Do you ever think if the cost of a ring is worth it?

[nkarma]

So I am what you call frugal. There are a few priorities that I splurge on like travel and sometimes food, but never really on jewelry, clothes, or accessories (maybe once). I think my most expensive piece of jewelry was $75 from a mall store. I have a heard time getting things for myself that aren''t necessities....my cell phone is over 3 years old, I don''t have an ipod, my laptop I bought used, etc... Ok I just want people to know the type of person I am moneywise.

So now on to the several thousand dollar ring. I know I will be wearing it my entire life, but I wonder if he can just go pick out a $100 pretty ring at a jeweler or even department store and we could use that money for other things. It''s not like he will be charging it. We are both professionals and make a good living. We will have a good amount left for our (small) wedding and emergency fund, it still just sometimes gets to me to be spending that much money on jewelry with what we would spend on a 3 week trip to Europe, fraction of a downpayment on a house, or whatever else.

I know we can compromise and spend half the budget, but I guess I feel like once I make that initial investmest, I might as well get what I want. The budget isn''t even that big compared to his income and what all my other friends have.

Do others feel this way???

 

[Patchee]

Well considering it is not YOU spending HIS money but HIM spending HIS money. The splurge is HIS call, No? (your not married not engaged yet therefore, it is still his money

)

Why not totally forego your actual wedding, just go down to the Town Hall, Justice of the Peace, and with the $$ you would spend on a wedding there is your Europe trip.

I am practical myself but sometimes there is a time to be practical/frugal and there are times when you need to let it go and let what''s SUPPOSE to happen, happen.

It is your choice.

 

[tlh]

do you have any problem spending money on a car? and you get a new one every 2-10 years... this is a ring that will last a lot longer than that, and can even be passed down to future generations... yet people never say, OMG I can''t believe you spent 15, 20, 40, 80K on a CAR!!!

kinda unfair to the pretties if you ask me.

 

[nkarma]

I guess I am more of an experience person so I would rather have the wedding than the ring. The funny thing is he (and I for the wedding) can afford both. I do know it's his money but it will be ours when we are married. I am unsure of his feelings about spending it on the ring, but I have a feeling that if I said, let's not get something expensive he wouldn't mind. Maybe I am wrong though.

I think in the end he will buy the ring I want and I am excited about that, but I just get this doubt sometimes cause that is a lot of money. Just wanted to see if others have had these feelings as well or if I am weird.

 

[Patchee]

Nkarma - Let him get you the ring, that he wants to get you. I would not want to see me fiance with a $100 mall ring on. Get something of quality that your going to love forever, no matter what the cost is.

And TLH is correct - we spend mucho $$$$$$ on a car, a car that sits outside your house in all weather, every day, subject to being hit, stolen etc. and we think nothing of it, or the money we dump into it.

We buy tons of other things frugal or not. Get yourself a beautiful ring, really you deserve it!!!!!

 

[nkarma]

Thanks. I realize the investment in a car, but in the end it gets me to my paid job and is therefore considered a necessity to me. Don't worry, I was afraid to spend a lot of money when I bought that too.

Like I said in the end, he will get the ring. The one I am dreaming about is very very pretty. I just have some hesitation sometimes and am not a jewelry person per se. But maybe I will be after this!!! The rings on here are sooooo beautiful! Our society decided that a diamond ring was what is supposed to be given for an engagement, but maybe some women would rather have something else. I am not saying I am one of them, but I could see not every single woman wanting one.

I think this is the same reserve or maybe more so for me for a financial purchase this big. I have had few in my life and this is something that does not provide me shelter nor get me to work or other fun places. Thanks Patchee for saying I deserve it. I guess I am one of those people that need the money pried out of their hands...err I mean his savings account. I think it comes from my only necessity item childhood as well. I do think I do a great job at remaining from being cheap most of the time. I don't sweat the small stuff, but this is not small.

Anways, I am suprised I am the only one to have this hesitation.

 

[lilyfoot]

You are definitely not the only one who feels that way!

I actually just send my BF a text like an hour ago (totally unsolicted), saying I think we should spend less on my ring. I told him I think we can get something beautiful for half of what he was anticipating spending, but of course that means a smaller stone. Just like your BF, he will buy whatever I want (and that was his reply to my text), whether it''s "costly" or not. He just wants me to be happy (and I suspect your BF feels the same!).

Personally, we live together and finances are already "somewhat" intertwined. I would love to see the other half of that budget sitting in our savings account drawing interest. And funnily enough, I am a TOTAL jewelry person, and a picky one at that, but I would #1. marry the guy with no ring, because that''s how much I love him, and #2. love to go on a honeymoon! love to buy a house! love to be financially stable!, etc.

Don''t feel weird! I think it''s good that you''re so logically-minded!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think that there isn''t a right or wrong answer to your question.

For me, yes...my e-ring was worth the price, it means the world to me and I love it.

But, not everyone has the same love of jewelry as I do...and not everyone would consider an expensive e-ring "worth it".

I believe that you and your BF should invest in whatever is going to mean the most to you as couple. Maybe it''s a ring, maybe a vacation, maybe a bigger wedding...who knows, the possibilites are endless...but you''re not locked in. Of course on a diamond site you''re going to find more pro''s than con''s...but this isn''t the type of thing anyone can advise or explain for you...it''s gotta be organically within you.

 

[iheartscience]

The thought definitely crossed my mind, and still does, actually! But we could afford it at the time, it didn't keep us from paying for the wedding, buying a house, etc., so I was a-okay with it. I love my engagement ring! I've had it for 2.5 years and I still just stare at it sometimes and feel happy so I think it was well worth it.

If you don't think you want an expensive engagement ring, then don't get one! I wouldn't get a $100 ring from the department store, but there are plenty of options for under $1k that would be gorgeous and would last a lifetime. I'm thinking of a smaller solitaire (you could get at least a .3-.4 ACA from Whiteflash and a simple setting for under $1k), the platinum Elsa Peretti band at Tiffany with the tiny diamond in it, a 5, 7 or 9 stone or smaller eternity band from Facets, etc.

I love to travel and if I had a choice of $5k for a trip or $5k for a non-engagement ring jewelry item, I would honestly pick the trip every time. But to me, an engagement ring is special enough to warrant the price.

 

[vespergirl]

For me, it was totally worth it, but it isn''t for everyone. One of my good friends got engaged, and she always thought she wanted a big ring. However, she had no idea what the cost of diamonds were, so she thought even 1 ct rings cost too much (in our circle 1.5 - 2 cts is average). So, when they picked her ring, so picked a fancy setting, but they put a 4 ct CZ in it. She still has the look of a big rock, but doesn''t seem to care that it''s not real. I would hate walking around with a CZ, but she really doesn''t mind it. Instead, she had her husband renovate their house - she would rather spend their money on decorating than diamonds, and that''s OK with her. So, to each his own.

I also think that just wearing a plain gold band is one of the most elegant looks out there - so if you''re not a big jewelry person, that''s a beautiful look that never goes out of style

 

[lucyandroger]

nkarma, I am so glad that you posted this!

I have been feeling the same exact way. My BF and I both make awesome salaries so it's not that we can't afford to spend a lot on the ring, it's just the opportunity cost that I'm thinking about. I just keep wondering if I'm going to look down at my hand and think "wow, we could have paid for half our wedding with that or bought another car with that or let it sit in the bank so we feel really comfortable in these scary economic times..." I'm just not sure if it's worth it to me.

There's a thread over in Show me the ring by a girl who got engaged with a channell eternity band and I think that is so cool. I'm thinking about possibly doing that. There's plenty of things I want to spend money on and I'm just not sure dumping so much into a ring is worth it to me.


ETA - Disclaimer: This is just my opinion for what to do with my ring. I completely understand why people spend a lot of money on a ring and am not judging anyone elses's decisions.


Also wanted to add, don't think you're strange if you don't get a lot of agreement on this thread. There was a thread in hangout a little while back about the most people have spent on shoes and handbags and lots of the ladies here spend thousands on these items. Also just keep in mind that this is a diamond forum so people probably don't think spending money on diamonds is a waste.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

nkarma, I was in your shoes when I found PS. In fact, me freaking out over him paying for a ring is what brought me here.

Do I feel like the cost of the ring (or a wedding?) is worth it when there are other priorities? No, not for me. I'm cheap. I also consider anything that doesn't increase my wealth a waste of money and jewelry is not a good investment. I suggested an eternity band and a great vacation instead of a traditional e-ring

Did my husband want to get me a traditional ring? Yes. So we compromised.

We did exactly what you are thinking of doing and I cut his original budget in half. Then I found a ring that I loved that was under that budget. It worked for us--he was able to get me a ring he knew I loved and I was able to keep his hard-earned cash in the bank.

ETA: I do love jewelry and consider it a fun hobby, so I'm happy to get more pieces down the road. It's just a matter of priorities and for me the house, retirement, kids' college funds, etc. are weighted more heavily.

 

[Bia]

If you don''t want an expensive ring, then tell him that. I''d be surprised if that bothered him.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to spend a lot on a piece of jewelry--even if it is an engagement ring. We all have different priorities. My ring wasn''t the most expensive in the world, but it did cost quite a bit. However, I know that my FI wouldn''t have made an extravagant purchase like that unless he had the money to spare, so therefore, he was happy to do it and I was happy he did.

 

[vc10um]

I totally understand your position! I don''t know FF''s budget...or if he''s even decided on one yet...but I''ve tried to emphasize that I don''t want anything ridiculously expensive, or large for that matter. I, too, have been known to associate extravagant rings with house payments, vacations, college funds, etc., but I feel like the sentimental value of whatever he decides is perfect to bestow upon me will far outweigh the cost of the ring and will make whatever he spends worth it, because he chose THAT particular ring to present to me the exact moment he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. No other ring will ever be your engagement ring...which makes it priceless. My .02

 

[Nomsdeplume]

The ring is more about the symbol of your commitment than anything else. I know it sounds cliche, but its true.
Many couples these days want eco-friendly rings that are not nearly as expensive, others go for celtic bands or eternity bands. It really isn''t about spending thousands and thousands of dollars. Research has shown that spending money on experiences will make you happier than spending it on a material object. Strange but true.
So if you want to go on a trip rather than spend that money on a ring, it makes sense!
The ladies on PS generally love diamonds (and or other stones) and jewellery more than the average person. So whilst it is fun to drool over the beautiful rings on here, take comfort in knowing that you are definitely not alone when compared to everyone else.

 

[Xedoc]

Date: 8/28/2009 3:33:18 PM
Author: vc10um
I totally understand your position! I don''t know FF''s budget...or if he''s even decided on one yet...but I''ve tried to emphasize that I don''t want anything ridiculously expensive, or large for that matter. I, too, have been known to associate extravagant rings with house payments, vacations, college funds, etc., but I feel like the sentimental value of whatever he decides is perfect to bestow upon me will far outweigh the cost of the ring and will make whatever he spends worth it, because he chose THAT particular ring to present to me the exact moment he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. No other ring will ever be your engagement ring...which makes it priceless. My .02

That sort of response is what good guys love to hear, because it makes them want to give you far more than you''d ever say you want or expect. I''ve been in relationships where someone says they have to have at least 2 carats to be "worth marrying." I''m positive my current GF would be perfectly happy with a simple marquise with sidestones in platinum, where carats don''t matter and could easily be found for under $2k. I''ve always planned on having roughly a $10k budget for the e-ring, and when someone is not demanding about it at all, it makes me want to go the extra mile to even increase the budget a little if I need to find what I feel is the right fit for both me and her.

From a guy''s point of view though, there''s a distinct difference between not wanting an impressive ring and not demanding it. I''ve heard some ladies say they simply don''t want to be walking around with thousands of dollars of value on their finger - that it''s uncomfortable and feels like a target. That lets the guy know to set a low budget and keep it like that. Make sure to let the guy know you''d be happy with something relatively inexpensive, but make sure he also knows what would *really* make you surprised/overjoyed. That lets a guy know to set a minimum starting point in mind, then grow up as the budget allows.

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

I think your feelings are completely valid! How does bf feel? This may not be the case for him, but one of my guy friends was planning on proposing. His gf wanted nothing more than a carat, but he insisted on getting something bigger, for his own satisfaction. It was like he wanted to prove to himself, and everyone else he could get her something big. I am not saying this is how your bf feels, but I am just trying to show how guys can have their own agenda. Maybe his mom raised him saying the ring should cost $XX amount. Who knows!

I am definitely of the school of thought that a ring can be very expensive and very important; more than a car. Since my bf spends on his car every 3-4 years what I want for a 1-time ring, to last me upwards of 50 years, we have both agreed it isn't unreasonable. Also, I would rather get a nicer ring and not go on a vacation. But that's me-- if you would rather a vacation, tell him!

But like others have said, just communicate with him. If he knows that he can make you more than happy with less, I am sure he will be happy!

 

[LilyKat]

You are definitely not alone. I'm also a very frugal person despite earning a great salary, and it just makes me uncomfortable to spend a lot of money on non-essentials.

It all depends what it means to you and your SO. For some people, an expensive engagement ring will give them a lifetime of enjoyment - and that means it's worth it. Other people might be genuinely as happy with an inexpensive token ring, so why waste the money? Neither attitude is right or wrong - it's personal choice. I would think about what it means to you AND to your boyfriend, rather than thinking you "should" spend a certain amount based on your income and then resent/feel uncomfortable with it afterwards.

Here in the UK, it's actually perfectly normal for high-earning individuals to buy very inexpensive engagement rings, especially if the woman isn't particularly into jewellery. Just make sure you don't think you'll regret it down the line, and take your boyfriend's feelings into account too.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 8/28/2009 5:34:11 PM
Author: LilyKat
Here in the UK, it''s actually perfectly normal for high-earning individuals to buy very inexpensive engagement rings, especially if the woman isn''t particularly into jewellery. Just make sure you don''t think you''ll regret it down the line, and take your boyfriend''s feelings into account too.

That is very true but it''s a completely different scenario if you like in a materialistic country where so much emphasis is placed on impresssing your friends & neighbours with owning a big car, big house, big ring, blah, blah, blah...

At the end of the day if you''re happy for you BF to buy you an inexpensive ering then tell him and see how he feels about it. My FI got me the ering he could afford without getting into debt and that was good enough for me

 

[starseeker]

I felt the same way. Fiance was all about doing the three-months salary nonsense. I rebelled as he is military with a student loan and we came to a compromise. He told me that I deserved one nice thing, one beautiful and illogical thing. I picked out my engagement ring and wedding band and still kept them, plus the cost of the diamond to half a month''s (before taxes). I still think he spent to much, but at least I got him down to a sixth of his original plan...actually more, because he was just thinking about the engagement ring!

 

[oakpark]

You are not alone! Me too! my BF wants 2 c; I think 1 -1.25 is huge. And when I think about the cost, it tends to make me even more hesitant although we can easily afford it. I can''t really wear much jewelry to work due to what I do and I don''t like to appear to extravagant in front of clients. So I''m thinking a nice channel set band might be more my speed, which might be like a 10th of the cost which appeals to my frugal (cheap) side. After all, I continue to drive a 10 year old jalopy car because I fail to see the need to shell out money on something to replace a vehicle that works ok and gets me to and from places despite its rust spots. Love to hear others thoughts.

 

[Black Jade]

I would share my feelings with my fiance. If you are going to be looking at your finger for the rest of your life thinking, "we wasted all this money'' then the point of the whole thing is lost. I know women who don''t wear their engagement rings for whatever reason--they aren''t jewelry people, they feel the ring is ostentatious, whatever. Then it''s jsut sitting there in the jewelry box.

Frugal people have nothing to be ashamed of, in my opinion--it''s a good way to be, so long as you don''t ip over into miserly.

If it''s really important to your fiance to have you wearing a ring, maybe you can come to some kind of compromise. A colored gemstone ring can be less expensive.

But if it''s not, maybe you can just go with a wedding ring--that''s the ring that''s really important.

 

[nkarma]

Thanks for all the responses!!! I have no problem sharing what the cost of the ring I would like (which is smaller than his budget) with him. In fact, he told me his budget and I said I think we could find something I like for a few K less and he liked that.

For me I am kind of go all the way or go home. If he is going to invest in a diamond ring, I would like it to be pretty great especially if I am wearing it forever. Most of the time I am very excited for that and other times, I am just like that''s a lot of money. I do like the comments on here about how engagement rings are special and you do wear them forever. That does put me in the direction, of get over yourself, and get something beautiful which I think I am going to do. We have agreed for him to propose with a RHR and then we will do the engagement ring together. We will probably have more conversations about cost at that time.

It was great to hear all your stories about how your rings fit into the FI''s budget and how much you love them!

 

[gwendolyn]

Glad you''ve come up with a plan that works for you. Really, that''s all that matters--not what other people say, do or think, but what feels right for the two of you.

Can''t wait to see your RHR and hear about ideas for your engagement ring.

 

[AustenNut]

Though you and your boyfriend have decided on what you wanted to do, I just thought I''d add my thoughts in.

I tend to be frugal as well and don''t want the ring to be a financial hardship for my boyfriend. But I do want a ring as I like the symbolism and sentiment behind it. Though we haven''t discussed budget I''m pretty darn sure that the budget I kept in mind while creating my ring preferences is far smaller than what he would have been willing to spend. We both make comfortable incomes but don''t rake in the cash, so it''s important for me to also think about improvements to the house, and savings for travel & retirement.

In 30 years once the house is paid for and the kids are through college and I want a big, huge ring then we can go for it then. But if that doesn''t ever happen, I don''t care because I''ll still have a beautiful ring that will last a lifetime that was given to me by my beloved. I also sort of feel as though there is something to be said for starting off smaller and then adding larger, more expensive jewelry after the two of you have weathered through some of life''s storms. I think if I did ever get a larger ring though that it would probably become a RHR but I''ll cross that bridge if/when I get there.

Anyway, good luck with your ring search! Looking forward to seeing pictures when it''s done.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 8/29/2009 3:17:58 PM
Author: AustenNut

In 30 years once the house is paid for and the kids are through college and I want a big, huge ring then we can go for it then. But if that doesn''t ever happen, I don''t care because I''ll still have a beautiful ring that will last a lifetime that was given to me by my beloved. I also sort of feel as though there is something to be said for starting off smaller and then adding larger, more expensive jewelry after the two of you have weathered through some of life''s storms. I think if I did ever get a larger ring though that it would probably become a RHR but I''ll cross that bridge if/when I get there.

I LOVE that, AustenNut! A perfect way to look at life!