espodog
Rough_Rock
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do brides get a tux choice?
- Thread starter espodog
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espodog
Rough_Rock
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- Sep 16, 2004
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sorry...here''s my real post.
My beautiful fiance is being crazy...if i even say the word dress in a sentence, she walks out of the room. She is being so secretive because of this stupid tradition (I cant even look at one of her wedding magazines because she "might" have a page earmarked), but the kicker is she says its the brides job to help pick out the tux?!
Don''t get me wrong, I want her help on things, but I am a very stylish guy ( some call me a little "metro"), and she is being so difficult about even discussing straps or no straps on her dress, why should she get to pick out my tux? I mean her reasoning is that we shouldn''t "see" each other in our respective garb before the ceremony - so isn''t this a double standard?
So am I being an assinine male, or a resonable dude?
thanks
My beautiful fiance is being crazy...if i even say the word dress in a sentence, she walks out of the room. She is being so secretive because of this stupid tradition (I cant even look at one of her wedding magazines because she "might" have a page earmarked), but the kicker is she says its the brides job to help pick out the tux?!
Don''t get me wrong, I want her help on things, but I am a very stylish guy ( some call me a little "metro"), and she is being so difficult about even discussing straps or no straps on her dress, why should she get to pick out my tux? I mean her reasoning is that we shouldn''t "see" each other in our respective garb before the ceremony - so isn''t this a double standard?
So am I being an assinine male, or a resonable dude?
thanks
ame
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Yea it's a little excessive and honestly makes me worry about her secretiveness, not just about the wedding but as a whole.
Aside from that. I just told him what color the vests and jackets had to be (deep purple and black respectively) and that I didn't want bowties...I gave him 8 months to figure it out...and he did JACK SQUAT. So I did it all. I let him point to jackets he liked but pretty much did it all myself and told him when to go get fitted.
Honestly I would just tell her that since you are getting shafted out of her attire that you will excuse her from tux duty. Get some books from the places you are considering and don't earmark any thing, dont show her anything. Be SUPER secretive. Return the favor. Just pick something simple and nondescript.
And you are right, it is definitely not fair that she won't share anything with you but also won't trust you enough to pick something out.
Aside from that. I just told him what color the vests and jackets had to be (deep purple and black respectively) and that I didn't want bowties...I gave him 8 months to figure it out...and he did JACK SQUAT. So I did it all. I let him point to jackets he liked but pretty much did it all myself and told him when to go get fitted.
Honestly I would just tell her that since you are getting shafted out of her attire that you will excuse her from tux duty. Get some books from the places you are considering and don't earmark any thing, dont show her anything. Be SUPER secretive. Return the favor. Just pick something simple and nondescript.
And you are right, it is definitely not fair that she won't share anything with you but also won't trust you enough to pick something out.
MelissaSue
Ideal_Rock
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flopkins
Ideal_Rock
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hahaha i think MY FI thinks I''m the same.... except not just w/the dress!!
Anyhow, to answer your question, I think you''re being entirely reasonable in thinking it''s a double standard, and from what you''ve said, she does sound like shes carrying the tradition to the extreme. But if she really gets that much of a kick out of it... whatever! Just tell her your tux decision is your decision... or make it clear that you feel slighted/left out. If she doesn''t understand, then you might have some other issues...
My FI was sooooo upset that I wouldn''t show him the dresses I was thinking of, I finally just broke down and he went dress shopping w/me (OHHHH MYYYY GOODNESS!!!)... he actually liked my#2 choice better than my #1, (he said it looked ''sexier'' on me...
I also went tux shopping w/him. But that was a given for us either way, cuz otherwise... well I dunnos what would happen! hehe.
Logan Sapphire
Ideal_Rock
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Honestly, I think your fiancee sounds a little extreme here. You''re the one wearing the tux, not her, so I think you should get to pick it out, within reason. If your fiancee runs screaming from the room when you try it on, that''s not good, but other than that, I think it should be your call.
I showed a picture of my dress to my husband and he saw part of the bottom of it in real life, but he didn''t see me in it until the big day. I went tux shopping with him (he bought it and wanted to make sure I thought it was something he could wear for the rest of his life) but I had no requirements or suggestions other than that I liked the full vest and not bowtie or the false vests. It was his choice.
I showed a picture of my dress to my husband and he saw part of the bottom of it in real life, but he didn''t see me in it until the big day. I went tux shopping with him (he bought it and wanted to make sure I thought it was something he could wear for the rest of his life) but I had no requirements or suggestions other than that I liked the full vest and not bowtie or the false vests. It was his choice.
Nicrez
Ideal_Rock
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Darn, I was hoping you would determine that women DO have the final say...Rats!
My fiance is actually metro as well, so I don''t worry as much about him looking excellent. BUT sometimes he says things that make me wonder if he will be dressed up enough... He doesn''t want to rent a tux (as the idea is a bit odd), but with so many expenses, we don''t want to buy one (as being Metro makes his tastes too expensive), so we are stuck with a dillema of suit over tux.
As for the mystery of a woman''s gown, it''s an old tradition that many women take very seriously. Mostly to see the expression on your face when you see them walk down the aisle looking the best they ever have, and as beautiful as they can get themselves. They want you to be speechless and awe-stricken, so give her that reaction, and let her have her surprise!!!
As a side note: My fiance has seen my wedding gown REJECTS (as we took pictures), but has not seen "the one". He has great taste and knows me the best, so I always rely on him for his opinion. He actually helped me pick out one gown, and the other more formal gown for the recpetion and Catholic wedding, he hasn''t seen... I saw no harm, but some women really want to suprise you, just as most men want to surprise their fiance with her e-ring....
Good luck and I am sure your taste will be great. How about running your top ten past her. Getting a reaction for each, then deciding on your own? Works for us...
My fiance is actually metro as well, so I don''t worry as much about him looking excellent. BUT sometimes he says things that make me wonder if he will be dressed up enough... He doesn''t want to rent a tux (as the idea is a bit odd), but with so many expenses, we don''t want to buy one (as being Metro makes his tastes too expensive), so we are stuck with a dillema of suit over tux.
As for the mystery of a woman''s gown, it''s an old tradition that many women take very seriously. Mostly to see the expression on your face when you see them walk down the aisle looking the best they ever have, and as beautiful as they can get themselves. They want you to be speechless and awe-stricken, so give her that reaction, and let her have her surprise!!!
As a side note: My fiance has seen my wedding gown REJECTS (as we took pictures), but has not seen "the one". He has great taste and knows me the best, so I always rely on him for his opinion. He actually helped me pick out one gown, and the other more formal gown for the recpetion and Catholic wedding, he hasn''t seen... I saw no harm, but some women really want to suprise you, just as most men want to surprise their fiance with her e-ring....
Good luck and I am sure your taste will be great. How about running your top ten past her. Getting a reaction for each, then deciding on your own? Works for us...
Cath
Shiny_Rock
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I think before you do anything else, you should ask her what style of tux she likes. Perhaps she may surprise you and like a style that you would have picked out! If you''re on totally opposite sides of the spectrum, though, a little discussion and compromise may be the best solution.
Yes, the "tradition" is a double standard, but it''s a tradition that''s been around a long time. I think she is acting more paranoid than average, but that''s about it. I agree that you should be able to have a say in the tux choice. But do you really care if she sees your tux before the ceremony or not? Pick your battles and on things you really don''t care about, don''t turn them into a huge deal.
Yes, the "tradition" is a double standard, but it''s a tradition that''s been around a long time. I think she is acting more paranoid than average, but that''s about it. I agree that you should be able to have a say in the tux choice. But do you really care if she sees your tux before the ceremony or not? Pick your battles and on things you really don''t care about, don''t turn them into a huge deal.
MINE!!
Ideal_Rock
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FI saw my dress in the bag and said ohhhh that looks... ''nice'' LOL>>>
The funny thing is.. when I saw it in the bag I turned up my nose and didn''t even want to try it on.. said hmmm that''s.... ''nice''
So he thinks it looks ''uh nice'' But he has never seen it on.. Once I tried it on... I fell in love.. he has yet to see me in it and has only had the opportunity to glance at the bag once.
I think that women should have a ''say'' in what the tuxs should look like to an extent. Some tuxs do not go with some dresses.. Some are more formal less formal etc.
But that is just MHO.
Good luck.
BTW... she is taking it a little overboard with the dress thing.
The funny thing is.. when I saw it in the bag I turned up my nose and didn''t even want to try it on.. said hmmm that''s.... ''nice''
So he thinks it looks ''uh nice'' But he has never seen it on.. Once I tried it on... I fell in love.. he has yet to see me in it and has only had the opportunity to glance at the bag once.
I think that women should have a ''say'' in what the tuxs should look like to an extent. Some tuxs do not go with some dresses.. Some are more formal less formal etc.
But that is just MHO.
Good luck.
BTW... she is taking it a little overboard with the dress thing.
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My FI is what you could refer to as a "metro" as well! Heeehehee. He and I actually had a tiff over the tuxes, mainly because I used to run a formalwear store and I have seen the disasters that drive normal wonderful brides into *BRIDEZILLA*..Please understand the way that a bride views these things. It is madness, madness I tell you. We are parinod that the colors won''t match EXACTLY and everyone at the wedding will obsess over the fact that the bridesmaid/flowers/whatever don''t match the vests or that the tuxes won''t flow with the overall style of the wedding attire. You get my drift- there is no reasoning in matters such as this, my advice is if she is going to be this way- pick your two favorite and include her in the process-make her think that she made the desicion. If you make her feel like she has "done" all the picking you will have a happy bride and you will be in the tux you want!A little reverse Psychology...heehee
Good luck darling!
JCJD
Brilliant_Rock
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Well, I think you both may be being a bit unreasonable, but there is a reason for the madness, methinks.
She doesn''t want you to see her dress until the wedding day when she''s walking down the aisle. Because of her strong desire to carry out this tradition and experience that moment with you, she has taken it to the extreme and refuses to discuss anything dress-related with you. She wants to help with the tux decision to make sure it matches the formality and style of her dress without having to tell you about the dress.
You believe in your own fashion sense to pick your own tux, and now that she is insistent on helping you pick your duds but won''t let you think about hers, you''re even more determined to keep this decision to yourself. You''re not concerned with matching her just so long as you have control over this decision and can turn the tables on her.
You two need to talk about this issue and work on a compromise you both can live with. Whether that means you pick attire together, independently, or somewhere in between is up to you.
This is not evidence that your beautiful fiancee is really a crazy wedding monster or that your relationship is doomed to destruction over what pattern of china you should register for. It just means you two are individuals with individual ideas and expectations that you have to sort through TOGETHER and you''re stressed by wedding planning.
I hope my pseudopsychological analysis helps a little!
(And welcome to Pricescope!!)
She doesn''t want you to see her dress until the wedding day when she''s walking down the aisle. Because of her strong desire to carry out this tradition and experience that moment with you, she has taken it to the extreme and refuses to discuss anything dress-related with you. She wants to help with the tux decision to make sure it matches the formality and style of her dress without having to tell you about the dress.
You believe in your own fashion sense to pick your own tux, and now that she is insistent on helping you pick your duds but won''t let you think about hers, you''re even more determined to keep this decision to yourself. You''re not concerned with matching her just so long as you have control over this decision and can turn the tables on her.
You two need to talk about this issue and work on a compromise you both can live with. Whether that means you pick attire together, independently, or somewhere in between is up to you.
This is not evidence that your beautiful fiancee is really a crazy wedding monster or that your relationship is doomed to destruction over what pattern of china you should register for. It just means you two are individuals with individual ideas and expectations that you have to sort through TOGETHER and you''re stressed by wedding planning.
I hope my pseudopsychological analysis helps a little!
elepri
Brilliant_Rock
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Well my fiance absolutely refused to see my dress or even look in pictures because he wants to see it for the first time at the wedding. He''s a very nontraditional guy in every other respect, he just thinks it would be cool. Otherwise, he would''ve seen it by now. He did take me tux shopping though because he wanted my input. Now, I was pretty clueless about tuxes and completely trusted him to pick the right one but i''m glad I came along because i gave him all the enourageement he needed to spend the obsene amount of money on his tux. But it was definitely his choice and I think most guys are perfectly capable of making that decision.
codex57
Brilliant_Rock
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I think she should get some input. Not a choice. There''s a difference. Like she can have veto power or express preferences. After all, the two are supposed to match. Since you''re not supposed to see her dress, she''s gotta see your tux than to figure out if it''s gonna match or not. Ultimately, it should still be your choice tho. If she starts butting in too much, you guys are DEFINITELY gonna need a talk b/c it doesn''t bode too well for the marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship.
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