Delay the wedding or the engagement?

[wedding_crasher]

This may be silly for asking (especially in the LIW forum) but here goes...

Your man has the ring but here is the dilemma: Say you would like to be engaged for about a year (or whatever you want). You also have a month you would like to get married, say December. Would you rather have your man:

1 - propose now, entending your engagement longer than you would like but you get the ring now

or

2 - have him hold out so your engagement is a length you were planning on?

 

[E B]

Date: 3/21/2006 7:11:55 PM
Author:wedding_crasher
This may be silly for asking (especially in the LIW forum) but here goes...

Your man has the ring but here is the dilemma: Say you would like to be engaged for about a year (or whatever you want). You also have a month you would like to get married, say December. Would you rather have your man:

1 - propose now, entending your engagement longer than you would like but you get the ring now

or

2 - have him hold out so your engagement is a length you were planning on?

Why are you planning on a certain length? I'd take the longer engagement anyday...some people have 3 year engagements.

 

[JulieN]

delay the wedding!

 

[Blenheim]

I''d rather have the proposal soon and then a longer engagement.

This is just me, however. If you''ve talked to her about timeframes enough to know that she would like a set amount of time to plan and would like to get married in a certain month, how would you feel about throwing out the possiblity of a longer engagement and see how she responds?

If those theoretical timeframes aren''t so theoretical, a wedding can be planned in 9 months and she could have the option of a slightly shorter engagement than what she originally wanted or a longer one.

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/21/2006 7:11:55 PM
Author:wedding_crasher
This may be silly for asking (especially in the LIW forum) but here goes...

Your man has the ring but here is the dilemma: Say you would like to be engaged for about a year (or whatever you want). You also have a month you would like to get married, say December. Would you rather have your man:

1 - propose now, entending your engagement longer than you would like but you get the ring now
or
2 - have him hold out so your engagement is a length you were planning on?

PROPOSE NOW. *shake* *shake*
*deep breath* must not throttle a fellow PSer.

Oh yes, a horrible fate. more time to plan a wedding and shop for a dress.

Sorry, just teasing you. But go for option 1.

 

[Mandarine]

We might not be the best group to be asking this question.....

LONGER ENGAGEMENTTTTT!!!!!

At least that''s what I would want

...unless she has specifically said that she wants only one year and no more...maybe she means a year, but no less?

 

[wedding_crasher]

I guess I set myself up for these responses! Here''s a little more info on my specific situation. I''ve had the ring for 6 mths

and now timing is better. We''ve talked about engagement length before and both think about a year is a good length (but not set in stone or anything). We would probably get married in the fall of 2007 so that would be about a year and a half from now. I just wouldn''t want to jump the gun and have too long of an engagement (for us, that is).

I''ve been working on proposal ideas so maybe I''m just getting nervous

since it could happen soon. Not about her saying yes or anything. Just about doing it right! It''s something I''ll only get to do once in my life so I want it to be perfect.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 3/21/2006 9:06:05 PM
Author: wedding_crasher
I guess I set myself up for these responses! Here''s a little more info on my specific situation. I''ve had the ring for 6 mths

and now timing is better. We''ve talked about engagement length before and both think about a year is a good length (but not set in stone or anything). We would probably get married in the fall of 2007 so that would be about a year and a half from now. I just wouldn''t want to jump the gun and have too long of an engagement (for us, that is).

I''ve been working on proposal ideas so maybe I''m just getting nervous

since it could happen soon. Not about her saying yes or anything. Just about doing it right! It''s something I''ll only get to do once in my life so I want it to be perfect.

6 months? Oh dear... Hasn''t it burned a whole in your pocket yet?

My boyfriend and I can relate to your situation in some ways. Theorically I was supposed to graduate in two years and we''d get married in summer/fall 2008, which would have given us a two-year engagement. Two years was a number we were both comfortable with; my dear boyfriend is a very laid-back, "take your time" kind of guy and has seen a friend rush through the wedding planning in 9 months, so he''s pretty much thinking "the longer the better". He used to talk about 5 years...

Since I plan on being a DIY bride (I love crafts and want to make my veil, flowers, certerpieces, invitations, favours... whatever I can!!) I want to be able to do all this without too much stress, so two years sounded great.

However, I ended up deciding to transfer schools because I hate my college and the thought of staying here two more years made me sick to my stomach, so I may still be able to graduate in two years, but I might not. My boyfriend and I decided to not change our engagement plans despite the fact that we may end up with a 3-year engagement, simply because we feel that it''s the right time for us and he believed that after three years it''s high time he committed to me. I certainly am not complaining...

I have to say I am hoping we won''t be engaged for more than three years, though.

I also think that a longer engagement (and 1½ years isn''t that long, at least in my perspective) will give you more time for a stress-free wedding planning, and give more time to your lady to find her dream dress.

 

[JenStone]

You''ve had the ring for 6 months and you''re not engaged? Wow, talk about iron will...

I (and my boyfriend as well) was always under the assumption that once you get a ring, you''re engaged. But I''ve read several posts on PS where a ring does not equal an engagement.

I agree with everyone else....get engaged now! I don''t mean to sound harsh, but if you have a man you love (and loves you back), a ring, and a date, doesn''t that mean you''re practically engaged already? The only thing that will be different will be in words.

Just my .02.....

 

[Cailet]

Personally I agree with everyone else -- PROPOSE!! Have a longer engagement. You don''t have to start planning everything right away -- take a month or two or more to just enjoy being engaged. Then once you reach that special "time frame" that your gal was wanting to plan she can start planning!

 

[sumbride]

I agree with everyone else! More time to plan is not a bad thing! Think of it as a chance to really shop around with vendors... get better deals... maybe DIY more than you could have before. Your friends will have plenty of time to plan parties and showers... and being engaged is supposed to be a really exciting time that is too often rushed because of planning... you will have more time together just being engaged! I think that''s wonderful.

I know you''re nervous, but go ahead and do it! She''ll be immensely happy and you''ll get a few months before you even need to think about the wedding!

 

[Mannequin]

Go for the long engagement. You''ll get to enjoy a few months of casual planning before you need to buckle down and get the specifics figured out. It is so much better to take a lot of time and not rush.

Some newly engaged friends of mine are currently scrambling to book and reserve their date at their chosen wedding locations because she is moving in July to St. Louis and will notbe here to personally oversee things as we get closer to her July ''07 wedding. Without the sudden relocation of the bride thrown in, they would be so much less worried and stressed.

Just don''t stay engaged too long if you can help it.

My grandma has now been engaged for over twenty years. She met her boyfriend after my grandpa passed away, and they were going to get married and had begun making plans, but he didn''t want to do a pre-nup and my uncle passed away in the middle of preparations. The wedding plans were put on the back burner and really have not come up again. I love her boyfriend and consider him to be my grandpa since he is the only one I have ever known on that side of the family. They currently live together and share finances sometimes, but have never reapproached the wedding issue. An unusual case that worked out well...

 

[AmberWaves]

Wedding crasher- I remember you and your ring!! How dare you keep your GF from seeing that beauty!! I agree with everyone else, just do it now.

I''m going to be engaged for 19 month, so don''t sweat it. More time can equal less stress in some cases.. Good luck!!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

My personal preference is a long engagement. That would give me more time for the planning process anyway, which is a big plus.

 

[Caribou]

LONG ENGAGMENT!

Regardless of how soon or how long the wedding is after the engagement, it''s going to feel like an enternity for her, maybe you. My original wedding date was May 2007....14, 15 months away, OMG, I was constantly taping my foot thinking ''helllo, get here already!!!'' We''ve since changed the date to this September, now less than 6 months away and it still seems like forever!!!!

 

[SoonIHope]

LONG ENGAGEMENT!!!!!!!

I am in pretty much the exact same situation that your girlfriend would be in if you proposed now. We had always said we wanted to get married in June, so I was anticipating a spring-summer-early fall engagement, and then we would get married the following June, having about a year to plan it all. But my fiance waited until Christmas to propose, so then there wasn''t really enough time to throw it all together for June 2006 so we''re waiting until June 2007. And while I must say it drives me CRAZY now thinking how far away that is, it would drive me TEN MILLION BILLION GAZILLION TIMES CRAZIER if I knew he had the ring and was deliberately choosing to wait to propose!!!!!!! Plus it really is nice that we''ve been engaged 3 months already and I am only starting to feel the wedding planning pressure...I can''t imagine if we had a much shorter engagement trying to figure everything out in time!!

 

[akw94]

I have nothing NEW to say, but i''ll agree w/the group, propose sooner! Having a longer engagement is great, the more time the better in my opinion. You won''t feel rushed w/the planning and can enjoy just being engaged. I think if you wait too long, your engagement is all about planning and you have no time to take the pleasure in the fact that you are now engaged, a major step in itself.
If only my bf would agree... He seems to think that having everything lumped together is just fine.

And most likely, if she knows you have the ring and haven''t engaged, it is eating her up inside!!

 

[FireGoddess]

I too vote with majority here - longer engagement. Delay the wedding. More time to plan the event, etc...and to bask in the engagement for awhile.

 

[wedding_crasher]

So I guess we have a concensus...I''m not surprised by what everyone had to say but the reasoning behind your responses is what''s really helpful

. I guess I never really thought about the benefits of a longer engagement. And the sooner I do it, the less likely she''ll expect it (I want it to be a complete surprise). I don''t want her to start complaining about me in the LIW thread

. Now I just need to figure out how to do it...

 

[princessv]

Long engagement no doubt! I''m having a long one probably 3 years...and the long engagement helps me not to kill him errr...I mean tide me over till then

 

[icekid]

I hope she doesn''t know that you''ve had the ring for 6 months already, or she might say no when you finally ask

But I am all for the longer engagement. Being engaged is fun! So much so, that we are ending up w/ a >2.5 yr engagement- it was planned to be 2 years, but med school got in the way