determining budgets?

[mimzy]

in light of my wedding band dilemma, i was talking to FI about ways to raise a little extra $$ to fund some nicer wedding bands than we can currently afford. Our budget for the two bands together is $600, which is pretty low i know, but that''s all we could squeeze considering the amount of money we are contributing to the wedding ($6k).

(a little bit of background info: FI is a software engineer making not a ton of money and i am in grad school living off of loans. our parents have contributed a total of 15k, making the total for our wedding of 200 people 21k. we both have a decent amount of school debt and it will still be six months after we get married that i will be making any money).

So...anyways; we were talking and he said that we could go ahead and do that stuff to raise more money, but that regardless of how much we raised, that he didn''t want to spend more money on the wedding than we already are (it could be argued that it would technically be MY money and that i could spend it however i wanted, but he is very generous with me (pays my rent, etc) and i would never try to play that card on him like that. we share everything and it just wouldn''t be right). He thinks that whatever extra money we could make should go towards our debt, and NOT used to increase our wedding fund. I see his point, and agree to an extent. it''s just a hard pill to swallow.

So i guess my question is it you is how did you determine how much you were going to contribute to the wedding? did you say that you would contribute as much as you could, or did you set a number that you believed was sufficient and vow not to go over that? Did you and your FI disagree?

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m not actually sure how answer your questions directly, so I''ll tell you how we''ve done it.

We knew that my parents were going to pay for the reception (meals, open bar), flowers, my dress, veil, save the dates and invitations, and my dad''s tux.

My FI''s parents are contributing a certain amount of money as well (in installments), which we''re putting into our wedding fund. My FI and I put our own money that fund as well. Whenever we need to pay for something that we''re taking care of (DJ, photographer, rehearsal dinner, officiant, honeymoon, seamstress for my dress alternations, shoes, my FI''s tux), we take money out of that fund.

My FI and I didn''t really set a budget up ahead of time but we knew, for example, that we just couldn''t swing the $4000 photographer we found and wanted to work with. We kept looking and found someone else who my mom and my sister know who is just beginning her career. We think the rehearsal dinner will cost $X and when we plan the menu and figure out the details with the restaurant''s event coordinator, we''ll try to stay as close to that amount as possible.

We had one destination chosen for our honeymoon but we ended up canceling those plans and choosing another destination that is a lot closer and much less expensive.

We''ve definitely had to compromise but the important thing to us is to be able to have a nice wedding and honeymoon but not be completely broke afterwards.

So looking back at my response, I suppose we had a rough idea of how much things would cost and we''ve tried to stick to that. We''re just plowing money into our wedding fund and hopefully we''ll have extra in it after the wedding. If so, that will go into savings for our next big ticket items...a house and a baby.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

After we got engaged, the budget was the first thing we discussed. We had two criteria that were most imortant to us: the first was to pay for our wedding 100% on our own. The second was not to spend a penny from our savings account. We knew we wouldn't be putting much into savings over the course of our engagement, but we were okay with putting the amount that we'd normally put into savings into a wedding account. We knew how much we were putting into savings every month, so we mulitplied that by 7 (the number of months we were engaged) and that was our budget for the wedding. In the end, we came in $8k under that amount, which we used for our honeymoon.

I tend to agree that all money should go towards debt and not to increase the wedding fund, but I also know that your wedding band is really important to you. It should be, it's the only thing from the entire day that you will look at every day for the rest of your life. I thought you had some great suggestions in the other thread--selling some items, getting a temporary part-time job. Who knows, maybe your tax return will be bigger than you think If you can't cut the budget on something else and you really want the more expensive band, then try to figure out a way to bring in the extra money.

 

[Octavia]

We haven't set a budget yet (nor have we started spending), but my mental budget is about $15K total. Even though we could probably afford more, that's the most I can imagine spending for a wedding without feeling guilty for not putting the money toward more practical things. Unfortunately, if we go with the venue my FI really seems to like from its website, food/drink/service/venue fee are going to eat up that entire amount, so I don't know how realistic my mock-budget is. Add to that, FI has a completely skewed idea of how much things cost and has been shocked every time I've mentioned any sort of prices to him, and also wants to continue the party afterward at his favorite restaurant (we're probably doing a brunch wedding). Yikes!!

I know what wedding band I want and what the most I'd want to spend on a dress is, but beyond that...I really don't know. At some point, we have to sit down with my parents because they're chipping in some money toward the wedding, but I'd rather do that in person than over the phone, so I don't know what their number is yet. Probably not a whole lot, since my younger brother is in college. And I'm a grad student, so I have no money at all (one reason why I never planned on getting married before I have a job again...but hey, things don't always happen according to plan). Sooo...we'll see how things work out.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

we set a budget and then made a list of our top three priorities- the items we didn't want to scrimp on. we ended up coming in at under budget, which is almost impossible for a So Cal wedding!

honestly though, the fastest (but not easiest) way to cut expenses is to trim the guest list.

Good luck, Mimzy!

 

[tberube]

I didn''t vote because none of the answers really fit me. We selected our budget because it was the amount of money we wanted our wedding to cost. We kinda felt strongly that buying a home and having $$ to fill it were top priority over the wedding day, and a lot of that had to do with the fact that we''re paying for the entire wedding ourselves. I guess we felt it was the amount of $$ it would cost to have the simple, beautiful, down-to-earth wedding we want to have. Not a whole lot, really....comparatively, that is.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/2/2008 7:09:26 PM
Author: ChargerGrrl

we set a budget and then made a list of our top three priorities- the items we didn't want to scrimp on. we ended up coming in at under budget, which is almost impossible for a So Cal wedding!

honestly though, the fastest (but not easiest) way to cut expenses is to trim the guest list.

Ditto and ditto.

We're heading to be about 20% under budget, and I'm hoping to keep it that way... though, more realistically, we'll likely end up only 10% under budget. Like Charger said--very difficult to do in southern California.


ETA: As a side note--we're viewing the wedding bands as a completely separate expense from the wedding. For us, that's more of a lifetime investment type of expense, rather than a party expense.

 

[Haven]

We''re spending what we see fit for each individual aspect of the wedding, and we didn''t set a budget to begin with. We both have quite a bit of savings and we''re extremely frugal, so we''re enjoying our wedding in a way that suits us.

We wouldn''t have approached it this way if we didn''t have enough to buy a home, or if we had debt, though.

 

[neatfreak]

We had a set "ceiling" (and that amount was based on what our parents gave us plus what we could comfortably contribute). But our goal was actually to come in well under that top figure, so we initially budgeted a few thousand dollars less. And we came in well under our ceiling but a bit over our "goal" budget. Which just meant that we contributed some to the wedding even though our goal was to just use the $ our parents gave us. Worked for us and allowed me to spend for the things that were important-even at the end.

 

[iheartscience]

Well I haven''t really started planning yet, but I know that both my parents and my fiance''s parents are contributing money for our wedding, and how much they''re giving us, and I''m hoping we won''t have to pay for anything over what they''re giving us!

Well, I guess that''s not totally true, because we''re not planning on using the $ that our parents are contributing to our wedding for our wedding bands. I''ll most likely use the parental $ for my dress and my fiance''s tux, though, depending on how expensive of a dress I end up with.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 3/2/2008 8:17:35 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/2/2008 7:09:26 PM

Author: ChargerGrrl


we set a budget and then made a list of our top three priorities- the items we didn''t want to scrimp on. we ended up coming in at under budget, which is almost impossible for a So Cal wedding!


honestly though, the fastest (but not easiest) way to cut expenses is to trim the guest list.

Ditto and ditto.


We''re heading to be about 20% under budget, and I''m hoping to keep it that way... though, more realistically, we''ll likely end up only 10% under budget. Like Charger said--very difficult to do in southern California.



ETA: As a side note--we''re viewing the wedding bands as a completely separate expense from the wedding. For us, that''s more of a lifetime investment type of expense, rather than a party expense.

i wanted to make them a separate expense too. He said that was fine....but that it meant that he couldn''t afford to put in the 3k that he had pledged

. when asked how much he could put in, he said it depended on how much the wedding band i wanted was. we compromised and put the wedding bands in the budget, but agreed to not include gifts for the wedding party, and we would pay for those out of our nonweddingrelated pockets.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

When my best friend got married, she was on a very taunt budget. This was determined by the fact that she wanted to have left over money to put towards a house, and the "party" wasn''t as important to her as that goal. She set a budget from the moment that ring was on her finger, and amazingly, she never waivered. She actually had a great wedding--and it was a lot of fun--but even better, she and her DH moved into their first home weeks after the wedding.

I personally don''t believe going into debt for a wedding is worth it. I suppose you could justify it by saying "it''s once in a lifetime" but so are a lot of things... I think knowing your limits and adhering to them is a great way to start a marriage, and much better than starting a marriage in a pit of credit card debt you managed to amass for a party!!

I have worked with brides that think "balls to the wall" is a great saying! They have moderate budgets and don''t care...they want everything to be first class, and on their wedding day, they can''t even enjoy it because they know that come the start of the following month, their Visa bill will be maxed out! It''s like Christmas...you can get caught up in the rush, and excitement, and madness at the mall...over spend on a few people...and come January 1st you''re looking at a years worth of bailing yourself out just to break even or get back to where you were before Christmas!! Ugh!

Weddings have changed. It used to be guests would cover their plates and a newly wed couple could walk away with 10''s of thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, that no longer seems to be true. The states, as a whole, is cutting back and trimming the excess monitary fat (so to speak). Its nothing personal, but a guest who may have given $200.00 as a gift when the economy was in an upswing, may only be able to afford $100.00 now that we''re facing a recession. So couples are rarely, if ever, breaking even on their wedding expenses. So, with that said...while you may be able to swing $20,000 on your wedding, it''s important to figure out what you long term goals are and what you''re immediate needs are going to be after the wedding maddness is behind you...will you two have to find housing, need a new car, planning an expensive honeymoon, or trying to get pregnant? If you both have bigger plans in the future coming up on the heels of your wedding, I would think the excess money you could earn might be better spent elsewhere.

Just my .02

 

[Rhea]

We set a budget of after we researched and determined what was do-able in our area. From there we prioritized based on what was important to us. Priorities were being able to feed everyone a proper meal and have dancing/a party. But we served no liquor because that would up our prices and we didn''t feel that was worth it to have more than beer and wine. We just sat down and as we filled in one part of our budget we adjusted everything else buying what was least important last.

My ring was $950 and his was $900. Let''s just say that was about 1/4 of our budget! We had almost no flowers (candles with a couple of flowers floating in a shallow bowl at the price of less than $5/table) because we wanted our rings. I really like the way we filled in our budget because it allowed us to get what was most important first.

 

[zoebartlett]

About our rings...

My FI paid for both my engagement ring and my wedding band (which we ordered at the same time), and I''ll pay for his wedding band. I wanted to consider my rings a joint purchase and use our wedding fund to pay for them, but my FI felt that it was something he should take care of on his own. Since he felt that way, I took on that feeling as well when we began to discuss what kind of band he wanted.

 

[Independent Gal]

We asked our parents what they would like to contribute. Between them, that turned out to be more than we were comfortable spending on a wedding. They told us to keep the change.

My parents are very comfortably off, but we're not flashy people and neither are my parents. We have other priorities (a larger home, charitable giving, saving for retirement) and so do they (charitable giving, a comfortable retirement, something to leave behind them).

For the wedding bands, we bought FI's (platinum) on e-weddingbands and got mine (estate, plain platinum) for $68 on ebay. Total cost, about $480.

You can always get a blingy anniversary band later!

 

[bee*]

We made our budget based roughly on how we much we wanted to spend on things. There is no way we''re going into debt for a wedding and I don''t want to spend crazy money on a wedding. I''d much rather put it towards our future. We haven''t scrimped on anything so far-we''ve just shopped around a lot and found really good prices for things.

 

[Sabine]

We made our budget of what we thought we would realistically spend to get the wedding we wanted. Then we talked to our parents about how much they would be contributing. Then we figured out if we could afford the amount left. Then, as we started planning we had to make slight adjustments, but overall stayed within our initial ideas. Our parents are not contributing all that much money to the wedding. We are not going into debt for it, but we are using money that we had in our savings, including an account that FI''s parents had initially set up for him as a college fund that he didn''t end up needed because he went to a state school. This account has made things complicated because FI''s parents are looking at that account as their contribution even though FI has always thought of it as "his money." We would have really liked to be able to save that money and use it for the downpayment on a house, but since that won''t be for a few years anyway, we have come to terms with spending it.

Also, we budgeted our honeymoon and wedding rings as part of our total budget. I just ordered my wedding band from Lauren Kline. I had a difficult time with my ring too, because I didn''t want to get something I wouldn''t love forever, but couldn''t really find any extra money in the budget either. So I kept looking until I found something I DO love in my budget, but if I hadn''t, I would have splurged. If you can make extra money, I say spend it on the ring as long as you aren''t going into extra debt for it.

 

[cara]

Well, I understand where your FI is coming from, but he has removed the immediate incentive you might have to raise extra money, so the end result might be the same amount of debt and cheap wedding bands.

Inflexibility has a price.

But there are people who will argue that you should have no debt before paying any money for a party/wedding (I am not one of them) and there are, lets call them credit-happy American sentimentalists that would happily put wedding bands on a credit card to get what they want when they want it as they would never want to upgrade their band for sentimental reasons (I am also not one of them).

I would recommend you and your FI talk over this issue some more, not necessarily to reach a different outcome, but to gain insight into how each of you is making financial decisions.

For example, I wanted to set a fixed wedding budget right away before looking at venues, knowing that we would then be priced out of certain places and types of weddings. I was coming at it from a much more budget-conscious perspective. My then-FI wanted to look at places first, and set a budget that would allow us to have a certain kind of wedding (sit-down dinner, XXX people, etc.) He thought it was arbitrary to just pick a number and let that dictate what kind of wedding we ended up with rather than deciding what kind of wedding we wanted and then setting a reasonable budget for that kind of event.

Obviously his way makes it easier to ignore what one can actually afford, so our compromise was to go his way as long as we didn''t have to take on any debt to fund it. And we ended up going over our his-way initial budget along the way, sometimes because we were undisciplined and sometimes because we had not properly priced what things we wanted actually cost. Tis the way of the wedding industry. But we ended up the ballpark budget-wise, with a wonderful wedding and only minimal regrets on expenses.

For your specific case, after discussing with your FI why he feels the way he does, and why the extra expense on rings is important to you, I think the best compromise would be to agree that new wedding bands or anniversary bands should be a priority at X anniversary in the future. You also might consider splitting any "new money" between debt-payments and the wedding, to solve the incentive problem.

 

[Gypsy]

First thing I did was research the heck out of everything. I tried to approximate what things cost, prioritize the things that mattered most, and went on to making a reasonable budget for what we had in mind. I still get panic attacks. But it does help that quite a few things have come in under budget as adjustments have needed to be made. I had estimated about 20K for everything not including our bands. And we are on track for that. Almost exactly. (19,990 LOL).

Our wedding bands are causing me some heartburn. John's has come in where I thought it would. Mine are out of control b/c I went for the platinum setting on the re-set, so I need platinum bands. So I'm actually thinking of purchasing a simple 1.5 mm platinum band for the wedding, and upgrading to what the setting was designed for (two pave eternity bands) later on. And I think that's exactly what I'm going to do. In my head the 'cost' of the wedding includes my two 'dream' bands, but I don't think I'm getting them before the wedding. It's just not a possibility unless something really changes financially.

With regard to your bands. I would probably just get a simple WG band for the ceremony then upgrade on your first anniversary. But then, that's what I'm planning to do, so of course that sounds reasonable to me!!!

 

[mimzy]

after thinking it over and talking it over with FI i''ve decided that i don''t want to put more money towards anything wedding related than we already are, including the wedding bands. even though the debt is all student debt, we really want to get it paid off asap. you all have inspired me to be even more frugal with this whole thing than i already was!

i''m going to stick to my budget of 3-400 for the wedding band and just do the best i can with it. i''d prefer not to get a plain band, as i don''t think i would really be crazy about the way it looks with my ering, but if i have to, i have to. FI said he didn''t have a problem getting a fancier band down the road if that was the case, so that''s a little relief at least

(even though i would much prefer to not be tempted to switch my wedding band with an anniversary band, ever).