that, and I know at the end of the day my mom loves both of us and would do anything...but I just can''t help to feel like I got the short end of the stick...again. Please be gentle if you’re going to comment on this topic...I know it''s my own short coming and I''m trying to take steps to move past it. I love my sister and my mom.
THEN:
This whole wedding planning process is just not me. I want the "traditional" wedding but I feel like I''m in way over my head. It''s to the point where there are so many decisions that need to made I''m completely overwhelmed so instead of making decision I''m just putting everything off. It doesn''t help that I have next to no time to really sit down and do anything wedding related. FI isn''t much help either...through no fault of his own. He''s been just as busy with work as I have...if not more. I don''t have to travel for one week out of every month...he does. I feel like I don''t have a support system to come with me to meetings, or to a tasting, or whatever. And I think because I''m so stressed out with everything else going on in my life the wedding is having to take a backseat and there just isn''t time for that. I really do wish that I could hire someone to plan everything for me and FI and I will just show up.
Whewwww!! That was long.
So that''s pretty much it. I feel good that I got that "down on paper". I probably should have just written this in a journal or something so I wouldn''t have to put you all through my poor me story. Anyway, thanks to who ever made it through this. I know I''m going to look back at this post in a few weeks and I''m going to be embarrassed that I even posted such ridiculous things.
Well before I make this any more of a novel I just want to say thanks again...This place is a great stress reliever for me (maybe even a therapist too
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