Do you trust your boyfriend?

[meepcat]

To make the right decision(s) to:

1) find the diamond you want?
2) find the setting you want?
3) make the end result please you?

My boyfriend and I had an argument surrounding the issue of trust with getting engaged. He felt I could not trust him, even if I armed him with all the knowledge I acquired on Pricescope. I wanted to pick out the diamond. But he said, in his words, "I want to have the fantasy of getting you the ring and proposing, by surprising you."

After our educational experience, he has the business card, pricing, and planning info to buy the entire diamond/setting that we have physically seen - diamond/setting info I have approved of (he defers to my opinion, knowing that I''ve backed it with PS research). He said to me, "I don''t care about the ring or diamond, I only care about what makes you happy." And I told him, specifically, the diamond we saw at the vendor in SF "makes me incredibly happy. My search is over."

Now that is that, and I''m officially waiting, and he has until the end of this year to propose. In the meantime, I''m collecting various ideas for our wedding, since we''re not sure if we''re going to get married in 2007 or 2008 (his brother is getting married in June 2007).

 

[Scooba]

Nope, he has great taste and I like stuff he picks out and he would have picked out almost exactly what I wanted but I am super picky and wanted to pick it all out myself, but that is typical of everything he buys me, birthday presents and xmas presents and stuff he''ll just take me shopping and let me get what I want. If anyone buys me something and I like it, there is always something I would have rather had. With something I have to wear everyday he knew he better let me decide every detail.

 

[sumbride]

Not really, no.... I trust him on alot of things, but jewelry isn''t one of them.

I''m dating a "guy''s guy". His interests revolve around football, politics, beer and gambling. Talking about settings would just make his head spin! He''s bought me jewelry on several occasions, but I''ve picked it all out myself. When it comes to this piece, I hope he understands that I''m not kidding when I say "I want to pick it." When I told him that it seemed to surprise him, and I think it may have changed his plans a bit, but he did seem to understand that since I was going to be wearing it, I should have some say... the last one of his friends to get engaged did the shopping all by himself and then had to switch the setting once she got it... to a setting that I had said "here''s what she''d like", oddly enough... now had they listened to me, it would have been all good, but no... the ego got in the way. I don''t think he wants that to happen to him.

 

[princessv]

Date: 4/16/2006 8:18:07 AM
Author: sumbride
Not really, no.... I trust him on alot of things, but jewelry isn''t one of them.

I''m dating a ''guy''s guy''. His interests revolve around football, politics, beer and gambling. Talking about settings would just make his head spin! He''s bought me jewelry on several occasions, but I''ve picked it all out myself. When it comes to this piece, I hope he understands that I''m not kidding when I say ''I want to pick it.'' When I told him that it seemed to surprise him, and I think it may have changed his plans a bit, but he did seem to understand that since I was going to be wearing it, I should have some say... the last one of his friends to get engaged did the shopping all by himself and then had to switch the setting once she got it... to a setting that I had said ''here''s what she''d like'', oddly enough... now had they listened to me, it would have been all good, but no... the ego got in the way. I don''t think he wants that to happen to him.

LOL! Your guy sounds exactly like mine! Right before we got engaged, there was a big fight because he felt like I was taking all the surprise out of it. So, I let him pick the setting...and guess what? Less than 2 months later, (partially because of an allergy to WG and the fact that it just wasn''t me) we got my ring reset. It''s interesting though the other night, when talking about PS briefly, he said that if he could do things over, the whole surprise issue isn''t a big deal to him now as it was then and that he would have preferred just to make me happy the first time. (not to mention save $$)

 

[XChick03]

I trust him with my life, but not with my ring.

He''s a great guy and I think if I would''ve told what I was wanted in specific detail, he would''ve gotten it right. He''s actually gotten pretty educated about diamonds. But I still picked out my own stone and setting. Besides, searching for the perfect diamond was half the fun.

 

[diamondfan]

I think a great number of guys really want to feel the "suprise" element (and boy are some women surprised, not happily, with what gets chosen)...to me, if you just know your taste is in sync, fine, but since you have to wear it for the rest of you life...I just think it is worth at least narrowing down your choices to a couple you love, and saying, I would be happy with either of these...

 

[firebirdgold]

1) NO
2) yes
3) ....er, he''ll try.

I really really wish I trusted him. It makes me feel awful that I don''t, like the lack is in me. But...
He''s a scientist who sees no inherent value in gems or diamonds.

He feels that there is no difference between lab-grown gems and natural gems other than marketing since they have the same chemical composition and molecular structure.

I don''t know about you ladies, but diamonds aren''t interchangeable bits of carbon to me.


When it comes to shopping he''s also very different from me. I will do a lot of research and read magazine reviews and consumer report findings before buying a fridge or a car. He''ll just a) buy a brand he trusts, b) buy what appeals to him in person. We both bought fridges this past year. He went in and opened all the fridges and poked at them, and then bought a fridge whose name brand he recognized with a good price, and an interior he liked. I went in with a specific model number written down. I''m not saying that one way is better than the other... but the styles are very different. And the idea that he could use this approach with diamonds makes me a bit nervous.

ALthough, if we had the budget for Tiffany''s this approach wouldn''t be so bad. While it''s possible to do better and for less money than Tiffany''s, it''s also impossible to go wrong at Tiffany''s. As for mall stores? Thankfully a friend of ours was recently talking about her ex getting engaged and the ring. Which gave us ladies the opportunity to make loud ''pfffing'' noises towards Zales in my bf''s hearing. (Oh G. please no!

)

He has great artistic taste and I''ve sent him a few pics of things, so I do trust him to pick the setting. Even if I do occasionally worry that he''ll get a setting from stuller. (no offense intended to those with stuller settings, their stuff just isn''t ...integral or flowing enough for me). I''m sure that''s a baseless worry. ... almost sure.

And of course, he''s one of those guys who is not amenable to having his future fiancee too involved in the process.

I''m sure relinquishing control of the whole getting engaged process from the ring to timing is probably good for my character. It''s just rather uncomfortable. It''s not just about trust, it''s the fact that I haven''t had this little control over something that seriously impacted my future since I was 6 or 7 yrs. old!!

On the optimistic side, I''ve loved all the presents he''s given me and they were all very much to my tastes.

 

[Scooba]

Date: 4/16/2006 10:27:16 AM
Author: XChick03
I trust him with my life, but not with my ring.

He''s a great guy and I think if I would''ve told what I was wanted in specific detail, he would''ve gotten it right. He''s actually gotten pretty educated about diamonds. But I still picked out my own stone and setting. Besides, searching for the perfect diamond was half the fun.

I forget to mention that but I TOTALLY agree that searching for the perfect diamond (and setting) was half the fun for me too!

(By the way, how do you highlight the part of the quote you are replying to?)

 

[Mimikins24]

My BF and I have done a lot of shopping for settings. Luckily we have similar taste, so we agree on many of the same styles.

When we started to look, we were both rather uneducated about diamonds. At this point we have done our homework and are confident that we can pick out a great stone.

Now I am leaving everything in P''s hands (at his request) because he wants to pick out the final product himself and surprise me.

I am completely confident that he will pick out something that we both love after all of the shopping we have done. If we hadn''t had so many discussions about the ring, I would be reluctant for him to just go out shopping for it on his own. In our case, though we have really narrowed down the styles together and I am just leaving the final decision to him.

 

[jesterjigger]

I think that he could have done it, but probably wouldn''t have gotten the setting we just bought. But I would have liked a regular plain solitare setting too. As far as the diamond, he knows more about them than I do. However, I''d said I wanted a 3/4 carat and we ended up with .91, I don''t know if that would have happened if I hadn''t been there.

A cool thing I read about in someone''s blog was that he proposed with a fake ring, so that they could go ring shopping together, but the actual proposal was a complete surprise. That sounded really sweet to me.

However, even though I was there when the ring was bought I know I''ll probably be completely surprised when I do actually get it, because that''s the way my bf wants it and I don''t want to ruin the surprise for him.

 

[swt_acacia]

No, I wouldn''t trust my boyfriend to make those decisions on his own, but neither would I trust myself to build him a computer with what he''d consider to be the perfect components. He''s not into jewelry, and I''m not into computers, and it''s always hard to notice or judge minute differences in something that doesn''t interest you. Should BF ever show serious interest in proposing, there would have to be a lot of coaching involved. I''d have to trust MYSELF to explain what I like clearly enough for him to go shopping and get it mostly right. Beyond that, I would hope that the sentimental value of it being our engagement ring would make up for any slight imperfections!

 

[moon river]

Date: 4/16/2006 10:27:16 AM
Author: XChick03
I trust him with my life, but not with my ring.

He''s a great guy and I think if I would''ve told what I was wanted in specific detail, he would''ve gotten it right. He''s actually gotten pretty educated about diamonds. But I still picked out my own stone and setting. Besides, searching for the perfect diamond was half the fun.

ROTFL!!!

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 4/16/2006 10:27:16 AM
Author: XChick03
I trust him with my life, but not with my ring.

I totally agree! I trust him with my life, my future, and my heart. The ring otoh...

I''m probably not giving him enough credit. I have no reason to believe he won''t do some research, and he did ask about pricescope recently. Besides, he loves me and wants to make me happy. He is far more considerate and thoughtful than I am, so I really shouldn''t have anything to worry about. Yet I do.

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 4/16/2006 6:04:26 PM
Author: IndieJones

Date: 4/16/2006 10:27:16 AM

Author: XChick03

I trust him with my life, but not with my ring.

I totally agree! I trust him with my life, my future, and my heart. The ring otoh...

I''m probably not giving him enough credit. I have no reason to believe he won''t do some research, and he did ask about pricescope recently. Besides, he loves me and wants to make me happy. He is far more considerate and thoughtful than I am, so I really shouldn''t have anything to worry about. Yet I do.

Wow, I agree with everything that you said here. I keep trying to trust him with the ring, but it''s just so hard.

 

[Mandarine]

ahhaha...you guys are too funny!

I have no choice BUT to trust him...since he is an old-school, traditional, stubborn but wonderful man!

He wants the whole thing to be a surprise so he doesn''t even know the size of my finger!. I did already give him clues on what I want...so in a sense...I''m ok with that and I trust he''ll do good!. Plus (as I mentioned on another thread) he has been looking and I *accidentally* saw what he was kind of looking at....and it''s all good!

M~

 

[monarch64]

I trusted my DH of 2.5 years to choose my engagement ring, and was surprised beyond my wildest dreams. The setting (plain, platinum, Tiffany style solitaire) is the only thing I might ever change, and we''ve discussed that someday that will happen. I''ve also trusted him with anniversary gifts, and a watch, and he''s surprised me with a beautiful halo''d diamond pendant and a gorgeous Tag watch with diamond markers that I never asked for. He''s definitely a guy''s guy, takes boy trips frequently, and LOVES all sports, gambling, and beer, lol! I knew from the moment I met him that he would take good care of me and build a great life for us and our future children. Sometimes you just have to trust your man and try not to take all the fun out of it for them, IMO. Of course, I hadn''t found PS until last year, but even this spring when he went to buy my watch I told him I trusted him to choose one he thought I would love...I did show him a few pics of watches I liked from the Tag website, but he still surprised me in the end.

I see nothing wrong with a gal wanting to have input on her ring, esp. if she wants a certain shape diamond or style of setting. My husband just knows my style really well and thinks about it every time he makes a purchase, which apparently isn''t normal, lol! If you are really leaning towards a particular ring, I think you should definitely make it known to your SO so that he knows your taste in rings. I think all I told my DH was that I wanted an RB...I was envisioning a carat or so but he got me a fabulous 1.5 J, SI1 and it is so beautiful I still can''t keep my eyes off it to this day, ha ha!

 

[diamondfan]

Monarch, you are lucky that he keeps your taste in mind, you are right that it is not as common. Sometimes guys get us what THEY like, and hope that we will like it too. That is why I also like the subtle steering of one''s SO towards the things you like...there can still be surprise of a good kind...I am just of the school that since it is likely one of the most significant gifts you will ever have, it makes sense to really be happy if you can be. My first stone was a 1.5 carat round brillant. I told him I liked rounds even though I certainly liked other shapes too, and disliked a couple as well. I ended up with a setting that was NOT ME at all, but I was onlly 24 and his old family friend who is in the jewelry business designed it. They all thought I would love it, though! It was yellow gold and very contemporary and just not anything at all like what I wanted. I had it for nearly ten years. When we moved away, one of the things I wanted was to at least reset it, and when I went to the jeweler I learned it had been laser drilled. It upset me so much that my husband agreed to let me upgrade. I had a decent amount of input on that new one, and he outdid what I expected then. Five years later, I hankered for even something else, and this time he just let me go ahead and do my research. It was fun and exciting even though I was in on it each step of the way.

 

[Rhapsody]

Date: 4/16/2006 3:19:08 PM
Author: swt_acacia


No, I wouldn''t trust my boyfriend to make those decisions on his own, but neither would I trust myself to build him a computer with what he''d consider to be the perfect components. He''s not into jewelry, and I''m not into computers, and it''s always hard to notice or judge minute differences in something that doesn''t interest you.

My boyfriend has been wanting new wheels for his car. Something I find completely silly and frivolous, but he has put SOO mocuh time into finding the perfect ones, which are going to cost about 3 grand

. I asked him how he would feel if I just walked into Big-O tires and picked out some wheels I thought were cute. He was horrified and started rambling off all the reasons that would be bad (I wouldn''t know the right color, they have to be 2 piece wheels etc etc). He no longer feels that it''s appropriate to just walk into a mall and go to the first jewelery store you see and pick out whatever looks prettiest

.

On that note, I would have trusted him to pick something. I always like the ring designs he does, he just doesn''t like half the styles I like. Plus I know he''s understanding about changing it if need be. the first thing he told me when we picked my ring up from the jeweler is that if it wasn''t exactly what I wanted we would go back and make sure I did get what I want.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 4/17/2006 12:13:08 AM
Author: diamondfan
Monarch, you are lucky that he keeps your taste in mind, you are right that it is not as common. Sometimes guys get us what THEY like, and hope that we will like it too. That is why I also like the subtle steering of one''s SO towards the things you like...there can still be surprise of a good kind...I am just of the school that since it is likely one of the most significant gifts you will ever have, it makes sense to really be happy if you can be. My first stone was a 1.5 carat round brillant. I told him I liked rounds even though I certainly liked other shapes too, and disliked a couple as well. I ended up with a setting that was NOT ME at all, but I was onlly 24 and his old family friend who is in the jewelry business designed it. They all thought I would love it, though! It was yellow gold and very contemporary and just not anything at all like what I wanted. I had it for nearly ten years. When we moved away, one of the things I wanted was to at least reset it, and when I went to the jeweler I learned it had been laser drilled. It upset me so much that my husband agreed to let me upgrade. I had a decent amount of input on that new one, and he outdid what I expected then. Five years later, I hankered for even something else, and this time he just let me go ahead and do my research. It was fun and exciting even though I was in on it each step of the way.

Lol, diamondfan, you are a lucky girl too! My DH is actually one of those people who is very observant (not snobby though) about what''s going on with the times...when I met him I was 24 and hadn''t even THOUGHT about getting engaged, let alone married, or what my "dream" e-ring would look like. A few months after we started dating he mentioned "a couple carats" and "platinum" in two separate conversations. I had been wearing YG for a long time and didn''t know ANYTHING about diamonds, platinum, or pretty much anything beyond what the J.C. Penney''s jewelry counter had to offer, but I loved jewelry! He really surprised me by knowing a fair amount about jewelry which he had found out from his guy friends who''d become engaged. He just seems to have the same taste as me in jewelry, thank goodness, and I love that.

Again, to all the gals who do have input on their e-rings, I think it''s a great thing! I would have had such a difficult time choosing something, though, given a choice in the matter. I don''t know how you girls do it, especially looking at all the beautiful rings on PS! If I had found this site before getting engaged, I sometimes wonder if I would''ve gotten married at all because I''d have had such a hard time making my mind up about which setting or which stone, lol!

 

[diamondfan]

I think the tire story proves the point! If your guy loved a car or a stereo system but your were just going to go out and pick blindly...I think they would freak out. Monarch...I was a bit like you. I always loved big gorgeous jewels but when the discussion came up 16 plus years ago, I was young and just blurted out the first thing I thought of. Platiinum and white gold were not as commonly used then, even where I lived which was pretty progressive about trends and styles. Most rings I saw were rounds, set very high, in yellow gold and the settings were more intricate. When I moved to the East coast, I saw very little like that, and more of the platinum simple or Tiffany style setting. It really appealed to me, but all those years before I do not think I would have said something. Round and in yellow gold just made sense at the time. And, though I am not ultra sentimental, it is the first ring you get, so it is nice even if you upgrade, to keep it if you can. My first is now a pendant and I am happy with it. I think our tastes can evolve and change, so conceptually an upgrade should not flip a guy out...

 

[monarch64]

Yup, diamondfan, hopefully he will realize as time goes by that I need a bigger stone, ha ha! But I will leave that up to him. His current boss''s wife has what looks to be a 1.5-2 carat princess stone, and my DH is being "groomed" to take over his position (president) when he retires in the next 10 years, so I''m hoping that DH will equate new position=bigger diamond for moi, lol!

It is an issue I will leave up to my husband in the end, though. I would never feel comfortable, unfortunately, asking him for an upgrade. Just my feelings. But I wouldn''t ever want to make him feel like what he got me in the first place somehow wasn''t enough. Make sense?

 

[diamondfan]

I totally agree and did think long and hard about it, since I did not want him to feel that he did not do a great job at the time. I think the fact that the stone was not really great helped convince him. Also, he realized that people move from one house to a bigger or nicer one, and get nicer cars too sometimes, so I think once it was his own idea, and he was able to rationalize it (not just, hey, my wife is being greedy or frivolous...) it worked out. I could not just act like I needed to have it for any other reason other than I love bling and the bigger the better...I used to tease him that I wanted the upgrade while I still had young hands and the eyesight to appreciate it!

 

[meepcat]

I made a decision.

After our ring shopping, I decided that I would let my boyfriend "run with what has has."

I''ve given him EVERYTHING he needs to know as far as my desires, and he has been with me to the jewelers. I told him exactly what I wanted, such that he knows the style of setting, the exact specs on the diamond I want, the jeweler from which to purchase it from, and the fact that I love it so.

I trust that he will do the right thing, which, in order to make me happy, is to do the obvious thing by purchasing what has been laid before him. He told me afterwards, "I''m not going to tell you when I''m going to give you the ring, or what kind of ring I''m going to give you. You just have to trust me."