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Difficult Grandma?

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SarahLovesJS

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Anyone else having this problem? My Grandma is typically understanding, and willing to adjust. However, she just doesn''t understand the price of a wedding. Don''t get me wrong, I could spend less money, but at the same time I am not being unreasonable! Oh and by the way she isn''t paying for anything, so personally if my parents are okay with it and FI and I are contributing, I don''t see what problem is. I am not talking about a $50,000 wedding. I am talking about like $15-25,000. FI has a huge family so it is going to be hard to be on a really low budget. Okay so it''s more than I want to spend, but it''s not crazy! Like I said she''s been semi-supportive, but she dismisses a lot of the things I want by calling it "show and tell" and saying we don''t need to do that. I am not showing off for anyone, I don''t care what people think to be honest. It''s what I want and what FI wants and that''s what matters. She just doesn''t get it. Sigh. Don''t get me wrong, she is like this about all money things. She doesn''t spend money very often, so she is always like this when it comes to money for anything. She thinks everyone should do things the way she did. But maybe that''s not what I want. I am sorry to sound like a spoiled brat. My parents are totally behind me on this because they''ve obviously dealt with it for a while. If we''re not going to be in debt (e.g. we save and pay for it bit by bit, I don''t see the problem). She is also difficult when it comes to certain choices like she keeps insisting on a church. I was just wondering if anyone else was having this problem?
 
How old is she? If she lived through tough economic times, that just may be her mindset. First, why does she know costs? She is a guest, not paying, so when the topic comes up, I would change it. Nicely and sweetly, but firmly. "Grandma, we are so excited that you will be there. Do not worry about anything else, we have it all under control, but thanks!" She is who she is, so manage things, because if she is not contributing money to it it is all commentary on her part, based on her views. Things were much simpler back in the day.

If you continually brook no argument it cannot continue. You might advise your folks to do that as well. Some people are simply NOT in that financial headspace. Nothing you say will change it. My mother in law lived through World War Two as a small child. Rationing in terms of most items. To this day she is simply a very frugal person, (unless WE are paying, then nothing is too good for her!) and she does NOT comprehend certain things. She cannot even comprehend spending money on one Coach bag every few years, so her daughter gives them to her as gifts. She simply will not indulge, even when she can. Now, she is limited financially due to my father in law''s death, and hubby and I and her daughter give her a lot of help, but old habits die hard. She is used to re using tea bags multiple times and saving all the bits of bar soap. I have learned to do what I want, and discuss nothing financial with her.
 
Hmm..this is a good point. See we are trying to keep her included because she asks, but maybe we should just stop telling her how much things cost. She turned 70 this year, so not quite WWII age, but she was always the more conservative one money-wise. My Grandpa was the one that spent money like crazy. Don''t get me wrong, she lives comfortably, but sometimes I think she thinks everyone needs to be 70 and just hang around and not spend money! For example, my mom decided to have her diamond put into a new setting recently since she just wasn''t wearing it as much. My Grandma decided to lecture her about how she should spend the money on this or that. I mean it could be something as small as a pair of $30 earrings and it will be, why didn''t you spend it on this? So controlling! She always tries to tell us what we "want." I think I''d be the one that knows what I want.
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Well, my mother in law was born in 1938 as well, and lived in Europe and was a small kid throughout the war years. I would be surprised if it did not somehow affect her, even peripherally. My father in law was also the big spender, he even bankrupted them which really added to her financial anxiety. Please do not think I am judging her. This is just who she is. So, knowing that, it is best to still involve her in the details and stuff, but I would just remove the finances from it. She can still share in the fun and process of it without adding the stress. If she asks, you can always act a bit ignorant!
 
I''m on the side of not telling her how much things cost. In my world, there are different types of budget items: the ones that all involved parties know about, the ones my parents know about, the ones my fiance knows about, and the ones that only i know about. I''ve found much more peace this way.
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I agree with Diamondfan. Your grandma doesn''t need to know how much things cost. Also your grandmother was probably raised to be frugal as many people (my family included.) It is not a bad thing, but it can be frustrating.
 
i don''t think i would be talking money with anyone besides those who were paying...it''s just not their business and can complicate things...
 
I agree with the others-I wouldn''t say anything to her about prices from now on. If she''s not paying she doesn''t need to know.
 
Okay everyone, no more money talk then, haha. So the next time she asks me if something is going to cost as much as a "small vehicle" I will change the subject.
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I love my Grandma so much, she is just firey sometimes!
 
wow this is the first grandma money related post i''ve seen :) - usually it is mother or FMIL related. you got a fiesty grannie there Sarah! love a fiesty grandma.

but yeah i agree with the others, keep her out of the financial details.
 
Date: 2/25/2008 2:50:42 AM
Author: ringster
wow this is the first grandma money related post i''ve seen :) - usually it is mother or FMIL related. you got a fiesty grannie there Sarah! love a fiesty grandma.


but yeah i agree with the others, keep her out of the financial details.

Haha yeah she is! But guess what? FI''s grandma is 10 years older and even more firey! Haha.
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