Do you and your significant other agree on financial matters and spending

[missy]

OK so this topic is on my mind lately. When my dh and I first met we were on different pages with spending and saving. I was/am a saver and my DH is a spender. Not to say he isn't a smart investor because he is but he and I are not exactly aligned on this issue. He feels he has worked hard his whole life to get to the point where he can buy what he wants and not sweat the cost if it is reasonable. I look at it like this. It all adds up so be smart. If you can get it for less take a minute and search the options and be savvy about the purchase. Even if it is just 100$ purchase. I am reading this to him to make sure I am portraying his thoughts accurately fyi.

When we first met I had purchased my co-op (in my 20s) in Park Slope Brooklyn-a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom on a great street. 24 hour doorman. And I had paid it off in three years (30 year mortgage I kept putting more money towards principal each month). Whereas my DH was renting in Manhattan and had just (day of our first date lol) purchased a beach house with a 30 year mortgage that he was not intending on paying off as early as I did. So he did have an eye towards the future but had a different approach.

He likes to purchase things that enhance his life and his many hobbies.
And that is of course A OK it's just I find he spends a lot and he does not add it up so he doesn't realize how much he is spending but he does track all the expenditures (month to month) so he knows where it is all going.

I am more cognizant of how much I am spending and I feel I am smart about it. I look at price per wear (for the most part not always) and then decide if the purchase is worth it. My DH says he does that too but lol I'm not so sure.

Anyway for the most part we are smart about the future and have (hopefully) enough saved to be comfortable when my DH stops working but we are definitely not on the same page regarding spending and we have never really been on the same page. I would say I have changed more than my dh has regarding this topic. I spend more than I did when I was in my 20s and early 30s (I was a big saver) and maybe he spends a little less and saves more than when he first met me but still I have come over to his side more than he has mine.

What about you? Do you and your partner align on spending and saving or are you different?

 

[missy]

One comment I will add. We are both very big on donating to charities and on the same page with that. We donate a LOT to what we consider to be worthwhile charities and that is important to both of us. 100% aligned with this and for that I'm very thankful.

 

[dk168]

NEVER!

When I was in relationships, even when I was married, the OHs and I had separate bank accounts and had no idea of each other's financial matters.

I learnt from a young age the need to be financially independent as I did not wish to be stuck in a relationship due to financial constraints, like my mum.

DK

 

[missy]

NEVER!

When I was in relationships, even when I was married, the OHs and I had separate bank accounts and had no idea of each other's financial matters.

I learnt from a young age the need to be financially independent as I did not wish to be stuck in a relationship due to financial constraints, like my mum.

DK

Interesting. Thank you for sharing. We’re all different for sure. I look at it this way. At least in marriage and we all do what works best for the couple of course. But my view is once you’re together forever (and the definition of that varies for each couple) my money is his and his money is mine. We’re a team facing life together. This is what works for us. In fact once we became engaged (we had a longish engagement) we combined all finances and did our wills etc. and bought a home together. All before the official marriage

There is no universal right or wrong. It’s what works for each couple

 

[tyty333]

My DH and I are pretty much on the same page. We are both somewhat frugal, but he has some philosophy behind his spending.
If it's something you use daily, spend more on it and get something that will make you happy and last. If you use it rarely, then
you probably dont need top of the line (spend less) but make sure it's still functional and meets your needs.

Ends up we're both minimalist. We don't like having a lot of stuff lying around. If we dont use it, it needs to go to the thrift store.

I'm an overthinker when it comes to buying jewelry. Being an overthinker has caused me to miss out on many items that would have
made me happy (I think) but I just cant jump on things before my brain goes through a full cycle of analyzing. By then, I'm usually
out of luck because the item has sold. I subsequently get burnout and don't buy anything! I think I'm a self saboteur.

Well, enough said! The point is, we both agree when it comes to finances.

 

[stracci2000]

I am very frugal, and a big saver.
My dad says I am tighter than two coats of paint.
When I met DH, he was a spender, but over the years, he has adopted my ways.
So we are both very guarded about finances, and it has served us well over the years.

 

[dk168]

@missy I lived by: whatever is mine, is mine; whatever is his, is ours!

Joking aside, it had always been separate.

Not too surprising as I refused to change my name or have children, and had put that on the table right from the start, if you know what I mean.

DK

 

[Matata]

We're on the same page which is we buy what we want and consult each other prior to big ticket purchases. The consult isn't a convo on whether he or I can make the purchase but when would be the most convenient time to do so. We trust each other to be responsible with our money. To that end, I always do the research for both of us to make sure we're getting the best products for the best price.

The kids' and the grandkid's inheritances are set up and we have enough to get both of us through any chronic long-term or catastrophic illness that comes along to remind us we're mortal. With that in mind, DH still and will always ensure that our investments are secure and earning but our attitude toward saving changed when we hit our 70's. Now is our time to enjoy the fruits of our long years of work and saving.

 

[missy]

@missy I lived by: whatever is mine, is mine; whatever is his, is ours!

Joking aside, it had always been separate.

Not too surprising as I refused to change my name or have children, and had put that on the table right from the start, if you know what I mean.

DK

Totally understand lol and I make that joke as well

Greg wanted me to keep my last name actually as I was 1. already professionally practicing in my field and 2. he never understood the reason one spouse had to change their name. Didn't make sense to him and I love that about him. He's very fair minded and he's also very pro women and all that goes along with that. He is the opposite of a misogynist. He loves and respects women and doesn't go along with those old fashioned patriarchal traditions. Though I always say to each her own. If someone wants to change their last name go for it. There is truly no right or wrong here. It's what works for you!!!

 

[diamondringlover]

its a on going battle in our house...he spends, I do not

 

[Bron357]

I’m a shopper, within my means, but nevertheless I buy stuff.
As part of my Asperger’s I have two issues.
I like collections. I get obsessed with something and seek out multiples. Over the years I’ve had many collections including the coloured foil from chocolates, dead moths (I kid you not), timber boxes, watches, make up palettes and HiFi systems.
I also tend to research very thoroughly a purchase beforehand. I need to check off the pros and cons and I need to be satisfied that I got the right item at the right price. And to be honest, it’s the research and consideration before the purchase I enjoy most.
DH still has the first dollar he ever earned. Well, not quite but you get my drift.
I don’t make large purchases without joint discussion but he is reluctant to spend for the most part.
I did buy a new car without reference to him. What happened was I saw it advertised online and thought, hmmmm, that price can’t be right. So I screen shot the page and went to the dealership to check it out. Sure enough once I got there they told me the price was $12,000 more than I’d seen advertised. Now here in Australia we have a law regarding “bait and switch”. Basically you can’t “falsely” advertise a price, get the buyer in store, allow them to “fall in love and take it home in their heart” and then put the price up. In this case it was a matter of someone putting the wrong price on the car. And they told me so. I then told them that they were obliged to sell to me at the advertised price and they replied with “we’ve taken the ad down”. Really? Good thing then that I screen shot the page with the price and car beforehand. I reminded them of the seriousness of “bait and switch”. Smile.
A few furious phone calls by the car salesman to whoever and I was told I could buy it at that price “right now”. So I did. And just to add insult to injury I paid the deposit with Amex because that card has the highest processing fee for the dealership.
“You’re killing me” moaned the car salesman.
Smile.
DH wasn’t pleased but even he had to admit it was a bargain worth going for,

 

[kenny]

Our finances are kept 100% separate.

What is okay for each of us to buy is never even brought up.
Never.

 

[Scandinavian]

We are perfectly aligned. He earns. I spend. Works wonderfully. LOL

 

[Austina]

We’ve had a joint bank account since before we were even married. We are totally on the same page regarding spending and saving. Finances have never been an issue for us.

 

[pearlsngems]

We have always had joint accounts, and divide up the work of managing our finances, each of us doing what we feel most suited for.
We enjoy ourselves but are careful to follow our budget, especially now that we are retired. No money battles here.

 

[jaysonsmom]

We are pretty aligned in spending. We have our own accounts plus a joint account (for household expenses). And we are both financially responsible people (pay our bills on time, put money into college funds for our kids etc) but any extra we spend spend spend. Thankfully a good amount of assets are not liquid so we don’t and can’t squander it all away.

 

[snowballs mom]

We are in our late sixties and have been married for over (we were in our mid-thirties at the time). I did not change my name, and we have always maintained separate accounts. Sometimes he made more money, sometimes I did. I do not question his purchases, and he does not question mine. We have been and continue to be in agreement on large purchases and lifestyle choices.