Do I count?

[ssharma1121]

Here''s my story. I have been with fiance with almost 4 years. The last 2 years were long distance as I was in school in NYC and he was here in Philly. He said that he would propose if we stayed together while I was in school, he would propose at graduation. He proposed the night before graduation back in July. Then he didn''t want to tell anyone about it until we had a ring. I have been secretly engaged for 3 months since I don''t have a ring. As soon as we got a ring, he started telling his coworkers. Then we sent the ring back yesterday because of problems with the ring. So I got to enjoy being engaged for a total of 2.5 days.

Furthermore, he refuses to set a wedding date. He said that having a short engagement was very important to him before he proposed. Well 3 months have already gone by. It''s hard to plan a wedding when you don''t have a date. I suggested dates in December, and he said that was too soon! I ask what kind of wedding he wants, but it''s like talking to a wall.

We may be engaged, but it doesn''t mean anything.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Maybe the BWW forum might be more for you as they all are engaged and getting ready to plan weddings.

 

[sunnyd]

Ouch. I''m sorry you''re going through this ssharma.

Was he really ready to propose, or did he just because he said he would at that time? I only ask because of the secretive nature of your engagement, the not wanting to set a date. You need to talk to him for sure.

I can imagine how hard it must be to want to be excited and plan but the other half isn''t and won''t. HUGS!

 

[jcarlylew]

ouch indeed! i hope that though he is having a hard time helping plan the wedding, he is still excited about the proposal and the thought/idea of being married.

My boyf thinks "short" and "soon" is a year, so when you tell your guy december (3 mos from now), he could be thinking that is "instant" rather than "soon." boys

.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 9/5/2008 12:07:13 PM
Author:ssharma1121
Here''s my story. I have been with fiance with almost 4 years. The last 2 years were long distance as I was in school in NYC and he was here in Philly. He said that he would propose if we stayed together while I was in school, he would propose at graduation. He proposed the night before graduation back in July. Then he didn''t want to tell anyone about it until we had a ring. I have been secretly engaged for 3 months since I don''t have a ring. As soon as we got a ring, he started telling his coworkers. Then we sent the ring back yesterday because of problems with the ring. So I got to enjoy being engaged for a total of 2.5 days.

Furthermore, he refuses to set a wedding date. He said that having a short engagement was very important to him before he proposed. Well 3 months have already gone by. It''s hard to plan a wedding when you don''t have a date. I suggested dates in December, and he said that was too soon! I ask what kind of wedding he wants, but it''s like talking to a wall.

We may be engaged, but it doesn''t mean anything.

Have you asked him why he doesn''t want to discuss the wedding details? It seems pretty unfair of him to go as far as proposing and then shut down suddenly.

 

[debzy103]

Maybe he just wants to have the ring and "officially" be engaged (again) before you start planning?

 

[Blackpaw]

Oh thats really tough

im not sure what advice i can give (except the obvious..communication!) but hugs are coming your way from me...

 

[kittybean]

I think you are still "engaged" even though you don''t have the ring at this moment! I had to get my ring sized and didn''t have it for a few days, and I was still announcing my engagement and full steam ahead with wedding plans. Since he told his coworkers, I don''t think there''s any need for you to keep it a secret anymore.

As far as him clamming up about the wedding plans, all I can advise you to do is TALK to him. Have a serious conversation about what each of your expectations, hopes, and dreams for the future entail. Ask him what he is thinking right now and why he is reticent to discuss wedding planning when you are engaged. Tell him it''s okay to be totally honest, and be prepared for potentially receiving some difficult answers to your questions. At this point, you really want honesty so that you can address any issues there may be.

All that said, big *HUGS* to you. I''m really sorry these issues are clouding this happy time in your life. I really hope it works out for the best. Come on over to the Bride World Wide forum when you''re ready!

 

[gogosi]

Ssharma I think there are many guys out there that once they propose they just can''t handle thinking of a wedding and all the planning. I don''t think that that it means that they are not ready to get married or that they are not happy to be engaged. I mean when you think about us girls we sit around waiting for our ring and then once we get it we are 100% in planning mode. Men on the other hand spend 1 year saving and searching and planning the proposal so I understand how some are not quick to jump into elaborate wedding planning. And I just think that men and women are wired differently when it comes to that stuff.

My FI was like that... he didn''t wanna hear anything about a wedding, not beacuse he''s having doubts or anything, but he''s just not a planner. So what I did was I put together a plan and I ran it by him (we''re paying for the whole thing ourselves so it was pretty easy to decide on what to do since we don''t have family we need to please) I actually typed it all up and gave it to him... it started off as a bit of a joke but after a couple of days we agreed on a day now i''m planning it all out. I know you are excited to get married but Decemeber it is really soon, and yeah for guys soon is 12-16 months, 3 months it''s like tomorrow.

Good luck with everything.