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Do others take you seriously?

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Izzy03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
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613
So there is this *witch* at work who always seems to belittle my relationship with my BF because we are not married. She doesn''t seem to be the happiest in her marriage so I do think that part of this stems from jealousy, but every time I talk about me and my BF''s plans for decorating his house, rings, a future wedding, she has to make negative comments.

Do any of you find that married people do not take your relationship seriously because you are not married or engaged?
 
Why not stop talking to her about those things? I have never had anyone talk down to me regarding my relationship. But then, with my personality, few people dare to talk down to me. I would call her out immediately on her own issues and how she has no right to judge.
 
May I ask why you even engage with her? She is an unhappy woman who cannot help but spread negativity. You do not have to buy what she sells. I would simply not talk about your personal stuff with her if you can avoid it. And if she asks, say, Fine, thanks, and change the subject. She will get the hint.
 
Ah, the downfall of working in a very small company where EVERYONE knows EVERONE'S business. I just can't believe what people have the nerve to say.
 
Well, in that case, try to direct your conversations about stuff like that AWAY from her. If she persists, tell her that you find her comments to be negative and while you hope she does not intend to, it makes it difficult for you to talk to her. Sometimes people, even really pilly people, do not always realize how they impact others. You are under no obligation to keep her informed about your life. Especially if she is going to be snarky about it to your face.
 
Date: 6/3/2008 11:33:27 PM
Author: diamondfan
Well, in that case, try to direct your conversations about stuff like that AWAY from her. If she persists, tell her that you find her comments to be negative and while you hope she does not intend to, it makes it difficult for you to talk to her. Sometimes people, even really pilly people, do not always realize how they impact others. You are under no obligation to keep her informed about your life. Especially if she is going to be snarky about it to your face.
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I agree! You can be civil while remaning aloof. Whenever possible, keep your distance. When you must interact, either for work or because she initiates, be to the point and don''t chit-chat with her. I did something similar with a coworker (albeit for different reasons) and it worked like a charm.


I haven''t encountered this much myself YET but I also tend to keep a lot of our wedding plans, etc to myself. I talk about it with my mom and sometimes in passing with my friends, but I personally don''t feel comfortable going into much detail with most people. I''m just an introvert in general, not a big ''sharer'' aside from on here.
 
Just ignore her, if at all possible, and if she is around, when she starts her negativity, just ask her why she is always so negative about your relationship. That should make her realize what a meanie she''s being.

I encounter this sometimes...we''re both grad students, so most people aren''t really into marriage or anything yet, and alot of people think we''re just going through a cute phase. We''ve learned to laugh it off, though, and if someone''s negative to us, we just tell them sweetly that we are thankful for their helpful advice.
 
Oh sweetie next time you are at work please think of me and my witch. LOL She has said some absolute horrible things to me. The best (I posted on here before but will re-tell) was during a Department birthday party for another girl in my department. This witch decides to play the "who''s next for engagement" game...a game only she participates in...and tells everyone that I''m NEVER getting engaged. Her exact words were "Man I came back from maternity leave, worked for a year, got pregnant, had the baby, went on maternity leave again, came back and you''re STILL not married." I almost died.

The people that matter to me take it seriously...like my mom, siblings, his family, and closest friends. Everyone else can go poop on themselves
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WHAT A SKALEWAG!!! [:angry fire:] I''m sorry to hear that. You should feel pity for her. Gosh, I hate people like that. Some people only feel good about themselves when they bring other people down. People at my work do that crap to me all the time. Most of them start all these rumors about me and my relationship, I mean seriously get over yourself, what is this 7th grade? Why can''t people just be nice and supportive?!?! UGH!!!! haha
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ok I''m calm!
 
We usually poke fun at the whole thing. I have a male coworker that she harrasses as well. Whenever we have a Department event and know that she will be there, we take bets on how long it will take her to bring up engagements. I have won about 3 lunches so far
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The funny thing is that he''s actually in the process of looking for a ring for his girlfriend and I''m helping him
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But instead of telling her that, he just plays it off as if he''s not ready to get married. I think that''s what I''ll do from now on.
 
Ditto fiery red! All the important people in my life take us seriously. Everyone else can f themselves.

I do hate being called up at weddings to participate in the bouquet toss. again and again and again. Even when I would hide, someone always found me. It really sucks. Been with S.O for almost 6 years now, been to about 30 weddings together I kid you not) and in most of the weddings we''ve been to in the last 2 years, we''ve been together longer than most of these couples getting married! so it starts getting to ya...
 
Sometimes I feel like people aren''t taking me or my relationship seriously because we are not yet engaged or married, but I''m pretty sure it''s all in my head. I''ve expressed the concern to my BF and my mom and they both thought I was overanalyzing. At this point, I know I''m getting engaged soon, so I feel a bit of satisfaction and peace knowing that we will soon prove any naysayers wrong--if there are any to begin with.

Izzy, I have two pieces of advice for you. The first has already been said: keep your interaction, especially regarding anything personal, to a minimum with this woman. Although I understand wanting to talk about the most important things in your life with coworkers, this woman is only causing you grief as a result. If you don''t want to cease all non-work-related communication with her, I suggest keeping to light, impersonal topics (the weather, movies, Lindsay Lohan''s latest escapades) when conversing with her. If she asks, reveal as little as possible about your personal life. Cut out most of your references in conversation to your boyfriend; she will then have no chance to belittle your relationship. Also keep in mind that you don''t have to prove anything to her.

My second piece of advice is to remember how happy you are in your relationship and how many good things are coming your way soon. I find that if I reflect on that, negative comments from others bother me so much less.
 
Amen! When FI and I were bf/gf -- it was hard sometimes. Because there are some close minded people out there who think that if you''re of a certain age and not married, it''s not serious.
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It''s subtle, but it''s there among the older generation. But times are changing. And I don''t think our generation and the ones following feel that way at all. All couples deserve respect!
 
Date: 6/4/2008 2:24:23 PM
Author: cakeny
I do hate being called up at weddings to participate in the bouquet toss. again and again and again. Even when I would hide, someone always found me. It really sucks. Been with S.O for almost 6 years now, been to about 30 weddings together I kid you not) and in most of the weddings we've been to in the last 2 years, we've been together longer than most of these couples getting married! so it starts getting to ya...
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AMEN! There is nothing I hate like a bouquet toss. I decided long ago that I will not be subjecting my single friends to anything of the sort at my wedding.

The worst is when I'm at a wedding of someone my boyfriend knows with him and some busybody susses me out and forces me to go try and catch the bouquet with a bunch of girls I don't know because everyone knows BF and I aren't married. Cross my heart, this story is true: I was trying to hide to avoid participating in the bouquet toss at the wedding of one of BF's good friends when another friend of BF's (a groomsman) got on the microphone and called me loudly and repeatedly to the dance floor to participate. Never have I been so mortified. Now that I think about it, I think that event was what aggravated my simple desire to get married one day to full LIW "syndrome."
 
Kittybean, are you me??? were you me at the EXACT same wedding?
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THe exact same thing happened to me at a wedding last year, except it was the bride that did it! I believe this was the moment I became an LIW....
 
Date: 6/4/2008 2:24:23 PM
Author: cakeny

in most of the weddings we''ve been to in the last 2 years, we''ve been together longer than most of these couples getting married! so it starts getting to ya...
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I LOVE when people that have been in a relationship for a shorter period of time feel that they can give me advice because they are now married. They start off with "here''s what you should do." I''m thinking, I''ve been with my FF for 3 times longer and you want to give me advice. Why don''t you come see me when you are trying to figure out why he won''t pick up his underwear and put it in the hamper...LOL
 
Holy crap -- someone actually called you by NAME on the microphone???

I seriously would have lost my S&*%! lol

I never really considered the ramifications of the bouquet toss -- I am now seriously considering not having that at my wedding. I would NEVER want to put someone on the spot like that, or embarass everyone.

Terrible!
 
By name. As in "Cake, I know you're out there, you better come up!"

Fiery red- exactly. Just, exactly.

Oh Lauren- you should def do the bouquet toss if you want to, just don't single anyone out. Also, I think it depends on the average age of the guests and the age of the couple. I had several friends who got married right out of college 10 years ago (eek) and it was totally fun and cute. They also didn't call out the older sister in the corner that wasn't married. ;) If brides just used common sense...

But maybe "common sense" and "bride" just don't go together. Can't wait till I lose my mind either.
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Cakeny, that''s so funny that it happened to you too. I thought I was the only one who had that awful experience. That groomsman also called me by name--"KITTY! Where''s Kitty? I know you''re out there. Kitty, get over here and catch that bouquet!" I''m turning red just thinking about it now.
 
Ohhh - ummmm....

I say NO BOUQUET TOSS and NO CHICKEN DANCE!

I have been called by name as well. Sometimes I go up for the toss jsut to shut everyone up, but I don''t try to catch it! Because then you just end up with the drunk scary guy trying to do the garter thing anyways....mortifying......!!!
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At my age, half the time there are only a few of us still "single". Too much attention!
 
Date: 6/4/2008 2:44:09 PM
Author: kittybean

Date: 6/4/2008 2:24:23 PM
Author: cakeny
I do hate being called up at weddings to participate in the bouquet toss. again and again and again. Even when I would hide, someone always found me. It really sucks. Been with S.O for almost 6 years now, been to about 30 weddings together I kid you not) and in most of the weddings we''ve been to in the last 2 years, we''ve been together longer than most of these couples getting married! so it starts getting to ya...
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AMEN! There is nothing I hate like a bouquet toss. I decided long ago that I will not be subjecting my single friends to anything of the sort at my wedding.

The worst is when I''m at a wedding of someone my boyfriend knows with him and some busybody susses me out and forces me to go try and catch the bouquet with a bunch of girls I don''t know because everyone knows BF and I aren''t married. Cross my heart, this story is true: I was trying to hide to avoid participating in the bouquet toss at the wedding of one of BF''s good friends when another friend of BF''s (a groomsman) got on the microphone and called me loudly and repeatedly to the dance floor to participate. Never have I been so mortified. Now that I think about it, I think that event was what aggravated my simple desire to get married one day to full LIW ''syndrome.''
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Oh my god! I would''ve wanted to crawl under the table. What is wrong with some people?

Plus, some of those girls can be downright vicious when it comes to the bouquet toss! So it''s understandable that you''d want to avoid it. At my cousin''s wedding where I met SO, I was kind of standing on the periphery of it all-- so close enough that, for kicks, I might catch it but not really ''trying'' to. And I got ELBOWED out of the way, spilling my rum & coke all down my dress
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It was like being on a football field...
 
WOW Absolut_Blond -- That is intense! I''d have thrown an elbow back!

It''s funny how the girls who are single are the most obnoxious when it comes to the bouquet toss, and the "almost there" ladies would rather be as far as possible from that event.

Maybe its about time that got phased out...
 
I have just made a decision! NO BOUQUET TOSS AT MY WEDDING! I have been humiliated at the last two weddings with that dreadful tradition. I have never been called out by the bride but the people sitting at my table are always very forceful. I will not let ANYONE torcher ANYONE with that at my wedding! No one who is sober or over the age of 16 ever seems to enjoy it anyway.
 
Re: the bouquet toss--I always "mysteriously" manage to pop to the ladies' room just as they're setting the stage for it...huh, such a curious coincidence...
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I *hate* the bouquet toss. Hate it. I haven''t even had to participate in one, but having heard some of the ladies on here, and about my friend''s GF''s experience.....yikes. She was dragged up into the group of girls to catch the bouquet, and when the bride threw it every other girl up there ducked. They had all gotten together to "hint" to her boyfriend that it was about time he propose, and apparently publicly humiliating his GF was the only way to do it.
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To answer the OP''s question, it''s happened, but they also tend to not take us seriously due to our age (we''re 22). I''ll be the first to admit I''m not ready to get married, but that doesn''t mean our relationship is anything but a serious, committed relationship and hugely important to me. I''m sick of "Well, it''s not like there''s a ring on your finger, you can do whatever you want." 1) I don''t care if there''s a ring on my finger or not, BF and I make our decisions together. If it affects both of us, we make the choice together. 2) Even if there was a ring on my finger, it wouldn''t change my behaviour. I won''t cheat on him. I won''t break up with him to "play the field". I''ll take trips with my friends and not him when we''re married. But because I realize I''m not prepared to get married (no matter how much I love him) I clearly can''t be serious about him. I''m sorry, sometimes, no matter how much you love somebody, you''re just not ready. *steps off soapbox*
 
A year and a half ago at my BF'' sister''s wedding, they did that hideous bouquet toss. All the mothers and aunts were looking for his cousin (who is my age and also in a LTR) and I to get on the floor and join all the single women waiting to catch--its fine b/c I know it was their way of telling my BF and I to get on with it already! They literally brought us up there (by taking our hands--it was mortifying) and placed us in front. She and I looked at eachother, then looked at the bouquet getting ready to be tossed. When it finally was, it was like that scene from SATC, it landed at our feet and we just looked down. All the other girls were like, "Why didn''t you catch it, it was headed straight for you!" The cousin was hoping I''d go for it and I was hoping she would! Oh well. Its all in good fun but still. Believe it or not, it IS okay to not be married, ever! I feel like telling these women this, especially the old biddies...but they don''t get it. They see an unmarried girl in her mid-twenties and suddenly she''s a spinster who hates men or something! Uggghhhh.

I won''t have it at my wedding!
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At one wedding I went to, they specifically announced that they didn''t like the traditional way the bouquet toss was held so they were sticking a $20.00 in it to motivate people to catch the bouquet.

this really cute 6 year old girl caught the bouquet and couldn''t have been more happy.

Lol, it didn''t encourage me to get up there though.
 
Date: 6/5/2008 2:08:29 PM
Author: moderatelypoorstudent
At one wedding I went to, they specifically announced that they didn''t like the traditional way the bouquet toss was held so they were sticking a $20.00 in it to motivate people to catch the bouquet.

this really cute 6 year old girl caught the bouquet and couldn''t have been more happy.

Lol, it didn''t encourage me to get up there though.
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Now that idea I like!
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