ladypirate
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2007
- Messages
- 4,553
I apologize if this post comes across as really me-centric (and is a novel)--I'm just a little frustrated right now and I need to vent.
The weekend for my bachelorette party was picked 3 months ago--June 26. It was decided by all the bridesmaids (my two best friends and my sisters) that we'd do a road trip to Seattle (about a 3 hour drive) on Saturday morning, stay up there for a night, then come back Sunday. Aside from hearing repeatedly how awesome it was going to be, that was the last I heard about it until Thursday. On Thursday my friend mentioned to me that the party might be happening in our home town instead because no one could go if it was in Seattle except them and maybe my sisters. I was bummed that no one wanted to go up because I was looking forward to it, but I was fine with it moving to Portland.
On Friday I talked to one of my sisters and I said that I heard she might not be able to go--she said that she hadn't gotten the day off of work but might be able to get someone to cover for her. I didn't say anything to her, but I was pretty hurt when I got off of the phone. She said that she hadn't requested it off because one of my friends had said that the itinerary might change (not the date or anything--just what we were doing) and she was waiting to hear. She has literally known the date for this for the last 3 months. So yeah, I was pretty upset at that point.
I called my mom and told her that I was hurt that my sister hadn't bothered getting the day off and I got a little bit more of the story--she said that my friend who was planning it had asked people to contribute way too much money ("$300 a person") and wanted everyone to do these really extravagant things like stay at a really fancy hotel and go to a play.
I talked to my other friend about this and got the rest of the story--that the actual amount they had asked people to contribute was $125 - $150, for one thing, which I feel like is really reasonable. That's what FI's friends are all pitching in for his bachelor party. I understand that my sisters don't make a ton of money (although they are living comfortably), but I'm still a little hurt. I haven't asked my bridesmaids for much for the wedding--I bought their dresses for them and told them they can wear whatever shoes/accessories they want. I am really trying to keep it inexpensive because I don't want anyone to be unable to afford this. I guess it just hurts that even though they just did a big road trip down to California, they apparently can't do this. Hell, I'm happy to pay my own way and take the burden off of everyone else. If it was an issue of money, I wish they had just come to me and told me rather than just saying screw it.
When I told my mom that I was kind of hurt that FI's friends are throwing this awesome party for him and I was bummed that nothing was going to happen for mine, she said that he obviously had more creative and fun friends than I do, which I feel like is really unfair. My two best friends DID plan something cool, but no one could be bothered to participate. What it really comes down to is that she feels like my sisters should have planned it (which is a whole other issue--there was already some hurt feelings from my two friends when my sisters decided that they were doing the shower all on their own. The compromise was that my sisters could do the shower and they'd do the bachelorette party, but apparently since they're not planning it they are happy to just blow it off). She also said that I shouldn't expect people to spend a whole weekend on something as trivial as this. I just wish they had mentioned that back when we first figured out that we were going to do it 3 months ago rather than waiting until 2 weeks before. She said that I should just cancel it entirely and do something on a different night with my sisters, but that is the only weekend I set aside because it was planned so long ago. I have stuff going on every other week. She said I should just do it on a weeknight despite the fact I get up at 5 AM every morning for work.
I'm really trying to not be upset about this--I certainly don't expect everyone to drop everything for my wedding and I don't want anyone to spend more than they can afford to, but I'm disappointed that after talking about how much fun it was going to be for 3 months, they are acting like it's a giant hassle. It doesn't help that my sisters and my mom always side together on stuff, so it's useless talking to any of them about this. If I bring it up to my mom she just blames it on my bridesmaids for doing a crappy job of planning and talks about how I should have had my sisters do it instead because they are so funny and creative. This is despite the fact that my sisters and I have very different ideas about what constitutes a fun night out.
If you have criticism, please be gentle. I know I probably sound like a spoiled brat for even expecting anything, but I'm really hurt over the whole thing.
The weekend for my bachelorette party was picked 3 months ago--June 26. It was decided by all the bridesmaids (my two best friends and my sisters) that we'd do a road trip to Seattle (about a 3 hour drive) on Saturday morning, stay up there for a night, then come back Sunday. Aside from hearing repeatedly how awesome it was going to be, that was the last I heard about it until Thursday. On Thursday my friend mentioned to me that the party might be happening in our home town instead because no one could go if it was in Seattle except them and maybe my sisters. I was bummed that no one wanted to go up because I was looking forward to it, but I was fine with it moving to Portland.
On Friday I talked to one of my sisters and I said that I heard she might not be able to go--she said that she hadn't gotten the day off of work but might be able to get someone to cover for her. I didn't say anything to her, but I was pretty hurt when I got off of the phone. She said that she hadn't requested it off because one of my friends had said that the itinerary might change (not the date or anything--just what we were doing) and she was waiting to hear. She has literally known the date for this for the last 3 months. So yeah, I was pretty upset at that point.
I called my mom and told her that I was hurt that my sister hadn't bothered getting the day off and I got a little bit more of the story--she said that my friend who was planning it had asked people to contribute way too much money ("$300 a person") and wanted everyone to do these really extravagant things like stay at a really fancy hotel and go to a play.
I talked to my other friend about this and got the rest of the story--that the actual amount they had asked people to contribute was $125 - $150, for one thing, which I feel like is really reasonable. That's what FI's friends are all pitching in for his bachelor party. I understand that my sisters don't make a ton of money (although they are living comfortably), but I'm still a little hurt. I haven't asked my bridesmaids for much for the wedding--I bought their dresses for them and told them they can wear whatever shoes/accessories they want. I am really trying to keep it inexpensive because I don't want anyone to be unable to afford this. I guess it just hurts that even though they just did a big road trip down to California, they apparently can't do this. Hell, I'm happy to pay my own way and take the burden off of everyone else. If it was an issue of money, I wish they had just come to me and told me rather than just saying screw it.
When I told my mom that I was kind of hurt that FI's friends are throwing this awesome party for him and I was bummed that nothing was going to happen for mine, she said that he obviously had more creative and fun friends than I do, which I feel like is really unfair. My two best friends DID plan something cool, but no one could be bothered to participate. What it really comes down to is that she feels like my sisters should have planned it (which is a whole other issue--there was already some hurt feelings from my two friends when my sisters decided that they were doing the shower all on their own. The compromise was that my sisters could do the shower and they'd do the bachelorette party, but apparently since they're not planning it they are happy to just blow it off). She also said that I shouldn't expect people to spend a whole weekend on something as trivial as this. I just wish they had mentioned that back when we first figured out that we were going to do it 3 months ago rather than waiting until 2 weeks before. She said that I should just cancel it entirely and do something on a different night with my sisters, but that is the only weekend I set aside because it was planned so long ago. I have stuff going on every other week. She said I should just do it on a weeknight despite the fact I get up at 5 AM every morning for work.
I'm really trying to not be upset about this--I certainly don't expect everyone to drop everything for my wedding and I don't want anyone to spend more than they can afford to, but I'm disappointed that after talking about how much fun it was going to be for 3 months, they are acting like it's a giant hassle. It doesn't help that my sisters and my mom always side together on stuff, so it's useless talking to any of them about this. If I bring it up to my mom she just blames it on my bridesmaids for doing a crappy job of planning and talks about how I should have had my sisters do it instead because they are so funny and creative. This is despite the fact that my sisters and I have very different ideas about what constitutes a fun night out.
If you have criticism, please be gentle. I know I probably sound like a spoiled brat for even expecting anything, but I'm really hurt over the whole thing.
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