Does that bare finger need to be covered?

[Keepingthefaith21]

So the trying on a dress for fun thread inspired me to ask this…

As many of you know, FFI and I have set our date for the wedding. We are actively planning for it. The ring is taking a little longer than he originally thought. I’m happy enough to have our date so I am just letting him do whatever when it comes to the ring. I stated a few times that I do not feel any less engaged BUT some people feel we are not to be taken seriously until I have a ring on my finger.

Next weekend FFI and I have meeting with our top 3 venue choices. Suddenly I am worried that they will not take me seriously if I am not wearing something that finger. Do you ladies think I need to go out and get a CZ ring to wear when we meet with vendors?

 

[FrekeChild]

Sorry KTF...I didn''t mean to make you think that. There are plenty of people out there who get engaged without rings, and I personally don''t think they are necessary, but providing the conversation was in the LIW trying on wedding gowns for fun, it was meant as a preventative to SAs thinking you were wasting their time. And unfortunately in American culture, it seems as though a rock or at least a band is a necessary symbol for engagement.

But I have a huge round glass thing you can borrow if you want!!!!

 

[fieryred33143]

I voted no but not for the reason you stated (all though I agree you don’t need a ring to be engaged.)

The fact is that wedding vendors are the worst vendors in the world (ok maybe an exaggeration but still). They are only interested in making money, regardless of whether you have a 5 ct ring on your finger or if its completely bare. As long as you and your guy walk in together, they are going to pay attention…those greedy fools (LOL).

Even if you were going in there by yourself and no ring, they wouldn’t care as long as you talk money. That’s just how they are.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:03:37 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Sorry KTF...I didn''t mean to make you think that. There are plenty of people out there who get engaged without rings, and I personally don''t think they are necessary, but providing the conversation was in the LIW trying on wedding gowns for fun, it was meant as a preventative to SAs thinking you were wasting their time. And unfortunately in American culture, it seems as though a rock or at least a band is a necessary symbol for engagement.

But I have a huge round glass thing you can borrow if you want!!!!

Oh Freke you didn''t make me think that at all - it''s a thought I''ve had rolling around in my brain for a few weeks now. It''s hard when you get negative reactions from people you KNOW just because you don''t have a ring so I''ve started to wonder how strangers would react.

 

[jcrow]

while i was having my setting changed out, i went in to look at dresses. i personally felt weird, but was treated no differently than if something was around my little left finger. in fact, that same bridal salon is where i ended up purchasing my dress.

so i voted a big ole NO.

 

[krispi]

I voted yes, but not because you''re not engaged. I just think it will help them take you more seriously and not shove you off in some back corner or something. But it doesn''t even have to be something you buy - do you have something already at home or have a friend who''d be willing to let you borrow something? I also think it might help if you take someone matronly along - people who are just looking for the fun of it probably wouldn''t bring their mother/bridal party with them.

 

[Anna0499]

I am confused...are you engaged or not engaged? I don't think you need a ring to be engaged, but that would make him your FI & not your FFI.

Perhaps that was just a typo? I also don't think you need to do anything special to be taken seriously by vendors. They should be falling all over themselves to serve you and if they aren't then they don't deserve your business IMHO.

 

[meresal]

I worked at a bridal salon, and though it is not the case in every situation... we do look for rings. I never "needed" to see a ring though. You can tell by the way a girl was acting, if she was seriously looking, or if they are just trying to waste some time by browsing and trying on a few dresses. (ie, come in with styles picked out, bring a binder to mark the ones you like, bring a strapless bra with you, etc) Also, many times the person that made the appt was the wedding planner so we never really bothered to think, "Are they really getting engaged?"

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:11:57 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
I am confused...are you engaged or not engaged? I don''t think you need a ring to be engaged, but that would make him your FI & not your FFI.

Perhaps that was just a typo? I also don''t think you need to do anything special to be taken seriously by vendors. They should be falling all over themselves to serve you and if they aren''t then they don''t deserve your business IMHO.

LOL - Good point! For now let''s say he is my Fabulous Fiance

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:11:54 PM
Author: krispi
I voted yes, but not because you''re not engaged. I just think it will help them take you more seriously and not shove you off in some back corner or something. But it doesn''t even have to be something you buy - do you have something already at home or have a friend who''d be willing to let you borrow something? I also think it might help if you take someone matronly along - people who are just looking for the fun of it probably wouldn''t bring their mother/bridal party with them.

I do wish I could bring my mom but she does not live in the immediate area

. While I send her the links to the venues we have in our Top 3 we agreed that to save her the hassle of driving all over the state, my FI (

) and I would check out the venues and once we have a choice and it''s contract time, she will come with us. She''s also "on call" if we find we can not make a decision between two venues.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:15:00 PM
Author: meresal
I worked at a bridal salon, and though it is not the case in every situation... we do look for rings. I never ''needed'' to see a ring though. You can tell by the way a girl was acting, if she was seriously looking, or if they are just trying to waste some time by browsing and trying on a few dresses. (ie, come in with styles picked out, bring a binder to mark the ones you like, bring a strapless bra with you, etc) Also, many times the person that made the appt was the wedding planner so we never really bothered to think, ''Are they really getting engaged?''

I think that is key...if you are going in alone.

But I think that if you go in there with your guy, they will assume its serious. I know plenty of girls that will glady do wedding stuff for fun. I don''t know very many men that would just for the heck of it.

I guess I see it differently because in Latin America, rings aren''t that big of a deal. The newer generations have rings as a symbol of engagement but the older generations don''t. I''ve known my boyfriend''s parents for 4 years and have no idea if his mother even has a ring...I''ve never seen her wear one. And being that Miami is mini-Latin America, the vendors here only care that you bring your finance game to the table regardless of whether you have a ring or not.

If they ask, just say "its in the shop" LOL

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Strangely enough I asked a venue coordinator about this. Before we ended up renting the home where we were married, we checked out some more traditional venues down on Martha''s Vineyard and I didn''t have my ring then because it was being sized. When we met with one of the coordinators I didn''t even think about the ring, but when I saw her glance at my hand I said "Oh, right, no ring. But I promise we''re engaged!" and she laughed and said it was really common. She said that the whole sizing thing is really common since men often don''t get the size quite right and being that the venue is one of the first things you book, the re-sizing and venue booking coincide. Even more common, though, (according to her) was your situation where the couple knows that they are getting engaged but because venues can book up so far in advance, they''re securing the date before the ring is on the woman''s finger.

So when it comes to venue, apparently it''s common not to have a ring. The dress shopping, though? COMPLETELY different! I only went to a few boutiques, but those women were literally insane about seeing the ring.

 

[tberube]

KTF - YOU ARE engaged! There's really nothing about your relationship with G (aside from a piece of jewelry missing from a certain finger) that makes you not seem engaged, to me. And you wouldn't be the only friend I've ever had who didn't get a ring prior to planning the wedding. KM didn't get her diamond until their 4th wedding anniversary...and she's never mentioned having to deal with anything for not having that token on her finger.

Sometimes I really don't know what's wrong with people that they would think that a stone in a gold ring is the only think that draws the line between betrothed and not. Ugh. Seriously.

No, those vendors are not going to give a d*mn about the state of your ring finger. To be blunt...they're there for your money, not for your definition of engagement. Not a single one of my wedding vendors ever asked to see my engagement ring, nor did they ask "how it happened" or any of that. All they want to know is how they can envision your wedding at their venue or fashion the perfect bouquet to compliment your gown.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

 

[purrfectpear]

As long as you have a checkbook, I think that trumps a ring in the vendor''s minds.

 

[honey22]

I voted no as that's what I believe, but I think others may have a different point of view, and that may include some vendors.

If you really feel uncomfortable about it, then go ahead and get a band/CV ring or something, or leave it and if asked, mention that it's in for cleaning polishing etc? A ring shouldn't mean you are taken more seriously, but some might think you are not actually ready to set a date, and just wasting their time, which of course is ridiculous, but some people are just not nice people I guess.

I find that when I am dealing with our house, joint significant purchases etc (such as our new car) I use his last name (and have for many years as people just assume) and I find that it's easier that way, avoids confusion etc. I did find recently that when we did buy our car, the lease company/dealership was much happier to discuss our new car when I told him that it was Mrs X calling, and used his last name. It's absurd I know, but that's just how it is.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

You''re engaged, by definition. The rest is noones business.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 7/11/2008 5:16:48 PM
Author: purrfectpear
As long as you have a checkbook, I think that trumps a ring in the vendor''s minds.

This is very true. I only got my ring 3 months before the wedding but have been planning it for a year and had absolutely no issues because of it. Take it from a bride in waiting, they want the deposit, not to admire your bling.
\
Besides, you don''t want to work with a vendor who would brush you off because of that anyway

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:22:24 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

Date: 7/11/2008 4:11:57 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
I am confused...are you engaged or not engaged? I don''t think you need a ring to be engaged, but that would make him your FI & not your FFI.

Perhaps that was just a typo? I also don''t think you need to do anything special to be taken seriously by vendors. They should be falling all over themselves to serve you and if they aren''t then they don''t deserve your business IMHO.

LOL - Good point! For now let''s say he is my Fabulous Fiance

Haha I figured it was a slip-up! I know when I get engaged I''ll probably still write SO in "PS speak." It''s funny how this forum has all these acronyms; when I first became a member I had trouble with a few of them. He is your fabulous HTB!

 

[Rhea]

I never even thought twice while wedding planning. I didn''t regularly wear my ring, my DH and I almost never went to vendor meetings together since we lived in different countries, I typically didn''t go with my mother or anyone else, and I never had a planning binder or pictures of what I wanted.

I did get a couple of looks in bridal salons. think those sales people were more confused by the fact that I went alone and needed one of them to zip me up rather than me not having a ring.

I was taken seriously. I had a date, an idea in mind, signed contracts and coughed up the cash.

 

[lovesparklies]

I believe that getting engaged is an agreement between a couple and not the giving of a ring and like others said, vendors want your business whether you have a ring or not, or whether you're even engaged or not! That said, I've been without my ring for a few weeks because I damaged it and it's getting fixed and I've felt weird talking about anything wedding related since then. But that's just ME feeling uncomfortable, I don't think people actually question whether or not I'm engaged.

HOWEVER, when I recently met with a rep from a moving company I didn't have my ring on and I said "my fiance" several times and she always replied with "your boyfriend!" Seriously?!! I'm hoping that some people believe that someone is your boyfriend until you're married and she wasn't actually implying that I was lying about being engaged.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I am also of the opinion that a ring is not necessary for engagement if the two people have promised to marry one another and especially if they are planning the wedding! However, I had a friend who bought a fake ring at target on her way to a wedding expo. Our friend who went with her thought she was bonkers until they got there and saw how our engaged friend was treated when they saw the ring. It was really weird.

I imagine that one on one vendors wouldn''t be that way though. Like others said, your checkbook is all the proof you need.

 

[anchor31]

No. I didn''t wear my ring to vendor meetings because I didn''t want them to make assumptions about our budget or finances because of it, and we were taken seriously.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:15:00 PM
Author: meresal
I worked at a bridal salon, and though it is not the case in every situation... we do look for rings. I never ''needed'' to see a ring though. You can tell by the way a girl was acting, if she was seriously looking, or if they are just trying to waste some time by browsing and trying on a few dresses. (ie, come in with styles picked out, bring a binder to mark the ones you like, bring a strapless bra with you, etc) Also, many times the person that made the appt was the wedding planner so we never really bothered to think, ''Are they really getting engaged?''

I reckon that while when you walk in they will register that you are not wearing your ring, it all comes down to the way you are acting...
You''ll be bringing your man with you, you will be very definite about dates, and about what you have in mind, where you are getting married etc...
Any doubts they have will be whisked away when they start talking to you.

 

[Imdanny]

I fail to see how it's their business.

face for rude, judgmental people!

I voted NO.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

If it bother you THAT badly, little white lies are always good for that... tell them it''s being cleaned or resized!

 

[reader]

I had issues with being taken seriously with my ruby e-ring, different when switched to a diamond.

 

[kittybean]

Although I do NOT think at all that you need a ring to be engaged, I do think that some vendors will be put off by a bare finger. I''m sure once they begin speaking with you, they will be completely fine, but the initial shaking hands might be a little awkward when they realize there''s no ring.

My advice would be to shake that potential awkwardness off immediately and get down to business with them--then they will definitely take you seriously! If you want to get a CZ ring to make you feel better, go for it, but definitely don''t feel like you have to. Have so much fun visiting venues, and keep us updated .

 

[KCCutie]

I voted "No" b/c personally that''s how I feel. My SO and I are going through the same sort of thing only with our families not with vendors. We both feel like we have been engaged since the time we decided that we were going to marry each other, we set a basic time frame and we''re moving ahead with plans to buy a house. We both feel like we are engaged already. However there''s a bit of a catch 22 here b/c even though we both feel this way we don''t tell people we''re engaged so it''s easy to see why others don''t see it the way we do.

As for vendors, well, it''s none of their business. It would be rude of them to ask why you don''t have a ring....how do they know it''s not being re-sized or something? Over the 4th of July I learned a couple we are friends with is engaged and she wasn''t wearing a ring....and although I really wanted to know why I didn''t ask...b/c well I think it''s rude to ask about stuff like that.

 

[emeraldlover1]

I forgot to post here and I forgot to tell you that no I don''t think it is necessary. I was planning on telling everyone once we are officially engaged, however, we have our placed picked out (looked at about and are just waiting for a letter from our church to finalize the date. My ring wont be finished for a few weeks and by then I''ll have the date, the venue, the church, the photographer and some of the accomodations lined up because I am a huge freek when it comes to planning. We didn''t have one vendor question whether or not we were serious and I wasn''t wearing a ring. No one asked but one asked how long we had been engaged after I told him we had looked at quite a few places. My boyfriend promptly replied we are waiting for the ring to be finished before we announce our engagement. The vendor didn''t have an issue with it nor did I feel like he was passing any judgement. I book a lot of venues for corporate events that I have to do for work and like someone said, if you ask the right quesitons and bring your checkbook there should not be a problem.