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Deceased Parent on Invitations?

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aquarius_ser

Shiny_Rock
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Apr 12, 2006
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Hi, I am typically just a lurker but I can''t find any posts on this subject and I need HELP! My fiance''s mother passed a few years ago, my mom and I were still going to include her on the invitation out of respect. I did some research and apparently this is a NO-NO! ?? Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do? This is my invitation...

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
invite you to share in the joy
of the marriage uniting their daughter
Jill Doe
to
Michael Smith
son of Mr. William Smith
and the late Mrs. Angela Smith
on Friday, the second of November
two thousand and seven
at half past five o’clock in the evening
Any thoughts are appreciated!!
 
I don''t see anything wrong with that at all!
 
Why don''t you ask your fiance and his father what THEY think. They are the ones who will care one way or the other.
 
I''ve gotta chime in on this one. I really don''t think it is a good idea. There are many ways to respect a deceased person. Talk well of them, pray for them, and carry on traditions that they loved. But adding them onto a wedding invitation? I don''t think that is a good way of going about things. People will get confused (if they don''t know the groom''s family very well) and wonder where the mother of the groom is.

Instead, maybe you could have the priest or rabbi or whomever is marrying you to say a few words as a pre-meal prayer, and include her in that.... or if you''re having a catholic ceremony, add her to the prayers of the faithful during the ceremony.

Weddings are stressful enough without all of the other crazy stuff we have to do in order to appease everyone.
 
Personally I think it would be strange to leave her off of the invitation. I don''t know what the etiquette is, but if it were my mom I think I would want her on it. Just do whatever feels right.
 
I think what you have sounds fine - it''s more like an engagement announcement than a standard invitation but that''s not really a problem.

If you can wait till tomorrow I will give Debretts a call and see what they suggest - established in 1769 they are the foremost experts on etiquette and correct form in the UK. They have brought out a great wedding guide this year which I have. I''ve checked in there and there is nothing on this, but I often call them to check things for work and they are very helpful.
 
Thanks to all!! I did already ask fiance about it and I think he likes the idea but he kinda just shrugged his shoulders and said "that''s nice" (like he does everything else with wedding details!!) I do need to have a heart-to-heart with him about it. His dad lives several states away and unfortunately, they don''t have a very good relationship so I know he''s not going to want to ask his opinion....

Pandora - that would be very helpful if you don''t mind!

Thanks again!
 
I have *heard* that including a deceased person's name on an invite is not the correct etiquette, but don't quote me on that one. A friend of mine had her father to die suddenly just a few months before her wedding and she went back and forth on this same issue. If I remember correctly she decided not to include her deceased father's name. More recently I had a friend to get married and her mother is deceased. This friend did not include the deceased parent's name on the invitation.

You might check this link for some examples. It is provided by Peggy Post from the Emily Post Institute. There are three examples, the first of which is in line with what you first posted. It's a tough call.
 
If it were the other way around, i.e "Mr. William Smith and the late Mrs. Angela Smtih invite you to...", THEN I would see a problem with it!
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But I think it's fine the way it is. It's a statement of fact - he still is the son of both parents. I think it's nice to acknowledge her.
 
Sha is right - a deceased parent cannot issue invitations (ie. "Mr. John Smith and the late Mrs. Smith invite you to ...." is wrong) but can still be listed in his/her role as a parent. You invitation is perfectly correct.

Its a little trickier if the bride''s parent is deceased, because then you have to word it such that the deceased parent is not hosting but still listed (if having that acknowledgment is important to you.) I''ve seen it handled by having the bridal couple issue the invitations themselves, and then just listing their parents as their parents with the appropriate "late" modifier on the deceased one.
 
I don''t see anything wrong with the way you have it now.
I am sorry for your FI''s loss.

We avoided the whole thing because both of my parents are deceased, so we put
"Together with their families......" x and y request the honour of your presence...
it was a way to include our families without saying Hey my parents are gone...
but that''s just me.
we are honoring both of my parents in both the ceremony and reception details


both of FI''s parents are alive, so I''m not sure if they''ll be miffed about being off the invite, but i saw no way around it.
i didn''t want to see my loss in black and white such that every time i looked at my invite that''s all i would notice,but that is just me.
 
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