Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Disappointed...

Mashira

Mashira

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2010
Messages
501
I started my final semester of nursing school today. We received our schedules for exit exams, course requirements, NCLEX prep courses, and our thesis papers. I'm so horribly overwhelmed. It just all hit at once. I'm dealing with the stress fairly well (I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression issues) and I'm pretty proud of how well I've been handling things so far.

Here's the rub: FF planned to propose in September. However, because of exit exam testing and NCLEX prep, I had to eliminate a weekend in September. I want to be able to enjoy the engagement weekend. I don't want to get engaged and then have to tell him to sit back and watch me study the rest of the day/weekend for an exam. The weekend I had to eliminate just so happened to be the weekend he intended on proposing. He didn't say so explicitly but the general freak out made it pretty obvious.

He said that he didn't want to move it up because this weekend is my birthday. He doesn't think everything would be prepared to do it the weekend after my birthday (first weekend of September), doesn't want to do it September 11th for obvious reasons, the weekend after that is eliminated because of the exam, which leaves only one weekend. The last weekend of September. He knows that I know this, and that would entirely remove the element of surprise. The element of surprise is important to both of us, but especially to him. He mentioned moving to the 'originally planned' some time in November date. (All of October is booked up because of school... :angryfire: ) I told him that I support any decision that he makes, and it's entirely up to him. I truly feel this way, because I don't want to rush him, or have him feel pressured to do it when he isn't prepared. However on the inside, I'm getting this sinking feeling that's just so hard to kick.

I'm heartbroken. I was so excited for September. I've figuratively been counting the days. Now... now I have no idea what my 'time-line' is. It is sort of exciting not knowing (I'm trying my very best to put a positive spin on this), but it's very disappointing that it could be pushed back months simply because of scheduling issues. I just needed to get that out. *le sigh*
 
What element of surprise???
 
I know it's disappointing right now, but just try to go with the flow with all of this. Your boyfriend wants to propose to you and he wants to do it soon and when the time is right. Even though it seems like November is far away, it really isn't. It's only a few more months of waiting. I know it can be hard, but that is why we are all here. It sounds like you are going to be super busy with everything for school and those few months are going to FLY by!

So, focus hard on everything for school for now. Make sure that you finish nursing school strong! I promise that by focusing more of your energy on school, those few months won't seem like anything. Keep us updated!
 
I don't think there is any 'perfect time' to propose...whenever your BF does it, it WILL be perfect because he is asking you to marry him!

plus, who says it has to be on a weekend?
 
slg47 said:
I don't think there is any 'perfect time' to propose...whenever your BF does it, it WILL be perfect because he is asking you to marry him!

plus, who says it has to be on a weekend?
Click to expand...

I know how disappointed you must be feeling, but I agree with slg, it doesn't necessarily have to be a weekend.

It will all work out and even if it is November, the time will fly by! Especially since you seem to be very busy this next while.

*****HUGS*****
 
vc10um said:
swingirl said:
What element of surprise???
Click to expand...

:appl:
Click to expand...

Add me to this. Sounds like the whole "surprise" idea is out the window, it's being scheduled and stressed over to death. Relax and let it happen when it's going to happen. Focus on your education, which is much more important in the long run than a weekend in September.
 
I wouldn't say the 'surprise' element is totally gone...I helped pick out the ring and I knew it would be within a certain time frame but I was TOTALLY FLOORED...had NO idea it was coming when it did (I had even thought to myself that I knew it wouldn't be for a few more weeks!)

Mashira...I would try not to get too hung up over all of this and just let it happen-when it does it will be perfect :)
 
slg47 said:
I wouldn't say the 'surprise' element is totally gone...I helped pick out the ring and I knew it would be within a certain time frame but I was TOTALLY FLOORED...had NO idea it was coming when it did (I had even thought to myself that I knew it wouldn't be for a few more weeks!)

Mashira...I would try not to get too hung up over all of this and just let it happen-when it does it will be perfect :)
Click to expand...

You're right I should have said "The surprise of the weekend in September idea seems to be gone." BUT then again, he could be trying to throw her off. I'm just saying, whenever it is it will be wonderful and she won't ever believe she had once worried over it!
 
no it's OK Nashville, I just think that you CAN be involved in picking out the ring and yet STILL be surprised. I definitely wouldn't want to be proposed to if we had not discussed the marriage first...so...in some way it would not be a TOTAL surprise.
 
Sorry you're so disappointed over this. I agree with everyone else- focus on school and the time will really fly by. Whether you get engaged in September or November or whenever--- it will be magic! It sounds like your BF really cares about making this special to you and it will be worth the wait. Your disappointment is of course understandable, but shake it off and it will be here sooner than you know. This one is up to him to figure out!
 
no need to be sad, you will be engaged SO soon! And I don't see why Sep 11 is out-- can't you turn a day of sadness into a day filled with happiness for you guys? Besides, there's still Fri night (10th) or Sunday (12th). I agree with the others-- cheer up, you will be engaged soon!
 
HappyNewLife said:
no need to be sad, you will be engaged SO soon! And I don't see why Sep 11 is out-- can't you turn a day of sadness into a day filled with happiness for you guys? Besides, there's still Fri night (10th) or Sunday (12th). I agree with the others-- cheer up, you will be engaged soon!
Click to expand...

I completely agree with this!
 
slg47 said:
I don't think there is any 'perfect time' to propose...whenever your BF does it, it WILL be perfect because he is asking you to marry him!

plus, who says it has to be on a weekend?
Click to expand...

I agree...why does it HAVE to be on a weekened???? You may be busy during the week with school, but I'm sure you see him at night time for at least a couple hours.
 
Thanks for the support guys. I agree with Slg on the element of surprise still being there, regardless of if I've helped him pick the ring.
I also agree that it could easily be a Friday or Sunday. I just know he'll be aiming for a Saturday :sick:

It has to be a weekend because that is the only time we see each other. He works all week and I'm in school all week. When he is at home, I am at school, and vice versa. He also lives about 45mins away (same city, bad traffic) so the only time we really spend together when I'm in school is the weekends.

That being said, I think I feel a lot better just venting it out somewhere and your support has really helped. I'm just going to file it away, focus on school, and not worry about it. ;)
 
I'm going to keep it 100% real when I say this. You're being ridiculous. There is absolutely no element of surprise. you have seen the ring, posted photos of it and even have it as your avatar. You know the month he's proposing in and even pretty much sat down with a calendar to decide when it would be appropriate to celebrate. I'm annoyed for him. He should just hand the ring box over as I type and get it over with. :roll:
 
I have to agree that really, there is very little surprise left. You two are basically penciling in your proposal. I don't understand why he can't propose on your birthday weekend? It's a celebratory weekend for you two, you'll be together, it'll make your b-day that much more memoerable and you can start the semester engaged, not stressing about when & how, and most importantly your ring is ON your finger and not in a box.
 
I also agree that the element of surprise is dwindling. I understand the perspective of those of you who say that it is ruined. For me, so long as I do not know the exact day of the proposal, it will be surprise enough for me.

I did not believe that I was being ridiculous, however from your comments I am honestly starting to wonder. I never intended on it being so complex. All I was supposed to know was that it was sometime in September, so that I wouldn't constantly be anxious. Now, hearing from you guys, I'm beginning to wonder if I haven't ruined it for him, and really annoyed him. He hasn't shown any sign of being annoyed, but I don't expect that he would.

Everything was fine until I had to tell him about school. :(( He could do it my birthday weekend (this weekend), but because he was reluctant to move up the date because he didn't think things would be ready, I highly doubt it. This is just turning into a mess. I never wanted to be so involved, I didn't want to have so many details. I just had to eliminate a weekend due to an exam, and now I feel as though I've ruined it all.
 
I have to agree that you are trying to manage this just a little too closely. I have no problem with couples picking out rings together. I also have no problem with scheduled proposals that are not surprises at all, if that's what the couple agrees on. But I just don't think you can tell your partner exactly when he can and cannot propose based on what is convenient for you and still expect to be surprised in any way. I don't think that is fair to him. It's a tremendous amount of pressure for him to have to conform to your every desire and expectation and still be expected to surprise you somehow. If you truly want to be surprised, you'll have to open up your schedule and let it happen when it happens. I don't mean that you should put your schoolwork aside, as that is extrememly important, but I do mean that, should he propose during a busy time for you, well, you'll just have to enjoy it for a few minutes, get back to your studying, and plan a full-fledged celebration for another time. That's just kind of how life goes. You're going to have busy lives while you're engaged and after you are married, too, and things just won't always happen on your schedule. You just have to find a balance.

Essentially, if you want to be surprised, let him decide when it will be, and stay out of it. He loves you, so you can trust him to pick a good time to do it. But if you want the proposal to happen on your tight schedule, then you should give up the illusion of surprise and just pick a time that works for both of you. Since you have the ring and you both know you want to be engaged, why wait? You can always celebrate later.
 
I'm sorry, I think I missed something? Did you actually tell your boyfriend that he couldn't propose on your busy studying-filled weekend? Or simply that you would be studying all that weekend?

I mean, if you told him you had a test coming up and that weekend you'd be studying, I don't see how that's being too controlling. However, the way you phrased it "I had to eliminate one weekend," leads me to believe that may not be how it came out. I hope : ) you meant "I had to tell him I will be a crazy attempting to cram every little piece of information I can into my brain X weekend in September, that way he knew I would be busy, just for his information." : )

Either way, relax a little, I know school is super stressful. This is my first post since starting Med School ekkkk, I had to comment to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding what you're saying. : )

Edited because I can't type : P
 
I told him that I would have my HESI Exit Exam the Monday after that weekend, so I would need to study and we may not be able to see each other. I have to pass this exit exam to graduate. I didn't tell him that he 'couldn't' do it that weekend, but it was pretty much assumed because he knows how important that test is, and so he wouldn't do it that weekend.
 
That's what I figured : ) BUT I had to make sure. Eliminate is such a serious word, I was worried for a second. :P

I don't think you're being controlling, I don't know you well enough to form that type of opinion anyway. Plus I think you're stressed about this test. Ugh I remember the MCAT, yucky lots of a math no calculator.You're going to make a great nurse, don't let this test freak you out, you're going to do fine!! : )

edited... because I still can't type.
 
I agree with some of the others, I get the feeling from reading your post that the two of you are almost scheduling the engagement together.

Yes, I spent my FI pic after pic of what I wanted (never went with him though) so I had an idea as to what my ring would look like.

And yes, when I asked if he would EVER propose (dting for 11 years, living together in the home we own for over a year) he just said, "not until at least spring, definitely before the end of summer". So, I as well had a "time frame".


BUT I feel like having him tell you it is September....and that certain weekends are not out for whatever reason, does kill the surprise. I feel like the two of you are almost sitting in front of a calender marking what weekends work for the two of you. This should be him picking our a time- weekend or not- and doing it and you not knowing ahead of time going into the weekend that this is one of the "approved weekends".
 
(((***HUGS***)))

I feel your pain and I understand why you are disappointed.
Chin up - it will happen before you know it!

DAMN SCHOOL!!!
 
*hug*

Although I love the "wow-factor" with engagements, I hate the pressure that comes from planning them. It is so sad that engagement needs tó wait before everything else. It is like setting priorities over the most impontant thing in your life. But still you have to do it.

I have no advice. If you want to reserve the whole weekend for the engagement celebrations, then you just have to do it. Do you have any exams you could postpone to later? If you want to prioritize school, couldn't you get engaged and celebrate at some other suitable time? On some weekday when you could go to a restaurant together?

Lame, I know. But lame also to plan when you CAN get engaged, if your schedules define it. I think it should be spontanious... celebration is your whole life!! I used to be in your shoes couple of years ago. It was always work before personal live. Now it is other way around. Decice your priorities - together. That is the only way to decide where you want to be at.
 
;( I am sorry for you! But I can't imagine putting myself into this situation or a solution for it if I was.

Except maybe tell him it doesnt have to be sept anymore, and then no more talking about it. Its all up to him from there.
 
PrincessNatalie said:
;( I am sorry for you! But I can't imagine putting myself into this situation or a solution for it if I was.

Except maybe tell him it doesnt have to be sept anymore, and then no more talking about it. Its all up to him from there.
Click to expand...

That is exactly what I ended up doing, so I'm once again in the dark. I also asked him how he felt about the whole thing after my school schedule had been revealed to us, and he said that he understood, was not upset, but was initially aggravated that school was making it so complex. :))

Rezi said:
Lame, I know. But lame also to plan when you CAN get engaged, if your schedules define it. I think it should be spontanious... celebration is your whole life!! I used to be in your shoes couple of years ago. It was always work before personal live. Now it is other way around. Decice your priorities - together. That is the only way to decide where you want to be at.
Click to expand...

I completely agree!
 
I completely feel for you! It is sucky to get engaged and then not to be able to celebrate together and enjoy the moment when study and exam stress is hanging over your head. This is a very special and important moment for you both and you want to be able to embrace and take in all the emotions and excitement that is meant to go along with it! Having to think about celebrating later is difficult, especially when you're distracted by a gorgeous ring sparkling on your finger while studying for what sounds like a very important exam.
My suggestion would be to let September go, obviously being able to have time to celebrate together straight away is a significant thing for both of you. I would say embrace November!!! Think about this, there will be this abounding sense of celebration added to the whole event with Christmas coming and as Christmas comes you will be able to share this new and wonderful excitement with friends and family. It is hard to let go of control over knowing 'when it will happen' and 'with what' as your engagement is something we dream about and we want it to be perfect, but as others have stated life can't be planned and the essential importance here is that you love each other and you've made the commitment already to be with with each other forever, and that really is all that matters. I think there will definitely be surprise mixed in as it's not as though you know exactly how he'll be proposing and that to me has always been the magical element anyway. Regarding spoiling the surprise by having a time-line in mind, think of it this way, couples that go on holidays always have some idea that it might be happening then so how is this any different?? Relax and remember it WILL happen, you love each other and you have designed a beautiful ring and that is promise enough. You will be engaged by the end of the year and it is already September, how exciting is that!!!!!!!!? :appl:
Sorry to rant but I just wanted to give you some perspective =) Enjoy the excitement and good luck on your exams!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top