Dealing with over eager friends?

[IrishEyes08]

Hey ladies,

So here''s a question for you. How do you handle over eager friends/family? My BF and I have spoken very openly about our engagement, marriage, wedding and overall our lives together. We aren''t getting engaged anytime soon because frankly the money isn''t all there yet. And that ok with me, he and I are on the same page about things.

The problem is that some friends and co-workers keep asking when we''re getting engaged and when I say "not anytime soon" their response is "No way. He''s going to ask soon, I know it!" and they''re just really pushy to the point where I almost start to buy into it, get my hopes up and then get a little disappointed when it doesn''t happen.

So, what is your response to these people? Aside from what I already mentioned above? Or do you just ignore their words altogether? My birthday was last week and even though *I* knew he wasn''t proposing, a co-worker got me all hyped up that it wasn''t until we were home after dinner was over that I relaxed and stopped wondering if a proposal was coming

I don''t want to keep doing that to myself. So any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

 

[LaraOnline]

Ah, it''s all part of the excitement!
These people are wishing you well, and enjoying the love they see in your relationship.
Make the most of these sweet times!

 

[Lauren8211]

I seriously could have written your post. I almost did. I''m not even kidding.

My best girlfriend is OBSESSED with us getting engaged soon. I mean OBSESSED. Everytime we go anywhere or do anything she is convinced that *IT* is going to happen. I have concrete evidence that it''s not happening for at least another 6 monts, but she refuses to believe it.

She already has ideas for my bachelorette party and bridal shower. And I''m not talking "Oh this venue would be cool," I''m talking color schemes, limo companies, where to register, who''s on the guest list, party favors, and where we can get t-shirts made. She sends me emails of wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses. She signed up for the knot just so she could generate more ideas.

We may not even be engaged for another YEAR, and certainly aren''t marrying until Fall 2010.

I just smile politely and tell her she''s crazy!

She''s the only one I''ve got prying though.

 

[ash313]

Wow, elle, obsessed is right!!

Irisheyes, I have had some experiences like that in the past. Usually, they are just people who love me. I think in my case, it was people who thought that an engagement was something I was just DYING for, and would be so happy when it happened. I mean, I would be happy, but I don''t think they realized how happy I was in the moment in my relationship. They just wanted that momentous occasion for me because it was important for them, and they want to share in that with me.

I will say that no one can make you feel anything. You said it yourself: I don''t want to do that to myself anymore. You might try one of two things: 1. Just let the comments roll off, dismiss them, laugh them off, whatever. If that''s not working, try 2. Being honest and direct with friends and say: "I know you''re excited, but I''m serious when I tell you we aren''t getting engaged soon. As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm, I really enjoy my relationship where it is now, and sometimes it''s hard to focus on that when I am constantly being bombarded with thoughts about an impending engagement. Can I ask that we not talk about my engagement until perhaps I know it''s closer?" or something like that.

Just a thought

Good luck!

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 8/18/2008 10:13:33 AM
Author: leeNY
Wow, elle, obsessed is right!!

Irisheyes, I have had some experiences like that in the past. Usually, they are just people who love me. I think in my case, it was people who thought that an engagement was something I was just DYING for, and would be so happy when it happened. I mean, I would be happy, but I don''t think they realized how happy I was in the moment in my relationship. They just wanted that momentous occasion for me because it was important for them, and they want to share in that with me.

I will say that no one can make you feel anything. You said it yourself: I don''t want to do that to myself anymore. You might try one of two things: 1. Just let the comments roll off, dismiss them, laugh them off, whatever. If that''s not working, try 2. Being honest and direct with friends and say: ''I know you''re excited, but I''m serious when I tell you we aren''t getting engaged soon. As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm, I really enjoy my relationship where it is now, and sometimes it''s hard to focus on that when I am constantly being bombarded with thoughts about an impending engagement. Can I ask that we not talk about my engagement until perhaps I know it''s closer?'' or something like that.

Just a thought

Good luck!

Excellent advice. However, if it really was bugging me I''d probably just tell a big fat lie and have done with it. No touchy feely heartfelt attempt to communicate my wishes...I''d look ''em in the eye and say "we''re getting engaged at Christmas in 2010". Then they''d shut the heck up. When the engagement happened sooner, I''d just smile and say we changed our minds.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 8/18/2008 9:27:55 AM
Author:IrishEyes08
Hey ladies,

So here''s a question for you. How do you handle over eager friends/family? My BF and I have spoken very openly about our engagement, marriage, wedding and overall our lives together. We aren''t getting engaged anytime soon because frankly the money isn''t all there yet. And that ok with me, he and I are on the same page about things.

The problem is that some friends and co-workers keep asking when we''re getting engaged and when I say ''not anytime soon'' their response is ''No way. He''s going to ask soon, I know it!'' and they''re just really pushy to the point where I almost start to buy into it, get my hopes up and then get a little disappointed when it doesn''t happen.

So, what is your response to these people? Aside from what I already mentioned above? Or do you just ignore their words altogether? My birthday was last week and even though *I* knew he wasn''t proposing, a co-worker got me all hyped up that it wasn''t until we were home after dinner was over that I relaxed and stopped wondering if a proposal was coming

I don''t want to keep doing that to myself. So any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

Oh my! i *just* got asked that. Honestly, i just joke back at them. I am not sure when it will happen for me, so i just say "oh, hopefully soon, but you never know!??"
For big events, it helps that E and i already stated that except for bdays and christmas (even then sometimes) we both promise not to do anything over the top. usually its because rent falls on the same day as our anny, and neither of us like being broke. So when that time comes up i just say "we already have a special day planned, so i doubt it could get any better"
Thus, not expecting a ring

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If you''re openly talking about getting engaged, getting married, and so on in front of people...then I think it''s natural for those people to assume that the purposal is coming shortly.

If you want to take the time to explain, although you have the big plans, money is short and you cannot get engaged right now...feel free to do so. But otherwise, I would hush-up about your plans outside of you and him. If people *don''t* think you think you''re getting engaged...believe me, dear, they won''t ask!!!