Did I shoot myself in the foot?

[annadragon]

My elopement is planned for this upcoming weekend, it''s a camping trip, very informal but planned to be fun. It includes me and soon-to-be DH, our good friend and officiant and her little dog.
The campsite has been reserved, the photographer as been arranged, time off from work in place for all 3 of us.

And this morning we get an e-mail announcing a troupe of our friends from across the country are coming into town, partly to visit us and partly for cathartic post-break up consolation. This was done last minute, I can only imagine what flights cost. DH-to-be mentioned we have a camping trip planned and it was met with resounding disappointment. These are good friends who we have left open an invitation to visit us anytime.

I would even consider just inviting these people to come along with us or meet us there but its a laughable idea to think some of them would even consider camping plus its a 10hr drive.

I would consider deferring the trip a week but as I mentioned time off, reservations for campsite, etc have already been made.

I could barely sleep last night because I''m sooooo excited for this weekend and now I feel like the wind has been taken right out of my sails.

It seemed so simple - run off to the woods, get hitched. Did a secret, planned elopement give me bad karma?

 

[Prana]

As much as this sucks, I think that you should carry on with your original plans. Maybe you could let them know what is happening so that they fully understand, or join you guys (if you don''t mind them being there).

Don''t let it make you feel bad in any way, it is totally out of your control.

 

[sparklyheart]

You guys *did* plan everything out.. I don''t know how well they would take it if you missed half the weekend, came back, and said "surprise!! we are married!! sorry for your break-up!" On the other hand, if it''s not one thing, it''s another.. Meaning you could hold off on the wedding but then something else may happen. I would probably be honest with them and say "Hey, I know you guys bought your plane tickets but we have a trip that we have been planning for quite awhile. I''m sorry we won''t be in town." Are the friends planning on staying with you? If you are comfortable doing so, leave them a key to your house so they have a place to stay. You guys had plans and they didn''t think to ask before planning their big trip. If it was your bestest friend who had no one else to turn to it might be a different story but since it''s a troupe of friends, your friend has some support around. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

And no, planning an elopement didn''t give you bad karma!!

Also, plane tickets are fairly cheap right now.. and if they were *that* expensive, I''m sure they would ask before buying tickets without knowing what was waiting on the other end of the plane ride!

 

[LilyKat]

I''m sorry, but how dare they book PLANE tickets to visit someone WITHOUT ASKING THEM FIRST??!! How difficult would it have been to email or call you beforehand? My mind is truly boggled by that.

Anyway. I would absolutely continue with your plans - it''s your wedding! Would you be comfortable telling them, in confidence, that you are planning to elope? There''s no way they wouldn''t understand that... But if you''d rather keep it a complete secret that''s also your right. Maybe you could help them find a nice cottage near you or something to hire so they can still have a holiday if they want to come?

 

[KimberlyH]

I have some amazingly welcoming friends, but I can''t fathom booking a flight to visit any of them without giving notice. I would tell them you won''t be home this weekend and they''ll need to change their flights to X weekend.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/6/2009 2:37:17 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I have some amazingly welcoming friends, but I can''t fathom booking a flight to visit any of them without giving notice. I would tell them you won''t be home this weekend and they''ll need to change their flights to X weekend.

I''ve done it once (I kind of had to, though....my visa was up and I had to leave the country that day!), and ooooh boy, you really have to be able to roll with the punches when you do that and accept that people might not be totally available.

If you trust them enough, I second the idea of giving them a key. Maybe leave some ice cream and other break up survival stuff in the house. That way your friend knows you''re thinking about them, but you''ve got plans...and not just run of the mill plans, but big fat GETTING MARRIED plans!

 

[annadragon]

Alright, I totally panicked and now I''m better

Thank you for your perspectives.

Right now, I''m lobbying them to change their plans to next weekend and letting them know there is a good reason, but not the reason.

Any other day, time, week, year, or alignment of the planets and stars a surprise visit would have been welcome.

 

[VRBeauty]

There is absolutely no reason for you to change your (very, very special) weekend plans to accomodate friends who make plans to visit you without checking with you first -- no matter how close you are, those are the chances you take when you make plans to visit someone first, and then check with your intended hosts!

I hope your elopement goes off without a hitch!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 7/6/2009 2:12:43 PM
Author: LilyKat
I''m sorry, but how dare they book PLANE tickets to visit someone WITHOUT ASKING THEM FIRST??!! How difficult would it have been to email or call you beforehand? My mind is truly boggled by that.


Anyway. I would absolutely continue with your plans - it''s your wedding! Would you be comfortable telling them, in confidence, that you are planning to elope? There''s no way they wouldn''t understand that... But if you''d rather keep it a complete secret that''s also your right. Maybe you could help them find a nice cottage near you or something to hire so they can still have a holiday if they want to come?

Ditto!!! Just because they leave an open invitation for you to visit does not mean they automatically get one in return (of course, I''m speaking from the perspective of being very OCD and hating to be surprised!).

But I say carry on with your original plans....

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/6/2009 2:44:07 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 7/6/2009 2:37:17 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I have some amazingly welcoming friends, but I can't fathom booking a flight to visit any of them without giving notice. I would tell them you won't be home this weekend and they'll need to change their flights to X weekend.

I've done it once (I kind of had to, though....my visa was up and I had to leave the country that day!), and ooooh boy, you really have to be able to roll with the punches when you do that and accept that people might not be totally available.

Princess, sounds like yours was a very special and specific case and that you expected to find yourself w/o anyone available to host. I hope it worked out okay for you, but under normal circumstancees I just can't imagine booking a trip to visit people without talking to them about it first.

I'm so glad you're moving forward with you plans, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend of camping and getting married!!!

 

[D2B]

enjoy your wedding.

I dont care how close they are it is common curtesy (and common sense!!!) to check that someone will be home when booking tickets and comming to see them. If they dont ask, the risk they take is that you wont be there (it is a no brainer) and I am really annoyed for you that they didnt check first.

Sometimes people just have to learn the hard way common sense, so dont change a thing. An open invitation means they can come anytime, but you still check that they have time, arnt sick, are not working extra, or a million other things that can occur.

Besdies true friends will understand after wards when you tell them the reason.

good luck
pb

 

[merrymunky]

Carry on with your plans. This is your wedding and nothing should stop it! Plus, you know how disappointed you will feel if you move the date, especially since you are so geared up for it right now.

If they are good friends, they will understand.