Diamond Size = Bad Marital Prognosis

[sanfranciscoellen]

I have to say, of all of the things I have learned from PS, the #1 biggest is that I have heard from happily married folks with big big big diamonds!

My husband and I have a running commentary on how the bigger the diamond, the higher incidence of problems and divorces in our friends and acquaintances. When someone shows me their huge new engagement ring, my first thought is, "Uh Oh." Better not write her new last name in my address book in pen....

But the more I have thought about this, I think these times have been men who were making a social statement by THEIR stone selection...i.e. showing off to their friends and family by getting a honker of often low quality with little input from their girlfriend. The women are often uncomfortable with the size or the fact that their new fiance is grabbing their hand and showing off "his" find.

Or, it is the, "I have a miserable marriage and have plodded through with him for twenty five years so damn it at least I''ll get a big diamond as repayment." I had one (unhappily married) family member upgrade from a one carat that was 20 years old to a 4 carat....without discussing it first! It was a big "F**K You" to her long time spouse.

It is so nice to come here and see women (and men) getting diamonds of all sizes that are important to them, and that ACTUALLY represent a loving relationship!

Am I the only one who came here with that stereotype?

 

[Mara]

i think the stereotype of 'gold digger' is far more prevalent with large diamond lovers mentally.

it seems like when you show people a big rock or something they automatically assume you are expensive or HM or material or whatever...i even have good friends who make those jokes about my ring and it's not even BIG really, to me this diamond size is just 'normal' (the 1.6 not the 2.32!). i hate that stereotype...but the interesting thing is if you couched it as 'oh my husband bought me this upgrade for our anniversary!' then everyone thinks he is just the most fabulous man ever. but if you said 'oh i upgraded to XYZ for the anniversary!' then they tend to think oh the poor man with his expensive wife. go figure!!

 

[sanfranciscoellen]

I guess that is is true, Mara!

I had always missed the gold digger part and looked at the man negatively....isn''t that funny. Like an extension of that whole macho fast car mid life crisis stereotype. These big rock couples in my life always had that aire of "boy marking his territory" with a big rock. Pee on her and make her your own like a dog

But I know that WAS just a stereotype based on people in my own life, not society in general.

I guess I hadn''t known as many women in control over their diamond purchases until I came here. Most of my friends just got whatever the heck their boyfriends gave them. Maybe they shot in a few suggestions, but often not.

 

[Julian]

Everyone's ring is going to be huge to someone.

So I guess we all fall victim to stereotypes in the end.

I've always thought it was sweet that the man would do everything he could to buy the very best he could afford for his intended. That's just romantic to me. Not just any old purchase -- but something he had to save and sacrifice a little bit for. My ring was paid in full, but he did save up for it. I'm glad he didn't take on debt for it, but I appreciate how he planned and saved and shopped around!

(edited to add)
So no, when I see someone with a large stone -- I think it's very special and beautiful.

Besides, people have their social circles. What is the norm to some is outlandish to others. Most people with "larger" stones don't think they're big enough to warrant stereotypes. It's just a very nice ring. It's like driving a very nice car -- not about showing off but rather an appreciation for nice things.

Not everyone buys things for others. Sometimes you buy nice things simply because you prefer them.

 

[Miranda]

Hehe! I always tell DH that the bigger the stone the happier the marriage. This is the reaction I get from him

!

 

[KristyDarling]

I worry about the stereotype myself...I worry what others think, and I know I shouldn''t.

My friends all think I''m wearing a moissanite. [blush] They think I''m REALLY silly for wearing such a large "fake" ring but they like me for other reasons. But, I know them all too well, they''d REAM me for having a real 3.56 carat diamond....most of them are granola types who are totally against conspicuous consumption...that''s why for now, I''d rather that they think it''s a fake. My husband doesn''t care that they think it''s a fake...so I guess there''s proof that he''s not one of those guys who uses his wife''s large e-ring as proof of his manhood. As for family? I''ve never worn it around ANY family members so they don''t even know it exists. I keep waiting for the day when I''ll feel confident and deserving enough to finally tell everyone the truth about my upgrade diamond!

 

[Diam100]

Kristydarling - You tell everyone it''s a fake??? Seriously, I would tell them it was real & let them go off if they want. Wear it proudly everywhere - I hope one day you will - hugs!!! The only time I''d be telling someone my jewelry was fake is if I was in a dark alley with something pointing at me..

Back on topic, I have unmarried girlfriends (late 30''s) who have bought substantial diamond ring pieces for themselves so the perception be it gold-digger or tied into a man''s ego really never crops into my head.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 4/25/2006 7:26:24 PM
Author: KristyDarling
I worry about the stereotype myself...I worry what others think, and I know I shouldn''t.

My friends all think I''m wearing a moissanite. [blush] They think I''m REALLY silly for wearing such a large ''fake'' ring but they like me for other reasons. But, I know them all too well, they''d REAM me for having a real 3.56 carat diamond....most of them are granola types who are totally against conspicuous consumption...that''s why for now, I''d rather that they think it''s a fake. My husband doesn''t care that they think it''s a fake...so I guess there''s proof that he''s not one of those guys who uses his wife''s large e-ring as proof of his manhood. As for family? I''ve never worn it around ANY family members so they don''t even know it exists. I keep waiting for the day when I''ll feel confident and deserving enough to finally tell everyone the truth about my upgrade diamond!

KD - You should have that fantastic ring sized for your middle finger and if anyone says anything negative about it, you show it to them!!! Be proud of your bling!!! You work hard, your DH works hard, think of it as a little bonus...a symbol of a big wonderful marriage and the life you have worked hard to create together!!!

 

[MissGotRocks]

Christy - what are they going to think about this new ring w/ pear sidestones? That you added fake stones to your fake stone?

Seriously, you need to be proud of that ring and TELL them that it''s real. Don''t apologize for having something grand - tell your friends and family how much you enjoy having it and hope that they will find something in their lives that gives them so much pleasure. If the family never sees it and the friends think its fake I guess I''m missing the point. . . although I don''t wear my diamond for the benefit of others - it is truly for my own enjoyment.

Your ring is beautiful - please wear it and enjoy it. Just be happy that you are fortunate enough to have such a thing - and tell your practical friends that it has been growing in the earth for millions of years. You didn''t make it - just had it dug up and polished! HA!